samnrob2

Not so much a 'tit' then? More a tw.... sorry, can't do it!!

R

AvronW

A few years back I was travelling in a tour bus through the countryside. Having quenched my thirst with about a 2L of Coke for lunch, I began to realise my bladder was beginning to take strain... so I smiled politely and tried desperately to continue conversation, hoping that we'd be stopping somewhere soonish...
An hour later... I was busting... and trying to smile or hold a conversation was beginning to be impossible... the bus was bound to be stopping soon...
Two hours later I knew I was going to explode, so to in desperation I made it to the front of the bus and pleaded with the driver to pull over somewhere or risk the consequences. Amazingly he complied readily.

As the bus screeched to a halt, everyone stopped their conversations and peered forward to see what was going on, just in time to see me frantically dive from the bus.

Now aware I had a 60 strong audience, I decided to move as far from the bus as possible. I jumped over the fence and ran across the field toward the only visible tree... Oomph!!! and fell headlong into a 6-foot deep trench.

So, figuring it couldn't possibly get any worse than this, I did my business at the bottom of this trench, zipped up and climbed up and out... Just in time to hear the barking and growling of at least 3 dogs approaching fast.

Realising I was on their turf, I hightailed it back to the fence, leapt over it and was at the door to the bus in seconds.

The doors swung open, I stepped in and received a standing ovation from the highly amused 60 strong audience!

angel17796

On saturday I was booked in to get my hair coloured. Im usually quite blonde but decided to go darker as we are away on holiday in a few weeks and it always goes lighter in the sun.

So im sitting in the hairdressers getting the 2 dark, 2 blonde highlights in the hair and thinking how nice im going to look when its finished. Yep im going to look brilliant. Three and a half hours later i have a full head colour and a cut. Hairdressers asks do u want that dried off???, no its fine i reply im off to have a drink at the pub and wait to be picked up. Hand over the £94.50 for hair and £5.50 tip and leave.

Get home and hair is nearly dry. I look in the mirror and im shocked, the fear starts setting in. I jumped straight in the shower and wash the hair about 3 times and feeling a bit better as dye is washing off. I come out, dry it then straighten it. Right away im sobbing im so shocked the brown highlights look black, i cant believe it. My little boy is worried and asking me if im okay. Stop crying and feel sick the rest of the night.

I make an appt for tuesday vowing that they better fix it. By this time i have washed it about 20 times so is definately lighter. Get to the hairdressers and he explains that to lighten it he will have to use bleach and it wont be the colour of the other blonde and when i go on holiday it will look white. Yet again start crying in hairdressers with about 3 of them round me.

Decided to leave it (actually getting used to it) and getting it done for free after my holiday - result...

I know this is a long pathetic story about hair but our hair is very important to us ladies

Poula

While in visiting perth we the four of us my partner and 2 kids did a swimming with dolphins trip from Rockingham. It was great very exciting everybody dressed in wet suits all looked the same. Well we had been on the boat for about an hour or so and
part of the group were in the water with the dolphins the rest of us looking on, you get the picture. I put my arms around my partners neck who was looking out to sea so had his back to me and must have been stood there for at least 30 seconds, when I turned my head and saw my patner stood next to me, he just looked and cracked up. I went into shock as the guy I had my arms arround then made eye contact with me :scared: (about 2inches appart were out faces) we kind of just leapt off each other. It was soooooooo funny still laughing now.

I apologised and he did not seem to mind but I was realy embassarassed. He was in his twentys and French so did not say alot I probably looked rather old to him.

Un-Co

Where do I start?? As my username sugests I am constantly making a total idiot of myself.
Biggest recent one was a shocker. I had got up in a hurry and being a mild day I decided to wear my zip up cardigan as a top rather than layered over something else. Part way through the day I'm standing talking to a collegue and think "hmm I'm a bit hot" so I proceed to unzip my cardigan (forgetting I only had a bra underneath :scared: ) Poor collegue doesn't know where to look and I go the colour of a tomato.
Other recent Un-Co moments included nearly disloctating my shoulder in the bank by walking away still holding the pen which was attached to the bank counter , walking smack into the automatic door which hadn't opened (to be fair on me the damn things were broken and had been fine that morning) Oh and telling my other half a dirty joke only to turn around and see a Nun was standing behind me!!!
Other half calls me a S**t vortex.

