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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:06 pm   #16
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Oh dear, I've got tears rolling down my cheeks as I digest what you have written. My dad has also got to be an old man without me noticing. He was truly the best 'competitive dad' me and my sisters could have had, but is now quite frail. My biggest worry about going is 'what if he dies'. Well, lets face it, he's going to die sometime, but the distance thing will always be the same. You are brave to have your family come to the airport to say good bye, I've already decided to do the goodbyes well before otherwise I would never get on the plane.
In the end we should be very happy that we have a 'family' to cry over as there are others moving all over the world who will not have their loved ones feeling as sad about it. Its a great thing that you have a good relationship - always remember that - the relationship will always be there.
Now, where's the tissue box.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:09 pm   #17
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Your message also reduced me to tears, if you don't have the courage or the time is not right, then I think that you could do a lot worse thanprinting out the letter to your dad and giving it to him. I know that most parents put on their 'go get it girl' face on when we first tell them about our dream because it either does not seem real, and it is so far away, but when the application goes in and the whole possibility becomes realer they start to believe it and the worry etc starts to show. I have seen this in both our own sets of parents and my friend's who is moving to canada. So much so in my mums case (dad died 4 years ago) as all her immediate family live in oz, she is decided if not happy to follow us to oz as a last surviving member. Send your dad your letter, it would be something to treasure (I know I would if someone sent one like it to me)
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:13 pm   #18
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by webgum
Oh dear, I've got tears rolling down my cheeks as I digest what you have written. My dad has also got to be an old man without me noticing. He was truly the best 'competitive dad' me and my sisters could have had, but is now quite frail. My biggest worry about going is 'what if he dies'. Well, lets face it, he's going to die sometime, but the distance thing will always be the same. You are brave to have your family come to the airport to say good bye, I've already decided to do the goodbyes well before otherwise I would never get on the plane.
In the end we should be very happy that we have a 'family' to cry over as there are others moving all over the world who will not have their loved ones feeling as sad about it. Its a great thing that you have a good relationship - always remember that - the relationship will always be there.
Now, where's the tissue box.

I dont see my Dad as often as I should what with work and time off.

So when I am in Australia, its going to seem harder because I know that I cant just go and see him when I want.

I am going to create a 'Dad' folder when I get to Australia.

It is going to contain the following:

DIMIA website with the links to do the online tourist visa.
A voucher towards his flight from our travel agents.
The key to the door of our new home with the address.
A diary so he can choose his holiday dates.
An Aussie phone card.
A map of attractions.
A video of hubby and I, showing him our home and where the spare room is.
A full schedule of attractions and where I plan to take him.
A watch which will be set in Aussie time, so he always knows what it is.

And I will do one for Mum too (they are divorced).
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:15 pm   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halflinggirl2000
Your message also reduced me to tears, if you don't have the courage or the time is not right, then I think that you could do a lot worse thanprinting out the letter to your dad and giving it to him. I know that most parents put on their 'go get it girl' face on when we first tell them about our dream because it either does not seem real, and it is so far away, but when the application goes in and the whole possibility becomes realer they start to believe it and the worry etc starts to show. I have seen this in both our own sets of parents and my friend's who is moving to canada. So much so in my mums case (dad died 4 years ago) as all her immediate family live in oz, she is decided if not happy to follow us to oz as a last surviving member. Send your dad your letter, it would be something to treasure (I know I would if someone sent one like it to me)

I might put it in the form of a card.

I make greeting cards, so I am going to do a special one for him. And for Mum too,
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:16 pm   #20
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
He wont be able to refuse her for much longer, the CSA will take it out of his salary.

Violent relationships destroy someones self belief and confidence.

Your sister has hit rock bottom and the only way for her now, is up.

Its very hard, my sister was in a violent marriage and the damage done was incredible.

Your sister has made the first break by divorcing him.

She needs to avoid him now and start rebuilding herself, which is the hardest thing.

Its only when she wakes up one morning and realises that she hasn't thought about him, that she really is on the road to recovery.

And your sister will get there.

My sister did, has her own life now. But if you ask my sister and her four kids if she ever thought it would happen a few years ago, she would say no.

As long as you have the help and support of the family, anything is possible.
Thanks Sam.
I will send her a copy of this.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:17 pm   #21
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Default Re: Dear Dad

I first realised my parents were getting older (most people my age have younger parents) when a close friend's father (same age as my Dad) suddenly died of a heart attack. The thought that they were not always going to be there entered my head. This was underlined when another close friend lost both her parents within 18mths.

