My families adventure on the road to oz via Germany

Mother England ...

I fought the bank and I won …

When we emigrated we had a good look around for a bank that would suit our needs. We realised that Australian banks charge like wounded bulls, but what can you do - you need to put your money debt somewhere. All the banks seemed pretty similar to us, similar charges in each of ‘em so in the end we went with NAB because they’d just won Bank of the Year in Money magazine and because they had a village branch in nearby Berry.

Pretty much from the outset we started realising that NAB probably weren’t much cop but once you’ve got your direct debits and incoming payments all sorted it’s a real pain to change, so we stuck with ‘em. Over here pretty much all bank accounts come with a cheque and a savings account and usually a third separate credit card account. So when you go into a shop and use your card they always say, “Cheque, Savings or Credit” and press the appropriate button. Obviously most people keep any spare cash they have in their savings account in the hope that it’ll attract a buck or two of interest while it’s in there, so it’s the most common account used in a shop with EFTPOS. That’s all fine and dandy, but with our NAB accounts, we couldn’t use the savings account in shops - only the cheque. So when we went shopping we had to get online and transfer funds from the savings account to the cheque account. And you know what it’s like - you often forget to do things and so we were always finding ourselves in shops with baskets of food and no way of paying for them.

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OMG It's really happenning!

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse …

The new job.... I'm moving to RAK

Leaving Faulty Towers

Bored of the rings …

Not sure whether this is unique to Australia (I somehow doubt it) but a good number of Jack’s classmates have seen films that about three age classifications too old for them. It troubles him, because we won’t let him watch grown up films and he’s jealous of his school friends who have. He’s nearly eight years old and there are quite a few films that are out-of-bounds.

That said I do wonder how some films come by their classifications. For instance, in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the first film (The Fellowship of the Ring) is a PG, but the second two (The Two Towers and Return of the King) are both PG-13. There’s certainly nothing in the second two films than is any worse than the first one. There’s pitched battles and limbs chopped off, orcs, and a huge man eating octopus just for starters.

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The pox …

If you ever need proof that, despite the trappings of civilisation we’re still just a bunch of largely defenceless descendants of monkeys, you only need look at the influenza virus. It circulates around the globe targetting those communities in winter and whose occupants defences will be at their seasonal low ebb. It can transfer from ‘animal’ to human, it can mutate, it can be transferred by the air but is happy to jump ship on saliva, snot, shit and blood too. The Spanish flu virus which struck just as the armistice was signed at the end of the first world war is estimated to have killed at least 20 million people and possibly as many as 100 million. Truly an amazing virus - and one that is highly likely to outlast mankind’s tenure.

I’ve had proper flu just once and I sure as shit won’t be unhappy if I never get it again. Over here in Oz everyone (not just the elderly) is recommended to get a flu jab - the posters go up just as the kids return to school for the autumn term. But the incidences of flu are few and far between. You hear people in the queue at the bank saying they’ve just got over the flu but at worst they probably had a bad cold. I don’t know why people feel the need to exagerate in those circumstances. I’d also like to go on the record as saying that I’m not one of those soft bastards who gets man flu. I’ve no idea why blokes feel the need to ham it up when they’ve got the sniffles, but it sure goes on. The absolute worst offender in the world for that is the FIL - he could audition for RADA when he’s feeling under the weather. Grumpy wanker that he is normally, he turns into an absolute cunt when he’s got a cold.

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'That' call

You know as an expat that at some time 'that' call will come but I have to say I wasn't quite ready for it yet.

Wednesday was our wedding anniversary and a very busy day. We had Tallulah's parents' evening as well as loads of other stuff so the day was a bit manic. We finally made it out for a meal at 7pm with kids in tow and got home to collapse in bed when there was a major storm. Now we haven;t had any rain for about 6 or 7 months so the rain was welcome, however the wind wasn't and it was strong !! I did think we were going to lose our roof at quite a few points !! Nakita's bedroom window isn't at all sheltered and her bedroom is slap bang in the path of a couple of palm trees so she came in with us. After many hours of flailing arms, smacks in the mouth and kicks I retreated at 4am to the spare room (why didn't I think of that before ??) Then at 5am the call came. 5am, only UK calls could come at that time. My stepdad had died whilst on holiday with my mum in Germany. It was a total shock. For all the chats and plans you put in place nothing does prepare you for the moment the call comes.

Paul and I had always discussed whose funerals we would go back for but when it came to it, it's not about the funeral after all. It's about being there for the ones that are left. So the girls and I are off back to the UK on Friday after nearly three years away. Paul wants to come but he can't as he's self employed so it'll just be the three of us ... that's scary in itself ! Tallulah is missing her exams but, for some reason, doesn't seem bothered ! I don't think she's realised that she'll have to sit them when she's back after more than two weeks absence !

Now I am encountering the blood sucking companies who make money out of people like me who have to go back. You'd think that they'd be glad to have someone sat in an otherwise empty plane seat but it's not the case at all. Instead they want even more money from you. We meant to keep savings for something like this but it didn't happen, the house sucked all of that from us, but needs must so you find a way. Now I am just running around like a mad thing, trying to clear two and a half weeks from my diary, washing, drying (in winter ??) and ironing, packing, cleaning etc etc etc and because I'm not firing on all cylinders it's all taking twice as long.

