Back to the books again

Ive had 2 weeks off from studying whilst the the kids were off for Easter. I also needed the time to get the bulk of the decorating done. Still not finished decorating so im getting a decorator in to do the stair well, landing and hall way as well as the living room. That way when V is next home for the w/end before he goes to Germany we will only have the kitchen and back hall way to finish. Then we can get the estate agent round and either put it on the market or rent it out.

So today i got my books out again and ive been reading case studies on accountability in the health and social services and the reality of who gets blamed when things go wrong.

My brain is hurting now that its getting closer to the end of the course and the dreaded exam. It really is taking some doing to keep focused, especially when there is so much still to do in the house.

Im not looking forward to my next assignment due in May. At least ive got a bit of time to get my head around it.

We are all still missing Angus and Tinker, i phoned up my MIL last night and they are both doing well and dont seem to bothered that we aren't there with them. Benji is missing them also, for all he frightened Tinker and annoyed Angus he is moping a little with out them.

Benji was at the vets yesterday for his rabies jab, he goes back in a month to have the blood test and when he have the results provided he passes the medical (he is fit and healthy so should do) then we will have his pets passport. 

The head stone is now up at Granda's grave, it went up yesterday so i shall try and get down to see it shortly.

Well thats my coffee break over , back to the grind

The Easter hols

WE have been really busy, before we went to Arran we painted our bedroom, the bathroom and the 2 toilets.My parents had told us they would do the stairs and the younget 2 boys rooms while we were away. We got back last night and they have not even been to the house, let alone pick up a brush.

We were painting till 2 hours before we set off on the road to Scotland, we bundled the kids in the car at midnight and arrived ready for the first boat to Arran at 4.30 am. God where we knackered, the kids chatted all the way up, so much for sleeping during the night.

Any how Angus and Tinker have both settled into their new home. Tinker has enjoyed exploring the huge garden(an acre) and Angus is enjoying the fresh air. We pick up Benji shortly from the kennels and this weekend will seem strange for us all just having Benji around.

The kids were a little upset at leaving the other pets behind but once we get them back to school on Monday im sure things will be fine.

This weekend we will have to get the rest of the painting as we want to see about the house on the market. AS the woman who was interested in renting the house from us has done nothing about it, so we need to be ready incase we need to sell.

Right im off for a shower then to re stock the cupboards  before picking up Benji.

I must of been mad to go on a bike ride

Today was the day of the bike ride, it started off good, all the kids wearing helmets , a lovley sunny day and i could still get on my bike.

The eldest rode behind me saying mam your backside is huge and wobbles . My seat was not comfortable, how on earth did i used to ride for hours before kids i will never know.

We saw lots of people on their bikes and families going for picnics. WE were really having fun then disaster struck, coming down hill my youngest came a cropper big style, he skidded for what seemed like an eternity and flew through the gravel on his face. By the time i got to him he was on his hands and knees covered in muck and blood.A bloke coming up the hill didn't even stop to offer help. He was screaming the place down. I managed to calm him down and got him to the river. Now i know rivers aren't the best places to clean some one up but using one of the kids vest i cleaned all the grit and blood away so i ccould see the actual damage, he had a skin flap in the middle of his forehead and grazes everywhere, i could see grit under the flap but as the thick of the blood was cleaned i thought it best to head towards civilazation. My older boys rode ahead to the sports center about a mile away while i assisted the youngest. By the time we got there they the staff had visions that he had a cracked skull and a wobbly head and were about to call an ambulance. (my kids had over dramatised the injuries). Any how they assisted by providing me with alcowipes but as they weren't happy to lift the skin flap up i knew i would end up  at the drs. so they phoned ahead for us . Well we got to the drs and no one was there, apparently the staff had gone to lunch. After waiting 1/2 an hour a nurse finally came and got the grit out from underneath the skin flap. She also put some bactaban (sp) ointment on to wound to help incase of infection.

Im now feeling guilty as he will be scarred for life. in a very obvious place.

Bless him he has been very brave, while he was being cleaned up and has asked if he can go on his bike tommorow. But we have been advised to keep him quiet for a couple of days, incase of head injury.

However my youngest wont listen to being told to sit down and take it easy, he lives life at a mega fast pace.

He did allow me to give him a detol bath so i could clean the grazes that are on his legs, arms , tummy and chin. Poor little lad. i reckon he will have some good bruising come through tommorow. No doubt he will proudly show his war wounds to his dad tommorow when he wakes up.

Well im off now for a cuppa tea, to control the shakes that have just started.

The joys of parenthood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just to add, im now feeling rather stiff and my bum is aching like mad, a soak in bath will be needed once the kids are in bed.

Changable weather

So much for spring, at the weekend i made a start on creating flower beds in my back garden. Sunday in particular was lovley and i got a few shrubs put in, just got the flower seeds to put in. I was going to make a start on the front garden yesterday but rain stopped play. It was also freezing yesterday, so much so the kids had to wear hats and gloves etc to play out in. Today its dry but by god its cold. So once ive woken up properly i will throw the gardening gear on and head out. I suspect i will need lots of hot drinks when i finish.

The kids and my self are all getting colds and the youngest has had a snotty nose for a couple of days.

This time last year i was taking the kids to the beach and we were having picnics as it was so nice.

Tommorow ive promised the kids if the weather is dry we will go on the bikes for a nice ride. I suspect i will need to take flasks of soup with us.

Ive not rode a bike in 8 years so i hope i dont make a fool of myself lol.

Time to get sorted now 

I passed my latest assignment

Mr post man arrived today with my result. i always feel sick when i see that OU envelope, praying ive not failed. Well ive passed, got a decent mark, although i had hoped with all the extra effort i would have got higher. I seem to be averaging a mark of 60, the pass mark is 40 so im happy that its over. but what irks me is that if a rush my assignment and dont put 100% effort i get 60 marks. mind you my tutor did say as the course goes on he marks the assignments with a more stricter approach and if i manage to keep the same grades that im doing ok .

Never mind one more to go then i can concentrate on revision for the exam.

Today the kids were at a birthday party, so they are all tired out and watching Harry Potter on tv. I might even get some studying done once they are in bed.  

My friend Geordiekaz on BE has just had a baby boy (last week)  weighing in at 8lb odd. Im chuffed to bits for her. Wont be long till they are off to oz  and i wish her all the best for their new life in the land down under. I look forward to visiting them when we next go to oz

Right im off for a brew

Worried sick

Im on the verge of tears, as some idiot near where i live opened my locked gate and my Benji got out. He is my springer and despite looking for him for over 2 hours i can not find him. Ive phoned the police but they used said to phone the local station in the morning.

Benji is a fast dog so he could be any where, thankfully my dad came over and sat in the house while i looked, i went on all his usual walking routes calling his name but at 12.30 am ive had to admit defeat and come home. i was scared witless in the dark and im terrifeied that he may have been run over or something like that. God knows how im going to tell the kids at breakfast.

Ive been told to sleep but im just so wound up.

so i think i'll have a drink to try and relax me

Just to add he turned up at 3am, looking very frightened, he has a few deep scratches to his nose and ive cleaned them up , just incase they got infected. I suspect he may have been in to the woods and i was not brave enough to go through them in the pitch black. Im exhausted still from lack of sleep. I managed a couple of hours of kip after i came back from the school run this morning. I finally got the shopping in and took a cake over to my parents to thank my dad for coming over mine late last night.

An early night for me after a bottle of wine

just so tired

I know my course is getting towards the end, but im just constantly tired. It is taking all my effort to keep the momentum going with the studying. Ive got constant headaches and have been getting every bug, cold thats going.

Some of the other mums in the school yard have made comment about how washed out im looking. Ive not been to the gym in ages and apart from the walk to school im not getting any exercise. The only time im out of the house these days is to get the shopping in.

