Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Aug 26th 2004, 4:23 am
#121
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Buy a jetski, and swagger down the boatramp holding up everyone, and play around a while before you launch the damn thing
The boaties who want nothing more than to watch you not abiding by the etiquette of the boatramp - will love you for it.
... then once out on the water, annoy everyone in boats, crossing their wakes.. the closer you get to them - makes them very happy - and they will admire your little toy with a cheery flick of the wrist... put a sign on your jetski - I am pommie pete or what ever.. that will make all the boaties love you even more.
The boaties who want nothing more than to watch you not abiding by the etiquette of the boatramp - will love you for it.
... then once out on the water, annoy everyone in boats, crossing their wakes.. the closer you get to them - makes them very happy - and they will admire your little toy with a cheery flick of the wrist... put a sign on your jetski - I am pommie pete or what ever.. that will make all the boaties love you even more.
Last edited by Ceri; Aug 26th 2004 at 5:32 am.
Aug 26th 2004, 4:53 am
#122
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by jad n rich
Beach tips, totally ignore why 3000 aussies are swimming in the 50 metre stretch of sea surrounded by shark nets and red and yellow flags. Find yourself a nice deserted stretch all to yourself, look forward to tomorrows picture of yourself being rescued by the westpac helicopter. To practice for this one just throw yourself and your 10 yard swimming certificate off the cliffs of penzance in January.
Prepare yourself for the climate by covering yourself in chip fat and getting spouse to hover above you with a blow torch on full power. Once red and blistered try to convince any listening aussies that the sun is more dangerous in the UK.
Get totally blind at your bbq with all the newly found Pom mates you just met
wait till its dark (about 7pm) and jump into any piece of ocean unprotected by shark nets, be fully aware the 10 yard certificate is worth more when drunk.
Prepare yourself for the climate by covering yourself in chip fat and getting spouse to hover above you with a blow torch on full power. Once red and blistered try to convince any listening aussies that the sun is more dangerous in the UK.
Get totally blind at your bbq with all the newly found Pom mates you just met
wait till its dark (about 7pm) and jump into any piece of ocean unprotected by shark nets, be fully aware the 10 yard certificate is worth more when drunk.now hang on ..(its MY thread) : this is a Top tip for behaving like a Pommie git, not for living in Australia
Aug 26th 2004, 4:54 am
#123
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Pool Maintenance Tips
For chemical pools make sure you tip acid and chlorine in from a great height whilst wearing good clothes - do not worry about it splashing back.
Repeat various combinations of above action every day in summer and watch water turn murky brown as more and more people use it.
Be determined at first to get water tested every few days and hope you are not creating a bacteria infested breeding ground to poision the neighbours.
Be prepared to listen to every Aussie tell you how to look after the pool and tut when you tell him the amounts of checmical you use. You will get so used to the advice to change/use less/use more that after six months you find yourself doing the same to incoming poms with their first pool.
Boast about your pool for first year to all mates back in UK when you buy the house in June - swear to all said mates you will be using it every day.
Wait one year and realise chances are you will lucky to get more than 4 months use out of it cause it is unheated and a year on you are aclimitised (sp?) and no longer find 17 degrees warm enough to swim.
Enjoy the first few months of skimming / brushing / clearing leaves and unclogging the filter box cause you state it really only takes a few mins and is a good bit of exercise. Wait one year and find yourself considering paying someone else to do it.
Buy a house with pool and spa and then find out the heater in the spa does not work and will cost a fortune to heat - next time buying ask them to prove it all works! Expensive way to get a bubbling water feature
ensure your lovely sparkling pool should have a great big fence all the way round it and gates with specific locks that make it very hard to hold a glass of wine and open it at the same time.
Realise all the promises you made to the kids about getting your own pool when you come to Aus now mean you have to spend all summer are now followed up with shouting at them about clothes left our round the pool - wet wooden floors and towels draped on the decent furniture (not just the holiday rentalstuff now).
It might be funny on the funniest home film shots - but it is not so funny watching your daughter jump off the 6 ft rock in the garden onto the trampoline and head first in the Spa! Shouting about towels is now replaced with shouting about silly stunts and needing eyes in the back of your head!
Come to the conclusion that apart from the very pissed BBQ events when you and all your pom mates jump in the pool fully clothed - that maybe your Aussie Uncle wasn't so mad filling in his pool!
I am sure there are more tips on pools - what about Salt ones?
For chemical pools make sure you tip acid and chlorine in from a great height whilst wearing good clothes - do not worry about it splashing back.
Repeat various combinations of above action every day in summer and watch water turn murky brown as more and more people use it.
Be determined at first to get water tested every few days and hope you are not creating a bacteria infested breeding ground to poision the neighbours.
Be prepared to listen to every Aussie tell you how to look after the pool and tut when you tell him the amounts of checmical you use. You will get so used to the advice to change/use less/use more that after six months you find yourself doing the same to incoming poms with their first pool.
