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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:27 am   #1
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Default Dear Dad

I am a long way off from my migration really but I was talking to my Dad the other day, and I don't know if it either hasn't sunk in that we won't be staying in the UK or if he has chosen to ignore it.

'There is no future for us here Dad' I said to him on the phone, as if to justify our reasons for going. I don't know why I had to justify them, but it felt right somehow to do it.

'You have me', Dad replied quietly.

Dear God, what can you say to that? Then it hit me, that although my Dad has been aware for the past two years that we want to move to Australia, he really hasn't accepted it will happen.

I didn't know what to say at that point that could make it any easier, so I changed the subject.

But it got me thinking. Have any of you guys noticed that when you get to a certain age, (Im 37), your parents suddenly seem to age overnight?

I saw Dad about a month ago, and I nearly cried. My big strong Dad of 6ft 4inches, suddenly seemed to be quite small.

Dads are meant to be a super hero and mine is no exception. Until the realisation of the fact that you are leaving them catches up with you. Then they become very vulnerable.

I kept staring at him, his grey hair, shoulders begining to hunch, how popular he is with the youngsters in his local pub.

How he couldn't walk quite as fast as me. How ever did he manage to pick me up under his arm?

Dad, just how did you do that?

I don't know if its a generation thing or if it's how you are brought up, but when I call him or he calls me, I never say 'I love you Dad'. Why? Would I feel stupid or embarrassed?

So, at a huge gamble because he doesn't really use the internet, I am going to write down, what I wanted to say to him last night.

And what I am about to write, I hope to overcome my personal obstacle of demonstrating my emotions, and say to his face as well.

This is going to be quite personal, so apologies to those it may bore.

Dear Dad

I don't know where to start really. (shit, thats a new one)

I suppose a memory of you that sticks out in my mind, is when you worked away for a bit and we use to see you on a Sunday.

Round about 12noon, me and my three sisters and one brother (i wont name them), would come up the field with out dog, to meet you.

Eagerly, I would strain my eyes to try and see you coming through the hole in the fence.

As I had asthma, I could never keep up with my siblings and when they spotted you before I did, they would charge ahead screaming with excitement to go and meet you, with our shabby little terrier running in hot pursuit after them.

I could just make you out, a giant of a man, with his huge golfing umbrella swinging with every step you took.

There would be me, huffing, puffing and wheezing to try and get to you before they did, but I never managed it did I?

I would tell all my friends that where I was going at 12 noon on the Sunday. 'I am going to see my Dad', I would say. Playing was non negotiable at that time. This was Dad time.

When I finally caught up with you, by now you were half way across the field, you had 4 other excited children and a dog milling around you.

Then it was my turn. You would pick me up as light as a feather and carry me home. Coughing and wheezing my guts up with excertion, I was very proud, and wished my mates could see you carrying me.

Then all to soon it would be time for you to travel back and I felt as though my heart would break.

I remember following you to the end of the road and hanging on your leg and you carried me back home again.

So that is the memory that sticks out quite a bit, but there are too many to name.

Every kid has a 'DAD' tale to tell don't they?

So why are we going to Australia? Why are we leaving the family?

It might seem rather cruel or uncaring to leave when you so desperately don't want us to go.

Here are my reasons.

I have always felt as though I am looking for something, wanting to achieve something, getting it and move on to the next thing.

Everything I do, seems to 'not quite fit somehow'. I don't know how or why, but I feel as though I am walking with the wrong shoes on.

As you know, I keep finding areas to train in, I do it, and it still doesn't feel right and I move on.

Then when Abdel and I went to Australia 2 years ago, within hours of landing, I felt as though I didn't need to search anymore, because there was no need. I had found the place where I wanted to grow old and spend the rest of my life in.

Dad you asked if Abdel felt the same, well he has migrated from his country to the UK, has adapted well.

So when he told me he thought it felt right too, then I believe he more than knows what he is doing.

I went back to Australia on my own for 6 weeks and saw a few other places, made some good friends and came back with the same opinion, only stronger.

You know Dad, that I have had to struggle for pretty much everything in my life, failed every exam more than once, kept resitting until I passed it.

