Tuesday 18 August 2015
I'm an Englishman in Paris
This is my first post, so Hello to nobody reading. I made a life choice to move to France from England, to pursue a romantic relationship. It sounds absurd, ludicrous and down right cheesy when I hear it out loud or from somebody else, but considering the place I was in before, and what I had in front of me, it was the best choice I made and something I couldnt refuse. At the time, I had just returned from a holiday in France after visiting a friend working at a French camp site, also where I met my romantic interest ;) I had the most wonderful time being there, with great friends and people, the sun and fun! And a great get away from my current problems back home. I had had no job for a fair amount of time, I had been struggling to find one and was loosing hope of getting one; I begun developing sluggish behaviour and a depressing way of living, I was feeling pretty low. Additionally, I had a falling out and lost one of my best friends at the time which hurt me pretty badly and I felt like I needed to get away from the 'nothing' I had and start anew. However, most importantly and probably had the most influence to my choice, a few weeks prior my mother had told me a personal story about herself when she was in her teens regarding one of her previous love interests which I felt really applied to me in my decision to move to be with him or not. My family and I have relatives in Canada, and whenever we visited she would always go on about how gorgeous Michael was, how, sweet, lovely and how much she was love to "Have a bit" of him and weird mother obsessed-with-a-sexy-man stuff like this. So I asked her, if she loves him and always has, why did nothing happen between them before? She said to me, Michael had always been her crush when she was growing up, and years later she found out he had felt the same way about her when they were young but she never knew. By the time she did know, he of course had moved on and so had my mother with my father. But she said she would have moved to Canada to be with him in a heart beat if she knew about his feelings at the time. This story stuck out to me during the period of deciding when I should do. I wondered what would or could happen if I moved to France, and what would or could happen if I stay in England; life going the same way it has been. I kept in touch with the extreme sexy, smart and charismatic lifeguard for a month until I made the decision that I had no reason to say no to and plenty to say YES LETS GO!! I wanted to pursue this love interest, I wanted to see where this could go - knowing that it could perish the moment I get there and end in failure before I even get off the plane, but I felt stronger that I didnt want to feel like my mother did wondering ...What if. Having been in touch for a month already, I didnt want a technical relationship any more, but a personal, physical face-to-face relationship with whom I'd grown so fond of online and snapchat. (not dick shots or nudes you cheeky sods ;) ) Taking the leap to move to France we were both nervous but both embracing the situation and open to whatever was going to happen. At the time I moved I knew no French, having had left college even move confused than when I went in and not much else to offer. I stayed at the camp site until the summer season was over and the weather began to turn. I then had to move in with his family home...It was intimidating, and I was anxious about living with a man and his family before being together long enough to develop a stronger relationship and a stronger understanding of each other. His family speak English but not very much, people would tell me that this is how you learn French! However, although I heard French all day every day, without context and knowing what any of the words meant, I still couldnt learn French effectively, I suppose increasing my anxieties more. Again, jobs were impossible for an Englishman in the area of France that I was, and especially one that didnt speak French. Over time, I am now living just outside of Paris, and working in one of the Disney hotels in F&B having been with my boyfriends for just over a year now. It has been difficult and hard suddenly moving to France, not knowing any French, hosting anxiety issues - about finding jobs (and more), and discovering a man from scratch whilst basically immediately living with him; it has been difficult for both of us. Considering all the stress, I dont regret making my decision. Moving to France so suddenly some would call brave and amazing...some dumb and reckless. And, although my ability to speak French has grown EVER so slowly and causes me a lot of stress about my lack of intelligence, knowledge, friends and lack of work opportunity, Kenny has made it all worth while. He is an incredible man, very smart and intelligent, handsome and caring, thoughtful and watching him work is so inspiring, he is amazing at his job and whatever he puts his mind to. Anyway, the point of this post, was to hopefully reach out to others to may have experienced something similar. Kenny and I are both at a point where we want to move to the south west of France, ideally, but we are worried and concerned about what job opportunities I could have as an English girl with not much to offer. I have considered a TEFL job, but with my anxieties I fear I will not be able to make it through or work how it should, and presenting a load of work to a class full of children seems too confrontational for me to handle. I know I need to push through my anxieties with jobs and speaking French particularly. Step by step. I would love to hear your stories about similar situations, I would love to hear about any opportunities that I could aim for in the south of France! If theres any advice, help or stories, please share!