Hopping mad

Once again people on the estate we live on have showed just how shallow they are. J has again been accussed of scratching cars. The first i knew was a girl knocking on the door saying J had scratched her mums car and had been swearing. I asked when it was and she said just now. When i said it cant have been him as he had been in teh house for over an hour, she said well so and so told me. 

This time i know he is completly innocent but it hasn't stopped not only the kids' blatently lying and blaming him even to the RMP's The adults are pointing the finger, my hubby witnessed it all from our front porch.

J has been in the house the majority of the time apart from short bursts of time at the local park. But what got me was of one the kids he had been playing  with even she lied saying she was with him when he scratched the cars. But the only time she played with him was in our house. Older kids are egging the younger kids to lie as what was written on one of the cards, J doesn't even know how to spell.

Im waiting on the RMP knocking at the door and trying to blame him. I really have had enough. Ive told V that if the house we have been offered is bigger even if its only a little bit then i want us to take it.

So Once again im having to keep J in for his own protection. V was fuming when he left for his ten pin bowling match. No doubt he will hit the pins and pretent they are the gossips.  

The main person going around encouraging others to join in the blame J is a woman over the road from us. She is Welsh and  she rants and raves and is the first to blame the boys for anything, usualy as her own son is a right toerag.

Right that is my rant over, time for a cuppa and chill out.

07:21 - Thu 21 August 2008 - comments {2}

Frustration

Its been a rather frustrating week this week, ive not managed to get much work done towards my assignment the discussion forum which has to referenced as part of the assignment still hasn't been started, so i get started on that. The kids are playing me up so dont get much chance to concentrate on anything.

We have been offered a house in the area we wanted however only a 3 bedroom which is what we have now. Welfare had told us that it would be no problem getting a 4 bed. However the housing people said we needed a medical letter to say that  due to J's ADHD we needed the extra room. Which we duely did. So today we got a call from welfare saying the letter had been turned down. So we either wait on list for a 4 bed, or accept the 3 bed or just stay where we are.

Im not a happy bunny as i told v i would only remain in Germany if we were moved due to all the problems.He wont move into another 3 bed sees no point in it, which i can understand. But ive already agreed to some one moving into the house we own  on a long term agreement. So guess im going to be stuck here with keeping J in as much as possible due to the attitude of some of the people who live around here.

The thing is this house is so small that we have no space for the boys who share to have a chest of drawers in their room, so all the clothes are piled in boxes in the corner.

Im might get V to have a look at the house we have been offered and if the bedroom are indeed bigger then i might just tell him to go for it.Anything is better than this cramped house with no storage.

Right best check on the toe rags as they have just  disappered out of the house 

02:12 - Tue 19 August 2008 - comments {0}

Enjoying a little break from studying

God knows how ive done it but im now ahead of myself with my course, my next assignment needs to have OU forum input and that doesn't open till the 18th of August. I have been a little reading going over earlier work books. But as V has just left for the UK to sort out the new car and other stuff i wont get a great deal done while he is away. So tomorrow once the kids and i are sorted, provided the weather is ok we will go for a long walk with the dog. The past few weeks ive hardly had time to scratch my nose let alone spend time with the kids so im going to make up for it.

My next assignment is again a toughy, using a case study which implies possible child abuse i have to argue how emotional impact communication can have on situations.WE have to discuss different scenarios on the forum within our tutor group. I just hope i manage to do well enough to pass.

Im going to enjoy the freedom from studying while it lasts as i know once im back at the books there will be no let up.

10:07 - Mon 11 August 2008 - comments {0}

Am dancing on the ceiling now with happiness

Ive just found out that ive passed my assignment so now ive got a good chance of actually passing the course providing the next assignmetn results in a pass and i get a pass on the exam. Im strating to feel more optomistic now.

Right im off to get a bottle of wine now asi think ive deserved it now

05:55 - Thu 7 August 2008 - comments {1}

I cant believe it i passed my exam

O my god can you believe it, i got a grade 3 pass, the highest ive ever had and im so happy im crying. I really enjoyed that course, although i did find the exam tough going. The relief i feel is wonderful. Just need to get through this communication course.

Right back to the books, still have another assignment to go before the revision starts for that exam.

Im so happy so happy, as mandy dances around her bedroom/study

10:34 - Thu 7 August 2008 - comments {2}

I actually made the dead line

For once on this course i managed to get my assignment in on time. Ive worked so hard this week , hardly spent any time with the kids or V and have been living on caffine.

My exam result was supposed to be in today but when i checked my student home page it looks like i will have to wait till Friday now.

Fingers crossed that i have passed both my exam and my assignment.

Off to join my family now as im taking a whole day off from studying to do any thing they want to do.