Nothing has ever come easy for me. I wouldnt make a life changing decision like this if I didn't truly believe it was the right one for me.

I have never ever felt so happy when I was in Australia, so comfortable and so right.

It's not that I don't love you or that I want to leave the family behind.

Everyone has the right to call somewhere 'Home' and I think that I can do that in Australia.

And it's not the old rose tinted specs syndrome either. My whole life has been an uphill struggle from educating myself to more personal stuff.

I am fully aware that life will be hard. Hell, I am even prepared to go to Uni to retrain as a human nurse after the slog I put in to do animal nursing, should my husbands application fail.

The only reason I have the courage to do what I am doing, is because of you. I admire and respect you. I watch you go into work when You should have retired, you don't complain and you do what you have to do to survive.

I like to think that I have that quality. My course of survival is to emigrate to find my home.

So when it happens (and if I have to walk on hot coals to get there, it will), please come with me to the airport to see us off.

It won't be 'goodbye' it will be 'see you for a free holiday later'.

And I am not going because I don't love you either.

Because no matter where I am living, you will always be my big strong Dad.

And just for the record, I love you more than anything in the world and living on the other side of the world won't change that fact.

Samantha
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:39 am   #2
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Samantha, you have just managed to reduce me to tears. Brilliant post girl. Just wish I still had my dad to say all that to.

Very true about getting to a certain age and suddenly that big strong man is no longer like that. Hit home when mine was in hospital and just looked so small and pathetic that he was no longer really my dad. He had been replaced with a small sick person.

You are going for the right reasons and your dad will understand that eventually.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:40 am   #3
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Sam
I cried when I read this post

You are right about the parents ageing overnight. I seem to have noticed it more with my dad than my mum. My mum and dad are coming over at Easter and I cannot wait to see them.

A lot of the things you have said I can really relate to here.

Good luck Sam, it is hard to say goodbye but dont worry you will be fine.

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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:43 am   #4
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Default Re: Dear Dad

I try and tell myself that it's what's inside that makes a Dad and not what they look like.

But it's hard isn't it?

Shame some of us seem to only really appreciate our parents when we notice that they are getting old.
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:44 am   #5
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I am a long way off from my migration really but I was talking to my Dad the other day, and I don't know if it either hasn't sunk in that we won't be staying in the UK or if he has chosen to ignore it.

'There is no future for us here Dad' I said to him on the phone, as if to justify our reasons for going. I don't know why I had to justify them, but it felt right somehow to do it.

'You have me', Dad replied quietly.

Dear God, what can you say to that? Then it hit me, that although my Dad has been aware for the past two years that we want to move to Australia, he really hasn't accepted it will happen.

I didn't know what to say at that point that could make it any easier, so I changed the subject.

But it got me thinking. Have any of you guys noticed that when you get to a certain age, (Im 37), your parents suddenly seem to age overnight?

I saw Dad about a month ago, and I nearly cried. My big strong Dad of 6ft 4inches, suddenly seemed to be quite small.

Dads are meant to be a super hero and mine is no exception. Until the realisation of the fact that you are leaving them catches up with you. Then they become very vulnerable.

I kept staring at him, his grey hair, shoulders begining to hunch, how popular he is with the youngsters in his local pub.

How he couldn't walk quite as fast as me. How ever did he manage to pick me up under his arm?

Dad, just how did you do that?

I don't know if its a generation thing or if it's how you are brought up, but when I call him or he calls me, I never say 'I love you Dad'. Why? Would I feel stupid or embarrassed?

So, at a huge gamble because he doesn't really use the internet, I am going to write down, what I wanted to say to him last night.

And what I am about to write, I hope to overcome my personal obstacle of demonstrating my emotions, and say to his face as well.

This is going to be quite personal, so apologies to those it may bore.

Dear Dad

I don't know where to start really. (shit, thats a new one)

I suppose a memory of you that sticks out in my mind, is when you worked away for a bit and we use to see you on a Sunday.

Round about 12noon, me and my three sisters and one brother (i wont name them), would come up the field with out dog, to meet you.

Eagerly, I would strain my eyes to try and see you coming through the hole in the fence.