This studying has taken over my life and it s not fair. The last time i was studying the kids were younger and i studied while they were in bed, doing house work and the gym during the day. This time round they are older and im not getting much studying done on a night, As i spend most of the night running up and down stairs trying to keep the youngest  in bed. By the time he is settled its so late. I try and get an hours studying done but that means its after midnight before im in bed. So i study more in the day, which means the housework only gets done briefly and only the basics. I miss not going to the gym, my weight has luckily not gone up, but i feel so unhealthy and not like i normally do.

The kids are off school next week so i know i will get little studying done, however im going to use that time to plant some flower seeds in the garden. The kids are looking forward to doing it. Even if we dont get the benefit  of the flowers.

I sometimes wonder why im putting my self through this. Im no academic, i only got 2 o levels enough to get in to do my EN training. Unlike my husband who finds studying to be a doddle, i have to put so much effort in. I just hope i manage to pass this course. If i manage to get through all the courses ive chosen and get my degree i think i will see pigs flying past.

I know is not far off and my exam will soon be here, then i can relax and spend time with the kids again. Ive promised the kids that once my exam is finished i will treat them to a day out and a picnic(weather permitting). Or a slap up meal at our fav brewsters.

I long to be able to sleep at night without Goffmans batch living going through my brain or the various theories and case studies entering my dreams.

I must be a night mare to live with at the moment.

Oh well the kids are coming in from playing and are freezing so hot choccy all round. Just wish we had a bicckie to go with it. Guess i need to do the shopping tommorow.

ah well thats it for now

A good weekend but not for decorating

So much for getting some painting done absolutly nothing got done. But for once im not bothered. Instead we had a good family time. After the stresses and friction that we had the last w/e V was home it was good to have fun. We decided to go in the attic and make a start on sorting things out. My god the things we had up there. We opened up boxes that have not seen the light of day in god knows how many years. I found my old paper nurses hat from when i was a pupil nurse. The kids thought it was hysterical when V made one up and put it on his head. Apart from the clowing around we have sorted the junk and have put that to one side, a whole load of stuff is now being advertised on Ebay and the school are getting a few bags of toys (with the kids permission) for the fairs that are coming up.So that felt good.

Yesterday we went for a lovley family meal out, unfortunatly we had to drop V off afterwards at the train station. The youngest develped car sickness and just as i pulled up the drive promptly threw up. Great, so i got him in the bath and cleaned the car up. he seems fine today and has gone to school, but he does look pale.  

Ive got a week before the Easter hols and have so much reading to get through as i know when the kids are off very little will get done.

Right time for a cuppa and to get the books out, although all i feel like doing is curling up in bed and going to sleep.

Yippee, one down one to go

I feel so relived that my 6th assignment is on its merry way to my tutor. Im exhausted with having put so much work to it. My eyes were going blurry last night as i was doing my references. I just hope i get a good grade for it.

To celebrate i made the boys some muffins this afternoon and gave the house a bit of a quick tidy. Will need to make some tea shortly for the boys. V is home tonight so the boys are all excited about seeing their dad in the morning. (they will be in bed when he gets home) Thankfully over the time he has been away the rows we have had the last time have more or less been sorted.

The prospective tenant came round today and has had a good luck at the house to see if it is as big as she thought it was. The good news, she thinks we have a mansion compared to her rather small and poky house. She loves all the alterations that we have made to the house. so ive told her that to progress further we need to know she can afford the rent(or the dss will pay her rent). so with a bit of luck by next week we should know whether we will rent our house out to her.

Hopefully we will get some decorating done this weekend. As whether we sell or rent the house out it still needs doing.

Well the boys need feeding and im gasping for a cuppa.

A little up date

Im nearly finished my assignment, the essay has been hard going but with a little help ive got there. I just have the references to do. Still have a report to complete on a case study and a mulit choice sheet to complete then with a bit of luck will get this assignment sent of tommorow.One more late night wont hurt, then i can relax over the weekend. Luckily my next assignment is not to be in till May. So i can try and enjoy Easter with the kids.

Ive had another estate agent around the other day and he reckons financially it would be better if we let the house out while we are in Germany simply as at the moment if we sold it would not benefit us at all. As we got a re mortgage out and selling would not cover that. but he reckons that our area is going to be the next big thing. As there are new plans out that show the building  of new leisure facilities and new business park. so once we have checked out this info we may well just let the house out.

We already have a potential tenant so hopefully it will go ok. Just waiting for various checks to be done on her credit history etc.

My middle son had his school review yesterday. his teacher is very pleased with him and has places him near the top of the class. After Easter the school is having an international day and at his teachers request they will be doing about Australia. AS she knows we are hoping to move there. So ive told her the C can take in some stuff to show the class. He was beaming from ear to ear when he heard.

Some times we all wish we could by pass the 2 years in Germany and just got straight to oz. Life is not like that unfortunatly.

Best get on with tea, as the kids have all come in from school complaning  they are starving.

Yet another visit to the vet for Angus

My poor dog must be fed up of being prodded and poked, i know im fed up with the cost.

Angus you will be pleased to know is feeling much better, the antibiotics and the injection for his prostate seem to have done the trick.

He had his prostrate checked this morning(the old finger up the bum) .He was as good as gold, apart from the look he gave us while it was being done.

He was also well enough to have his booster injection, but are still declining the go ahead for his pets passport at the moment. If we have still not got the go ahead by Easter then Angus will be moving to Arran along with the cat to live with the in laws.

The vet still sems to think he may have a possible tumour on his prostate, but only surgery will determine if this is the case. So we have decided that the risk of surgery is too great and and may not benefit him . So neither V or myself are prepared for him to go under the knife. we feel at his age (13 in August) he should be allowed to live out his days if neccesary with medication.

Ive gotta get back to studying so shall up date once my assignment is completed

Mothers day

My boys made an extra special effort this morning for me. i got a lie, they all stayed in their rooms till 8am. Then they came in with home made cards and they were really lovely. As i know they could not make me breakfast in bed (as daddy not here), they drew a picture of a tray and put all the things they thought i would like, complete with a picture of a flower. Well it made my day.

Despite all the arguments between the kids they have tried so hard today to be good boys.

Its far too windy today and freezing outside(we even had snow flurries this morning) so they have been playing on the Wii or the game cubes to keep them selves entertained..

We have been looking at old photos on the computer and having a good laugh (you know the baby ones in the bath)

I then saw a photo of me taken 4 years ago when i lost over 4 stone . i amazed at how good i looked. the boys then said mammy why are you so big now. I just told them mammy will get back to that size soon. Ive only gone up one dress size but i just feel so uncomfortable with carrying the extra weight. Especially since i threw out all my old 'big clothes' when i lost the weight initially.

If ever there was an incentive to lose weight it is looking at a photo of you looking fantastic(as my kids think) and then looking at a more recent photo and the kids say you look fat mam.

My diet has been hard to stick to recently, but i shall start tommorow and i have got a note book which i shall write down all that i eat.

Ive set myself the target of being back comfortably in my jeans by August when i move to Germany.

 Once my exam is over i wont be sitting around studying, so i can be a lot more active again.

Families, you could throttle them at times

A rant im afraid. My middle sister, has really annoyed me. 10 months ago she asked me to be a godmother for her latest baby.(born on my birthday) I was chuffed to bits.This week  she finally got round to setting the date, the 8th of April (Easter sunday) My husband re arranged our travel plans for Scotland, as we had planned and provisionally booked ferries for the 7th of April. So cancelled them and made them for the Monday instead (my eldest b'day)

Any how my mother just let slip that im not a god mother now. She had asked some one else. She argued with my parents saying she never asked me . But the whole family knew she had. I havent told V yet as i know he will say we aren't going at all. My sister is not the easiest person to get on with adnd she always blanks V when she sees him. Her kids though adore my boys so ive always bit my tongue(sp) and have allowed them to play no problems.

She never talks directly when she has something to tell me. If she had phoned up and said some one else is going to be god mother i would have told her i was upset but not make an issue of it.