Boast about your pool for first year to all mates back in UK when you buy the house in June - swear to all said mates you will be using it every day.
Wait one year and realise chances are you will lucky to get more than 4 months use out of it cause it is unheated and a year on you are aclimitised (sp?) and no longer find 17 degrees warm enough to swim.
Enjoy the first few months of skimming / brushing / clearing leaves and unclogging the filter box cause you state it really only takes a few mins and is a good bit of exercise. Wait one year and find yourself considering paying someone else to do it.
Buy a house with pool and spa and then find out the heater in the spa does not work and will cost a fortune to heat - next time buying ask them to prove it all works! Expensive way to get a bubbling water feature
ensure your lovely sparkling pool should have a great big fence all the way round it and gates with specific locks that make it very hard to hold a glass of wine and open it at the same time.
Realise all the promises you made to the kids about getting your own pool when you come to Aus now mean you have to spend all summer are now followed up with shouting at them about clothes left our round the pool - wet wooden floors and towels draped on the decent furniture (not just the holiday rentalstuff now).
It might be funny on the funniest home film shots - but it is not so funny watching your daughter jump off the 6 ft rock in the garden onto the trampoline and head first in the Spa! Shouting about towels is now replaced with shouting about silly stunts and needing eyes in the back of your head!
Come to the conclusion that apart from the very pissed BBQ events when you and all your pom mates jump in the pool fully clothed - that maybe your Aussie Uncle wasn't so mad filling in his pool!
I am sure there are more tips on pools - what about Salt ones?
Aug 26th 2004, 4:54 am
#124
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Jolly Swagmen
When camping by a billabong, make good use of the shade from a Coolibah tree.
You may wish to sing while you watch and wait for your billy to boil -
"Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?"
If a jumbuck comes to drink at the billabong,
you should not jump up and grab him with glee.
Nor should you attempt to shove it in your tucker-bag.
When camping by a billabong, make good use of the shade from a Coolibah tree.
You may wish to sing while you watch and wait for your billy to boil -
"Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?"
If a jumbuck comes to drink at the billabong,
you should not jump up and grab him with glee.
Nor should you attempt to shove it in your tucker-bag.
Aug 26th 2004, 4:55 am
#125
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Ceri
Practice for a night in the pub, you have to dress up for this ... get your best checked shirt out.. shorts, and don't forget the trendy G strings attached to your rubber tyre shoes that you made earlier ( flip flops) . .
Originally Posted by Ceri
.. change into your best work jeans, and exchange your thongs for your work boots that you think that look like trendy shoes.
Aug 26th 2004, 4:58 am
#126
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Things to do before you come:
1.Get used to Aussie plasterwork by smearing icing sugar on your walls, 100 parts icing sugar, 1 part water.
2.Stick your nose in the freezer before going to bed and feel what it's like to sit up in bed and read (bearing in mine I am here without hubs) - but not sure where I would warm my nose
3.Get used to Aussie supermarket bread (not bakery bread) by buttering some kitchen towel.
4. Wipe your bum with very thin tissue paper to get used to Oz loo roll
5. Go to the local charity shop and buy a stack of clothes, you'll still be ahead of the fashions
All this is total gest as I do like it here for far more important reasons than listed.
Keep it coming
Jill
1.Get used to Aussie plasterwork by smearing icing sugar on your walls, 100 parts icing sugar, 1 part water.
2.Stick your nose in the freezer before going to bed and feel what it's like to sit up in bed and read (bearing in mine I am here without hubs) - but not sure where I would warm my nose
3.Get used to Aussie supermarket bread (not bakery bread) by buttering some kitchen towel.
4. Wipe your bum with very thin tissue paper to get used to Oz loo roll
5. Go to the local charity shop and buy a stack of clothes, you'll still be ahead of the fashions
All this is total gest as I do like it here for far more important reasons than listed.
Keep it coming
Jill
Aug 26th 2004, 5:08 am
#127
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Sandra
Pool Maintenance Tips
For chemical pools make sure you tip acid and chlorine in from a great height whilst wearing good clothes - do not worry about it splashing back.
Repeat various combinations of above action every day in summer and watch water turn murky brown as more and more people use it.
Be determined at first to get water tested every few days and hope you are not creating a bacteria infested breeding ground to poision the neighbours.
Be prepared to listen to every Aussie tell you how to look after the pool and tut when you tell him the amounts of checmical you use. You will get so used to the advice to change/use less/use more that after six months you find yourself doing the same to incoming poms with their first pool.
For chemical pools make sure you tip acid and chlorine in from a great height whilst wearing good clothes - do not worry about it splashing back.
Repeat various combinations of above action every day in summer and watch water turn murky brown as more and more people use it.
Be determined at first to get water tested every few days and hope you are not creating a bacteria infested breeding ground to poision the neighbours.