As I had asthma, I could never keep up with my siblings and when they spotted you before I did, they would charge ahead screaming with excitement to go and meet you, with our shabby little terrier running in hot pursuit after them.

I could just make you out, a giant of a man, with his huge golfing umbrella swinging with every step you took.

There would be me, huffing, puffing and wheezing to try and get to you before they did, but I never managed it did I?

I would tell all my friends that where I was going at 12 noon on the Sunday. 'I am going to see my Dad', I would say. Playing was non negotiable at that time. This was Dad time.

When I finally caught up with you, by now you were half way across the field, you had 4 other excited children and a dog milling around you.

Then it was my turn. You would pick me up as light as a feather and carry me home. Coughing and wheezing my guts up with excertion, I was very proud, and wished my mates could see you carrying me.

Then all to soon it would be time for you to travel back and I felt as though my heart would break.

I remember following you to the end of the road and hanging on your leg and you carried me back home again.

So that is the memory that sticks out quite a bit, but there are too many to name.

Every kid has a 'DAD' tale to tell don't they?

So why are we going to Australia? Why are we leaving the family?

It might seem rather cruel or uncaring to leave when you so desperately don't want us to go.

Here are my reasons.

I have always felt as though I am looking for something, wanting to achieve something, getting it and move on to the next thing.

Everything I do, seems to 'not quite fit somehow'. I don't know how or why, but I feel as though I am walking with the wrong shoes on.

As you know, I keep finding areas to train in, I do it, and it still doesn't feel right and I move on.

Then when Abdel and I went to Australia 2 years ago, within hours of landing, I felt as though I didn't need to search anymore, because there was no need. I had found the place where I wanted to grow old and spend the rest of my life in.

Dad you asked if Abdel felt the same, well he has migrated from his country to the UK, has adapted well.

So when he told me he thought it felt right too, then I believe he more than knows what he is doing.

I went back to Australia on my own for 6 weeks and saw a few other places, made some good friends and came back with the same opinion, only stronger.

You know Dad, that I have had to struggle for pretty much everything in my life, failed every exam more than once, kept resitting until I passed it.

Nothing has ever come easy for me. I wouldnt make a life changing decision like this if I didn't truly believe it was the right one for me.

I have never ever felt so happy when I was in Australia, so comfortable and so right.

It's not that I don't love you or that I want to leave the family behind.

Everyone has the right to call somewhere 'Home' and I think that I can do that in Australia.

And it's not the old rose tinted specs syndrome either. My whole life has been an uphill struggle from educating myself to more personal stuff.

I am fully aware that life will be hard. Hell, I am even prepared to go to Uni to retrain as a human nurse after the slog I put in to do animal nursing, should my husbands application fail.

The only reason I have the courage to do what I am doing, is because of you. I admire and respect you. I watch you go into work when You should have retired, you don't complain and you do what you have to do to survive.

I like to think that I have that quality. My course of survival is to emigrate to find my home.

So when it happens (and if I have to walk on hot coals to get there, it will), please come with me to the airport to see us off.

It won't be 'goodbye' it will be 'see you for a free holiday later'.

And I am not going because I don't love you either.

Because no matter where I am living, you will always be my big strong Dad.

And just for the record, I love you more than anything in the world and living on the other side of the world won't change that fact.

Samantha
He will be so proud of you for this.

His little girl has finally grown up
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:45 am   #6
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Default Re: Dear Dad

oh sam i have tears in my eyes reading this,i think there must be a lot of us that feel the same as you.
i understand totally when you say how you suddenly realise that he seems to have aged,and you hadnt noticed, funny how you always think of them as being young isnt it.
My dads pretty upset that we re going and i think he did the same, we told him right from the start that we were thinking about it,but i think he thought it would never happen,and now i think its struck him that its real.
Like you ive never told my parents that i love them,but then they ve never told me either,we just were nt bought up that way,i think even though i feel it i would have real trouble saying it for the first time to him, at my age, but who knows maybe just before we go if i get emotional,ive made sure we ve been different with my daughter,she hears it all the time,even if she thinks shes to old to say it to us now, we still know she shows it.
Like you said it isnt good bye, the worlds a very small place these days and they can come for holidays,im trying to convince mie to get a computer so we can keep in touch more often,matbe with a webcam.

