Two weeks ago when Steve called me to tell me he had a surprise I felt this dreadful feeling of dread in my stomach.  Neither of us like each other's surprise, it usually means money has been spent and something silly has been done!  I half expected to see him pull up on the drive in a new car.  When he told me he had booked us a little holiday, the feeling of dread didn't subside.  A holiday with three under 5s?  One of which is less than three weeks old!  Uh-oh!  I've travelled a lot pregnant and with two littlees, but three seems a little excessive!  In the week building up to the big departure, there was much stress.  I STILL had the cold, so I visited the Dr for some antibiotics because I was terrified that my ear would burst on the flight.  He expressed great surprise at what is the longest cold in history.  He gave me lots of drugs and advice on what to purchase to get me through.  I got the cat into the cattery, but there was only one place that had room to accommodate the dog and as the guy was the world's biggest areshole on the telephone, I decided that he might not be too good with Sam either.  A last minute phone around, and I found an agency that provide people to actually go to your house to look after pets.  Our local 'pet angel' was a woman I've met before so I had no problems hiring her to tend to Sam at home. We arrived at the airport late.  Steve had no choice but to dump the car in a 24 hour carpark as opposed to long term.  The checkin woman ran with our bags to the plane.  As we ambled on the flight we were the family that everyone glares at.  Two toddlers and a baby and we'd held people up.  Whoops!  Even the pilot made a dig over the intercom about late bags being checked in.  The girls were really good on the plane though.  Moons and Pip excitedly looked out at the window and Egg slept!  Perfect!  When we landed in Christchurch we collected our rental.  Neither of us could bring ourselves to rent a people carrier, so we opted for a Toyota Prado instead.  As much as I hate being unfaithful to Landrover, this car is perfect.  Plenty of room and handles pretty well off road as well.  We drove to Lake Takepo which became our base for three nights.  Staying at http://www.theresidence.co.nz/ (The Residence), which was wonderful for a large family.  We chose to drive to Wanaka and Queenstown from there and do some offroading along the way.  Lots of fun!  Steve and I have travelled around the SI a few years ago, it was great to see some of our old haunts again.  Lake Takepo was just magical, I don't think I realised how special it was until I'd seen it again.  We left for Hanmer Springs the final day, my favourite spot in the South Island, its exactly how I imagine Canada to look.  I really wanted to go out for dinner that night, but I was really anxious about entering a restuarant at the girls' bedtime to eat.  It reminded me of the first time we went out for dinner with Moons as a baby.  I was terrified!  What if she woke up?  What if she needed feeding?  What if I needed to change her?!  People might glare at us!  I'm glad that Steve forced us all out!  We ended up having a lovely stone grill dinner, Egg slept the whole time and the girls behaved incredibly well.  We were even able to enjoy a bottle of wine!  YAY!  I really didn't want to leave the next day.  I was finally in holiday mode!  People are so friendly in the South Island, the car was great and even the weather was mostly OK - even when it was miserable it was just 'cosy,'  I'd dreaded this holiday, but typically on the last day, I didn't want it to end.  Flying back was great, the girls were great again, right until we touched down.  Getting back into Steve's car, they reverted to their old ways.  Screaming and fighting and then Egg threw up all over herself!  Dramas!  Sam is really happy, I think the woman gave him a bath as well because he's all clean and shiny!  I forgot to get the cat, so I have to wait for the next pickup hours this afternoon to pick him up!  And its business as usual wading through calls and mail. 

Egg gets ready for the holiday!