09:45 - Wed 6 August 2008 - comments {1}

Still waiting to hear from the oz army

Despite regular emails from us to the lateral recruiting team we have still heard nothing. Apart from emails back saying  they cant proceded till they get his qualifications assessed. It was April they were sent off and to be honest we are fed up with waiting.

Today whilst i was trying to get my brain into gear to complete my assignment i put together all the info for V about migration and put it on the desk top with his name clearly on it. AS he knows nothing about the whole process of migration. Why is that i wonder?

Any how i managed to get a little bit more of my assignment done, its taken me ages and still need to find around 400 words to meet the word limit. I just hope to god it passes this time.

My exam results are due in on the same day as my assignment has to be in so ive got every thing crossed.

Im off to bed now and hope i will some how manage to wake up and know exactly what to write to finish this dammed assignment off. To say i dislike this course is an understatement.

11:09 - Sun 3 August 2008 - comments {2}

Had a fantastic weekend

Got back late on Sunday after spending the weekend down at Mohnesee. It was quite liberating sleeping in a tent some 20 odd years since i did my camping for Duke of Edinburgh Award.

The kids loved it. There were a half dozen familes from the unit also there so the kids all played whilst the adults caught up with what every one had been up to.

Saturday morning we went mountain biking around the lake very scenic, the blokes and kids were miles ahead of us ladies. My god my bum was saw after it though. I think i need an armchair on a bike for comfort lol.

In the after noon we went on body boards, pedaloes and canadian kayaks. It was great fun, the boys seemed to jump at the challenge. I managed to get sunburnt though. A case of me sorting the kids out with lotion and forgetting about my self. We had a great barbie on the evening till the heavens opened up and the worst storm that Germany had seen hit us. That was certainly an experince living through that in a tent. It lasted from 10pm till 5 am. I finally got to sleep when the storm died down. J slept through the lot and the other 2 thought it was exciting and a bit scary.

Sunday morning was so calm it was unbelievable , the kids and V went back out on the water, i just chilled out and watched and if im honest caught up on a few ZZZZZzz. WE set off back for home in the afternoon. All exhausted but happy.

We got home and were a little miffed that some toerag whilst we had been away thought it was amusing to lob stones and balls of mud at the back of our house, the patio was covered as was the window and our patio furniture. It was dark by the time we had un loaded the minibus we had used. So the clean up operation began yesterday.

We are still waiting to hear about the house we were offered. I so want to living in a quiter area, as we seem to be getting plenty of things happening to us which are unneccessary.

I have managed to make a start on my assignment and have got the introduction done. I shall try and get more done tommorow so my tutor can cast her eye over it and make sure im on track with it.

Its nearly a year since we moved to Germany and although in the main im happy that we decided to join V and get our family back on track, i still have a few regrets. mainly about the house in the UK. We still have no tenant  and im not sure when we will.

Any way its late and im off to bed

10:08 - Tue 29 July 2008 - comments {0}

Going to plod on with this course

After much discussions with my tutor i will carry on with my course. Despite the fact im not enjoying it the tutor is going to up her support for me.

I told her in no uncertain terms that i felt i had been let down by her. she realised that i am a good worker and despite all the crap ive endured ive always handed assignments in, even if later than every one else. She still wont re mark my work and stands by what she feels is correct about my last assignment. so im forgetting about that now. Im almost finished my current work book and after the weekend's camping i will crack on with my assignment. She has been given permission by regional office to check my draft essay prior to marking so that she can offer more help and ensure im doing the essay in the style she likes. So hopefully it will mean i pass my next two assignments.

If i can pass the remaining assignments i can pass the course (providing i pass the exam). So ive got my fingers crossed that is what is going to happen.

Ive worked dammed hard for this degree the effort i hope will be worth it when i 2009 i get the degree.

Well got to crack on with this work book and its reading list. I may not be enjoying it but im no quitter and i will finish this course

08:50 - Wed 23 July 2008 - comments {2}

Feeling as though my mojo is gone

I got my assignment result back today and it was not good news, ive failed again. Out of the past 3 assignments ive only passed one. Im not enjoying my course and im starting to think about pulling out of it. However im not sure if i would get any money back on it as ive self funded and nearly £700 is a lot of money to go down the drain. Ive been looking at alternative courses and i could potentially get another course started in October which would mean i was doing 2 courses again for a short time next year. Not good.

I really do need to get my degree finished by 2009 other wise i will have to pay international fees for my final course. Just cant afford it.

