Where most people have the nesting instinct, my brain is obviously thinking, give this girl some bloody endorphines so she relaxes for once.  A couple of days ago, despite all this crap with the Nanny, I felt a strange sense of peace come over me.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the sea shimmered a beautiful greeney-blue.  I realised I had once again got myself whipped up into such a frenzy I was guilty of not seeing the wood for the trees.  I'm about to have a baby for goodnessake!  Although pregnancy is tough on the old body, I never forget how lucky I am.  We didn't think we'd be able to have children without some medical intervention (Steve's spina bifida) but we've been blessed.  And right now, I need all of my energies to focus on the imminent birth.  I caught up with a friend of mine who said she knew a tutor who was keen for some extra work and would love to help us out for a few hours a day and I called an agency to book an urgent, temp Nanny to help over the Friday and weekend after the induction.  They sound hopeful that while a longer term option might not be available, they'll be able to come up with someone for those key days.  Yesterday was another beautiful day, so I surprised Steve by booking him for his first flying lesson.  On the way there, my big, brave husband admitted he was actually quite nervous.  Its something he's always wanted to do, what if now, finally getting to do it, he wouldn't like it afterall.  It doesn't matter, I said.  He'll get the experience and there's plenty of other things to try out afterwards.

My Aviator....

Steve thoroughly enjoyed his trip, all hats off to the Kapiti Aero Club for making it such a fantastic experience.  Suffice to say, he's keen to persue this hobby!  The day couldn't have been more perfect for it.

Later on in the evening the Nanny arrived back.  We've obviously made her and the college aware that her placement has come to an end.  I did feel a bit sorry for her.  We told her and the college that she was welcome to stay until a new family had been found, we didn't want to turf her out on the street.  But her services were not 'required' and she would effectively be a 'guest.'  When she got home she excitedly informed us that she'd met another family who she's keen to start with.  Although she was keen to tell us that they had really ugly kids with squashed up faces.  She was excited because they were leaving her in the house alone for four days while they holidayed.  More fool them then!  We were happy for her of course, depsite the stupidity, she does have a warm heart.  I think.  This morning, I was in the bath with a really bad back ache - NOT NOW!!  The timing is well off!  Steve was taking Moons to school.  I didn't hear anything.  When I got out of the bath, the cleaner had arrived (early for once!) and asked me what she was meant do with all the people downstairs.  I had no idea what she was on about!  Turns out Sugarbag's family had arrived.  Her Mum and brother and they were sat downstairs at the table with Pip.  Basically, the long and short of it is that she's lost her car keys and managed to park in a way that has blocked Steve and I in.  Despite realising that the keys must be somewhere between the car and her bedroom (she'd locked it). they called the AA to unlock it.  Her Mum is waifer thin, ravaged teeth, decorated in cheap jewellerly and her brother is missing teeth, and when I stuck out my hand to shake his in greeting he seemed to wonder what the hell I was doing.  Its like being in a movie, these are the token trailer trash that sit around cleaning guns.  I explained that we had to move our cars and the Mum slowly drawled that they would roll the car once its unlocked.  What about the power steering/lock I asked?  Blank looks all round.  No apology, no nothing.  Just blank faces.  I actually had this schoolgirl urge to giggle.  If people like this really do exist, then of course, they're going to be in my house!  I explained that we'd like to leave within half an hour, hoping to take some control of the situation with a time frame.  Sugarbag asked her Mum to look in her room for her keys.  Some discussion took place about directions to her room.  Our is home quite large, but not large and complicated enough that you have to draw treasure maps to nagivate around.  Having been told it was 'right' up the stairs and down the hall, I followed shortly after with the intention of hiding in my room until the house restored itself.  I found Sugarbag's Mum hanging out at the top, looking like her battery had run out and she'd shut down.  'Just down there' I offered pointing helpfully down the corridor (a corridor that doesn't have any rooms off it!).  It was just too painful to watch.    I'm actually not up here seething with unrepentent anger (for once!), I just find the whole thing rather comical.  Now, my contractions are making me feel very uncomfortable, so I'll go and lie down for a minute.