Hopw your dad comes round and understands that this is something you have to do for you,and its noothing to do with the way you feel about him

tracey.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:46 am   #7
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I try and tell myself that it's what's inside that makes a Dad and not what they look like.

But it's hard isn't it?

Shame some of us seem to only really appreciate our parents when we notice that they are getting old.
You are right. When I first left the UK in my early twenties to work overseas, I did not think twice about my parents or how much they would miss me.

I think when you have your own children you start to see things in a different light, plus when you see the signs of age creeping in.

Sent u karma.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:47 am   #8
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
Shame some of us seem to only really appreciate our parents when we notice that they are getting old.

Or when its too late
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:48 am   #9
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Its funny guys actually, our immigration application is 'complicated' and at times I have had doubts that we would get there.

And I think, that my Dad feels the same. He wouldnt try and stop me, but his heart will truly break if we did.

But just lately, I have had a strong feeling that it 'will happen'. I don't know why, but I know one way or another, we are going.

Its strange when you have these feelings isn't it?

Wish I could pack up my Mum and Dad and take them with me.
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:51 am   #10
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by debsy
You are right. When I first left the UK in my early twenties to work overseas, I did not think twice about my parents or how much they would miss me.

I think when you have your own children you start to see things in a different light, plus when you see the signs of age creeping in.

Sent u karma.
Yes, you are right Debsy.
I have jsut made contact with my dad and all his family after not hearing from them or seeing them for over 20 years - but he was the same jolly, laughing giant of a man he was in his 50s (hes 76 now!) on the phone. when i saw his photo i didnt recognise the tiny wee man......

good luck Sam,

sue
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:51 am   #11
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess

Wish I could pack up my Mum and Dad and take them with me.
I am sure that most of us would like to do that.
Mine would never be able to come as they would not leave my other siblings. One of which is going through a messy break up of her marriage - her ex recently decided to go round and smash her lips up
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:53 am   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hels
Or when its too late

Very very true.

What on earth is so hard about saying 'I love you'?

I have never said it to my sisters. My brother lives in Salisbury and I haven't seen him since he moved.

Its the assumption that they will always be there.

I have decided that when we go, I am going to make a video diary for them.

I shall post it once a month, photo's videos, Aussie TV mags, written diaries, etc.

They are going to know every little bit about our life.

And there is a website www.oztalk.co.uk which sells holiday vouchers for flights etc.

So if I can afford it, perhaps something towards a flight ticket so Australia doesn't seem so impossible to visit.

I think keeping them in your life is vital. Even if its by webcam, videos etc, they are still in your life.

And that's what counts.
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:55 am   #13
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by debsy
I am sure that most of us would like to do that.
Mine would never be able to come as they would not leave my other siblings. One of which is going through a messy break up of her marriage - her ex recently decided to go round and smash her lips up

Smashed her lips up?

Are the police involved?
 
Old Feb 7th 2005, 11:58 am   #14
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Default Re: Dear Dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
Smashed her lips up?

Are the police involved?
Yes, finally they are - she has never reported it before. But because she did, he is now refusing to pay her any maintenance money to feed their four children I am really worried about her state of mind at the moment as I think she is near to the edge.
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Old Feb 7th 2005, 12:03 pm   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by debsy
Yes, finally they are - she has never reported it before. But because she did, he is now refusing to pay her any maintenance money to feed their four children I am really worried about her state of mind at the moment as I think she is near to the edge.
He wont be able to refuse her for much longer, the CSA will take it out of his salary.

Violent relationships destroy someones self belief and confidence.

Your sister has hit rock bottom and the only way for her now, is up.

Its very hard, my sister was in a violent marriage and the damage done was incredible.

Your sister has made the first break by divorcing him.

She needs to avoid him now and start rebuilding herself, which is the hardest thing.

Its only when she wakes up one morning and realises that she hasn't thought about him, that she really is on the road to recovery.

And your sister will get there.

My sister did, has her own life now. But if you ask my sister and her four kids if she ever thought it would happen a few years ago, she would say no.

As long as you have the help and support of the family, anything is possible.
 
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