I really am confused and just dont know what to do about it. Ive worked dammed hard on this course , the content has been difficult to read at times and the questions have been very difficult. I know other people on the course are also struggling so im not alone. I think my tutor is not very helpful and even admited that my assignment showed a good argument but was not enough to pass. i think other tutors would have passed me. Im annoyed and upset. I have another assignment due soon but right now i just want to down tools and say sod it. Im not a quitter though and i feel as though if i plod on i might just scrapre enough to pass the course(miracle if that happened)

Off to sort the kids out now, sounds like they fighting again

05:36 - Mon 21 July 2008 - comments {0}

Still recovering

Im never drinking again. Still feel rough and im now coming down with a cold.

Mind you at least i managed to get out of bed yesterday, some of our mates never managed that lol.

Im drinking coffee and lempsips like they are going out of fashion.

Ive got to get loads of work done for this assignment and all i want to do is pull the douvet over me and sleep.

Ive decided im sending all the rain we are getting in Paderborn over to Albury as they are in depserate need of it and im fed up of it.

Got to crack on the course work aint going to do its self

09:41 - Mon 21 July 2008 - comments {2}

Feeling rough today

Well last night was brillant. Large quantities of alcohol was consumed as people were buying us drinks left right and center. It would have been rude to refuse. The bloke who did the speech was rubbish (too much alcohol to blame). V on the other hand did a brief but funny speech as usual. Which more than made up for it.

WE finally got home around 4ish i think. The baby sitter was brillant and got on the transport home by special arrangement(saved us taxi fees).

Both of us feel rougher than a badgers bum and with the kids getting up at 8 .30 we have not had much sleep.

V is off on adventure training tommorow and on Friday we will join him with the rest of the families for a weekend of fun.

I need another coffee so will write more later  

01:42 - Sun 20 July 2008 - comments {1}

A special night for my husband tommorow

Tommorow night we are going to be wined and dined in honour of V serving 22 years in the army. There will be speeches and toasts and hopefully a good night. Although V does not leave the army till April , it was the only time he can have his dine out as all the friends and collegues he has will not be in Paderborn when we leave. Instead they will be serving in either Afghanistan or Iraq. that is a sombering thought that tommorow night may be the last time we see some of our very good friends. Hopefully they will all come back safe from the tours and we will get vistors once we get to oz.

However i am realistic and know that out of the many that go a few will not come back. That is what life in the army is life.

I am so proud of my V he joined the army at 16 and has served in the Gulf twice, Canada, a few times, Ireland initally for a 9 month tour when it was still troubled and then 4 years most recently.

I met V when i was 17 and he was 18 so i knew that my life would never be a stress free and boring life. We have had scary moments when he has been in war zones when i thought i would never see him again. More so in 1990 when the convoy he was in got hit by friendly fire (stupid yanks) although he lost friends in the convoy he survived and he vowed he would make his life mean something. I think he has as well.

Neither of us a wild party people but we are very sociable and most people when they see us together they know we belong together. As i listen to the speech, im sure i will have a lump in my throat as they praise my man.

WEll enough jabbering on ive got course work to get done.

09:36 - Fri 18 July 2008 - comments {1}

Playing catch up on my studying

My next assignment is due shortly and i have only today just sent of my last assignment. its tough going at the moment. for some reason this course has had no break at Easter and will offer no break in summer. So for 9 months solid this course is worked on. i think the OU are expecting too much of its students on this course.

Im feeling the pain now of constantly studying. When the 6 th of Aug comes round i should have my 4th assignment sent off, but that is not going to happen so once again i will have to have an extention. All through this course ive needed extentions, im only supposed to be allowed no more than 3. hopefully my tutor will understand that everything has had a knock on effect and with no break factored in no chance of catching up properly. I still dont know how im going to cope with the kids off for 6 weeks and a house move to boot.

I am feeling much stronger now though, the past few weeks were hell as i started spirling into a near depression type state. But knowing that i clean this stressful enviroment behind has boosted me.

D my eldest has been having counselling at school for the trauma he suffered a few months back, it seems to have paid off as he is much happier in himself. He confessed that knowing we are moving away but still close enough for his friends to visit has boosted him aswell.

V is writing the letter today to the welfare office to formally request the move to the new house. (the army cant just give us it paperwork has to be done) also because it benefits us we also have to pay for the move ourselves. so we arn't too sure whether we will get our little holiday to center parks after all.

However next weekend we are off to Mohnasee(dambusters) for a weekend of campling and activites for the familes. The men(army ) folk go down this Monday for a sailing course and activity courses.

The kids are quite excited, ive not been camping since i did my Duke of Edinburgh Award schemes in the 80's i just hope i can handle it lol.

V's skill assesment still have not come back, he emailed the recruiting team to see what is going on.