As it is my mum asked who was going to be the god father along side the god mother. Thats when she shouted at my parents that i had not been asked.So officially ive not been told. I might phone her up and pretend i dont know, just to see how she reacts.But im not like that. Instead i will attend and not cause a fuss.

It just makes me so mad at times .

Apart from that im doing ok.

My assignment has been started but as its an essay on child abuse and corporal punishment by parents its heavy going. It has to be in on the 28th of March so im pleased that ive managed to get the introduction done.

Today the kids have been told its declutter day in their bedrooms. The school has a fair coming up for Easter, so its an ideal oppertunity for the kids to get rid of some stuff.

Ive finished my morning cuppa, so time to get organized.

An emotinal couple of days

Yesterday would have been Granda's birthday, so i popped over to visit my parents and granma while the kids were at school. i dropped some pot plants over for mothers day and some cards.

Granma was in quite a jolly mood and the daffs we planted for granda at the grave are all showing lovley. I m sure it was worth planting them way back in November/ Decamber. At least i know when im now longer able to pop down and visit he will always have fresh flowers for his birthday.

Today has been very sad as it was the funeral of my dads best friend, Walter, i knew he was a popular guy, but i was amazed at the turn out. It was standing room only at the church and at the crem.

Walter was an amazing guy he always had a smile on his face and a wicked sense of humour. He once told me when i was a teen and had just got engaged to V, he said sweetheart, always follow your dreams no matter how difficult the path is. If you give up you will always have regrets. That one piece of advice has stuck with me ever since.

Although Walter was a quiet guy and would have been embarrased at all the fuss. I think the turn out just showed how much he will be missed.

Walter was the type of man who when he came in a room it would light up, he was a fun loving guy and i shall miss him a lot, although i never saw much of him with moving around. When ever we did meet up, he always cracked me up about tales of what he had been up to since the last time we met.

My dad has taken it very badly, and ive advised my mam to contact his CPN. As dad has been suffering from deppression on and off for years. just looking at how dull his eyes were told me to worry. Gradualy his confidants are slipping away, which is not easy for a man like my dad.

My dad is not an overtly emotional man and tends to bottle things up, so i hope some how he will cope with out his best mate.

RIP Walter, i shall miss you

waiting..................

Well as the title says we're still waiting for our 136 visa, i think i'm going mad. The first thing i do when getting up is to check emails, but i do it in secret. hubby already thinks i've lost it and this laptop is permantly attached to me. i know that we havent waited nearly as long as others for a reply once meds have been sent but honestly i just want an answer pleaasssssssssssssse. as much as i try to carry on as normal, i just cant i feel like i'm in limbo. steve's so laid back he's practicaly horizontal so i do enough worring for the both of us

any way this week had 2 really postitive viewings on house, but both have properties to sell so wont put in offers yet. we do already have a buyer whoose offer we've excepted but yet again hes got a property to sell aswell. where's a cash buyer when needed! only had positive feedback from viewings but did i have to bite my tongue last week. ok couple knock on door, open door ( straight away i know its a waste of time) enter couple, she does'nt say a word, not even hello! he then proceeds to touch everything and i mean everything. he's slightly obsessed with electric sockets, to the point that if he asked one more time how many of each in each room i was going to stick his fingers in the nearest one. telephone lines was the next thing (please just GO AWAY) . all this and they come at 7.00pm and then have the cheek to complain that they cant see the garden!!!!!!!!arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. anyway not surprised to hear feedback from agents is that "it just wasnt right for them".

just to top the week of, steve opens post yesterday to find a speeding fine (oopppppps that would be me then) now i've been driving for 14 yrs and never had one or any point s on licence so a bit gutted. i blamed it entirely on the radio, i was giggling at the time to the chris moyles show and hadnt relised i had entered a 50 zone and was doing 63. bugger!. steve offered to take the rap but i said this was my doing and i would have the points. all this in the hope that when i get to oz they'll give me a shinny new one with no points, so am i bovered.

just another blip in the cooks life.

A mixed bag this week

This week has sen lots going on, one of my sons freinds mum has heard we may be interested in letting our house out. She loves our house but would be unable to buy it from us , but has asked if we would be willing to rent it too her. We are seriously thinking about it but as she gets the social to pay her current rent we have told her we need to discuss this throughly with an advisor.

In one way it would solve a lot of problems in knowing the tenent but it may also bring up other issues. One to think about.

On Wednesday my dad's best mate died suddenly, he was a lovley bloke and he had offered to sort out our garden during the Easter hols to help with the launch of his new landscape business. It was such a shock when my dad told me. Im not bothered that we now have to find some one else to help with the garden. Im more concered for his family. He has a young daughter who is a single mum and he has a son with severe learning disabilities from birth. his daughter is in a right state and im not sure id his son will understand about his dad's death. His funeral is next Thursday.

Ive had 2 pieces of good news, i passed my last assignment with a decent grade and im ahead of schedule with my next assignment.

The second is that Angus does not have a tumour in his bladder, however the vet is still no further forward and so far all the investigations and tests have come to nearly £500.  He now things it hass may have something to do with his prostate. So we are prepared for one more investigations before we call a holt. WE simply can not afford any more. He seems fine in him self and all the prodding and poking is starting to make him grumpy. We still have to decide about his pets passport as the vet is happy for him to travel but can not gaurente that the German authorities will think him fit to travel back to the UK/

All these decisions to make. Im just realived that none of them are to serious.

Just a quick up date

Angus has had his scan postponed till Friday. The vets phoned up this morning to say they had an emergency case on. At least V will be home so we can face it together.

Been reasurred that my in laws are willing to have Angus should he not be allowed his pets passport. Of course we will pay for his up keep so they are not left with a financial burden.

Course work is going well, im getting more organized and today bought a few pretty boxes to store all the various notes and paper that i had all round my study area. A bit like a mad proffesor really. Im amazed at the difference these boxes have made. Hopefully a tidy desk means a tidy mind will help me lol.

I got the school prospectus for my younger 2 the other day. i was impressed with the reports from the recent school inspection. Not so impressed with the eldest's middle school. AS despite plenty of emails ive not had any thing from them.

Well the kids have just come in from playing and need a bath 

Where does time go to?

Today 5 years ago my youngest was born.  Happy birthday sweet heart. As he has started to ask how he was born i thought i would write it down, before i get to old and my memory fails me. So for my little toerag here is how you came to be in this world.

i had a difficult pregnancy with him and he caused me a lot of panic. He was a big baby from the word go and he decided he needed to settle side wards in my womb. I was placed in hospital for bed rest as my hips kept going on and off during the pregnancy. I was going to be induced on the 5th of March (my V's birthday) But  little one he had other ideas. After being told if i went into labour i was to get an ambulance to the hospital ASAP as i was carrying him wrong. Any how V was playing in the army 10 pin bowling championship in Leeds on the 3rd of march so decided to go and support him. The excitement must have been too much, as shortly after he came 3rd ,my labour started. What fun we had on the motor way going back to Catterick with a nearly 4 year old and a nearly 2 year old, with me huffing and puffing all the way home. I picked up my hospital bag (rather foolishly left it at home) and we head off to the hospital phoning my parents on route to meet us to get the kids.

AS soon as the midwife saw me the gas and air came out and my other 2 laughed at mummy doing daft things while under the inflence. AS soon as they left with my parents i went for the epidural.

After a while when the consultant came in to break my waters complete in diving suit and snorkel, things slowed down. I had a portable scan cos despite so much time in final stage labour he was not moving any further forward. The dreaded C- section was to be performed. i recall all those in the theatre having a sweep stake on his final weight. It was so surreal.

Well he came in at a whopping 10lb10 0z he was jaundiced and they thought possibilby diabetic so off to scubu he went.( i would not care but twice  they stopped the labour saying he was too early, i reckon even at 34 weeks and 36 weeks  he would have been a good weight)

So at 4am on the 4th of March my big buddle of joy arrived. A hungry baby who was on breast and bottle and still not satisfied. He went on to second stage milk at 5 days old after he milked me dry LOL.

