MartianTom

I'd go so far to say that it's a bit more than verging on. Again, though - it's not necessarily about quantity, it's about why. Through AA, I've met people who could polish off 2 bottles of vodka and 8 cans of lager A DAY... and then people who were drinking a much more 'moderate' bottle of wine a day. A bottle of wine a day doesn't sound like an awful lot. Many people drink that and more. But, by most health standards, it's still excessive: 70-odd units a week.

If he's drinking to fill a hole in his life, to compensate for disappointments, to boost his confidence, to forget his problems, to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible for as long as possible... then I'd say that's definitely alcoholic behaviour.

He has to accept it's a problem, though. Until he does, then he can't begin to recover.

Have a look at this website. You might well find some of the answers there that you need to have.

http://www.al-anon.org/australia/

It's an organisation, affiliated to AA, which is there to help the families and friends of drinkers. There will hopefully be meetings near to you, and perhaps, if you wanted to, you could go along to one of them on one of the evenings when your husband's out drinking. They gave a huge amount of support to my mother when my dad's drinking got out of control and she didn't know what else to do.

It's also worth having a look here as well:

http://www.aa.org.au/

Good luck. It's a horrible illness. But there's help out there.

(you're always welcome to PM me if you want any other advice or support)

MartianTom

Glad you recognised that, Bernieboy. It's no laughing matter. As the son of an alcoholic, and as a recovering alcoholic myself, I can tell you it's deadly serious. Seriously deadly, too.

In the wrong hands, with the wrong person, the grief it can cause far outweighs the 'benefits' it gives.

Centurion

Things like this can ruin lives but only if you let it. Sounds to me like 21 years of marriage may be worth fighting for.

I know if my wife told me that she didnt like me when I'm drunk and it was jepordising my marriage that would probably be the last day I ever drank again. Maybe you could consider going out somewhere and talking it through on a walk or similar ?

Deutschmaster

I thought that 28 units for a man per week was the UK recommendation?

I'm assuming that there's 4 units in a large 750ml bottle, so that's 7 a week which can be drunk - or one a night. Not much is it?

Although I have a home brew kit so I don't have to worry about the cost. I started brewing when a student. Even a modest three nights out a week would be around the 50 pound a week mark. It mounts up over the year!

lee_h

Write him a letter telling him how you feel about him and his drinking. He can read it over and over....more powerful than arguing.

Deutschmaster

you could perhaps:

Try to find out how much he drinks per day, then keep a tally of how much he drinks over the month, estimate how much each drink is then giving him an amount per month he drinks - see if the cost scares him. You may also multiply it by two to be on the safe side and to take account that people usually underestimate how much they drink.

Rather than yelling about the cost just point it out discretely so he doesn't get defensive.

kporte

I expect 12 bottles of wine a week is too much also

Deutschmaster

Wow, so it is only 21 units for a man perweek.

I now have the choice to either cut drinking to 5 long necks per week, or, since it's home brew cut the alcohol content in half to drink 10 per week

kporte

I'm relieved at having 9 units to play with.

spartacus

That's a lot . . . more than a six-pack every night. Does he ever have a night off?

Me? No more than six beers during the regular week plus six at a weekend . . . tops

If he thinks 48+ is reasonable, asks him what he considers to be unreasonable . . . 70, 80?

spartacus

Excellent post . . .

Vash the Stampede

Any!

Definitely excessive and potentially dangerous.

Deutschmaster

I'm impressed with the calorific content of beer. One website says that 100grams of beer has around 40 calories. One long neck (assuming 750ml = 750g) therefore has around 300 calories. According to the website 2000 calories a day is around what somebody should consume.

Three long necks of beer is around half the normal calorie intake!

Hooray for the beer belly!

[I]Disclamer - the 2000 calories a day value comes from a US website so it may be above what is normal for most people[ /I]

Bernieboy

I have asked for the above reply to be deleted as inappropriate attempt at humour,i no longer see the funny side of this rather serious thread when a man's marriage,home and in fact his life are in danger,apologies to the OP,and good luck.

Zambia

That's a bit too much for everyday living. 6-8 bottles a night thats a beer gut in progress right there.

I would spend about $40-50 on a slab every 2-3 weeks. The wife would consume about a bottle of Vodka every 6-7 weeks.

I cant drink if I am working within the next 12 hours so my go nuts opportunities are rare. Mrs Z rarely drinks at all.