My families adventure on the road to oz via Germany

Missing my Gran

Today after writing out my mothers day cards for our mams, it hit me that this year there wont be a card for my gran. Ive got a lump the size of coal in my throat as i stop my self from breaking into tears.

Because i dont have a great relationship with my mam, my gran has always taken her place in my affections. I am trying so hard to encourage the way my mam is with me. WE can talk about the weather , what the kids are doing but nothing personal. When i was a teenager, my mam called me all the names under the sun as in her words i was not the daughter she wanted, me to be. Unfortunatly that remark has stayed with me and although i go through the motions and get her a card out of a sense of duty. It was always my gran that i spent ages finding just the right card.

I miss her so much and just wish i could give her a big hug and tell her how much she means to me.

I try so hard to be a loving mam to the boys , even when they play me up and are right horror bags. I never want my boys to feel like the way my mam made me feel.

I know the boys are hiding something from me, as ive been told not to go into their school bags this week. What ever they are doing i know i will be happy with.

I know im not the only one feeling a little raw , this time of year, so for those who are facing a mothers day with out a mother figure or mother, then have a hug and love from me  

Back to the books now the weepiness is easing again.

I completely empathise...

10:27, Wed 27 February 2008 .. Posted by Littletoe

It does ease, but you'll always have this empty hole. Even now I have this urge to pick up the phone and call my Nan. Then I feel angry at her for not being there and frustrated that she's missing out on so much of my life. Grief is such an overwhelming emotion, you have no idea until you lose someone close and the pain of that loss makes you so empty. I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom for you, only to let you know that you're not alone in how you feel. Take care, xx

Sorry.

12:29, Thu 28 February 2008 .. Posted by Simpleton

I am so sorry for this feeling of loss that you are experiencing, it seems that throughout the grieving process perhaps these feelings from your youth are resurfacing? Of course there will always be a special place in your heart for your Gran, and no-one can replace that. I have no idea what you went through with your Mum throughout your upbringing, but try to remember that the teenage years are probably equally as difficult for parents as they are for the kids. You can only learn from their mistakes and as a result are determined to offer your own offspring the best that you can.
Maybe the best way to forgiveness is to talk to your mum about the way you have been made to feel all this time, I am sure she would appreciate that far more than being isolated from you.
Big hugs to you though, I miss my Nan hugely so really do empathise with your situation.
take care
xxx