I got my first assignment back yesterday and was excited to see I'd gotten 80%.  I had actually spent ages on it, but then after attending the study skills programme, I promptly deleted it all and started again. I knew I'd get marked down for referencing because I just can't grasp it, but I tried and I'm happy with the mark, well, as happy as I can be, I would rather higher!  It gave me the motivation to try and finish my assignment on development.  Its so bloody boring.  Development theories and then practices.  Lots of waffle ,not how I'd anticipated a paper on the third world being.  I was getting really anrgy and stomping around. Steve kept dragging me back to the laptop, I was whining, I'm too stupid for this.  I really didn't understand what I was reading, and its so hard to concentrate when its boring.  Steve was so patient and really helped me, I wouldn't have done it without him. He showed me some brainstorming techniques, he kept questioning me, forcing me to remind myself and tried to add some interest by putting it in context, ie, talking about Cambodia, etc. It really helped and it started to click.  I started to get some ideas on content and soon was hitting the word count. Phew!  It was faxed off on the due date and a huge wait has been lifted.  If I hadn't have done it and given in, I would have bitterly have regretted it.  I'd also been planning my approach with the cleaner and practicing what I was going to say.  In the end, she was extremely late and I had to drop Steve off, so I wrote it all down on a note for her.  I was specific about what I wanted done that day and how I wanted her days/hours to work. When I got home, she'd read it and didn't try to change it which is what I had fully anticipated.  I think she knew I was serious, but also, I was effectively helping her out by not cutting down her hours.  The downstairs was spotless, everything I'd asked for had been done.  Our meeting with the Nanny and the college has been postponed until Friday, but the shit ended up hitting the fan before then.  While we were out, she text and said she was going to get Moons, could she just leave Pip with the cleaner!  I was mortified that a NANNY could ask.  When I got home I explained why that was totally unacceptable, but she didn't get it at all.  I asked her if she would have left Pip with the gardener (who was also there that day) and she said, 'of course not, he just cuts grass,etc' so I said the cleaner was just there to clean - not childmind.  I asked her if she knew if the cleaner had children/grandchildren, was she security checked, would I  have trusted her with Pip??  She said she had no idea.  So again, I reinforced that she must never decide whom she feels she can leave Pip with and it shouldn't even be on her radar to ask.  Furthermore, if she felt that Pip was too sick or she was struggling, she should have called Steve and I and we would have come straight back.  This of course prompted a further conversation about her attitude in general and if she was happy or not with the girls, because we couldn't tell. We told her again that the girls need to feel a rapport with her, not just be made to follow orders.  She started to cry and walked away.  I told her not to get upset that we needed to discuss this like adults.  As Steve pointed out, I've now managed to make everyone cry that's looked after the girls, which I feel pretty shitty about!  I asked why she wasn't following our suggestions and if she'd had second thoughts about being a Nanny.  She said she was lonely, away from home and her family and friends.  I told her that I'd always encouraged her to meet other Nannies, one lives up the road, one down the road and another in the next suburb, why wasn't she arranging to meet them??  There's no point complaining about being lonely if you're not going to utulise information and opportunities around.  One girl had already text her about having coffee, but she'd not bothered replying!  This weekend Nanny is coming on Saturday, so I suggested she stick around to get to know her and do something after she'd finished.  Computer says no.  She's decided to go home for the weekend, she wants her Mummy instead.  I wish I had more patience and compassion, but I don't.  I'm so tired and so SICK of trying to be contrustructive, patient and understanding.  She's a Nanny for goddssake!!  I've made it so easy by cutting down chores and letting her have time off because we're around more often, and she's still bloody struggling.  A full time working family in the city with time pressures and commitments would have sacked her by now.  And what's with all this grunting???  Why can't she just talk like a normal person?  If she turned around to me and said I was cow, my family sucked and she'd had enough, I would respect her for being honest and open!  But instead she just sulks, and has continued to sulk for the rest of yesterday evening.  We bought some take out - for her as well and tried to be chatty.  I asked her if she OK and if she wanted to talk about anything else and she got all tearful again.  Grrr!  Anyway, all evening I had meaty contractions, long and painful.  The baby is so low down I feel like I could grab a foot or something.  My back is killing me, and I felt sure that last night must finally be it.  The contractions tapered off at night, but resumed again this morning, waking me up and not letting me sleep again. Its driving me NUTS.  Still, I'm almost 37 weeks now, I made it passed preterm fears.  I'm going to ask my OB to book me in for an induction when I see her next week.  I want to know EXACTLY when this baby is going to come and make sure I have a plan in place.  Oh and yesterday we were trying to find moons a costume for a special school day and wanted to show this picture of Steve looking rather blue....