The beautiful Lake Takepo

Girls at Lake Wanaka

Firstly, for the record....I STILL have my cold! Longest cold in the world... ever!  I'm still a bit deaf in my right ear and I sound like I'm talking out of my nose - kind of like an Aussie, but less whiney! (Sometimes!).  If it wasn't for that, I'd feel great!  On Sunday we were out shopping, on Monday it was a beautiful day so we headed out for lunch.  Steve, Ella (who has now and from this moment on in the  blogs onwards will be known as Egg) and I sat outside enjoying a good lunch washed down with a pint of Montieths Celtic, something I've been fantasising about for the last nine months!  I couldn't bloody taste it thought!  Grrroan!  I've lost my ability to taste, so the Dom is still sitting in the fridge and the red wine I'd excitedly stocked up on, remains in the wine rack.  Egg is a fantastic baby, she's really laid back and enjoys four hourly feeds, which makes it easier on me!  She's really cute and cuddly.  The girls adore her.  Moons always wants to hold her and proudly told everyone at school about her!  Pip is very taken with her, she just stares at her and strokes her head.  It really helps having this Nanny here.  The girls love her, especially Pip.  I've been able to rest and take care of Egg and Steve has been able to get on with work.  I started this blog back in 2006 - just after Pip was born.  I was in a very dark place and people started sending me PMs, which politely told me not to kill myself!  Pip screamed all the time, she barely slept and had an array of digestive problems.  Steve and I had returned from a failed venture in Mexico.  We were completely broke and pulled on lots of credit and lived in the shadows to avoid debt collection agencies.  Steve struggled to find work, only compounded by the fact that he couldn't go to all interviews because we couldn't afford the bus fair for him to get there.  We were forced to live with my parents, who aren't the most nurturing souls on the planet!  The labour had been horrific and left me in lots of pain, but my parents were eager for me to lose weight and not lose my ability to do housework.  They were awful to Moons daily because they're of the belief that children should be seen and not heard (you may wonder what went so wrong with me!!).  We really were on the brink of despair.  Our luck changed when Steve was finally offered a job, his first few paychecks had to go on debts to save us from more trouble.  We decided to get enough money together to get flights and a bit of a buffer and leave the UK for our new life in NZ (with Steve being a Kiwi we felt sure that immigration would be fairly easy).  It was one hell of a risk to take, no savings, no plans. Two young children.  But we would have been, I feel, in a lot more trouble staying as we were.  We put our mental health before anything else.  Although I've never been keen on NZ, its certainly the best decision we could have made.  I never would have thought I'd be sat here, after my third child, in a lovely home, with a Nanny to look after the girls and me actually enjoying being a new Mum to a new baby.  Its such a remarkable difference back from my first entries in 2006 - which I can't bring myself to read yet, feeling its still a bit raw.  There has been a lot of stress here in NZ, but I still don't think its anywhere near how we felt in the UK.  There has been some stress over the last few days.  Egg is still quite yellow, so she had to have some tests.  Fortunately the jaundice isn' bad enough to warrant treatment.  Pip's appointment with a psychologist came around.  It was a long time ago that I was forcing the GP to refer her to a psychologist.  I've been anxious about her development.  I know that Moons is advanced so not a great benchmark, but I do feel that Pip has struggled to learn speach, and she still doesn't sleep much.  The GP wanted to put it down to second child syndrome.  My insistance paid off.  An evaluation has revealed that Pip is a little behind her milestones.  She's not a 'special' child and won't require assistance at school, but they have suggested we get some guidance from a speech therapist and developmental paycholoigist to encourage her motor skills.  Its exactly the outcome I wanted.  I wanted to give her the right support and I wanted the direction to do that.  We have that now.  We also have a prescription for a drug that mimics the chemical in the brain responsible for inducing sleep because she is simply unable to wind herself down at night.  Its a temporary measure to encourage her own brain to do what its supposed to.  I'm glad that the psychologist didn't see me as a pushy Mother with high expectations and has instead suggested ways to help Pip reach her potential.  The Nanny has been incredibly receptive to this and has been helping by reading with her and repeating words with her.  Something we do anyway, but its great to her have on board as well.

I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that messaged me and left comments for me following the birth of Egg.  Its so nice to receive your thoughts and warm wishes.  Its quite incredible really, I received so much support right at the start when times were very hard and I've received some wonderful comments more recently.  Sure, there's some 'not so great' comments and PMs, but they pale in comparison to the support.  Thank you!

Here's another photo of my lovely Egg..

For prosperity and for anyone that's interested (!) I thought I would record our birth story on here.  Of course, it wasn't without its dramas!