He will always be the baby to me, as i can not have any more children, it was too much of a risk if i did. Ive no regrets though 3 boys is more than enough.

For some reason many people assume i would always want a girl, but to be honest, im happy with my boys, i was a tom boy as a child so i love having the boys.

Today funnily he woke early and came in for a cuddle missing his dad. He forgot he was 5, till his older brother came in with his cards and pressies. We are having a birthday tea, with a home made bananna and mango cake with chocolate chips in and butter icing covered in hundreds and thousands. who needs fancy shop bought designer cake when we can have fun making it.

WE are having a party for him next Sat as my middle son will be 7 on Fri. Also their dad will be home.

Its funny really it took 7 years of trying for a family to be told that i was infertile and un likley to have any children. So to have 3 boys close together has been a bonus. My eldest will be 9 on the 9th of April.

Must go as Sundays dinner is nearly ready.

Had some bad news today

My old Westie Angus has been given us a few concerns since the christmas holidays when he had a fit.

Ive been taking him to the vets nearly every week and he has been having his urine checked at nearly every visit. The vet things he may have a tumour on his bladder. So next Tuesday i will be with him when he goes for a scan to find out if this is the case. I have not told the kids yet and i will wait till i have results before i mention it. The vet is fairly sure it is a tumour but is not sure how bad it is or if it has spread. The vet did want him in on Monday , but as that is V's birthday i did not want to be dealing with something major like that on what should be a happy day. (Even if he is away at work)

Not the news i want really. He was supposed to be going for his annual boosters and they were going to give him a check up prior to his pets passport being actioned. Not too sure what will happen now.

As Angus is fine in him self , a little grouchy and sleepy but he is coming up for 13 so i just thought it was normal old age.

I confess ive shed a few tears today. The thought that my 'baby' might have to be put down is not something i wanted to contemplate.

When the kids are in bed i shall give V the news, i just know he will be as upset as me. I hate it when we are apart and have to deal with things like this.

Im trying to prepare my self for the options that we may have.

Ive got my fingers crossed that the vet is wrong.

Made to feel like a useless mother

Having a moan. i was having a good day i got my assignment finished and posted and was looking forward to a night off from study and enjoying a glass of wine .

That was until i got a phone call from my eldest's class teacher.  She wants to see me and his dad about his sudden bad behaviour.

she was complaining that my son seems to be having problems in class with following instructions straight away. He also has been caught talking in class and it is just not acceptable behaviour .  Then she pipes up, could it be due to the fact we are moving to Germany. All this moving around is not good for your son. she says, he needs stability to be able to get a good education. She then mentions the fact that im a student my self, it must be difficult to find time to help my son when i have my own studying to do. I could scream.

Of course the fact that he hates the school and has been picked on has nothing to do with it. Which the school have only done a small amount about. Of course the fact that he wanted to end his life last year due to the bullying . I would of thought that would be of more importance than talking in class.

So i told his teacher, how unhappy he has been at home when he gets in from school and how he enjoys the holidays so much and i have to bribe him to go to school. My son did come with a letter from school saying he had been given 3 consequences . when i asked him what they were for he told me his pen had dropped and he wanted to pick it up , but it rolled over to another desk, so he asked another boy (the teachers pet) to pick it (got a consequence for talking). He then tried to get the teachers attention by asking if he could get his pen (2nd consequence) and the third for getting off his seat and going to pick his pen up. He was asked to leave the class for distrupting the class.  

No the reason for his behaviour, has to be my fault. I deliberatly go out of my way to make life difficult for my family, i up root them just for the sake of it.

It just gets to me so much. I try my hardest most of the time on my own to make sure home work gets done, that my boys have a healthy diet and can come to me with their problems. I punish them when i think it is needed . I do my best, but my sons school have me labled as a a mother with problems. 

The school are aware that V is in the army and we are moving so that the boys can see their dad every day and not just once a fortnight for a weekend.  I gave them plenty of notice and im doing all i can to make the move as easy as possible for the boys.

I sometimes feel like im banging my head against the wall. I darnt complain as all i get from my parents is , well you did marry a soldier, you knew what you were letting your self in for.

I sometimes feel as though im taking one step forward and two back.

Now where is that bottle of wine i need a drink to calm me down.I feel better for getting that off my chest.

A busy bee

Ive not stopped this week. Ive almost got my assignment done, it needs to be sent tommorow, then i can breathe a little easier.

The home improvements are getting there, the tiles are ordered for the bathroom, pick them up later this week. the down stairs lav is now a spring looking green.  Ive just bought new soap dispenser all matching accessories to make the place look really nice. Considering when we moved it , it had no sink and an old fashoined high tank loo and damp seeping through the walls . any thing would be an improvemnet. V thinks im going over board but the better it looks the quicker it will sell.thats my theory.

It seems to be none stop, and time just seems to going far to fast. the house was supposed to be ready to go on the market at the begining of Feb, but as March is nearly here we still have not finished painting.

The new pine doors look fantastic they will need a quick coat of varnish before the house goes on the market.

WE have decided to Go to Arran for Easter so they can see their cousins and grand parents. We are also taking the cat Tinker up for her to start her new life . As we are not too sure if we would have time to go up before we move to Germany.

Just telling the kids about the cat staying up there was hard. My middle son has cryed all weekend. I just feel like such a cow. Unfortunatly we just can not take her, she hates travelling as it is plus we were told we can only have 2 pets in the army house.

I cant believe its been a week since i said my tempory goodbyes to my friends on BE, i have missed them and i have had to use a lot of self control to not just pop in for a natter.

Well thats me done for now, got the kids to pick up from school. 

Half term holiday

Its been a hectic weekend, on sat the bathroom was ripped out and new suite put in. Next weekend we will be painting and replacing tiles. So far we have not used the bathroom as the plaster is still drying. But i do keep opening the door to admire the shinness of the white suite.

I mananged to get the damp proof paint on the down stairs toilet on Sat as well. It left me with a headache though. Just need to get the final paint for that room.

Yesterday we booked up my middle and youngest sons birthday partys The will be 7 and 5 both in the same week. They are iffed they are having to share a party but with V only home at weekends its the only time we can have it.

Well today when we woke it is so foggy we can not see the end of the garden it is truely yuckky outside. Typical school holiday weather. I have to wait in today for the internal doors arriving. So thought i would up date the blog while the dishes are steeping.

My assignment is due in next Monday  OMG i can see a lot of late night work coming ahead to get it done.

Its pointless trying to get my books out while the kids are in the house as i find it too hard to concentrate . My parents are having the boys over night on Wed which means the workman can fit the doors with out the boys making a pest of themselves. Also it means i will get some work done and if neccesary can work late into the night.

Well must go as the door people have just drove up

My parents have amazed me

Earlier on this week my boys passports finaly arrived and i excitedly told my parents . Then my dad says well i hope our passports arrive as quickly. It turns out my parents have been doing a bit of soul searching and have realised just how stuck in the mud they have been with me and my family.

I told my sister that once we are all in Germany we wont really come back to the UK much . As we intend to explore Europe with the kids. Euro disney being one of the first places we visit.

My parents had expected us to spend every single leave period coming back to visit. My sister must have made them see sense, as they have asked once we are settled can they come over for a holiday. I must have looked like a muppet with my gob open wide with shock.

It seems it has dawned on them that they can get the ferry from Newcastle and drive up to Padders. V is still not sure they will. But at least there is hope. It will be a squash as we have to move in to a 3 bed house. Never mind, at least we will be a family once again.

We have now been allocated an army house and we get the keys in August. So now we have an address i can sort out the first school for the 2 younger boys. 

