CatLady1234

Thank you so much to you all for your responses. It is such a difficult decision as you have all clearly agreed with and have faced huge difficulties and heartache yourselves.
I will give it a lot of thought. My mum wants me to go for it and make the move. I am very close to her though and the thought of leaving her just cripples me with guilt but I guess it does not have to be forever, even just for a few years. Thank you all again for your responses. xxx

brits1

Really sorry to hear of your step-Dad's passing and your Mum is "bearing up", as best she can given the situation, it can be such a sad time, my Dad use to say "remember the good times we had and don't mourn me when I am gone.....get on with your life and just have fun", as I get older myself and life takes you "all over the place" I realise just what a wonderful person he was. I only hope I can be as good and as unselfish a parent as my Dad was when our two boys go their own life journeys.

Sue8

It's sad when our family get sick but you have to make a choice for your future as life to short.
Don't feel guilty our parents choice there path of life they wanted now it's your turn.
Get her an iPad you can FaceTime and visit .

BEVS

{{ Big hugs }}

Life decisions are sometimes just so tough.

Beoz

Facetime? What's that?

We often have skype running in our place for hours on end a few times a week. Never would do that in the UK living an hour away. You'd make a phone call and be done with it. The distance and cost of a call forces you into something with video. The phone just sits in the corner and you crack on with things whilst chatting and occasionally looking at each other.

jacknscoob

Hi there

I can't comment on your situation as it is not my place.

I left my elderly parents 10 yrs ago, I go back to visit every year now as my Mum is very sick. She used to visit here. It was heart-breaking leaving her but i did it, deep down she understood that I had the opportunity to move and supported me, although she'd rather I had stayed.

Coming from South London and moving to the Sunshine Coast, QLD is one of the best things I have ever done. My husband passed away last year but I feel blessed that I live in such a wonderful place and would never consider moving back, even though my Dad has offered me a heap of money, doh!

Good luck

stomel

Hi spouse of scouse

Interesting thread - how are you getting on?
I will need to tell my parents about our plans in 2 weeks and am crossing my fingers for a positive reception.

vikingsail

Its a tough one and you have some excellent responses from previous posters. I would just add that whatever decision you make keep a close watch on that guilt thing. If you do move its going to weigh heavily on you and if you are not careful will manifest itself as reasons why you should never have moved and why your new home is not as good as the UK etc etc. Similarly, if you stay in the UK you may regret and the guilt may turn to resentment (however) small of your mother at not being able to follow your dreams...

Perhaps the best way is to have an open and honest chat about it with her and go from there. At least you will be able to see which way she feels without singularly guessing her response.

Britexmom

Your post made me tear up, a very similar situation to my own.
When I moved to the USA back in '98 my dad had been DX with terminal lung cancer, he had been through multiple surgeries and chemo with 0 results.
When he was DX we were living in Germany and dad in the U.K. So we made the trip back and forth several times ( both he and us) during the 18 mths before our stateside move.

I was moving with my dh and 3 sons, it was evident that dad was on the last stretch of his life and we knew there was probably not going to be time nor funds for any transatlantic trips before he passed. On our last visit to dad before we flew out he told me that he was proud of me and he loved me....this was truly the first time in my life I ever remember him saying that he loved me ( or any of my sibling...he was a hard as nails Glaswegian who didn't express emotion). He said he was content that he had seen us all grow up, have babies and move on with our own dreams.

He did in fact pass away 7 months later, I probably cried everyday for well over a year....but in a strange way I was also at peace in knowing that we had indeed said a real goodbye to each other .

My only regret was that my only daughter was born 3 years after my dad passed so he never got to meet her...but that would have been the case no matter where we lived, so that regret is not for us moving but just that they both missed out on meeting one another.

OP you have to live your own life while the opportunity is available, truly there is never a perfect time for most life choices...you just have to take the chance.

Spouse.....I hope that your mum is doing ok since the passing of your s/dad.

spouse of scouse

A beautiful post, thanks so much for taking the time (and emotion) to write of your experience. One good tearing up deserves another, had to go and find the tissues.

Your final conversation with your Dad shows that he was a strong and brave man, as well as a loving one. I get the hard as nails Glaswegian thing, my grandparents were from Glasgow and although we'd get a cuddle from Gran, the only time Granddad showed emotion was after he'd had too many wee nips, which became less wee as the night wore on

Mum's adjusting to life with dad pretty well, thank you for asking about her. She cared for him at home until he passed away, she's 84 and dad was 89. She still has a cry now and then, but is making a huge effort to get out and about and has even joined a gym, going 3 times a week. Puts me to shame!

Thanks again for a beautiful post that will, I'm sure, ring so true and be such a comfort to many BE members. Wishing you, your DH, your 3 sons and your daughter continued happiness and good health.

spouse of scouse

Hi stomel, all good in the Wirral peninsula thanks!

I'll cross my fingers for you having 'the conversation' with your parents - even if they're a bit shocked or seemingly negative at first, they may well come around to the idea once they've had time to think it through. Best of luck

Gordon Barlow

This was post #2, from Beoz, and I really don't think it can be improved on. I was very close to my mother all her life - emotionally and mentally, but not physically. She strongly encouraged me to leave home (Australia, then) and experience what the world had to offer. When Dad was dying at age 52, I flew home and helped her find her balance again, but she had insisted that I come on a return ticket. Then I went wandering, and we exchanged letters once or twice a week for the next 34 years. I married overseas, visited her every year or two or three, travelled with her around Britain and from Greece back to London. We delighted in each other's company, and in the letters when we couldn't be physically together.

My point is the same as Beoz's. To answer the OP: if your mother encourages you to emigrate, do so; if she doesn't, don't go, because she may never forgive you. My mother encouraged me to live my life, not hers, and our relationship was never less than warm and loving. If I had backed out of leaving home and faring for myself, I'm pretty sure our relationship would have been stressful.