My families adventure on the road to oz via Germany

Feeling numb

Thanks to Sam and Gill for your support. It means a lot to me.

Today has been difficult, J didn't want to go to school, he never mentioned the fact it was his birthday. He knows both V and i are upset over his behaviour yesterday. I informed his class teacher and assistant of what has happened.

When i tried to talk to him today about what he had done and why, he just replied that was yesterday.

We are waiting for the quotes to come back to see how much the repair of 2 cars is going to cost us. If it is too much then we will have to cancel our trip back to the Uk and get a refund of our tickets.

Im emotionally drained and just dont know where to turn. We have tried to get in touch with the Paeds department and with CAMHS but so far no joy. Being in Germany with the army can make it difficult when trying to get help as often the right people arn't based near you and it can mean a good hour or two's driving for a 10 min appointment.

Ive been trying to study today as i have 2 assignments to get done. But my head is all over the place. V is no better he is struggling at work today. 

I dread picking J up from school as i know the other parents will give me some funny looks, they already blame J for any problems on our estate. Which is why for such a long time we kept him in. So we are back to keeping him in so that we can know for certain he wont be causing any more damage.

I cant believe how over the past 4 years ive had such a struggle with him. As a baby apart from being born big (10lb10 oz) he was normal. Once he got to 2 year old he became so hyped up and my struggles began. Asked to leave play groups and toddler groups due to his behaviour. We asked for help then but all i got told was he will grow out of it. Once he gets to nursery he will be fine, once dad is home for good he will calm down and when he starts school you will notice his behaviour improve. Well none of that has made any difference.

Ive been so close to breaking down today when i spoke with his teachers .

The stress we are under is bad, and if im not carefull i will end up with a nervous break down. The last time i was like this was when i had problems with D not doing well at school and refusing to do homework. Then i got help from a volunteer who managed to get D to do his homework . I was on my own then as V was in Ireland and unable to help much. Nor did he understand how hard it was for me.

V now realises fully the preassure i was under then, as he is feeling it now. At least we can support each other and with a bit of luck get through this.

I wish kids came with a manual and could tell us what we need to do. 

Im trying to be positive and think it is only a glinch but i dont want my 6 year old to end up with an ASBO and us being sent back to the UK while V remains in post. That will break the family up for good.

Hopefully the help we need will be avaliable soon and things will turn themselves round.

Aw mate

09:18, Tue 4 March 2008 .. Posted by Littletoe

Sounds tough. Virtual hugs your way. Stay strong mate, you'll get there xx