Another piece of good news is my 'adopted son' is now married and also living in Padders. This young man is a lovely guy who called me mum, when i first moved to Germany way back in 1990. He was only 17 and used to come to our flat for his sunday dinner every week. We have not seen him for a long time. Infact we had been told that he was no longer alive. So imagine the shock we got when V got an email from him yesterday.  I was both crying and laughing at the same time.

Tommorow the the bath room gets stripped out and the new suite gets put in. Then next week the new internal doors are being put in. After that all we have to do is decorate and sort the garden. Then the house can finally go on the market.

Due to being ill earlier on in the week ive been really busy playing catch up with my self over the past couple of days. Ive got a laundry mountain that would put Everest to shame LOL. My boys must be the muckiest kids around for the amount of washing i have to do. 

Some how ive managed to keep on track with my course work and should be starting my assignment next week. But typically the kids are on hols so i wont get that much done . Just means i will have to work late at night and have the last minute rush to get my assignment off to my tutor in time. (Nothing new there)

I just hope this weekend will be a stress free one

Ive got the lurgy

Another day spent in bed, i was up all night with the trots and bowel spasms. Not nice. Luckily the only friend i can rely on realised yesterday i was not well and phoned up and offered to take the kids to school this morning. Bless her she has picked them up too and is giving them tea and sending them home in time for bed.

I cant believe ive lost 5lb in weight with this bug, nothing is staying in so im drinking water as fast as i can. I phoned my parents up to see if they could help me out. (i have to be ill for that to happen) but they are busy. Thank goodness for friends.

My head feels like there is a brass band playing inside it and my stomach(sp) is being used as a trampoline. The house is a tip and ive only just manage to get last nights dishes done..

The only one good thing about staying in bed has been the the wonderfull dreams ive had. I dreamed i was living in Australia in the house that i had designed and life was good.  

I wish i could concentrate long enough to get some studying done, but at the moment my brain is like mush.

Gotta go,  

coming down with something

I feel quite ill today, all headachey and sick. I got the kids to school and just hibernated in bed after taking a couple of headache tablets. Im up now but dont feel much better, so i hope the kids behave tonight.

As usual when i feel like crap, ive no support so just have to muddle through. Ive heard a few of the parents near us have had 48 hr bugs with similar symptoms, so hopefully by Wednesday i will feel like my normal self.

Whilst i was in bed trying to think myself better, the 'door' people phoned to arrange delivery on Monday and will fit the doors on the Wed and Thurs. But the kids are on half term so our house is going to be chaotic to say the least. I shall have to see if the kids can go and stay at my parents for the day so the workmen can get on and work with out the kids being a pest.

Right now i could do with a fairy godmother to cast a spell and give me the energy that has got up and left me.  

My parents have just called in on me, and what annoys me is they say my you look washed out love, but no offer of helping with the kids, my sister who was with them informs me that she was ill like this yesterday but feels fine today. I sometimes wish that i could ask for help and know that i can get it. Never mind, just got to pull myself together as ive got to get the kids in the pouring down rain shortly.

I guess im just feeling sorry for myself and wanting some TLC 

The snow and the cold

Although i like looking out at the snow in the garden and watching the various birds visit the bird feeder. I hate going out in it. I just feel so miserable and cold. My feet have not warmed up since this morning.

Sometimes i have romantic ideas about snowy weather, it would be fine if we could snuggle up by a log fire, with the boys keeping themselves busy with reading or crafty art work. sitting down to a hearty bowl of homemade soup and fresh bread. All of us enjoing a tranquil snowscape. But the reality is the kids would never sit still long enough to that and they would end up ill in bed due to going out in the freezing cold to play with their friends and they would fight like mad to get my attention.

I long to feel the warmth of the sun on me. i feel trapped when i cant get out of the house. When i was younger i didn't mind taking the dog out in the snow. But these days i wont entertain the idea. The locals think im getting 'soft'. I wrap up to go out as if im off to the arctic. 

god knows how i will cope when we move to Germany as their winters can be even worse that ours.Not a prospect im looking forward to.

I just keep thinking of our long term goal of  moving to oz, then im sure we will be faced with other weather conditions , like too much heat. But right now id be happy to have some warmth.

Iknow Australia is not going to be a land of milk and honey. I have never really thought about it in that way, i just think there will be more chance of us being able to do more as a family outside. We all enjoy going out to the forrest around us with the dogs with a picnic but the only time we can do that is when it is the summer and only if it is dry. Ive lost count of the amount of times we have had the picnic in the car due to the rain.  

My inlaws have been following the wanted down under series with a great deal of interest, she suprised me last night when i spoke with her, she thought that those comments at the end of relatives being left behind was really silly. As she rightly said with the internet we can keep in touch as often as we want.

My FIL has been in contact more with his brother in oz through the internet than he ever was in the past 20 + years. Thankfully they are completely behind our decision.My parents how ever dont really understand our desire to leave the uk. Although they do acknowledge that i hate the cold and damp weather.

Stretch armstrong

That silly toy that can have his arms and legs pulled in different directions, is how i feel at the moment.

On one arm i have my parents telling me i ought to keep in contact with my sister more. She has 4 kids the eldest has only just started school and is consstantly demanding help for something or other . On the other arm is my kids constanly wanting their friends in and cause chaos when they do come in.

On one leg is my husband when home complaining that the house is a tip dispite me trying to keep it tidy and clean, the other leg is my studies, needing more of my time as i get closer to yet more assignments and the eventual exam in June.

I try to keep all happy but find my efforts are some what diluted, i had words with my parents about my sister, i needed some one to look after my brood while i attend a lecture over the weekend. Luckily V is now going to be home so he can look after them.

Ive stopped the kids from having their friends in so im now a horrible mam who doesn't care.

Ive tried to explain to V that my studies are important to me and that he will just have to live with a pig stye for the time being, which didn't go down too well when he said i was just like my mam.Arrg

I could scream, but i shant i just need to find more hours to fit it all in. Or i could do what a friend suggested and escape to a deserted island.

Oh well school run beckons 

Kids and their questions

Today, my kids got all intellectuall at the dinner table. It started like this.

The eldest(8 yr old) asked how do we know there is a God, how can we see him. My middle son who is 6 said , when the wind blows thats God blowing his air out. Then the youngest at 4 yr old, asked is santa Gods relative as he knows everything. I just looked confused wondering where they had got this conversation from.

Then the kids asked me if God can see all the world and can speak all languages so that those people who pray can be understood. I tried to give what i thought was a reasonable answer. I said God can understand everyone no matter what language they believe in.

Then the eldest (im sure he is trying to show his brothers how thick i am) asks is God one entity or does he come as many. Now im flummexed and change the subject, by asking if their tea was nice.

Im sure when i was a kid that i never asked my parents such strange questions.

Later on the boys are back to thir normal boyish selves, battering each other determined to be the top dog.

Feeling scared in my own home

The past couple of days we have been pestered by some mindless kids of 10 to 11 year old. Well i thought after phoning the police to complain about it they would soon stop.

Tonight it has started again , but instead of just 3  or 4 kids with 2 of them being girls  there is now a gang of about 10 and judging by the height of them must be a lot older.

I feel so stupid but i just darnt open the door when they bash on it. Earlier i thought they were going to put my windows out with the force in which they hit it. If V was home he would of chased them and properbly given them a thick ear to boot. But im not like that i hate confrontation.

I just hope they dont start loping bricks at the windows.  Ive got the youngest off to bed and it apperas to be quiet at the moment but that is what it was like last night. Every 10-15 mins they would come back and scare the living daylights out of us . Why they have started this , ive no idea. My son thinks a few of them might be the bullies who he had problems with last year.

I just cant get out of here quick enough.

24th January 2007

FINALLY i have managed to get the funds sent out to Migration Agent in Sydney .  I was beginning to think it would never happen with the credit card company not processing payment!

Anyway it is now 3-5 days until it 'arrives' and then we are up and moving.  LOL at least I was warned I needed to be patient.