Oh well, best get back to it. I can't help but wonder how I'll find England after all this time and even if I'll recognise my home town !!

The old man and the sea …

So it’s about two and a half years since I joined my local surf lifesaving club. Originally I signed up because I wanted to help out with Nippers, because the sprog was attending. But the sprog didn’t like Nippers much and he dropped it after one season, but I found out that I rather liked it. I did my Bronze Medallion, then my IRB crewman, then defib, spinal and senior first aid awards. This year I added beach management to the list, which means that I can be a patrol captain.

Today, however, I took a new test - IRB driver. I’ve been building up to this one since pretty much my first days on the beach here. Way back when we first visited this area (five years ago now), we paid a visit to nearby Gerroa and the surf club were there doing IRB drills. As they bombed around in the surf, flying over the top of waves, I thought to myself - that’s the life for me. Then, shortly after I started training for my Bronze, nearly three years ago, I got to crew the IRB and found out that it was as much fun as it looked. Scary as fuck on many an occasion, but fun.

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Voting

So today was the first day I was allowed to vote in Oz. Actually it is compulsory here so you get fined if you don't. Paul hasn't yet as he's working and he only has less than an hour and a half left !! Would be typical if he misses it and we have to pay a flipping fine !

The vote was on daylight saving and, to be honest, the debate in the run up has been hilarious. Some people, for some reason, think that there will be less/more hours of sunshine ! Apparently if we have daylight saving the cows will become confused, the curtains will fade etc etc, daft.  Still, it is funny to see the Ozzies so hot under the collar about it, most other issues most couldn't care less about.

So I have voted for daylight savings, having sunshine before 7am is unnatural and wakes me up and I do like having some daylight at the end of a day to go to the beach. Would really hate being woken at 6am and then it getting dark as soon as Paul is home from work, not good for our family life !

Oh well, will find out soon enough if all my curtains are going to fade .................

Sci-Fi dorks of the world unite …

The fools of the road …

Every country has its driving peculiarities. The French, for instance, do not give a tuppeny bit about their cars - it is merely a means of getting form A to B - and if you have to push in the door of another car in order to get into a space, then so be it. The Americans are great at driving in straight lines, but shit at going round corners. The British pride themselves on letting people out of turnings, but try jumping the queue and you’ll have a plasterer from Twickenham tapping on your window with a tyre iron and a very angry expression on his face - verily it is road rage blighty.

And then there’s the Australians. Like all nationalities they have their foibles. I’ve lived here for three years now and these driving habits have been getting on my tits since day one. In no particular order, here’s my list.

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The ‘wooooo’ gene …

Alright. I feel we’ve known each other for long enough that I can level with you about something. It’s not something I’ve ever spoken about publicly before because I’m aware that there’s a certain stigma attached to the condition. When one person in a family has this particular genetic mutation, they are often given the cold shoulder, mocked and removed from the annual round-robin Xmas card distribution list.

And what is this ailment I hear you ask? Well, it’s like this - I don’t have a ‘wooooo’ gene. The wooooo gene is a genetic marker on the same long-chain of DNA as the self-consciousness gene. Its presence (or rather the lack of its presence) usually manifests itself at a very early stage - indeed many sufferers report that they first realised they were missing the wooooo gene on a school trip.

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Down on the farm …

Earlier on in these Easter holidays we had promised Jack that we’d take him to Canberra (about a two and a half hour drive from here depending on how many serial-killing pill-popping lorry drivers have rolled their road trains into a ditch on the way) so he could visit Questacon. However as the day approached both the missus and I realised that we really couldn’t be arsed to drive all that way, particularly since we were bound to meet plenty of homeward bound holiday traffic in both directions.

However we’d already promised Jack his day in our nation’s capital and so, in time-honoured parental fashion, we resorted to blatant bribery in order to console him. We said we’d drive up to Shellharbour instead and that he could spend the equivalanet of the entrance fee at the museum on Lego. He quickly ran off to his computer and started working out what he could get for $50. Once he’d discovered he could get several cars and a Power Miner, he quickly agreed.

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Birthdays

I managed to survive the girls' birthdays .... yay !!!

It was the end of the school hols so very busy with entertaining the girls, scitech, days out etc and the girls chose to have separate parties .... never again !

It was Nakita's birthday on Friday and she chose to spend the day in Perth, after it taking 1.5 hours to find a parking space to get the train to Scitech earlier in the week, we chose to get the bus to the train station. I must admit I was pleasantly suprised, it's been a while since I've caught a bus but we only waited 15 mins, bus was clean and new and we bought a family rider which covered the bus, train and all other public transport for the day for all of us for the sum total of $8.40 (just over 4 pounds !!) Every school hols Perth does a playground pass which basically is a card which gives the girls freebies or discounts or special offers etc all over Perth so we caught another train to Harbour Town where they got a free library bag filled with goodies and discount card. After exhausting Harbour Town we headed back to Perth and went into every shop (well it fel like it !). Our feet were hurting and we were ready to drop when Paul picked us up in the car and we headed up to Sizzlers in Innaloo. The only Sizzlers we'd been to before was in Kelmscott and a bit of a nightmare but this one was fab, clean, calm and no queue. The food is buffet style like Butlins without the people serving you so you just help yourself which is what the girls like as they can eat what and how much they like ! We eventually got home at 10pm and ready for bed.

