gloucesterroad

and I'm sorry if there is a special area of the forum for this sort of nonsense, but I couldn't see anywhere straight off.

I am so homesick and miserable that I can't go outside my room without my pulse racing, my breathing becoming shallow, my head getting thick and dizzy, and tearing up (I am really *not* that kind of person). The problem is that I don't know if I am homesick or I just hate my specific situation or both.

I have wanted to do this for my whole life, and I feel like I am failing at it already.

I moved here to teach in June, and what I was coming to has, in my opinion, been mis-sold to me. I am now confined to a compound, outside a village, outside a town, outside Warri. I did my research re. security, but now that I am here I feel like I am in prison. I was misled to believe that I was in a safe place after a conversation with my employer when I was in London, in which she said that "She walks the kilometre to the school each morning", only to discover that the school is inside the compound where the house is, and if the walk is a kilometre I'll eat my hat.

I was given living accommodation as part of my package, but when I arrived discovered that it is a room and bathroom attached to the employer's house (constant scrutiny, hard to have visitors), and does not have a kitchen. I am supposed to eat in the school canteen 3 times a day, which serves 6 meals on rotation and doesn't offer fruit or vegetables. I can't go out to buy food without organising it 3 days in advance so that there is a driver and a chaperone and a security guard, and often they forget that I am meant to be going with them so then I have nothing to eat for another week.

Even going away to Lagos or Abuja is really hard because I discovered on arrival, and completely by chance, that I now work on Saturday mornings.

I am the only expat here, and all the other staff are from this village or the nearby town, with the exception of one guy who has come from Lagos, so I don't feel like I can explain how I feel to any of them without being insulting. Nobody even calls my by my name - they all address me with respectful salutations (Miss GR, Ma), which makes being friends very difficult. Because of the aforementioned sense of imprisonment, I don't know how I can meet people who I don't already work with.

I know what I need to do to combat the craziness and the homesickness, but all of the above make doing the things recommended by the internet really, really hard.

I suppose I am writing this on here because I don't want to admit to my friends at home quite how bad the anxiety and misery have become, because I know they will try to convince me to go home (in a kind and lovely but mildly frustrating way), and because I want some tea-and-sympathy/advice/help/sage-like expert knowledge. On the two occasions I have left the area, to go to Lagos and Abuja respectively, I have been really happy (in Abuja particularly), but I can't tell if this is just because a holiday is always happier than real life, or if I were to be in one of those places, the alienation and anxiety would genuinely lessen.

My apologies for this miserable entry to your forum community, and thanks for any replies in advance,

GloucesterRoad

MrsFychan

sorry to hear things are not as you had hoped. sorry can't really help except to read and sympathise. How long is your contract there? Could you maybe look at moving to another area where you can see for yourself what is on offer through obtaining another position?

ededed

Awful story, sorry things are so bad.

It's difficult to comment without knowing the full facts - but my advice is always that life is too short to be unhappy. It's a huge world and there are places that are much more fun, and safer, than Nigeria.

Can you get out easily? Don't worry about what people will think - that's no reason to base a life decision. Do what's right for you. Good luck, feel free to use BE to vent whenever you need to - we're here to help.

bakedbean

I agree with ededed. Life is too short. Move on. Everyone makes mistakes so,don't feel bad about it.

Just talking to my husband as he did a short stint of work in Warri many years ago and he describes it as a Dump.

Bahtatboy

I echo all the above advice. There's definitely a line, on one side of which is putting up with the situation as you find it, knuckling down and working through the situation even though you hate it, and on the other side is accepting that the situation is so far from what you wanted, expected and feel comfortable in that the only solution is to get out. If you really feel you're on the "get-out now" side of the line, do it. Don't view it as failure, just an opportunity to learn.

You don't say if you have the opportunity to talk to your employer about your concerns, although I imagine they're not going to be particularly receptive.

You also don't say if you have the freedom to get out easily, but I would suggest that if your employer is going to put barriers in your way (either administrative or physical), then you need to devise a plan that's workable, and stick to it. It would be good if you knew some other Brits / expats in-country who would sympathise and could help--maybe some other posters will come up with some contacts.

Good luck.

carolina212

There is no shame feeling what you’re feeling given that it seems to be a really difficult situation.

Even if everything turned out right and fair, you would need some sort of community and company of other expats to have your experience worthwhile, and not, as you say, a sense of imprisonment.

This is much easier said than done – please try and be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up and being in a hard situation already is not going to help. Devise a plan and implement it bit by bit– it doesn’t have to be all or nothing – and try to remove yourself from this place to another place where, at least, you’ll have a chance of being close to people who could offer you tea-and-sympathy

paultheghost

Nigeria is a tough country to work in. I am also in Nigeria at the moment and a have found it to be the most restrictive country I have worked in. Previously I have worked in Mali, Guinea, Sierra Leone and also visited Senegal. All these countries had more freedom. Basically Nigeria has big problems and is the worse country in west Africa to bein. I am a british citizen married to a Guinean and she is begging me to get out of this rubbish country

Pizzawheel

It does strike me the contract was offered with a degree of false promises- if not outright lies then economy with the truth. Even for expats working in Nigeria Warri is seen as a totally hardcore location- and for you to have gone in cold.... shudder.

scot47

My worst teaching experience was also in Nigeria. I left or as they say in those circles "I did a runner"
I survived Zambia, Saudi, Germany, Poland and Bulgaria but Nigeria was IMPOSSIBLE

Leave - at all costs.

DrDom

I've just read your post, and hope that you have sorted something out now. I have visited Africa a few times, and loved it. But I had lots of friendly support, and people to talk to. You sound really isolated. I hope that you can move to somewhere that is more enjoyable. It is not "giving up" but accepting that you were mis-sold that particular job/placement.
Very best for finding somewhere that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
Dominic