Feeling a bit more optimistic about houses etc after seeing programme on BBC today. I'm not expecting to be able to afford to buy for a couple of years but at least it seems i will be able to afford rent!!  I need to find a job, cleaning toilets if need be, so that i dont have to eat into my equity too much - that is my deposit for my future house

Yes its gonna be damned difficult and i am sure there will be times when i wonder what on earth I have done BUT life here isn't exactly easy so if I am going to struggle I may as well do it in Australia hey?

Only the good die young

Whilst driving to the gym listening to Queen, i was happily singing along in my old little world. when i heard the lyrics only the good die young.

For some reason i suddenly was overcome with emotion and started crying, i had to stop the car to compose myself. If this had happened on the 15th of Jan i could have understood it, as that was when my BIL David died without warning aged 37. We had just seen in the millenum and i was heavily pregnant with my middle son. Anyhow 2 weeks after then he was dead. So i alway feel a little weepy then but why now .

 I compose myself and drive on and have a good gym session trying to forget the strong emotions i had.

I come home and still cant really shake this emotion off..

 My husband and i had realised that we are able to get messages from the spirit world. Not very often in my case, but our friend who is a medium has told us both we have the gift we just need to learn how to use it properly. My husband often gets messages and makes sense of them , where as i get obscure things like just what happened this morning. So im just hoping and praying that im not going to hear some tragic news about some one we know and care about. 

I then try and think of all of the soldiers my husband has served with over the years, and wonder if something has befallen them on active duty.

My parents think it weired that i have what she calls funny episodes.

Spirits dont bother me, especially when i feel the presence of David or my wonderful uncle Steve, they both seem to be there when im feeling down and need them. It a comforting feeling .

Just to add

I phoned  V up today after writing the above earlier  and he informed me he has just found out that one of the lads who were killed a few months back in the Basra was some one he had served with. To say i got a tingle up my spine was an understatement.

Looking through my window

Today as i did my washing up at the kitchen sink, i looked in dismay at the frosty grass and people walking past all huddled up looking miserable the odd robin at the bird feeder and a couple of magpies, i started day dreaming of my trip to Albury. I remembered washing the pots for V's aunt, the pure joy of seeing rainbow lorrikets and king parrots playing in the garden by the bird feeder. the odd kangeroo in the distance hopping by. I started to feel all cosy, and warm again. I know we have a while till we finally go to oz but in my heart that is where i belong. I know it wont be all sunshine and happiness. But having had that feel of contentment for a brief 2 weeks i know we wil make oz our home.

We just need to get Germany out of the way then we can be there.

I had a visitor today who hasn't seen me since before the trip to oz. When i was telling her how much we had enjoyed ourselves and how much we want to be there, she told me to go for it. Not to worry about leaving family behind as it is our lives, we dont need their approval to be happy.For so long i have been the dutiful daughter who always helps everyone. But i never recieve the same back. So from no on it is my own family that is important to me. Their happiness is what i strive to get.

Who knows what i will see out of my windows when i move to Germany but for my now my wonderful memories of being in oz will keep me going till i finally get to where i want to be.

Yippee, my assignment has left the building

Im feeling so relieved, that that assignment has finally been sent off a whole 2 days before the cut of date. Thank god for a lovley person on BE who gave me a bit of help with the presentation. It has been so hard trying to keep on top of the course work, research for assignments as well as the normal mum/housewife stuff i have to do.

Only 3 more assignments to go and then the dreaded exam in June.

I managed to get to the gym and had a good work out, its the first time ive been able to find time since before christmas.

Now ive caught up with myself, im determined to keep up. Instead of giving myself a few days off from studying im just going to crack on tommorow. The kids have teacher training days on Thurs and Fri (typical) But V is home so hopefully apart from painting the house, i might get some study done once the kids are in bed.

Last night it was a wonder i got any of my essay done as the youngest did not settle till after 10, i was like a yo yo till then typing a sentence then zooming up the stairs as i heard him crashing around. Little toerag needed lifting up out of bed this morning and sat at the table for

 breakfast. He made us late this morning for school. i reckon he will be shattered when he gets in from school today. I hope so.

Just before i posted my assignment off we had hailstones which turned to snow, it was a white out. It only lasted a 10-15 mins but by god it came down.

Luckily by the time i togged myself up for the artic conditions it had stopped !. Now looking out of the window its as if nothing has happened, the roads are slushy but im sure by school home time it will have all gone.

Im still drinking my 2l of water and still peeing for Britain. But it seems to be helping the detox stuff is to be taken for 2 weeks in total and at least i dont have to starve myself with it.

Just noticed the time !!!!!!!the kids will be out in 10 mins best get my skates on

21 January 2007

Flipping heck - when I was told it was a long process I didn't expect that just to be the process of transferring money to agent to get started on the TRA!!!

Gonna stay up late tonight and ring to do it over the phone - suspect them not asking for my 3 digit security number is causing the trouble .

Went out and got a scanner today as recommended by agent for sending him documents - so at least I feel I am doing something useful

What a difference a day makes

After such a bad day yesterday, it has been much better today.The kids are certainly trying to get back into my good books, there has been no fighting amongst them selves. There were no protests when i told them to tidy their rooms up, or to get on with their homeworks.

The detox treatment ive started seems to be starting to work. I seem to be peeing for Britain.

My kidneys must be on over time. I know my stomach seems to be less bloated. Im drinking around 2L of water a day. Which i know is the reccomended amount , but ive never drank so much for a long time.

I started filling in the kids passports forms last night, just looking at the advice for the photo is a mare. That is going to be fun getting my 3 to not smile for the camera. I think i will wait for V to come home and get the photos done . An extra pair of hands will be needed to make sure the photo session is not too stressful.

Since ive been in the house all day today, ive done all the laundry and just need to sort out the breadmaker so we have fresh bread for tommorow. i made a nice dinner, shank of lamb with new pots and veggies. Normally im so busy so for a chance it was nice just to plad on and get the jobs done with out other peoples kids getting under my feet.

Time to get the dishes done though.

A mams work is never done 

my first blog

well after a few months of posting on BE i finally decided to start a blog!

our family consists of me (tracey33), hubby(steve34), ben 6 and luis 3 and lots of maddess

we started this journey may 2006, steve came home on day and said lets move to aus, well at the beg i though he's joking (although i should have known he wasnt as moving to aus has always been a dream of his) after lots of pro and cons discussions we decided to start on the mad adventure. we decided not to use agent ( lots of help on BE) . was sort of left upto me as paperwork as not one of steves strong points. passed tra, cant tell you how happy we were to have got over the first hurdle. onto the main app, the night before it was due to be collected by courier steve got admitted to hospital so was checking and signing app whilst nurse hooking him upto a drip! such fun.  so that was august 2006, app rec by dimia 4th sept. done police checks and meds are booked for 2nd feb. 

so here we are at this point, waiting waiting and more waiting. i was never a paitient person and this is agony. i've had so many what if's along the way its been unbelievable but not once have we questioned what we're doing. so lets just hope all is right with the app!!

well i think i've rambled enough for one day.  i'm sure the next eposides not far off 

good luck to everyone. 

x

So mad with the kids

I could throttle the kids today, they have really destroyed all trust i had in them.

While i was having a shower this morning the kids were watching tv or so i thought. One of my elder 2 boys helped themselves to my purse and stole some money from it. When i was downstairs they seemed eager to go and play with their friends , so i let them., 30 mins later they came back with loads of sweets, claiming to have got it off this 'friend'. i was suspicious but thought nothing more about it. That ws untill they started fighting amongst them selves , the 6 year old accusing the 8year old of nicking his sweets. In the end it all came out, of course they are blaming each other for taking it. Ive grounded them for a week and will not let them play on the wii this weekend. Im just so shocked that my kids could do this. Im close to tears and so angry with them.

i havent told their dad yet, but i know somehow he will blame me for leaving my handbag on the coat rack instead of putting it away from them.

i wouldn't care but i had woken up feeling great, having treat myself to a pampering session last night before bed, continuing on this morning with a shower and using my 'posh facial products'.

