When Dad Came to Stay

Home - Profile - Archives - Friends

I guess not all entries will be fun........

Posted on Tuesday 16 February 2010 at 03:33 - 2 Comments - Link

So, today has been a little bit weird. Dad hasn't seemed "right" today - nothing drastic, just not all there really. He has slept more than usual today and was constantly talking in his sleep, or rather waking up mid conversation and carrying it on whilst he became fully awake. Then tonight, after he got out of the nightly bath I run him, he decided it would be OK to wander around the house half naked. He didn't chose the best part to be naked either! My 11 year old daughter was not impressed.

It's a bit disconcerting seeing a parent helpless as such, or childlike in their reactions. My mum died of breast cancer many years ago and although heartbreaking in it's own way, it was an entirely different set of circumstances to watching what dad seems to be going in and out of at the moment. It brings so many different emotions to the surface and whilst I'm very good at rolling up my sleeves and getting on with what life throws at me, this might be a tougher journey than I'd allowed myself to think about.

Anyway, I thought I should still blog about the days that are a little weird as well as the days that can give us all something to chuckle about.

Tomorrow will be his first day out at the Activity Center we found for him, so I shall no doubt have some things to report back once he tells me all about his day.

Picture of dad at the Senior Citizens Center

Posted on Friday 12 February 2010 at 11:06 - 1 Comments - Link

Having visited the Center, dad stood for the obligatory photo outside his new place of fun!

Finding things for dad to do

Posted on Friday 12 February 2010 at 10:52 - 2 Comments - Link

My mission today was to find some more structure for dad to do:

So that he can remove his butt from the armchair to which it has suddenly become glued
So that he remains physically and mentally active
And finally, so that we have a break from the repetitive conversations, all of which we are pretending that we've never had before!

On this latter point, we bought him here to look after his mental well being but hadn't quite factored the strain it would put on our own.

So today saw a visit to a Senior Citizens Center that I had been made aware of by the wonderful expatriate coffee group that I'd emailed looking for help. Every area has these expat wells of knowledge so I know I'm not alone in getting an advantage from such a great informal network. Anyway, as is always the case with such groups, a friend, of a friend, of a contact, of a friend (you get my drift), knew of the Senior Citizens group as her father goes there regularly. They kindly sent me the details of the center, along with their February schedule of events:

As you can see, it is a non stop hive of activity! Dancing, card playing, ceramics, dominoes, lunches – it’s FANTASTIC! Dad and I chatted to Pat, the lovely Activities Director, and he met with a few of the attendees – joking with them all instantly and fitting right in. He’s very excited and is going to go for his first day on Tuesday of next week.

I could have kissed the floor, as I was so relieved to have found such a wonderful resource for him. I was already feeling guilty because I was still having to go to work and leave him, hubby was having to take over duties in the morning when I was at work, dad was going to get bored just sitting around, global warming was increasing due to the steam coming out of my ears…………….and the list of guilt continued. So now I can part that guilt at the door of the Senior Citizens Center as he’s going to love it! Hubby will be able to resume normal duties, dad will be out of the armchair and the steam coming out of my ears, whilst not likely to recede completely because that’s just life, will no doubt ease a little.

As dad’s first day there will be Tuesday of next week, I’ll blog at that point to let you know just how he gets on. I have been joking with my girlfriends (all of whom I love so much for putting up with all of this and more) that I’m having visions of him meeting a bouffant haired Texan lady who is 90, but with the skin of a 40 year old thanks to Houston’s penchant for plastic surgery (!) whom he will fall in love with and run off to Florida. Now wouldn’t that make a great blog!

86 year old father arrives for 85 day stay!

Posted on Friday 12 February 2010 at 04:09 - 2 Comments - Link

Yikes - I have a full 85 days of my 86 year old father staying with me. Let's just take a moment to recognise the magnitude of that.

Actually, on second thoughts.......let's not as I might not like what that does to me! On a serious note, my dad has come to stay for a bit as he's not been too well recently. He lives in the UK whilst me and my sister both live in Houston, Texas with our families. He's visited lots of times before, but never for more than two weeks, at the end of which my sister are I are sad and elated in equal measure to be waving him off at the airport!

I love my dad dearly, but he can sometimes embody the personality of Harry Enfield's old gits or possibly the male version of the more recent Katherine Tate's "nan". So it's with some level of trepidation that I agreed for him to stay for such an extended period. It's needed to help him out whilst he's feeling bad, and joking aside I want to do it as I love him very much.

For the purposes of this blog however, I thought it would be mightily funny and maybe informative, to write about my day to day experiences of having him here. I'm sure it will be therapeutic for me as ranting on here will be far less harmful than ranting out loud! I’ve submitted an article about the back story to his stay and the dilemmas that accompany it called “Parenting a Parent from Afar”, which hopefully the power that be will publish to give you all a little more detail. But for now, this is the story of his visit.

He arrived on Saturday (so not even a week down yet), in full WWII regalia: beret, medals and all. The Captain announced there was a “special passenger” on board and prompted everyone to clap him. He has been dining out (literally) on this story for the entire week so far, telling everyone who he can stop for long enough.

So far this week I’ve had him tell me he’s not hungry, only to then watch him wolf down the mountainous meal I’ve put in front of him. Tell me he’s not tired, only to witness him snoring on the couch within thirty seconds of such protestations. And finally, swear blind he’s lovely and clean when the soap I’ve placed on the side of the bath remains as bone dry as when I took it out of its packet. I’m treating him (in my mind at least) as though I have a toddler in my midst – one that needs structure (feeding, clothing and running a bath for) and also one that you’re unlikely to reason with on some arguments so I’m picking my battles.

The soap incident I decided was a good battle to pick as frankly I don’t want Stinky Pete as a house guest! The other things I’ve let go as I’m ultimately just grateful that I’m getting three square meals a day into him and that he’s getting a nice rest in between. Picking battles is a fine art I’ve learned as a parent, so being able to use it now on my own parent I guess is the Circle of Life somehow. In fact, as I ran a bath for him tonight, I couldn’t help but think about how many baths he must have run for me as a child. How many times he’d checked the temperature of the water as I now was for him. Laid the hot fluffy towels out for me, as I now was for him. And placed clean pyjamas all nice and ready, as I had for him. The Circle of Life indeed.

So, in conclusion for my first ever blog my hope is that this will a funny, moving, and informative record of what my next few weeks are going to be like with my dad. I hope we all enjoy it.