Ridere per non piangere ...
Sep 18th 2012, 2:14 pm
#31
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
and another:
Italian customs officers
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro." "What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official. "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman says, not believing what he is hearing. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law". The Englishman replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come". "He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".
Italian customs officers
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro." "What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official. "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman says, not believing what he is hearing. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law". The Englishman replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come". "He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".
Sep 18th 2012, 2:47 pm
#32
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: Parma
Posts: 1,489
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Types of women
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no
one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but
you mostly use Her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at
least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look
beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are
nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not
expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses
all your resources. If you try to Uninstall her you
will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her
you Will lose everything.
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no
one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but
you mostly use Her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at
least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look
beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are
nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not
expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses
all your resources. If you try to Uninstall her you
will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her
you Will lose everything.
Sep 25th 2012, 12:21 pm
#33
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: Parma
Posts: 1,489
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
Sep 25th 2012, 12:31 pm
#34
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: Parma
Posts: 1,489
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Blonde Joke
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic,
"It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic,
"It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
Sep 26th 2012, 1:00 pm
#36
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
A hooded armed robber bursts into the Bank of Italy and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him; the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Dida anyone elsa see a my face?" calls the robber. There follows a tense minute of silence. Then an Italian gentleman, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, points at the plump lady next to him and says: "I tinka my wife caught a glimpse."
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him; the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Dida anyone elsa see a my face?" calls the robber. There follows a tense minute of silence. Then an Italian gentleman, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, points at the plump lady next to him and says: "I tinka my wife caught a glimpse."
Sep 26th 2012, 1:02 pm
#37
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Rome when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
Sep 26th 2012, 1:07 pm
#38
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
Sep 26th 2012, 1:12 pm
#39
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
International Sex:
In France and Italy, people seduce each other.
In England if they did they wouldn't talk about it.
In Brazil, they don't have seduction, they just have sex, and are laid back about it in a way many uptight Englanders might find loose-moraled.
In Sweden, they don't have seduction either. Any sex that may occur usually happens during a discussion on Third World debt, or the ozone layer, or something equally mind-broadening. Any attempt to seduce a Swede will result in a patronising lecture on safe sex.
In Singapore, they don't have seduction either. Ordinary people live in towering government-built apartment blocks, most of which have a social committee which receives funding from Singapore's government to throw parties to get the socially inept technocrats to socialise and marry and have children to make more Chinese than Malays and Indians (who have a higher birth rate). For the same reason, the National University of Singapore's Engineering faculty is built next to the Accounting department, so the male engineers meet the female accountants, get married, and have Chinese children.
South of Harlem and north of downtown Manhattan, and either side of midtown, is where the rich whites live, and where half the people are too busy to even think about something as frivolous as romance, while the other half are too busy seeing their shrinks because they can't find romance. Anyone they do meet faces a barrage of questions about their career paths, medical insurance plans, and past drug and divorce offenses.
People who live in Connecticut and upstate New York, who commute to Manhattan every day (so-called "mainline snobs" because they never use the subway) seduce each other on the train home, where they scope each other out on the train for a few days, then strike up a conversation a couple of minutes before one of them gets off (so that if the other person is an asshole, the conversation will shortly end anyway) and arrange a lunch date back in Manhattan. This ensures that rich professional mainline snobs mix with other rich professionals.
Near (but not in) Washington D.C., in the neighbouring suburbs in Maryland and across the river in Virginia, the first thing single people talk about having met an attractive potential partner is politics. Tax-and-spend liberals won't go out with Dickensian conservatives, gun nuts won't touch screaming heart civil libertarians, lobbiests for oil companies won't date lobbiests for clean air, and all the fine shades of political opinion are more important than opinions about anything else, physical attractiveness, intellectual prowess, and personality.
In Germany, people can talk about their emotions up-front and realistically.
SCENE: Frankfurt-am-Main, Germany
Helmut: So Hans, how is Helga these days?
Hans: Helga says that unless I stop sleeping around
and spend more time at home, she's going to
leave me and contest custody of the kids.
Helmut: I think Helga has a point - if you really loved
her, you wouldn't pay for Eva's flat.
Hans: The first few years with Helga were great,
but I really don't love her any more.
People from other cultures find this Teutonic efficiency a little bloodless and dehumanised, as if they discuss their emotions like they discuss their shopping list, or desired options in their new Opel.
In most of Australia, people are afraid to say what they think, for fear of offending someone else and for someone else hurting them. Instead, they talk about safe trivialities.
SCENE: Kensington, NSW
Warren: So Harry, how is Janet these days?
Harry: She's been very strange lately. [Tense]
Warren: Oh? [Nervous tone of voice]
Harry: Yeah.
Warren: [Changing the subject] How's the new car?
Harry: It's alright, but typical Australian-made stuff....
Foreigners are shocked to find that the only way to seduce an Australian is to pretend to be almost completely disinterested. Any show of romantic interest will cause the non-risk-taking Australian to go scurrying of to their friends for security.
Any effort to be warm, caring, and supportive to an Australian woman will cause her to reciprocate only because she thinks you must be gay, and thus free of emotional risks.
In France and Italy, people seduce each other.
In England if they did they wouldn't talk about it.
In Brazil, they don't have seduction, they just have sex, and are laid back about it in a way many uptight Englanders might find loose-moraled.