On Thursday night, I barely slept a wink.  My cold was bad and I was full of anxiety about the following day.  At 4am I drifted off to sleep and was awoken by one of Steve's many alarms (!!) at 6am.  I niavely thought my head would feel better, but I felt even worse.  It was like my head had been tightened in a vice overnight.  I was blurry, tired and all stuffy.  We set about getting ready and explaining to the girls how the day would pan out.  The Nanny arrived early at 7am and got stuck in with the girls.  There was no doubt about us using her over the weekend.  She was awesome and I felt really relaxed about leaving her alone.  We set off for the hospital, Steve and I barely spoke in the car, just held hands and tried to make sense of what was about to happen.  When we arrived at the hospital we were taken to room 5, the same room I'd been in just a few weeks ago when I had the scare.  The only difference was that the bed had been replaced with a 'labour bed' and there were towels and all sorts of other bits on hand.  Excitement and adrenaline started to take over.  My OB arrived and introduced me to the midwife who would tend to me during my stay.  The process of what to expect was outlined to me.  The OB would break my waters, I'd have an hour to walk around and bring on contractions and if nothing happened, they would introduce syntocin to bring on labour.  I reiterated again my desire to try the epidural as this time I was keen for a relaxed and painless labour.  At 8.30am the OB broke my waters and Steve and I started roaming the corridors.  I told Steve that I should have been wrapped up in bed with tea as I feeling so bad - not walking up and down a flight of stairs!  It was crazy business! I did wonder about my capacity to reserve energy for later on.  I returned to the room an hour later and reported that there wasn't one single contraction.  I sat down, and then it started!  Sporadic and not terribly painful at 5-8 mins apart.  Fortunately the syntocin drip wasn't needed.  They called the Anaesthetist, a lovely young man called, Alex.  He came and talked to us about the epidural.  I didn't know much about it, only that I wanted something to take the edge off and as far as I knew, the epidural was the only thing that wouldn't effect the baby.  It was important to me though that I didn't lose the feeling totally and had some mobility in my legs.  He said he would give me a weak epi, and stood and answered all of my questions that I quick fired at him.  It is my SPINE afterall!  I was surprised that the setup time took about 20 mins, and then he was fishing around in my spine.  The contractions were still coming during all of this.  I felt happy that we'd got it in time.  However, I continued to feel the contractions and sure enough, Alex was called back.  I could feel dripping down my back and sure enough the catherter thing had popped out of my spine!  I had to endure the whole process again to get another put in, which wasn't terribly easy with the contractions.  By now it was lunctime.  I was feeling very weary, sore and started to question my ability to follow through with this labour.  My midwife, Rachel was awesome.  She had a dry sense of humour and we got on extremely well - makes it that much easier!  My blood pressure stayed consistent so they were able to keep topping up my epi.  However, I was STILL in pain!  Rachel told me I had the amount of drugs in me to numb a horse!  Half an hour later - I had enough in me to numb an elephant!  The epi had slowed down my ability to move my legs, numbed my belly and hips, but I could feel my cervix and I could feel the contractions!  Great, only the outside of me was numb!  Not the bit that matters!  Alex said it was rare, but for some people, the epidural just didn't work properly.  There was nothing else to do except offer me a spinal - which I definitely didn't want.  So time dragged on, the midwife got me some gas and air and I was started to feel very emotional.  I was too tired to scream in pain, I was actually trying to nap in the three minutes between contractions.  I struggled to focus.  I really did feel weak and tired.  I felt the baby move down the birth canal and knew it was time to push.  The contractions - although painful didn't move closer together, so I was at a loss to use them to help with the labour.  It was very emotional for me.  I had to find a focus.  My OB had arrived back and her and the midwife tried to help guide me through the process.  The midwife was monitoring the heartbeat - which had stayed healthy, but I noticed her tone taking  a slightly different edge, presumably as labour was stalling with the baby lodged in the birth canal, the baby was finally not feeling so great about the whole thing. I could picture this baby stuck in there, and told myself that she needed me and I needed to get her out.  I pictured hearing her first scream and how badly I wanted to hear her and have her with me.  I pushed and pushed, I have to say that of all of them, this was by the far the hardest labour.  I had planned for this one to be breezy, but it didn't go to plan at all and being so ill had such a huge impact.  Finally at 3.41pm after six hours of labour, Ella came out into the world.  