Fri 31 March 2006 - We All Died Laughing

We British people like to think that we have the best sense of humour in the world. And yes whilst all those German jokes about sausages are funny, I think it's a fair argument to make. There is no subject matter that is not fit for mockery. Anyone who remembers the hilarious Head and Shoulders jokes about Jamie Bulger can be testament to that. The thing to always remember of course is that we communicate this way. It is something unique and exceptional to British people. For example, the best way to greet someone into a group is to rip the piss out of them. If they can take it, and give back as good as they got, then their a good egg.

No person or subject is exempt from our unique sense of humour. Even when the body of the hostage Ken Bigley had barely gone cold Billy connolly was telling jokes about it. When there was a discussion about whether that was in bad taste, it was not about the joke, but whether he should have waited a couple of days more.

Perhaps one of the biggest butts of British humour are the Royal Family. Never before has their been a collection of social misfits, demented old codgers, and insanely stupid people as the British Royal Family. And to their credit they've rolled with the jokes over the decades. But there was always one of the family that avoided being the subject of a piss take - the Queen Mother. That is until after she died. At which point her death became the perfect prompt for people to simply take the piss.

On the 31st March 2002 the Queen Mother died. She was 101 years old. Official books of condolences were opened around the country for people to record their memories and stories about the Queen mother, and to offer their best wishes for the Royal Family. Here are a selection of some of the more amusing comments recorded for time immamorial in those books.

"I have been unable to poo for five days, and will not do so again until her majesty is buried."

E. Gorman - Derbyshire

"Good God, who is next? Geri Halliwell?"

R. Combes - Romford

"No matter how she felt, no matter the situation, she always wore a smile. Just like a retard."

G. Hollins - East Sussex

"I remember she came to visit us in the East End one time. She was so kind, so generous, and so sweet. She whispered softly in my ear, 'You know it's not true' she said, 'you don't smell of shit.' She was a wondrous person."

E. Collier - London.

"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana."
G. Williams - West Midlands.

"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a life of privilege and comfort."

T.D. Wainwright - Hastings.

"I think that the Queen Mum and Princess Diana are our very own Twin Trade Towers. At last we can look the people of New York in the face."
L. Ward - Mansfield.

"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly."
D. Holmes - Somerset.

"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder.' That's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was fabulously yellow."
B. Forrester - North Yorkshire.

"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off."
S. Wilson - Bristol.

"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal family without being accused of being homosexual."
J. Fletcher - High Wycombe.

"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is just fine to experiment with drugs."

E. Franks - Chesire

"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"
W. Waugh - Richmond.

"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event."
E. Thompson - West Lothian

"Bomb Iraq for us, Tony, it's the only thing that will make us feel better."
P. McGregor - Southampton.