Normally when im upset i would help myself to bickies and chocolate, but i wont

Back on the diet

Despite having the kids home all weekend im pretending im in a health spa. Ive just had a face pack and a relaxing spa type bath, so feel well relaxed . Im starting a detox weekend , got all the water and fruit i need plus the chicken for steaming for tea tommorow and not a drop of wine will pass my lips. Im determined to get back to my normal routine of eating sensibily and exercising. My studies have taken over my life and to be honest have left me feeling drained and low in spirits. Ive checked my study planner and im on track so no longer need to eat, breathe and sleep books.

i had a chat with my tutor and he reckons if i continued i will be burned out before the exam in June if i keep the constant pressure on my self.

So this weekend will see this stop.

My parents dropped off the applications for the boys passports tonight. It seems real now we are going to be living abroad. Cant wait 

Estate agents

This week has seen a rubbish EA come round and tell us no matter how much we do to the house it will only be worth around £110k. He reckons us having a down stairs bathroom will put people off. We have put a shower in our room and made a mini ensuite with the cleaver use of glass blocks.

Our house is an ex council house with 4 beds a large garden and only a few miles out of Durham. It has the benefit of being in the catchment area for one of the best senior schools in the area.

So far we have, put new electrics in, new centeral heating, 2x new cloak room suites, boarded the loft and put lighting and electric sockets as well as a velux window. Put a block paved new drive in, new kitchen complete with range cooker, re plastered the living room, stairs and the smallest bedroom.

We think he is talking rubbish and the next EA certainly convinced us of that.

He says without even finishing off the little jobs the house will be worth £115k.

So to finish off, we have to redecorate throughout, new bath and sink for the bathroom, new internal doors . Then we can expect at least £120k. A friend of mine is setting up his own landscape business , so ive asked if he will help me sort out the garden to make it look appealing to viewers, he can use our garden to take photos and help his client base. (This should keep our costs down).

The 2nd EA was impressed with what we have done so far and since he has sold loads of similar houses in our area i think we will go with him. As a back up im asking for a rental aprasial as well just incase the house does not sell in time for us to go to Germany.

So plan A is to sell and put the money once the mortgague is paid for into a saving account ready for the big move to oz.

Plan B is to rent the house out through a rental agencies and hopefully sell before we go to oz.

Hopefully we can get the rest of the house finished through buying at the sales that are still on.

Im trying to not get too stressed with all this.

Im nearly finished my latest assignment , once it has done i will start getting quotes in for plumbers and carpenters

hopefully the house will be finished in time to hit the spring market

17th January 2007

Faxed off credit card authorisation for TRA to begin  

Feeling a bit calmer now I have taken the first step - wonder how long that will last

16th January 2007

Ok this is it! Faxing off signed contract and first installment of fees in the morning and off we go .  I feel like a child on Christmas Day morning.  Tv programme today showed Perth and me and the kids wanted to magic ourselves through the tv screen and into Kings Park.  None of us were too keen on the idea of snakes slithering in through the patio doors but I'm sure we will handle what ever gets thrown at us.

It only 73 days now until me and daughter go to visit my brother and his family.   We will be looking at it from a different prospective this time round. Having trips around all the neighbourhoods getting a good feel for the place, housing and schools etc.  I lay awake at nights wondering if I have lost the plot somewhere in life and that things like this don't happen to people like us but then I wake up and I think WHY shouldn't they happen to us.  We are a close family, not scared of hard work and we have lived on the bread line before so having to watch the pennies isn't going to be anything we haven't done before.  Our life here is nothing grand.  I work full time and own my house (with mortgage), and we have a car.  But we don't have an extravagant lifestyle and annual holidays aren't a regular event so I fail to see how it can be THAT much harder in Australia.  OK I won't be able to buy a house for a few years - will need to start again on the housing ladder - but that's not the end of the world and if it means that we get to spend more time together as a family and have a better quality of life (socially if not financially) then I would be a fool not to do it.  Australia has been like an itch for years - I scratch it only for it to come back again.  I don't want to be a little old lady wishing I had been brave enough to go for it.  Someone once said to me that when you are dying the things you regret are the things you have not done, not the things you have. 

So Mr L - do your funky stuff lets get this show on the road x

15th January 2007

...........Ok I have chosen an agent to represent us on this roller coaster.  I won't name them here cos it wouldn't be fair

There was the first part of a short series on tv this morning about families wanting to migrate to Oz. It only fuelled my desire to get out there too.  I hope they dont concentrate of people with loads of money on the programme.  For me and the kids it is going to be a long hard struggle financially BUT if I didn't think it worth it I wouldn't do it at all.  I am so sure of this - a new life beckons x

OMG the estate agent is coming tommorow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I phoned 2 of the better estate agents in my area this morning and one is coming tommorow after noon and the other on Thursday dinner time. Ive told them i dont want photos yet, as we need to decorate (and declutter) and told them i want the house on the market for Feb.

I just hope we manage to get sorted in time.

Ive made a list of the work we have done to the house and another for what we need to do still.

Ive also done a list for all the things i need to organise ready for the move to Germany, starting with passports for the kids.

Ive just spent all moning trying to tidy up the kids mess and seem to have got no where fast.

Any one want 3 kids to live with them till the house sells?LOL. It is the only way the house will look tidy all of the time.

Ive still got studying to do, but at least im getting on top of it. Ive got a few things to sort then i can start my assignment.

I had hoped to get to the gym today cos i really should be, but with so much to do i just cant manage it. Hopefully i will get there at some time this week, if not i will have to use the tread mill at home.

Im having a quick lunch and a cuppa then back to the grind.

I cant believe ive got it all to sort again while his nibs is at work, the last time we sold a house it wasn't too bad trying to keep it looking good for viewers, but the kids are older and make so much mess it is unbelievable.

Ive worked out ive got 4 more course to do to get my Bsc, but only have 2 years left before we expect to be in oz, im not sure i can manage to do do 2 courses the time left. I can start another course in Oct again this year, that will finish in the June like this one(2008) and i can start another one in Oct 2008 but i expect to be leaving for oz in around April 2009. I spoke with a course advisor and he said i could start one course in Feb 2008(finishing in Oct 2008) while still on the Oct(2007)- June(2008) course, but im not sure i could handle the extra commitment . I find it hard enough coping with just one course at a time.

My head is buzzing with all that is going on, all that i need to do and of course worrying it wont get done.

Ah well must get on or nothing will get done at all 

i just hate weekends at the moment

Yesterday the wind was howling fiercely, consequently the kids were in all day. That was fine for a time, i let them play on the nintento wii, it was funny watching them go through all the games . Then we decorated mugs , i thought they did some good designs. My middle son said when we leave can we make a mug for granma and granda, so thinking about it today i thought yeah why not a mug decorated by the kids makes an unsual gift for when we leave for Germany.

The fun soon stopped when their freinds turned up, the kids play with 2 kids who are brothers , one is 10 and the other 6 like my middle one. After much reluctance i allowed their freinds in to play on the wii. Big mistake i could not get shot of them, their mother finally turned up at 6 for them (they came to ours at 11am) i tried my hardest to at dinner time to say do you think you should go home etc, it fell on deaf ears. So although i could wash all the clothes and potter around downstairs i could not tackle any jobs up stairs.

Luckily i was only doing pizza for tea as the kids were having a movie night(watching harry potter on tv). Soon all 3 of them were sat with little bowls of pop corn and i had peace and quiet to have a cuppa. It was bliss when they finaly went to bed

Today however the kids have been bickering all day and doing my nut in.