I saw the midwife who has told me that the baby is incredibly low and has 'assumed the position.'  So it seems this little blighter is dead keen to break free as much as I'm keen to evict her!  Unfortunately my vice like cervix is blocking the way!  Grrr!  Little change on that front, so my body is resisting the contractions with great pains.  I'm just starting to come down with a cold, so I'm feeling very under the weather, even more insanely tired and extremely uncomfortable.  I either can't sleep because of pelvic pain, toilet breaks, or for some reason my eyes just pop open and my body thinks its time to start the day at 3am.  However, I have sent away my first assignment on time, yippee!  I've trying to master an essay, but my god its boring. I thought learning about poverty stricken countries would be interesting, but at the moment I'm reading about bloody economics and theories and scary concepts like free markets, GDP and other such like.  Its Steve's area, and he loves it but my attempts at offering sexual favours to do my assignmemt are rapidly failing!  Guess that only worked when I was 18!  I'm even more emotional than normal, which is saying something!  We heard about this bed sale on the radio and so by chance drove over to have a look as we're considering a new bed for Moons.  Although there wasn't a suitable one for her, they had this cute little princess one which would be great for Pip in a couple of months.  The salesman really put the hard sell on us, he wondered off as we ummm and errrd about.  Afterall, it would be stuck in the garage for a few months, so it wasn't terribly urgent. Sensing he might lose a sale, he came back with another offer.  Our hesitation was not the amount, but for some reason he wanted to practically give it away.  Finally he came back to offer a free mattress with the bed.  I actually started to cry!  I felt so pressured and I just wanted to be left alone!!  I was so embaressed, I waddled back to the car while Steve made the purchase. 

I had a text from the psycho Nanny over the weekend.  She's out on bail, pending a hearing end of August.  I don't mind the odd text from her, I do miss her as crazy as that sounds.  She also declared her new, shocking news, she's pregnant!  She claims its a shock, but its not for me.  She's got this really irritating view on Motherhood with such high school niavety, to her its all about wearing flowery dresses, having this little bump, radiant skin and lucious hair.  Pushing out the baby to a degree of pain only slightly worse then having your ear piereced, and then having this buddy to carry around, that you can dress in cute clothes.  She used to say all the time how lucky I was to have two girls that I could buy pretty clothes for.  I just wanted to hit her repeatedly with a frying pan.  She never did a full day's work for us, so she never experienced the tantrums, the mess, the noise, the lack of lie in, the radical impact on social life.  My god has she got a shock!  Baby's are easy to palm off at the start, but when you want to get out there on  a Friday night and stagger home on Saturday afternoon, there isn't anyone around offering to babysit!  Especially during the dreaded colic stage!  Unfortunately, she's also a rather vain type, so stretchmarks, vericouse veins, saggy/leaky boobs, saggy tummy, sickup stains, cankles, etc probably won't go with her new Gucci dress.  I feel so sorry for her parents. 

Anyway, the Nanny is settling in.  Although I'd rate her as 'competenet.'  Nothing more, nothing less.  She likes to talk about weird, random things, but not about the job or the children.  She only smiles when she's talking about her family or when she thinks she's said something funny.  Moons finds her dull and often begs to accompany Steve or me when we leave the house.  Pip doesn't care as long as she's fed, she'd be happy with a mute/deaf monkey as her carer.  Steve really struggles with her.  He's an amiable, laid back guy, but he struggles when he encounters someone that repeatedly asks dumb questions.  I just answer them and have a chuckle later.  Steve is just shy of slapping his face in shock and asking if she's serious.  Its a rather uncomfortable rapport between the two of them, but she seems to really like him, even though he's often running out the door when she approaches him. 