ABCDiamond

Some amusing stories in here.
I decided to give Karma to some of those posted, rather than embarrass myself with my own stories

More karma to follow when I have more available

JayneS

I took a new job once and a girl in the office decided she knew me from somewhere and we started talking about places we visited/people we might have in common. She mentioned a girl she didn't particularly like and I said 'oh I know her she used to hate me as she reckoned I had a thing for her (at the time) bloke Paul Jones' (names changed to protect the innocent). I then launched into an attack on Paul Jones saying who did he think he was with his stupid bouffant hair and his 80's pencil moustache. She went quiet and told me that she now lived with Paul Jones. I wanted to die.

Dmartyos

Am pretty worried that i have alot of stories about this subject ie me acting the goat all the time

one funny story was at my time at Univerity a few years back in the lovely city of Liverpool. Myself & fellow hardworking (yer right) student friends decided to see how long we could drink for. This lasted for quite a while.

On the way back home from such experiment we decided in our wisdom to go home, strip off naked (honestly everything) leave the house & stop the traffic on the main road & have a 100m sprint to the end.

All went fine 4 of us stopped the traffic on a crossing, smiled & decided to run (was approx 9pm getting dark). Problem was we split into two groups, one group decided to go down a quiet road & run into a bush (as a group of girls were coming the other way). The others carried on down the road onto the the cross road, then BANG of the guys hit the side of a car & skidded onto his backside for about 10 meters. We all heard the impact & came running.

Realising the current state of us we managed to grab parts of bush to cover us & ran to the scene. My pal had literally taken the skin off his backside (not nice view) & Police & ambulance were called. Then we decided to go back home & change into our gear. Big Problem, as we had no pockets & were fairly drunk we forgot the house keys.

Friendly people gave us garments to cover us, Police came questioned us, realised it was a prank & wasent intended, laughed it off (typical students) & broke into the house for us.

My friend went to hospital, was bandaged up, didnt sit down for 2 weeks & walked like john Wayne, whilst we were embarressed every time we left the house as all the neighbours had witnessed it!

There are plenty more that Im trying to remember too.....This is worrying"!

pompeywill

So did you make a t*t of yourself because you paid £100 for a haircut?

gobbyjock

I`ve a habit of making an idiot of myself (happens rather a lot!!) One time I was woken up at 3am by a noise in the back garden, I looked out and couldn`t see anything so went back to bed, 10 mins later I could hear someone talking. I again looked out the window and this time there was a bloke standing in my back garden obviously up to no good talking to someone on the other side of the fence. I opened the bedroom window and leaned out yelling very loudly "Please go away you naughty man" *(or words to that affect ) and could not understand why the guy just stood there looking up at me. He eventually jumps over the fence in to next doors garden and slips (banging his head on their clothes line) to which I shout "hope that hurt" (may have been more swearing involved though). At this point my hubby wakes up and asks why Im leaning out the bedroom window stark naked!!! Never did catch the guy!!
There was also the time I was working as a cleaner in a school and I got locked in and had to be let out by the police - very embarressing

angel17796

Yep it was a cut and colour. £100 to look really dodgy

Iolair

My partner and I were recently invited to a christening at a local church here in Northern Ireland. The christening, which took place shortly after the tsunami disaster, involved a 'collection' to raise relief funds to send to Thailand. A collection plate was passed round, and I thought - what a great idea - so dug round in the bottom of my handbag to find a £20 note I knew to be lurking there. Alas, I forgot that also lurking round the bottom of my handbag was an opened packet of tampons and as I pulled out the £20, the box of tampons came flying out with it... the two rows of men in front of me were showered, confetti like, with an entire box of tampons, much to my accute embarassment and shame. My partner sank to the floor in tears of laughter while I, red faced and horrified had to stand there while all the blokes in front of me got down on all fours to retrieve my wayward 'supplies.' Everyone, and I mean everyone, including the minister rolling his eyes (!) turned to look at me. What a DRAMA! My partner said later, that had it happened a 100 years ago... it would have been a 'period' drama.

Anastasia Beaverhausen

That reminds me of a time when I was fishing around in my bag looking for a lighter. Instead I pulled out a tampon and proceed to try and light my ciggie with it

Iolair

Oh I've done that too! But only after drinking a whole bottle of scotch!

Muzzman

Or (my usual party piece) wheeling off someone elses trolley in the supermarket (usually manage this one every couple of months or so)

Hi
I once found a very interesting trolley in a supermarket, all alone and full of reduced stuff. I rummaged around and gathered an armfull of bargains, looked up to find the owner of the trolley. Ooooops. Fortunately she was highly amused as I made myself very small and apologetic. God she impressed me with her bargain hunting skills!!!!! Karen