My families adventure on the road to oz via Germany

One step forward and 3 back

I know now that i was being foolish thinking i could manage without the anti d's . Im still having trouble with keeping awake. Im feeling reasonably clear headed today but yesterday i was all foggy and not very good.

Im seeing the dr on Monday as i do need help but i think the strength of the tablets were too much.

Im managing to take the kids to school and thankfully my next door neighbour has walked with me. She has been a real support and has gone through what im going through now. i hate going down on my own, if i have to a walk very fast just to get there and back as quickly as possible. However when ever i see that woman i feel like my heart will explode. Thankfully ive only seen her twice this week.

Some how ive managed to complete my assignment i think, god knows if what ive written will pass but ive done my best. It was hard going as i only seem to get an hour or 2 where i feel ok at the moment. then i just start staring into space, not really thinking of any thing. i still have to do the references and get some to make sure what ive read is answering the question. If i fail i fail nothing i can do about that.

This nervous break down has scared me so much though, as my dad has mental health problems and had been in psychiatric hospital on and off for most of my adult life. i dont want to be like him.

My mum knows what has happened and she was so shocked as im the strong one, the one who every one in the family turns to for support and has answers when their life is crap. Yet now im the one needing their support. My mam should understand what im going through but somehow has distanced herself from the situation.

V has been a real rock even though i know he has been stressed to hell over this crap.

He has set up a chart system for the boys over behaviour they have to comply with as well as jobs around the house to help me. So far it seems to be working. Im still finding J difficult to work with at times.

Im getting my hair done tommorow V thought it would be a nice treat to get pampered. Must admit i do look a mess at the moment, ive just had no intrest i how i look this week.

On Sunday we have V's mums cousin coming to stay for a while, it was all arranged months back and he has had his tickets booked for his flight for ages. So i will just have to hope it all pans out ok.

part of me thinks i just need to just get on with things and it will all be ok in my more clearer moments, but then when i feel really low i just want to sleep and disapear.

Ive had so much support from my cyber freinds it really has amazed me. One of them spoke with me this morning on msn just to see how i was. it really brightened my day up.

Hopefully i can look back on all of this and learn from it from one day.

Untitled Comment

01:28, Fri 5 September 2008 .. Posted by moneypen20

You have been through so much recently hon, it would break the strongest of people. It's simply your body saying it needs a break from the shit. You'll get through it, just as long as you realise it's a long road and there are no easy solutions.

Look after yourself, and let others look after you. Take care.

Untitled Comment

03:40, Sat 6 September 2008 .. Posted by Professional Princess

Tell yourself that noone matters but you and your family. This woman doesnt matter, she doesnt register on the scale and it might be worth involving someone official so that they can not only see things from your side but the devastating effects that this woman has had on you.

See your doctor about the Anti D dose, they say you have to stick with it to get the full effects and as my sister described to me, she had to go through a bad patch to get to something more manageable.

Do not be hard on yourself with your essays, keep your tutors informed of the situation and take any help that is on offer.

You will be OK I promise you but just keep with it mate and you will ride it out. Let the GP decided about your medication and take it from there.

You have heaps of cyber friends on here and don't you forget it.

ahh!

08:08, Sun 7 September 2008 .. Posted by karonious

Been there with the tablets - but you WILL come through it.
Stay strong girl, don't ever let yourself become a victim.
Take care and give yourself some credit xx
Karen