Another friend turned up to play today(must of heard the boys had a wii) so i reluctently let him in even though i cant stand the lad, there were soon arguments as this kids tried to boss mine around. So trying to be tough told him to go. The kids all decided to play outside, the youngest on his bike, with his new helmet and pads on. the middle one on his skates, again all geared up, the eldest with his so called friend  out to play football.

they have been in and out like yoyos all day.

No sooner was i getting peace and quiet then one of them would come in crying from falling over telling on the other. i did mange to get a quick chat on msn with a few friends today .

Then come the afternoon, 7 extra kids come though the door and straight up the stairs to my eldest room. I was so hacked off at this time that sounding like a fish wife told them to go out.

the parents round here must think im a soft touch as i always have other kids in my house or garden for hours but mine never get to go their houses.

After tea the boys continued fighting (i mean fist flying proper fighting). I marched them all to the bath. Got the youngest off to bed then the home work fight began between the older two.

it is quiet now the middle one is now in bed and only the eldest downstairs watching tv.

Im finally going to get a cuppa and chil.Thank god the weekend is over now.

i hope next weekend the weather will be better and i will get the boys to the moors with the dogs and escape from the other kids on the street.

In the beginning..............

..........there was me and my three children somewhere in a wet dreary Lancashire,UK.  After many years of 'shall we', 'should we' conversations we have decided that we want to be the other side of the world!  Not an easy decision by any means but one which feels right.  Our primary reason for wanting to go is better standard of living we will have and of course the weather to be able to get outside and do stuff is a major selling point.  I want something more for my children.  I won't spend the next paragraph putting this country down BUT there doesn't really seem to be much to offer here anymore. (That is all I will say on that or it may turn into a political debate which is not what i want this to be)  What do I want this to be?

......I want to be able to record all the highs and lows of this whole experience, so that hopefully I will be able to look back on it all and wonder how on earth I stayed sane!

So where are we at now? apart from wet & windy Lancashire that is!  Like I said we have come to the decision that this time we are going to GO FOR IT!  My elder brother has just been over for a holiday (he has lived in Perth for 18 years) and it has just made me more certain of what I want for my family and where I want to be.  I am going to appoint an agent to help me along the route.  I feel it is going to be stressful enough and if someone is able to take the load a bit then it will be money well spent in my eyes.  I have a short list of 2 agents - wont mention them here, but by the end of next week I expect to have signed up and the ball will be rolling.

Already my life has been turned upside down. Every waking moment I am thinking, planning or worrying about the whole process.  Wondering what I should take with me furniture wise and even wondering what would happen if the house sold before we were ready to go! All totally unfounded worries and completely unnecessary right now but its like I have been taken over by aliens!  I even spent 2 hours looking at houses to rent the other night!  (I really must learn to take one step at a time LOL )

We are going to apply for a sub 136visa (skilled independant). Finally being a Cook has proved useful!  Best news is that my eldest can come on the application with us, validate his visa and then return to finish his degree before rejoining us.

Well that is it for now - Day one of my blog (never done one of these before!) I will return regularly I am sure.  In the  meantime fingers crossed............................................

The loss of a tooth

My 6 year old came in before tea time crying, he had fallen over and hurt himnself.

As he broke his arm badly a couple of months ago im paranoid. So i quickly check him over to head to toe and notice blood on his t- shirt, he cant understand why he has blood on him.

As i investigate i notice his front tooth is out, this is his first tooth. He is mortified not because his tooth is out, but because he had not realised and without his tooth then the tooth fairy wont leave any money.

So he drags the youngest to go search for it. 15 mins later and guess what? Yep you got it he comes running in with a great big tootheless grin he had found it.

Im a little concerned though cos for a first tooth it is rather large and the fact that it wasn't

loose in the first place.

.

when pets get old

My Westie, Angus who is getting on in years is been giving us lots of concern, ever since he suffered a seizure after christmas. We have been taking him for regular check ups and having various tests on him. Tomorrow he is having liver functions tests and a possible biopsy. Not looking forward to that. First i have to get a urine sample off him. so far ive failed in all my attempts he is crafty that dog, as soon as he sees the bottle he stops peeing..

I just hope the tests come back favorable cos at £30 a week for antiboitics its costing a fortune for the meds. Especially if he needs to be on them for a long time.

It is times like tis that we had pet insurance for him. But V considered that to be waste of money. I could throttle him at times for his attitude to insurance..

Cant believe the holidays are over

Where has the time gone? We had hoped to have finished all the painting before V went back to work. We have got all the undercoat done on the plastered walls , so we are ready to when we get the next chance and v has time off.

Ive been pricing up how much it will cost to replace all the internal doors in the house, as our doors are not in the best of conditions. V had wanted to do nothing more than just decorate, but i know they will need sorting out. Im going to try and get the garden sorted out as well to make it more appealing for viewers. ( he thinks im becoming the house dr and going over board)

Tommorow after tea i shall be taking V to the train station again so he can go back to work, then i will need to get sorted ready for the kids going back to school on Monday.

V is talking about us all moving over in the Easter hols to Paderborn, but im not sure it will mean having less time for assignments and flying for my exam in the June. I personally think that aiming to go in the summer hols will give us a better chance to get the house sold before we move over.

Im contacting the estate agent on Monday to see what they think the house will be worth, also to find out how much more we need to do to get it ready for sale. Being married to a stubborn bloke who thinks we can just leave the house as it is and get a decent amount may get a shock when it gets valued.

We took the kids to crackerjacks today as they have complained about not going any where for the last couple of days, while we have been getting sorted out.

when  we put the tree and decs back up to the attic we looked at each other and both said we have some major sorting out to do, before we go to Germany!!!!!!!!!!.

hopefully if we are ruthless then will get rid of all the tat, then when we finally move to Australia it will not cause us to much hassle.

The kids are staring to get excited that they are getting a chance to see the world , well at least some of it. I heard the eldest telling his mates that he will miss them when he goes to Germany but will send them postcards of all the places he gets to visit.

Time for a brew i think before RSI kicks in 

A new adventure before we go to oz

Ive had to re do my blog , as i was having problems logging on and editing. Luckily i managed to save the contents of the blog, before  it was deleted.(if i get bored i might re do the enteries)

So new year, new blog.

Christmas was good if not emotional at times.

Im having a break from painting the living room walls, trying to get as much done before my husband goes back to work.

I have so much to sort out with getting the house on the market It has to be sold before the summer hols, so that me and the kids can pack up ready for moving to Paderborn in Germany.

My MIL has already said she will take Tinker the cat, not sure about Augus my Westie, as since he had his seizure last week he has given us a few concerns about his health.

i need to organise passports for the kids as well as for the dog/s, just hope it wont take forever to sort out. Im still up to my neck in studying and yet another assignment is looming

Im seeing my tutor on Monday for our next session so hopefully im still on track for passing my course.

The kids have got used to the idea of living in Germany and ive been getting info on the schools. Unfortunatly the eldest has the choice of one middle school but there are 3 first schools for the other 2. Hopefully when V gets to Paderborn and gets our house we will get more info about how good the schools are.

The eldest is relieved that he no longer has to be sent to boarding school, i just hope we have made the right decision for his sake.

My parents are expecting us to spent our leave back visiting them, but i think we shall try and visit , Austria , Budapest amongst the many places in Europe that take my fancy.

Im also using the chance to be living away from 'the family' to prepare us all for when we finally move to Australia.

It has been so good having a proper family time over xmas, instead of just having the odd weekend together.

the old board games have come out of the cupboard and many a laugh has been had, just what we needed really.

The boys (daddy included) got a WII of santa and they all enjoy playing on that, i had tears running down my cheeks watching the youngest trying to bowl with help from daddy. The funniest though was watching them play tennis, the dogs on the sofa watching as if it were a real game of tennis.

We have set up an Australia fund so all the loose change goes into it, and bless them the kids even gave their sweeties money to put in the pot. We are hoping to take the kids to oz before they start school in Germany. (if finances allow)

Well back to the kids they want to thrash me at bowling (they will as well LOL)