There is a really irritating yappy dog somewhere on our road.  It yaps all day, and sometimes at night.  It must be a chihuahua or something equally as annoying.  Because we live on a HUGE hill its really hard to work out where its coming from.  Today saw me driving around trying to find the little barstard.  I often fantasise about having one of those guns with the red dot, finding it, and then pointing this red laser dot on his forehead, and....you can guess the rest.  OR I picture myself lacing meat with a very strong sedative and chucking it over the fence on a daily basis to get some peace.  I don't know how owners can let their dogs bark all day, every day.  I wonder if they are just deaf to their own dog's bark, or if they don't care.  Trust me, Sam won't dare bark!  That's the first thing I always train a dog.  Steve has been training Sam some pretty cool tricks, which I'm surprised about because on the whole, he's a pretty dumb dog, but he's doing really well.  He's getting his final vaccination tomorrow morning so I can walk him on the beach, as long as there aren't any Mongrel Mob around! 

I can't find this ridiculous yappy dog, but I can hear it.  When Steve gets back I'm going to use the GPS system on his phone to cover all the local streets.  I shall not rest until I find this sod.  Oh and I won't snap its neck when I find it, I'll just call the council! - Just in case anyone reads this and thinks there's a mad pregnant woman on the loose out to kill an innocent dog!  - I know what these barmy vegetarian, tree hugging types are like!

Still no baby!  I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to drift in and out of real labour like I did with Pip.  That weekend was crazy.  Once I had got all my bits for my bag, tidied the house and written down all the numbers we'd need, babysitter, OB, midwife, etc.  The contractions started.  Minor at first, lots of menstrual like cramps, lower back pressure, trips to the loo, etc.  I felt 'off' and quite unwell.  I lost my appetite.  I was awake for most of Saturday night, the contractions were long and painful, but I didn't want to wake Steve and head out until I knew for sure.  My lower back was killing me and panadol wasn't cutting it.  Finally I drifted off to sleep as the sun rose on Sunday morning.  When I woke up, everything had stopped. It was really weird.  My appetite resumed, lower back pain eased.  The need to clean the house and get organised had calmed down.  I felt sure that Sunday was not the day.  When I was 38 weeks with Moons, I said to Steve, this is the last weekend we'll be none parents.  On Monday I went into labour.  With Pip, despite a scare at 28 weeks, I told Steve at 32 weeks, we're going overdue.  Sure enough I hit 42 weeks.  With this baby, I'm sure it'll be within the next two weeks maximum.  Although I have to say, after Saturday I'm feeling a little out of tune with my body.  Anyway, we'll see. 

I have written my 'contest' to the infringement bureau about the amber light offence, which may result in a court hearing.  I'm a bit anxious about that, but will try not to dwell on it.  I did receive a call from the NZ police re my complaint.  I was SHOCKED to hear the Officer's version of events.  If I had been in charge, I too would have thought he'd been completely reasonable and I was a crazy banshee.  It came across as though he was polite, friendly, informative and I was NUTS.  I had really hoped that he'd said, yes, I was having a bad day, I took it out on the woman, I'm sorry.  Instead he wrote untruths in his report which has only served to upset me further and frustrate me.  I explained to his superior that had he had said HALF the things he'd claimed, the situation would have been different.  As I went to explain my version, it was clear that I was the mere civilian, he was a cop and the guy was a cop.  Easy maths.  I said that I had worked with cops previously ,I know they do it tough and I also know that they don't get always get treated very well by the general public, especially when they're pulling someone over, but in this instance I had been left devastated at the way I was treated.  He was the professional, so therefore he must take accountability.  I could, rather embaressingly feel myself welling up.  I knew I was wasting my time, and they'd probably all have a good laugh at the crazy woman's expense later over dougnuts and coffee.  My only saving grace is that at least a complaint has been noted against his name.  So if anyone is brave/silly/has time to complain about him in the future, it won't look good on him.

Its a shame that today has gone a bit wonky.  Yesterday was just wonderful.  The weather was lovely for a winter's day.  Steve took the day off work and the two of us strolled around Wellington City, through the beehive and had lunch at the BackBencher, a pub especially for MPs!  We've not had much 'us' time so it was really enjoyed.  Steve complimented me on more than one occasion and was attentitive.  I guess we've both been so distracted recently, we've not really had that for a while.  I was HUGE waddling around, stopping for breaks!  I felt vulgar, but Steve treated me so well yesterday I actually felt more like a woman than a walking incubator.  It was a really, really nice day.  Today its wet and cold and I've just had this nightmare conversation with the NZ police.  How many ups and downs can one family have?!!