Saturday was Nakitas party so four girls came and all 8 of us headed to the cinema to see 17 again which is actually a good film ! Home then for pizza and a sleepover. After reading the riot act at 2.35am Ithink they fell asleep ! They were all picked up at 10 the next day, actually they weren't as one mum turned up over an hour late for two girls without so much as an apology ! Luckily we weren't going anywhere. Rob was ace and took Nakita as well as Lexie so we were Nakita free and ready for Tallulah's 13th Murder Mystery party. What  a lot of work that was !! Not sure I'd repeat it but the girls (all 11 of them !) seemed to enjoy it and Tallulah was spoilt rotten by her mates. They all slept over too but I have no idea what time they went to bed as I was passed out through exhaustion by midnight. Wasn't for long though as Paul woke me at 5am when he got up for work and then the waste collection came at 6.45am and spent half an hour clanging and making an awful noise picking up all the kerbside waste. Then one girl was picked up at 8.30am and the rest at 10. Tallulah's birthday on Monday was a very quiet affair as everyone was so tired !

So I survived although am still sleep deprived and have a backlog of Body Shop work to do let alone the housework. Nakita is back to school tomorrow and Tallulah is off shopping to spend her vouchers and then Tallulah is back in Thursday and I'm training all day so still no rest for the wicked...... I need a holiday !!

The sun goes down …

Ah yes dear friends - I’ve actually managed to get another blog entry out inside a week this time. I don’t know how many people follow my blog but I would like to point out to those of you that do, that it’s pretty hard to keep yourself motivated to do this, three years on. And any of you that read this blog and know me personally will understand that the fact that I’m still writing this blog three years on is as close to a miracle as you’re likely to see this side of an aubergine with the visage of Jesus in it.

So. Easter holidays have been ticking along here. The sprog’s had some playmates over and vice-versa - one mum even presented us with a box full of cakes when she brought her son over! Bloody nice they were too - we told her that as much as we’d enjoyed having her son over, she shouldn’t expect an pastries in return as neither of us can cook for shit.

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Summer’s last hurrah …

Eight thousand or so people are about to descend on our village. You can hear the engines starting in Sydney, the traffic will already be building up on the Princes Highway southbound. Utes, 4WDs, soft-roaders and battered family station wagons crammed full of tents, boogie boards, bikes and fishing gear will be nose to tail in all the usual traffic hotspots.

And down on our beach here in Barefoot Bay, you’ll find us volunteer surf lifesavers staring fixedly at the swimmers by the rip. And we’ll be doing head-counts and watching that Indian family who quite obviously can’t swim and have decided to go paddling fully-clothed. And someone will get stung by a blue bottle and, if the surf’s up, we might even have to swim or paddle out to them and return them safely to shore.

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winter's a'coming !!!

Well it is only early autumn and most days are still quite warm and some still hot, however, we have noticed that the night times are a tad cooler these days so thought we'd go and collect the firewood ready for the winter. Last year Paul fitted a wood burner but we ran out of the wood a friend had given us after a few weeks and, at $7 a bag (a bag lasted a day), we couldn't afford to buy much so it was rarely used and we froze  !!!

This year we decided to do some research and found that you could buy a licence from the info centre and then go and collect your own ! So last week Paul bought the 30 day licence for $7 and yesterday Nakita, Paul and I (yes, you guessed, Tallulah managed to get out of it !!) trudged off to collect the wood. We had a fab day, it was hard work and we learnt a lot (like next time take a better axe, Paul broke his straight away, a bigger chainsaw, a wheelbarrow and another bloke !) but it was a beautiful setting, so quiet and peaceful (save for the chainsaws!) and is definitely a good day out for the family. We treated ourselves with coffee and cake in Dwellingup on our way back through and watched all the other trailer loads of firewood pass by ! Now Paul just needs to cut the rest up, stack and store it and then we can go back for another tonne  !! This year, we're going to be ready for winter.

You might say that - I couldn’t possibly comment …

Found myself in and out of the surf club this week. I’m one of the few members of the surf club that actually lives here in Barefoot Bay. For reasons best known to themselves, most of the members of the club choose to come to the Bay instead of other clubs that are closer to them. Our long-serving club secretary lives in the Sussex Inlet, 60km south of us - the club president lives in Broughton, 10km away. In fact of all the members on the club committee - I’m the only one that actually lives here.

The advantage of that is that I have a 90 second drive to get to the club on patrol days and can stay in bed a lot longer than most of ‘em. The disadvantage is that I’m usually the person called upon to open up the club for people wishing to gain access for whatever reason. So the Yoga club, the SLSA Branch Committee, various maintenance bods, instructors and miscellaneous club members give me a ring if they need to get in.

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