In Sweden, they don't have seduction either. Any sex that may occur usually happens during a discussion on Third World debt, or the ozone layer, or something equally mind-broadening. Any attempt to seduce a Swede will result in a patronising lecture on safe sex.
In Singapore, they don't have seduction either. Ordinary people live in towering government-built apartment blocks, most of which have a social committee which receives funding from Singapore's government to throw parties to get the socially inept technocrats to socialise and marry and have children to make more Chinese than Malays and Indians (who have a higher birth rate). For the same reason, the National University of Singapore's Engineering faculty is built next to the Accounting department, so the male engineers meet the female accountants, get married, and have Chinese children.
South of Harlem and north of downtown Manhattan, and either side of midtown, is where the rich whites live, and where half the people are too busy to even think about something as frivolous as romance, while the other half are too busy seeing their shrinks because they can't find romance. Anyone they do meet faces a barrage of questions about their career paths, medical insurance plans, and past drug and divorce offenses.
People who live in Connecticut and upstate New York, who commute to Manhattan every day (so-called "mainline snobs" because they never use the subway) seduce each other on the train home, where they scope each other out on the train for a few days, then strike up a conversation a couple of minutes before one of them gets off (so that if the other person is an asshole, the conversation will shortly end anyway) and arrange a lunch date back in Manhattan. This ensures that rich professional mainline snobs mix with other rich professionals.
Near (but not in) Washington D.C., in the neighbouring suburbs in Maryland and across the river in Virginia, the first thing single people talk about having met an attractive potential partner is politics. Tax-and-spend liberals won't go out with Dickensian conservatives, gun nuts won't touch screaming heart civil libertarians, lobbiests for oil companies won't date lobbiests for clean air, and all the fine shades of political opinion are more important than opinions about anything else, physical attractiveness, intellectual prowess, and personality.
In Germany, people can talk about their emotions up-front and realistically.
SCENE: Frankfurt-am-Main, Germany
Helmut: So Hans, how is Helga these days?
Hans: Helga says that unless I stop sleeping around
and spend more time at home, she's going to
leave me and contest custody of the kids.
Helmut: I think Helga has a point - if you really loved
her, you wouldn't pay for Eva's flat.
Hans: The first few years with Helga were great,
but I really don't love her any more.
People from other cultures find this Teutonic efficiency a little bloodless and dehumanised, as if they discuss their emotions like they discuss their shopping list, or desired options in their new Opel.
In most of Australia, people are afraid to say what they think, for fear of offending someone else and for someone else hurting them. Instead, they talk about safe trivialities.
SCENE: Kensington, NSW
Warren: So Harry, how is Janet these days?
Harry: She's been very strange lately. [Tense]
Warren: Oh? [Nervous tone of voice]
Harry: Yeah.
Warren: [Changing the subject] How's the new car?
Harry: It's alright, but typical Australian-made stuff....
Foreigners are shocked to find that the only way to seduce an Australian is to pretend to be almost completely disinterested. Any show of romantic interest will cause the non-risk-taking Australian to go scurrying of to their friends for security.
Any effort to be warm, caring, and supportive to an Australian woman will cause her to reciprocate only because she thinks you must be gay, and thus free of emotional risks.
Sep 26th 2012, 1:14 pm
#40
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Thread Starter
Joined: May 2010
Location: Close to the wine
Posts: 1,522
Sep 26th 2012, 1:15 pm
#41
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
And an old one that still makes me chuckle (read it doing an accent like Capt Bertorelli of Allo! Allo!):
ITALIAN IN LA JOKE:
I am a Italiano One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel.
In a morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate.
She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch!
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock.
She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.
So, I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed.
He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: " Peace on you."
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!
ITALIAN IN LA JOKE:
I am a Italiano One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel.
In a morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate.
She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch!
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock.
She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.
So, I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed.
He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: " Peace on you."
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!
Sep 26th 2012, 1:27 pm
#42
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,295
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
An elderly man walked into the catholic church and took
a seat in a confessional.
"Father," he said, "I have to confess am making love twice a day
to an eighteen-year-old girl."
"Mr. Solomon, you're Jewish," the priest replied.
"Why are you telling me?"
"I'm 94 I'm telling everyone!"
a seat in a confessional.
"Father," he said, "I have to confess am making love twice a day
to an eighteen-year-old girl."
"Mr. Solomon, you're Jewish," the priest replied.
"Why are you telling me?"
"I'm 94 I'm telling everyone!"
Sep 27th 2012, 8:47 am
#43
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Thread Starter
Joined: May 2010
Location: Close to the wine
Posts: 1,522
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Lessons In Life
Lesson One
A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow & asked him,
"Can I also sit like you & do nothing all day long ?
"The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lessons In Life
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson Three
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,
" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson One
A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow & asked him,
"Can I also sit like you & do nothing all day long ?
"The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lessons In Life
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson Three
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,
" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Oct 19th 2012, 11:24 am
#44
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Joined: Dec 2011
Location: Parma
Posts: 1,489
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...niversity.html
it's not a joke but it made me laugh
it's not a joke but it made me laugh
Oct 21st 2012, 9:46 am
#45
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Disneylandia
Posts: 1,824
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Loved this one liner from Kirk in Corrie......not into foreign food meself. Prefer pizza and kebabs.