But, still my parents worked and overall were healthy. They have sinced retired, Mum would go off here and there, and Dad would spend hours in the garden or shed making stuff. Not really showing sign of ageing

Last year we told them about Australia and that I was pregnant at the same time. He has been supportive and we had always planned to pay for them to fly over after we move.

Last week really hit home that he is 'old'. They visited, dad really eager to see his granddaughter (8wks old) and go out for a walk and push her pram (not done that since I was a baby). I knew he has a bad back, but I have never seen him walk so slow, or so painful to do so, or with a stick. All he could manage was 15 minutes.

He held her, but could not do so for long. He was looking at her face and said that all he would have is pictures and memories of her, so had to make the most of the time before we go (to Oz). I did not know what to say

With his back I think we will just need to find more money for business class if he is ever going to make it - I don't want to be leaving the UK thinking that will be the last time I will see him or that he won't see where we are living.

I too find it hard to say I love him, we have not always been close, maybe it is the era. Reading your post has got me thinking that I should tell him, so thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:22 pm   #22
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Thanks Sam for sharing such a personal part of your life with us.....I like you have endless worries about the 'MOVE' but feel in my heart it WILL happen.
I have a MUM....who has been a dad too for me...she has been there for me through some hard times and i for her....sometimes i wonder why i want to move away, i have a lovely home ....a great job and i am a happy.....but something inside me just doesnt feel right i dont know what...maybe Auz wont be the answer but at least i can say i have tried.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:24 pm   #23
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Putting the words of your letter in a home made card sound beautiful
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:28 pm   #24
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I think that it's down to our parents that some of us are able to make the choice we have to migrate.

We have learned our skills from them and the fact we are moving to the other side of the world, is a credit to them.

They have done their job just right thank you very much.

They have brought us up to make our way in the world and that is what we are doing, just another part of the world.

And to those of you that have children, you are passing on the skills to them that your parents gave to you.

Tell them that.

Im going to phone my parents all the time, they will be sick of me. Im going to get a webcam too.

I think Mums and Dads play a vital role in our migration process.

Im going to need my Dad more than ever, and Im going to tell him so.
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:34 pm   #25
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Default Re: Dear Dad

I lost my dad about 6 weeks before I came out to Aus; I was able to be with him at the end, he had his second stroke and died while I was with him during his second night in hospital.

I count myself very lucky that I was always able to tell him how I felt, both about him and anything we talked about. He would give me his advice when I asked and was always very supportive of whatever decision I made in the end. I miss that.

He had become frail after his first stroke but still made it to Aus to see my sister twice.

Tell your parents how you feel, embarrassed or not - you never know whether you will get the chance later.

It's in the nature of things that they will be gone one day; fundamentally they wouldn't want you to live your life for them but for yourself and your children.

So go ahead with your plans and make them proud that you have grown up and can stand on your own two feet.

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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:37 pm   #26
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I think that it's down to our parents that some of us are able to make the choice we have to migrate.

We have learned our skills from them and the fact we are moving to the other side of the world, is a credit to them.

They have done their job just right thank you very much.

They have brought us up to make our way in the world and that is what we are doing, just another part of the world.

And to those of you that have children, you are passing on the skills to them that your parents gave to you.

Tell them that.

Im going to phone my parents all the time, they will be sick of me. Im going to get a webcam too.

I think Mums and Dads play a vital role in our migration process.

Im going to need my Dad more than ever, and Im going to tell him so.
Sam - you are a woman of words - why dont you make us up a poem and we can all send it to our dad's
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:44 pm   #27
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Sam - you are a woman of words - why dont you make us up a poem and we can all send it to our dad's

I wrote my Dad a poem once and had it framed for him, I use to do that as gifts for people.

I think I might put this in the form of a greeting card and give it to him.

