So where are we now.. For the most part very happy. We had a trip back to the UK in March - which for me personally changed some of my views. I think it was a case more of a badly planned trip than anything else. We ended up having the inlaws house as our base. BIG mistake! It was great to land back in Heathrow - and equally great to see friends and family again. We had hired a car but my best friend and her 2 daughters were there to meet us... It was just the best surprise EVER!! Lots of tears and excitement!
The Problem for me was that i felt 'stifled'... I wanted to be able to go about my business, pop in to see people, stay out when i wanted - instead i felt like a teenager on curfew! In the future we have decided that we will rent a house - use that as our base and ask people to come and see us!
When I was in the UK however, I kept feeling that there was nothing in california that I missed - I told my friend that I couldn't think of a single thing, apart from my dogs and Daz (he had only stayed a week in UK) that i missed. Unfortunately she took this as an opener to tell me that she thought it was a 'daft' idea to go and when was Daz 'gonna get over it'!! It was a little tongue and cheek, but she was desperately upset when we left - and made it clear that she blamed my hubby for it! So I spent my last week in the UK dreading going back to California and not enjoying my visit in the UK because of my constant 'curfews' - I felt somewhat of a no-mad.
Well the day came to go back and I just wanted to get the flight over with. It was a horrible, long uncomfortable flight. When we arrived at LAX Daz was there waiting with a little banner he had made welcoming us home - bless - but we were in no humour for it.. poor thing! As soon as we stepped out of the airport I felt a calmness come over me.. I was actually happy to be back! It was a lovely feeling - an unexpected feeling.
Also getting back to the house was lovely - having my own things around me and sleeping in my bed was the best! The next few days were so nice - I just felt happy. My lasting feelings of being back in the UK and seeing everyone, was that they were all still there and would still be there in 1,2 or 3 years - same goes for the UK - it was still there and won't be going anyway anytime soon!
Its now been just over 2 months since our trip and of course some of my immediate feelings have wained. But on the whole things are good. Sam is now playing for a soccer team and he loves being back in the game. His fitness is down - but i don't think it will be long before he catches up. He trains up to 4 times a week - and on a saturday morning its beach training - thats something to tell his mates back home! Amber hasn't got herself into any kind of sport yet - thats my next big challange. She is incredibly talented in sports and was on the 'gifted and talented' programme in her old school - but i think she is struggling to find an alternative to her chosen game, Netball. Chelsea continues to be a constant worry to me - she is a great kid, confident and mostly sensible - but being the mum of a beautiful 18 year old here in california just worries me constantly!
I think one of my biggest problems here is my sense of 'worth'.. I'm not working although i could if i wished. I have decided to take a Business course at the college - but am holding out til after July so i don't have to pay 'out-of-state' tuition fees. It will be september before i start and it seems a lifetime away. Whilst it is great to be able to do things in the house, go shopping and generally enjoy California sunshine, I am feeling left out and not part of 'life' here. Daz told me yesterday that I should look at my achievements since getting here. He feels i'm a totally different person, a calmer more focused person. He said that i should pat myself on my back for taking 3 children and moving them to another country - and helping them through every stage of the journey. He is right of course - but thats my job, i'm there mum. I scarfice myself in any and everyway to make sure that they are adjusted, settled, happy and making a positive contibution of their lives.
The other question in my mind at the moment - and another joy of being an expat - is will I ever be able to go back to the UK. This was NEVER going to be a question in my mind - we would have our adventure and then go back to the UK and live there. We would of course be all the better for our adventure - but thats how it would work. Now however, I think about going back and wonder how we would settle back into that life. I love the UK and know that we would live completely differently to how we did before we left - but now we have all these experiances - now we know how fabulous another lifestyle can be. So how do you go back without ever saying on a cold rainy day inthe UK..' if we were in california now, we would be doing.....' I am somewhere inbetween the 'rejection' and 'acceptance' stage of being an expat. I still reject certain things that are different to the UK but am beginning to accept more and more. I'm scared i will fall out of love with the UK - I don't think i'll ever love the US like i did the UK - i'm scared i will be in a position of feeling that the US can't offer me everything - and neither can the UK... Bummer!!!!!
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