Today after writing out my mothers day cards for our mams, it hit me that this year there wont be a card for my gran. Ive got a lump the size of coal in my throat as i stop my self from breaking into tears.

Because i dont have a great relationship with my mam, my gran has always taken her place in my affections. I am trying so hard to encourage the way my mam is with me. WE can talk about the weather , what the kids are doing but nothing personal. When i was a teenager, my mam called me all the names under the sun as in her words i was not the daughter she wanted, me to be. Unfortunatly that remark has stayed with me and although i go through the motions and get her a card out of a sense of duty. It was always my gran that i spent ages finding just the right card.

I miss her so much and just wish i could give her a big hug and tell her how much she means to me.

I try so hard to be a loving mam to the boys , even when they play me up and are right horror bags. I never want my boys to feel like the way my mam made me feel.

I know the boys are hiding something from me, as ive been told not to go into their school bags this week. What ever they are doing i know i will be happy with.

I know im not the only one feeling a little raw , this time of year, so for those who are facing a mothers day with out a mother figure or mother, then have a hug and love from me  

Back to the books now the weepiness is easing again.