jayr

You'll need a large Jiffy bag to stick an Inala resident in...

jayr

I'd love to be able to get just plain old black filter coffee. I don't like milk in coffees, never mind froth, cream, marshmallows, cinnamon and syrup, but its near impossible to just get filter coffee. I make do with a long black, which are fine but use up one week's caffeine hit in one go.

Bring back coffee that you drink, not eat.

downunderpom

Change lanes at random while driving. You don't need a reason. If you stay in the same lane for too long people think you're asleep, and start hooting at you.

Ignore speed limits. Drive either 40 kph OVER, or 40 kph UNDER the speed limit. Do this while randomly changing lanes during rush hour. All drivers love you for this - it breaks the tedium of the drive in.

Overtake on the inside, the outside, or get right up the arse of the bloke in front and force him / her out of the way. Make sure you're doing some speed other than the posted limit when you do this.

Drive in the T2 lane (must have a passenger in the car to be allowed to use it) when there's quite obviously just you, the driver, in the car, and while you're at it go at 40 kph below the posted speed limit during rush hour.

When you get to the tolls, make sure you are in the lane which should only be used by E-Tag users, who are belting along behind you at 90 kph, then suddenly realise that you should be in the CASH lane, screech to a halt, and cut across in front of the road train which is doing 90+ into the concrete barrier lined gap right behind you.....

If there's an accident, slow to 10 kph when in sight, and keep to this speed (or less) while dawdling past the accident. then change lanes quickly, without any indication, just to keep the other rubber-neckers on their toes....

Have your windows wide open, with your speakers that take up half the interior of the car blaring out the most inane rap / Arabie music at full volume, but you have to be wearing your baseball cap BACKWARDS when you do this, or people will know that you're a wannabee hoon, rather than the real thing.

And no, I'm not exaggerating. Welcome to Sydney!

Ceri

you could almost be talking about the Brissie bridge .. the trick is to stick to the outside going very slow.. then swap lanes for some fun, then get back to the outside to annoy some more drivers... then get to the toll booths and realise that the ouside line is for etoll only , and you haven't got one of those little transponder boxes.. so you cut through lanes of traffic ( without even looking before you cross the lanes, and the drivers you have just carved up, who's face is pressed/flattened against the inside of his windscreen ) to go to the change given booths.

jayr

If under 25, wear your jeans as low as physically possible without being arrested and wear 'sateen' boxer shorts for all to see, preferably with 'Holden' or 'Ford' motif.

Practice Australian credit security in the UK by refusing to allow the shop assistant to check your signature against that on your card.

If under 25 have your friends pull you repeatedly though a hedge backwards to create an Australian hair'style'. Even better, dig out your late 1970's/early 1980's school photos and regrow your hair to the same style. If you hair has a slight curl, make sure you grow it as big as humanly possible. Also try out bizarre looking facial hair, the longer straggly and wispier the beard the better.

Ceri

If you're from "deadcliffe" put a Jack Beedham sticker in the back window.. this will help other drivers to stay well clear of you ( seriously .. next time any of you in Brisbane see a Jack Beedham sticker in a car window heading North . watch the bad driving)

It must be the sticker ... .." it's evil I tell you!"

renth

Before you get here practice buying a used car. Go through the local paper and arrange to see a 500 quid car.

"What, it hasn't been MOT'ed for 11 years?" - oh, I'm sure it will be OK"

and instead of giving the seller 500 quid, give them 1,500.

Ceri

Top tips. don't look at the bottom of this page/thread for similar threads..LOL, that feature is running mad ..lol

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Top loaders

Badge

Posting on Britishexpats is likely to ruin any reputation or decency you ever had.

swiss tony

For trips to QLD:

Visit as many cheap coastal resorts in the UK as possible and go into lots of those really tacky gift shops. Buy lots of nasty souvenier type things like fake crystals and frilly dolls and fill your house with them. Bingo - your house will look just like the inside of a typical Queensland home.

Don't wear platform shoes if you are over 6' as you could be decapitated by those huge ceiling fans.

Have a few coffee mornings with your local Hell's Angel's Chapter to get plenty of tips on hair styles and dress sense.

Keep them coming, putting a smile on my face some of these......

David

MikeStanton

Do you blame her Badge? Stop looking at the lifeguards...

MikeStanton

If it's negative, you need to go back to school...

MikeStanton

Badge, are you on drugs again? Aside from the cost of housing in Sydney and Melbourne, the cost of living is similar in Oz to UK. Many people will earn less living in Oz than UK (especially if they were living in S.E. England) - so the fraction will very often be less than 1. So?

And don't forget, you then get screwed by the tax system in Oz, which kicks in at a higher rate and sooner than in UK.

Badge

I knew you would be first in-line to correct me... I thank you

MikeStanton

I am now - because I was second, after JulesandChris to correct you ...