Ive been back home a week now. The funeral went well i suppose. I managed to say the poem although my voice did wobble and croak a little.

i held it altogether till we got to the grave side. Then all my stiff up lip just came crashing down, luckily one of my older cousins managed to comfort me , as i collapsed into sobs that i had curtailed for so long.

It was strange going back to Durham and staying at my parents home, ive never had a fantastic relationship with them and at times the atmosphere was tense. My mam has taken the death very hard, enough though she never showed any emotion towards my gran when she was alive. I helped her as much as i could. The paper work has been horrendous as my gran never left a will. She had already told us what she wanted us to have, just never wrote it down.

I managed to get a little bit of studying done and im trying my hardest to stay focused to get this assignment done, hopefully by next week i will get it sent of to my tutor.

My new course materials arrived while i was away so i really do need to get my act together. So that im ready to start that course on time and not be behind on my current course.

Ive been fighting fatigue all week, i had my bloods done on Tues and i see the Dr next Tue to make sure everything is ok . D has had his final appointment at the hospital and they are happy is arm is healing well, he just needs to keep up the hand exercises as he has slight nerve damage that is affecting his little finger.

J has an appointment on Thurs to see the paeds to see if we can get to the bottom of his behaviour and what solutions are avaliable to us.

Im so looking forward to our holiday in oz in October im not bothered if we take the kids out of school for a few weeks as i feel it is so important for them to experience oz before we finally move next year. That sounds weired saying next year. As 2006 was when we first decided we wanted to got to oz.

People say time is a great healer and i know in time the emptieness i feel will ease. Last week as i burried my gran was also the 8th anniversary of Davids funeral, so its no wonder my emotions have been all over the place.

Last Saturday with our friends we all went to see Abba mania in Bielefeld and it was brillent, just what i needed to inject some fun back into my life. Im trying to be positive and to live my life in a good way.

My grans sister told me just recently that my Gran was so proud of the way i have just got on with things and bounced back after all the set backs i had in my teens. Just knowing that is making me more determined than ever to get this degree and start a fresh life in oz. A big part of me will always belong to Durham but i know i have the strength to just go out there and make a new life with my family.

Well back to the books, other wise this assignment will never get done.

Ps thanks to all those who have given me support when i most needed it