She was really blue and made a few grunting noises.  She was popped on my belly and I said, she's not breathing properly.  The OB was busy tidying me up down there, and the midwife was scuttling around getting towels, etc.  No one seemed to hear me, but I kept on muttering, she's too blue, she's not breathing properly.  I was so overwhelmed and struggling to focus, but I wanted someone to notice that something wasn't quite right.  Finally, the midwife decided to call the peaditrician to check the breathing.  The ped said it might be from getting cold and having a sluggish start.  I should try feeding her and seeing if that kick's start her.  Feeding wasn't a concern, she latched on straight away and got stuck in!  When things had settled a bit, I asked Steve to pop and get some food and drink.  I was beside myself with hunger and thirst.  He went on his way and the ped returned.  She said she was concerned that Ella's breathing was still not quite right and said she would take her right away to the neonatal unit to check her vitals and oxygen levels.  She started to wheel the little cot out and I had to surpress the urge to scream after her!  I called Steve on his mobile and told to him to get back.  In his panic he threw all the food down and raced back.  A midwife came in with a wheelchair and told me she'd take me up to be with my baby.  As we entered the department which every parent hopes and prays they never get to see, I had to stop myself from crying.  Lots of tiny little incubators with tiny little babies.  Parents sat faithfully next to these incubators with flashing lights and periodic bleeps, unable to hold their babies.  My heart ached for them.  The pediatricians were amazing.  Really nice people, so strong and dedicated.  There was my Ella, all wired up, being pricked and poked.  I just sat hopelessly watching.  The first tests weren't clear enough, so they had to do it again.  Incredibly the results were produced in seconds.  Levels were a little low, but not worryingly so.  Ella could leave the neonatal unit, but would have to stay overnight in the hospital in case her levels dropped, as she was vulnerable to infection.  I have to say, that initial wait was the hardest of my life.  As we left the unit, a Dr smiled at us and told us he liked these discharges.  I left the other tiny babies behind, the monitors, the anxious, dedicated parents.  It was a glimpse into a world of raw hope, strength and sadness.  Back in the room, we were all pretty exhausted!  Steve and I decided it would be best for him to head back so he could be there when the girls woke up.  Ella and I finally got to sleep, then a midwife came in and told us a bed had become available in the ward - which I'd hoped wouldn't happen!  I hate wards, post natal wards are of course the noisest!  Ella's breathing had completely stabilised by now but I felt it would be too late to go home.  The ward was awful.  70s decor.  Babies screamed like cats in a cattery.  In my ward was the token freight train snorer and the token anxious Mother that buzzed the midwife every single time her baby made a noise. There was communal toilet with an overflowing waste bin, empty soap dispenser, etc.  The kitchen was covered with notices about how to stack plates, which mugs to use, how things should be left, etc.  Ella slept peacefully while I took a midnight tour.  The tv room had an old monitor, flaking wallpaper, dirty old chairs, reminders not to steal furniture, and an half eaten packet of crisps.  Yes, this is the ward made to offer new Mums comfort and support.  Nice.  I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep here and I ached for my home, my family, my privacy, peace and all my creature comforts.  By 12.30am I was entering into negotiations with the night staff to make my escape!  By 1am I was waking up Steve to come and get me!  By 2am, I was tucked up in my own bed.  Ella went from strength to strength, feeding, sleeping, happy as a baby could be!  I've been hit with some pretty awful afterpains, which are at times, worse then contractions.  Moons is very excited about her new sister.  I was mostly worried about how Pip would react, but she's just stood and stroked the baby's hair.  I'm really proud of how nurturing she is, she's a real gentile character.  Periodically both girls will run in to say hi to the baby, and then dash off again.  The Nanny has been awesome, the girls are really settled and happy.  The house is tidy, Steve is being wonderful.  I've got lots of rest - far more then I ever did with when I had the other two.  It is SO nice to have this time recover.  My cold is STILL insanely bad!  I'm deaf in my right ear, and I'm all bunged up I can barely breathe.  I have to say, this is the worst cold ever!  Steve gave me a beautiful card in which he tells me how proud he is of me, how much he loves me and thanks me for the new baby.  Its the most beautiful card and the most beautifully written thing I have ever seen.  I really do feel so blessed.  I can't believe its all over now!  Nine months, gone in a whirl.  I've finally met my baby!  I'm just really disappointed that I can't smell her!! I would love to enjoy the new baby smell!  Squeaks coming from the bassinet!  Time to go!

