My families adventure on the road to oz via Germany

A time to reflect

As 2008 begins, the death of my granma has weighed heavily on my mind, the things i never got to say, the things i never got to do with her.

I booked flights today so that i can get back before the funeral and get my head together. Ive asked my parents if i can say something at the funeral . I know i will be finding hard but i feel i need to say something, about the lady who i admired for so long.

i found this poem and i just feel it is so right to say it.

All is well

Death is nothing at all

i just slipped into the next room

i am i and you are you

whatever we were to each other , that we are still

call me by my familar name

speak to me in that easy way which you always used, put no difference in your tone

wear no forced air of solemnety or sorrow

laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together

play, smile, think of me, pray for me

let my name be ever the house hold word  that it always was

let it be spoken with out effect, without the trace of shadow on it

life means all that it ever meant

it is the same now as it ever was, there is unbroken continunity

why should i be out of mind because im out of sight?

i am waiting for you, for an interval , somewhere very near

Just round the corner

All is well

Although it has been difficult to accept my granma has gone i know that she would not have wanted to suffer anymore from the ill health she had . She is now with my granda and my uncle.

I also know that she believed life was for living and not letting it slip you past. So many times over the past couple of days ive felt as though my heart would break open with the grief. My granma was the person along with aunt Margaret who i woud phone if i had anything on my mind. Ive lost that know , as i just dont have that sort of relationship with my mother or any of my siblings. My MIL is great i can talk over some things with her but not all.

Yet from somewhere i seem to be gaining some strength, when im in bed im sure i could hear my gran saying snap out of it girl, get those books out and pass that course. So i have opened up my books again and im trying my hardest to get back in to it.

 i have an assignment due in on the 16th and i know even with none stop studying i wont be able to complete enough to get it done. As i fly back to the UK on the 6th, funeral on the 8th and fly back on the 10th. i just wont have enough time to get my assignment done. Normally i would go into panic mode , but ive emailed my tutor explained what has happened and he said i could have an extention or could ask for a subsitution.

I think i will ask for an extention so that i can have a good chance of passing my next assingment. If i do badly on it i know it will be the best i can do under the circumstances.

Im determined to make my granma proud, i just wish that she could have been around to see the only person in our family get a degree.

Ive set my self little goals to acheive this year instead of new year resolutions.

I shall do my best in my OU studies , i shall try my hardest to get on top of the weight problems. Most importantly i shall not be afraid to ask for help when i need it.

I shall try to have a positive attitude to life and not let things get me down.

To the friends who have given me support over this difficult time , i really do appreciate it

Untitled Comment

12:48, Thu 3 January 2008 .. Posted by Sam

Mandy
Really sorry to hear about your Gran!

Sending you big hugs honey

Untitled Comment

08:59, Thu 3 January 2008 .. Posted by moneypen20

She may have left but she's not gone. You can still talk to her and get answers. Total non believer but I still chat to my dad (in my head) and I know his replies.