Be prepared to listen to every Aussie tell you how to look after the pool and tut when you tell him the amounts of checmical you use. You will get so used to the advice to change/use less/use more that after six months you find yourself doing the same to incoming poms with their first pool.
Last edited by Badge; Aug 26th 2004 at 5:12 am.
Aug 26th 2004, 5:11 am
#128
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
This ones for people who are off to Melbourne as grass does grow fast during the less hot times!
Using a heavy petrol mower cut your grass solidly for 3 hours - ensure that you include gradients of at least 45 degrees in order to simulate the large block of land that your house may be built on.
Wear the sallopettes and ski hat (as previously mentioned in another top tip) to simulate the heat and sweat.
After at least 6 weeks of practising this you are then allowed to go and buy a strimmer for the slopes,as this will be how long it may take you to save up for one on your new wages.
Practice stuffing large amounts of grass cuttings into small wheely bins or build a compost heap!
Using a heavy petrol mower cut your grass solidly for 3 hours - ensure that you include gradients of at least 45 degrees in order to simulate the large block of land that your house may be built on.
Wear the sallopettes and ski hat (as previously mentioned in another top tip) to simulate the heat and sweat.
After at least 6 weeks of practising this you are then allowed to go and buy a strimmer for the slopes,as this will be how long it may take you to save up for one on your new wages.
Practice stuffing large amounts of grass cuttings into small wheely bins or build a compost heap!
Aug 26th 2004, 5:11 am
#129
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
now I'm worried!!!!
Aug 26th 2004, 5:15 am
#130
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Ceri
you haven't seen what I wear LOL.. I'm half taking the P8ss out of others and myself - This is what I wear to my local pub - jeans and my hiking boots ( and I'm being posh... just blending in ! LOL)
BM
Aug 26th 2004, 5:26 am
#131
Karma Comedian
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 3,506
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Supermarket tips:
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the Coon.
Buy a poussin to familiarise yourself with the size of a Woolworths 'Large Chicken'
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the OMO.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant whether Cuddly or Fluffy is better.
Buy a packet of frozen, battered Calamari rings and serve them to your kids believing they are Onion rings. Look at their little faces when they discover the horrible truth.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant "Do you have Lovely Legs?"
Go to you local Sainsbury's and laugh at the GBP1.99 disposable BBQs
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the Coon.
Buy a poussin to familiarise yourself with the size of a Woolworths 'Large Chicken'
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the OMO.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant whether Cuddly or Fluffy is better.
Buy a packet of frozen, battered Calamari rings and serve them to your kids believing they are Onion rings. Look at their little faces when they discover the horrible truth.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant "Do you have Lovely Legs?"
Go to you local Sainsbury's and laugh at the GBP1.99 disposable BBQs
Aug 26th 2004, 5:27 am
#132
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
have to admit thats what I like about Australia. You wear what you like.
BM
BM
Mind you I can also miss that sometimes. I have a ton of posh stuff that gets little use here except with the usual company do's and boring dinner parties I attend.
I enjoy just being able to go out for a night and not worrying about what I look like - just being me .. mind you I used to do that in the Uk too ..lol
Aug 26th 2004, 5:36 am
#133
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by jayr
Supermarket tips:
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the Coon.
Buy a poussin to familiarise yourself with the size of a Woolworths 'Large Chicken'
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the OMO.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant whether Cuddly or Fluffy is better.
Buy a packet of frozen, battered Calamari rings and serve them to your kids believing they are Onion rings. Look at their little faces when they discover the horrible truth.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant "Do you have Lovely Legs?"
Go to you local Sainsbury's and laugh at the GBP1.99 disposable BBQs
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the Coon.
Buy a poussin to familiarise yourself with the size of a Woolworths 'Large Chicken'
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant where you can find the OMO.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant whether Cuddly or Fluffy is better.
Buy a packet of frozen, battered Calamari rings and serve them to your kids believing they are Onion rings. Look at their little faces when they discover the horrible truth.
Go to your local Sainsbury's and ask the assistant "Do you have Lovely Legs?"
Go to you local Sainsbury's and laugh at the GBP1.99 disposable BBQs
Aug 26th 2004, 5:45 am
#134
Karma Comedian
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 3,506
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Breakfast tips:
Filll your child's bowl with small, cocktail style sausages and say "well you asked for Cheerios"
Fill your child's bowl with dry carboard shaped into small bricks and say "well you asked for Weetabix"
Filll your child's bowl with small, cocktail style sausages and say "well you asked for Cheerios"
Fill your child's bowl with dry carboard shaped into small bricks and say "well you asked for Weetabix"
Aug 26th 2004, 5:51 am
#135
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Get your cereal from Sanitarium
Noun 1. sanitarium - a health facility where patients receive treatment
Don't get embarrassed if you need to buy Anusol - there's nothing funny about it.
Noun 1. sanitarium - a health facility where patients receive treatment
Don't get embarrassed if you need to buy Anusol - there's nothing funny about it.