Ella Grace arrived on August 29 @ 3.41pm, weighing 7lbs 16oz.

Where most people have the nesting instinct, my brain is obviously thinking, give this girl some bloody endorphines so she relaxes for once.  A couple of days ago, despite all this crap with the Nanny, I felt a strange sense of peace come over me.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the sea shimmered a beautiful greeney-blue.  I realised I had once again got myself whipped up into such a frenzy I was guilty of not seeing the wood for the trees.  I'm about to have a baby for goodnessake!  Although pregnancy is tough on the old body, I never forget how lucky I am.  We didn't think we'd be able to have children without some medical intervention (Steve's spina bifida) but we've been blessed.  And right now, I need all of my energies to focus on the imminent birth.  I caught up with a friend of mine who said she knew a tutor who was keen for some extra work and would love to help us out for a few hours a day and I called an agency to book an urgent, temp Nanny to help over the Friday and weekend after the induction.  They sound hopeful that while a longer term option might not be available, they'll be able to come up with someone for those key days.  Yesterday was another beautiful day, so I surprised Steve by booking him for his first flying lesson.  On the way there, my big, brave husband admitted he was actually quite nervous.  Its something he's always wanted to do, what if now, finally getting to do it, he wouldn't like it afterall.  It doesn't matter, I said.  He'll get the experience and there's plenty of other things to try out afterwards.

My Aviator....

Steve thoroughly enjoyed his trip, all hats off to the Kapiti Aero Club for making it such a fantastic experience.  Suffice to say, he's keen to persue this hobby!  The day couldn't have been more perfect for it.

Later on in the evening the Nanny arrived back.  We've obviously made her and the college aware that her placement has come to an end.  I did feel a bit sorry for her.  We told her and the college that she was welcome to stay until a new family had been found, we didn't want to turf her out on the street.  But her services were not 'required' and she would effectively be a 'guest.'  When she got home she excitedly informed us that she'd met another family who she's keen to start with.  Although she was keen to tell us that they had really ugly kids with squashed up faces.  She was excited because they were leaving her in the house alone for four days while they holidayed.  More fool them then!  We were happy for her of course, depsite the stupidity, she does have a warm heart.  I think.  This morning, I was in the bath with a really bad back ache - NOT NOW!!  The timing is well off!  Steve was taking Moons to school.  I didn't hear anything.  When I got out of the bath, the cleaner had arrived (early for once!) and asked me what she was meant do with all the people downstairs.  I had no idea what she was on about!  Turns out Sugarbag's family had arrived.  Her Mum and brother and they were sat downstairs at the table with Pip.  Basically, the long and short of it is that she's lost her car keys and managed to park in a way that has blocked Steve and I in.  Despite realising that the keys must be somewhere between the car and her bedroom (she'd locked it). they called the AA to unlock it.  Her Mum is waifer thin, ravaged teeth, decorated in cheap jewellerly and her brother is missing teeth, and when I stuck out my hand to shake his in greeting he seemed to wonder what the hell I was doing.  Its like being in a movie, these are the token trailer trash that sit around cleaning guns.  I explained that we had to move our cars and the Mum slowly drawled that they would roll the car once its unlocked.  What about the power steering/lock I asked?  Blank looks all round.  No apology, no nothing.  Just blank faces.  I actually had this schoolgirl urge to giggle.  If people like this really do exist, then of course, they're going to be in my house!  I explained that we'd like to leave within half an hour, hoping to take some control of the situation with a time frame.  Sugarbag asked her Mum to look in her room for her keys.  Some discussion took place about directions to her room.  Our is home quite large, but not large and complicated enough that you have to draw treasure maps to nagivate around.  Having been told it was 'right' up the stairs and down the hall, I followed shortly after with the intention of hiding in my room until the house restored itself.  I found Sugarbag's Mum hanging out at the top, looking like her battery had run out and she'd shut down.  'Just down there' I offered pointing helpfully down the corridor (a corridor that doesn't have any rooms off it!).  It was just too painful to watch.    I'm actually not up here seething with unrepentent anger (for once!), I just find the whole thing rather comical.  Now, my contractions are making me feel very uncomfortable, so I'll go and lie down for a minute.