I shall see what I can do for an expat poem.
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:45 pm   #28
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
...
But it got me thinking. Have any of you guys noticed that when you get to a certain age, (Im 37), your parents suddenly seem to age overnight?
...
I am fortunate with that aspect. My Dad was born middle aged, so it is only in the last few years that he has seemed a little older.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
...
I don't know if its a generation thing or if it's how you are brought up, but when I call him or he calls me, I never say 'I love you Dad'. Why? Would I feel stupid or embarrassed?
...
Quote:
Originally Posted by scissors
...
Like you ive never told my parents that i love them,but then they ve never told me either,we just were nt bought up that way,i think even though i feel it i would have real trouble saying it for the first time to him, at my age, but who knows maybe just before we go if i get emotional,
...
I fully understand that - I think it's partly generational and partly to do with how your parents themselves were brought up. I reckon that as a general rule, the higher up the class system the less chance of seeing any emotion (just an opinion). That worked both for good and bad - friends with working class parents seemed more likely to get a belting for being bad and a hug for being good. I was more likely to get a telling off or a "well done".

My family were never particularly "touchy feely" and though we are all much better than we were it does not come naturally - I even shook hands with my brother last time I saw him

I never used to tell my parents how much I love them, how much I appreciate that they have always been there for me, have always supported me in all I ever wanted to do, have never criticised me (except Mum was never too keen on the Mohican and Dad was a bit iffy on the skinhead), have been happy for me and proud of me but have never tried to live my life for me.

When I left to follow my heart to Aus 4 years ago they saw me off at Heathrow. Bit of a hug and a "well, um, - see ya then". In some ways it was helped because I knew they were coming out 4 months later for our wedding, but mostly it was just because that is how we are.

We were back in the UK last year for a holiday and I made a special effort to actually tell them how much I love them, even though I don't tell them nearly as often as I should - really hard to find the words when the whole concept of saying things like that to your parents is alien to you. My mum said something like "well, we love you too dear." Exactly the sort of response I would have given, so I knew what she really meant.

Anyway - if you can tell your dad, then do it. You will probably both be embarrassed, but that is the price you have to pay.

Cheers

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Old Feb 7th 2005, 1:50 pm   #29
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Default Re: Dear Dad

I so wish I had not read this thread at work..., it is all so true and we will all have to deal with it if we want to live our dreams...

I suppose I am lucky in a way, everytime me and my family talk on the phone, be it to mum, dad, my sisters and my 2 uncles on my mums side, we always end the phone call with I love you and love you too, it is a part of how we have been brought up, even to the point where if we forget to say it, we must ring back just to say it. I don't think this happens in many families tho, people at work automaticly assume I am on the phone to my partner, but when I tell them it was my mum, or dad, or sister, they all look at me as if I am weird (ok, maybe I am a bit). The thing is, this puts more pressure on me for wanting to emigrate, because we are a close family, how can I split us up? There was enough tears when I went for a year, but for life??? Everytime I think about it I well up.

Whats worse is that I had the first grandaughter last year and she is the apple of everyone's eye. I am now going to take her away from everyone, and they are all so good with her. My dad even has her stay with him a few weeks of the year, whenever he can get holiday. They are so close, its a nightmare.

My dad too is in denial, my mother and stepfather are already planning their hols but dad won't even discuss it.

Oh well, things are sent to try us huh?...

Good luck sam with your letter, I really hope he comes round to the idea and finds a positive side to it.

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Old Feb 7th 2005, 2:00 pm   #30
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Sam,
What a beautiful letter. tears rolling down my cheeks - like many others on here as I read it. Daughters and Dads always have somethin special, even if you can;t explain it. My dad and I have a complicated past, which by mutual unspoken consent is behind us, and we are now closer than we have ever been - even though we are so far apart. He can never visit me here, for several reasons, and every time my mum tells me he has had another health scare I am terrified I won't get back to the UK to see him again. He was never a superhero, he was always vulnerable, but I still worshipped him when I was a kiddy - he was the one who named me Pollyana.
When I first said I was leaving he was gutted; I tried to explain to him that I knew The Bloke and I were right for each other, but my sister said his only comment afterwards was "its a long way home when you get divorced". Then he met The Bloke, got to like him, and now wishes us well together but I still feel he wishes I was 'that' side of the world.

My aim - and that of my sister - is to now get him to email me on their new pc. So I can talk to him more often - hes not really a 'phone' person. So I can tell him I care, and that I didn't come here to abandon him.
He's my dad, and I love him, and like you, I find it hard to come to terms with the fact he feels I've gone off and left him.

Sorry guys, too much wine, and Sam's emotional post, forgive the ramblings
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Don't shed a tear for me,I stand alone. This path of destiny is all my own.
Once in the hands of fate,there is no choice, An echo on the wind,you'll hear my voice............"

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