gedge

Don't be classed as a whinging pom.
Only say positive things in front of your new ozzie friends.
Infact stick to g'day, good on yer and ripper.

Ceri

welcome new migrants by running up to them and saying " How do you like Australia?" "Isn't this the best ever" at everything - even a blade of grass - say this a high pitched voice lifting it up at the end of the sentence

podgypossum

I only have one top tip, which goes for most things..


Never treat another persons opinion as fact... see for yourself

hevs

During your last english Autum/ early winter , turn off all of your central heating, rip up your carpets, leave your windows open half an inch (to kind of loose the double gazed effect and to feel the draught!) Then take out all cavity wall insulation, etc and that will aclimatise you for an Aussie winter

MikeStanton

Tip: to become a Oz 'talkback radio host'.

i) practice phrases that begin with "I say...". Eg "I say send them all back", "I say, if they don't want to work for $3 a month, let 'em starve!"

ii) work experience is invaluable, so join BNP and ensure you get fired for being too racist...

MikeStanton

...too right!

MikeStanton

That's just your opinion...

MikeStanton

Prepare for Oz TV ads:

i) search through Sunday colour mag and rip-out adverts for i) 4WD, or anything with a really big engine. Failing that, a car that doesn't look even vaguely girly; Pizza (preferably Domino's); McDonalds and bank/credit card

ii) Every 3 minutes - or when TV show gets interesting - get your partner to walk in front of TV and hold up each ad in turn. For SBS, make it every 10 minutes and only hold up bank/credit card ad

podgypossum

no..a tip

Simone

If you want to learn quickly the 'how are you, I'm fine' stuff, get a job in retail, like a bakery!

"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------

"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"

-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"


:scared: :scared:

Diprotodon

Don't waste your time on a forum like this. Do a PeteY and live it for real.

tinaj

To get used to the distances you will travel to do mundane things like work, buy 2 cars ( equivalent to 1 Aussie car engine), drive from London to Brighton each day and back and work out how much cheaper the petrol really isn't.

hevs

And don't forget that you need to try to buy your petrol on a wednesday, weather you need it or not, because by friday/ the weekend/ any holidays/ special event it will have gone up by at least 10 cents per litre

Go Banana's !!

ooo like this thread, great idea.

Mine are:

1. Get used to the Oz supermarket trolley by dredging the local canal and using that one to push round your groceries for a week.

2. Get used to Aussi decor by sitting next to a brick wall, or burial chamber or visit a Cleethorps night club

3. Never never never beileve a house builder when they say "What you see is included", 'cos it isn't. Rip off your skirting boards and get used to THAT.

4. By all your clothes from really cheap tat shops and don't go into Next, John Lewis or M&S for at least a year before you come, then you don't know what you are missing.

5. Finally DON'T BUY A DOG, Oz has enough and you need your sleep when you first get here, take it from one who knows.

This is just for fun BTW as I am pretty happy here

That's all I can think of for the mo, but my all time favourite Viz ones are

1.Stop your budgie falling off it's perch by nailing his feet to it.

2.Let your neighbours think you have mice, by cutting a hole in your skirting boards and scattering raisins behind your sofa.

Good thread
Jill
p.s will do some more serious ones later

tinaj

To prepare yourself for the heat:

Shut all the doors and windows, turn your heating thermostat up to 40C. Put 4 pans of water onto the stove and turn it up full blast, then fill your kettle up to max and leave it on to continous boil. Put on your favourite skiing jacket and saloupettes (spell), then lie down on your sofa and get used to the feel of an Aussie Spring .