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to celebrate my belated Change of User name...

They don't have to be long, or short. Hopefully insightful , too, not just a list of ''to dos'' about ABNs, TFNs, BSBs and RWCs..

I just wrote this on a another thread. Anyone got any ones they know about. Something more original..

My top tip: (not amazingly good)

I know we are all different but time and time again people complain about suburbia in Australia and how it affected them in a bad way. (I say that you get housing estates in the UK off the side of market towns as well so can't quite see that its just an Aussie thing and often the streets are narrower).

It got me thinking : if you are really scared of ending up in suburbia and scared of losing culture - top tip:

By buying on a bushplot - forget the beach - you can really get that lifestyle some of you are coming for. That's what we have done - sure it may be harder work but we have no regrets. Some of the new suburbs near us are fairly souless - and I would hate living there. I can't wait to work in my own yard. I have never owned a blade of grass, much least 1 acre.

BM

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No doubt this will turn in to a Viz style top tips one where one of our friends will say:

"to get the Australian feel, pour oil all over, jump in a sandpit, burn yourself on the oven before biting yourself all over..etc etc ".

"Go to the zoo and try and get bitten etc"

jayr

Save all those scraps of soap left over to make one new one. Cheap and colourful too!

jayr

This could be funny though!

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you can bugger off for a start.. Australian tips please!!!

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OK funny ones allowed 'an all..

jayr

Well, I'll start with funny ones and get on to useful ones later then

Practice shopping at Woolworths and Coles by going into Sainsbury's and insisting that the checkout girl packs your groceries for you, preferably in as many carrier bags as possible. If she protest, tell her you are going to Australia and you'll surely get a smile.

In order to prepare for your flight, push your sofa right up against the wall until you can't move your legs and then get your wife to serve your meals in a tupperware box with plastic cutlery whilst she bangs her legs against the back of the sofa regularly.

To get used to the size of your new Australian house, knock through to the neigbours and put a large pool table in their lounge.

Dig a big hole in your garden and fill it with water and invite your neigbours around to join you in the pool.

Practice Austrlian informality by walking around your local grocers with no shoes on.

jayr

Buy petrol on Wednedays.

Only buy cask wine if it costs more than $15.

Set your pool filter to run for only four hours in the winter.

Rent videos/DVDs on Tuesdays, they then cost only $1.95

Only go to the theme parks if you've got a discount voucher. These are widely available including on the back of your supermarket docket (receipt).

HUP

Think long and hard before commiting to a username on the forum. Saves begging and cajouling to the mods later . Remember a username is not just for Christmas!!!

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priceless.

gedge

Don't arrive home drunk, invade a tupperware party, begin fighting over issues including the hostess's breast size and weight.

Simone

Go shopping late in the afternoon(esp Saturday), for marked down bread etc and meat. And then chuck in the freezer(esp meat).

Don't go shopping unless you have cash or a card with you!

Medicare doesn't open till 9 (wel, in Subi)

Centrelink closes at 4.30.



Ok, I'll probably have more(better ones) another time!

Quinkana

Back burn your neighbours hedge to practice for bushfires.

HUP

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
cakes again.

Record the sound of your wife having an orgasm, and then listen to the
tape through headphones next time you make love. That way you can have
sex without waking her up.

Pass off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and
talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly,
or set fire to someone else's house. (Sorry Ceri)

A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an
ideal "car" for snakes.

A hedgehog trained to scuttle up and down the table from guest to
guest makes an unusual mobile cheese and pineapple cube nibble
dispenser at cocktail parties.

gedge

Enjoy your life in oz by wearing rose tinted glasses at all times.