I got my first assignment back yesterday and was excited to see I'd gotten 80%.  I had actually spent ages on it, but then after attending the study skills programme, I promptly deleted it all and started again. I knew I'd get marked down for referencing because I just can't grasp it, but I tried and I'm happy with the mark, well, as happy as I can be, I would rather higher!  It gave me the motivation to try and finish my assignment on development.  Its so bloody boring.  Development theories and then practices.  Lots of waffle ,not how I'd anticipated a paper on the third world being.  I was getting really anrgy and stomping around. Steve kept dragging me back to the laptop, I was whining, I'm too stupid for this.  I really didn't understand what I was reading, and its so hard to concentrate when its boring.  Steve was so patient and really helped me, I wouldn't have done it without him. He showed me some brainstorming techniques, he kept questioning me, forcing me to remind myself and tried to add some interest by putting it in context, ie, talking about Cambodia, etc. It really helped and it started to click.  I started to get some ideas on content and soon was hitting the word count. Phew!  It was faxed off on the due date and a huge wait has been lifted.  If I hadn't have done it and given in, I would have bitterly have regretted it.  I'd also been planning my approach with the cleaner and practicing what I was going to say.  In the end, she was extremely late and I had to drop Steve off, so I wrote it all down on a note for her.  I was specific about what I wanted done that day and how I wanted her days/hours to work. When I got home, she'd read it and didn't try to change it which is what I had fully anticipated.  I think she knew I was serious, but also, I was effectively helping her out by not cutting down her hours.  The downstairs was spotless, everything I'd asked for had been done.  Our meeting with the Nanny and the college has been postponed until Friday, but the shit ended up hitting the fan before then.  While we were out, she text and said she was going to get Moons, could she just leave Pip with the cleaner!  I was mortified that a NANNY could ask.  When I got home I explained why that was totally unacceptable, but she didn't get it at all.  I asked her if she would have left Pip with the gardener (who was also there that day) and she said, 'of course not, he just cuts grass,etc' so I said the cleaner was just there to clean - not childmind.  I asked her if she knew if the cleaner had children/grandchildren, was she security checked, would I  have trusted her with Pip??  She said she had no idea.  So again, I reinforced that she must never decide whom she feels she can leave Pip with and it shouldn't even be on her radar to ask.  Furthermore, if she felt that Pip was too sick or she was struggling, she should have called Steve and I and we would have come straight back.  This of course prompted a further conversation about her attitude in general and if she was happy or not with the girls, because we couldn't tell. We told her again that the girls need to feel a rapport with her, not just be made to follow orders.  She started to cry and walked away.  I told her not to get upset that we needed to discuss this like adults.  As Steve pointed out, I've now managed to make everyone cry that's looked after the girls, which I feel pretty shitty about!  I asked why she wasn't following our suggestions and if she'd had second thoughts about being a Nanny.  She said she was lonely, away from home and her family and friends.  I told her that I'd always encouraged her to meet other Nannies, one lives up the road, one down the road and another in the next suburb, why wasn't she arranging to meet them??  There's no point complaining about being lonely if you're not going to utulise information and opportunities around.  One girl had already text her about having coffee, but she'd not bothered replying!  This weekend Nanny is coming on Saturday, so I suggested she stick around to get to know her and do something after she'd finished.  Computer says no.  She's decided to go home for the weekend, she wants her Mummy instead.  I wish I had more patience and compassion, but I don't.  I'm so tired and so SICK of trying to be contrustructive, patient and understanding.  She's a Nanny for goddssake!!  I've made it so easy by cutting down chores and letting her have time off because we're around more often, and she's still bloody struggling.  A full time working family in the city with time pressures and commitments would have sacked her by now.  And what's with all this grunting???  Why can't she just talk like a normal person?  If she turned around to me and said I was cow, my family sucked and she'd had enough, I would respect her for being honest and open!  But instead she just sulks, and has continued to sulk for the rest of yesterday evening.  We bought some take out - for her as well and tried to be chatty.  I asked her if she OK and if she wanted to talk about anything else and she got all tearful again.  Grrr!  Anyway, all evening I had meaty contractions, long and painful.  The baby is so low down I feel like I could grab a foot or something.  My back is killing me, and I felt sure that last night must finally be it.  The contractions tapered off at night, but resumed again this morning, waking me up and not letting me sleep again. Its driving me NUTS.  Still, I'm almost 37 weeks now, I made it passed preterm fears.  I'm going to ask my OB to book me in for an induction when I see her next week.  I want to know EXACTLY when this baby is going to come and make sure I have a plan in place.  Oh and yesterday we were trying to find moons a costume for a special school day and wanted to show this picture of Steve looking rather blue....