We were excited to learn that it had been snowing quite significantly over NZ the last couple of days.  Quite local to us as well, we decided to head to the Rimutakas today to see the snow.  Every other local family obviously thought the same!  Cars were pulled over and the kids were making snowmen.  We did our bit!

Steve gets to work:

The final work of art:

Our little Jack Frost enjoyed the ride on the car! 

Unfortunately as our days tend to go, it was not all fun and giggles.  We arrived into Martinborough and Steve and I were talking about lunch options.  Suddenly Moons let out a god awful scream and Steve hurriedly pulled over.  She'd gotten her small finger stuck in the electric window.  Her finger swelled up instantly and she was beyond consolation, she really, really screamed.  Moons is a pretty tough cookie, so its unlike her to be so upset and writhing in pain.  I pulled her onto my lap.  Steve went into a petrol station to ask for the local medical centre as I was convinced it was a more serious injury.  Being out in the middle of bloody nowhere, we had to drive 45 mins to Masterton.  Of course, the drive took significantly less than that.   Moons screamed the whole way and sobbed onto my shoulder.  I was holding back tears, there's nothing worse than seeing your child in such pain.  Pip slumped forward with a terrified look on her face.  We pulled up outside the medical centre and after moons was given some pain relief, she eased up.  She soon asked for some chocolate.  Phew, things were better for her then!  The Dr saw her and decided that her finger could have a fracture, so best we head to the local hospital and get an x-ray.  It was a busy old day for the emergency admissions in the Wairapa, there must have been, well, at least FOUR people waiting.  The receptionist was terribly flustered with the demand and really painfully typed like someone who'd never used a computer before.  The calibre of person waiting to be seen in the hospital was making my jaw ache from frustration.  Every single one was using a community card.  There was a drunk guy who struggled to remember his birthdate, he had a neck ache from a WEEK ago, but had decided on this cold, Sunday afternoon to wander into his local free hospital.  There was the token Maori family, reeking of old fags, looked healthy, no idea what they were there for.  A couple of others sporting mullets.  The whole mullet thing in NZ never ceases to amaze me.  Was this a haircut maintained since the 70s, or did they one day decide, hey a mullet will really suit me.  There was some confusion as to whether the x-ray department was actually open or not.  Some guy took our referral letter and said he'd read it and get back to us.  Half an hour Iater  I asked the receptionist if he was still reading it.  Our daughter was looking brighter, but still craddled her little hand.  Pip was tired and hungry.  I was starting to feel dizzy from not eating all day, being stressed and carrying Moons on top of the baby in my belly.  It is SOOOO hard not to get irritated whenever I'm in the hospital.  Staff always seem to mingle around chatting while people wait, they WANT you to know that your time there is in their control and they will not be pushed.  The admin staff ALWAYS make me think of that skit in Little Britain, 'Computer says no.'  And this ladies and gentleman, is where our lovely tax money goes.  As I don't smoke anymore, I can only think of excuses to leave the waiting area and pace around using my mobile phone.  I decided to call a couple of other hospitals in Welly to see what their wait time was.  Even if I did still smoke, I would have been put off out there.  Christ, all these mullet heads in tight blue jeans blowing smoke through their nostrils.  Yuk.  They should use those images as opposed these annoying 'shock tactics.'  I'm sure most people would be put off thinking about these leatherfaced old hags chuffing away in their dirty, 70s best, then an image of black lungs!  While I was on the phone, Steve said we'd been called.  I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my frustration in check and I was feeling pretty lightheaded, so I opted to take Pip and sit in the car.  What a day!  Luckily her finger wasn't fractured, just pretty badly swollen, so its taped up and she certainly seems more settled.

Ah well, at least its her birthday tomorrow!  Although Steve and I now have to sit up wrapping presents and I'm pretty sure he wants to get into our new bedsheets as much as I do!