Ah well best crack on with this work book 

11:17 - Tue 15 July 2008 - comments {0}

Slowly getting there

Im half way through my assignment now. Just got to work out what to write next. Its been painfully slow doing this assignment, but im not giving up and my tutor understands what has been going on. I hope to be able to send it off after the weekend. AS i then need to crack on with another assignment due in on the 6th of August.

We visted the area of the house we may be getting. Its only 2 streets worth of army houses in a German housing area. It has a big play park for the kids and a few German shops handy. Its about 10 mins away from the town center so is very built up. i couldn't find an obvious place for Benji to go for a run out.

The house its self is massive compared to what we have here. It has an area i could use as a study a proper laundry room, the kitchen and living area is double the size as is the garden. It has a lot of positives going for it. D my eldest however would have the very top floor with his own ensuite as that room only has a single wardrobe in it and not enough height room for any additional wardrobes. Im sure my 10 year old would love that. so we would have to use the family bathroom. I personaly think the move will be worth it, even if we only have 9 months left in the army. Its either that or in November we will move back to the UK which finacially would be difficult to afford to live as we want to.

Still no word back from the oz army, so V is going to get cracking on applying for our own visa now, time is ticking by and we need to be proactive.

Ive got just about everything ready to send off my application to the nursing board of NSW. Unfortunatly i only have one character reference as ive lost touch with alot of my old nursing friends witht he constant moving ive done over the years. I did have a good friend who is a teacher who was going to do a refeerence for me but she hasn't been qualified enough. Its annoying that my friends have to be in certain professions to be eligible to do a character reference for me. I haven't got a professional reference either as ive not worked for 5 years and my previous employer can not remember me. so the OU are giving me an academic reference instead. Im sure if i write a job summary it will show what experience ive had. Just hope it will be enough.

Right back to the assignment

08:36 - Fri 11 July 2008 - comments {0}

Finally some one is listening to us

I have just come from a meeting with an educational psychologist who could actually offer some help with J. Thanks to my persistance we are finally getting somewhere. He is going to put together an action plan for the school so they can offer J the kind of education he needs and deserves. He acknowledged that his is a bright lad and above his peers with reading , numeracy and most other subjects. It is only the social aspect of things that are making it difficult for him. He understands his difficulities in dealing with groups and is going to put a plan in place to help J intergrate more with him.

We also spoke with the head teacher and he understands now why J has had a few problems in class setting. so hopefully when the school term starts in September it will be all action stations and life should get better for J.

WE have spoken to the kids about a possible move and in principle they are all for it. It will be a fresh start with J , he can play out with out the baggage of being labelled the 'naughty kid'. . Just got to find out if we can actually afford to move and if the army will give us assistance.

It sounds daft but as i listened to the educational psychologist  i found myself thinking of my course work in communication and thinking wow he is using the core skills of communication here. Which is what my assignment is about. Both V and i came out of the meeting with a renewed optimism for the future. WE know that life is going to be a challenge for us with J , but now we have the startings of a plan we hope no matter where we move to we will get the help we need with the professional information to hand over.

Back to the assignment now 

12:30 - Tue 8 July 2008 - comments {2}

18 years of wedded bliss

Today is our wedding anniversary and it should be a happy occasion. But it has been overshadowed by a meeting today with the family who have accused J of terrorising the estate. It is mainly the woman who did all the talking. Not even listening to the welfare officers who are representing our units when offering her solutions. 

As i suspected the meeting achieved nothing other than this woman got an audience to rant and rave about how bad our son is. she would not listen to reason and could not accept her daughter has some responsibility in the situation. It boils down to she wants to be away from us and wants us to keep our boys away from her girls. She thinks we are bullies.

Im emotinally shaking after she doubts our parenting skills and put all her daughters problems squarely at our door.

Un known to this woman we have been offered a chance of  a 4 bedroom house 5k's away where all the other senior ranks are. Im seriously thinking about this move. As this woman really does intimate me and im sure she is trying to get back up from other familes to say we are awful.

Hopefully we are going to see the houses this week. It will be an upheaveful but i personally think if it gets us a chance to relax and live stress free then it is worth it. As keeping J in all the time for fear of what other things he gets accused off is affecting us all.

Although she may feel that if we move it will be her victory, at the end of the day, we get an extra bedroom so the boys arn't sharing anymore , a bigger garden and a much nicer 'posh' house. I know that if we do move some one else will be guilty of 'hurting' her daughter. So i know moving will give J chance to play out with out any hassle.

Ive got an assignment to get started , but tonight i will crack open the wine to celebrate not only being with V 18 years, but celebrating the success he had at the army 10 pin bowling championship. he got 5 trophies in all.

Well back to assignment

10:24 - Mon 7 July 2008 - comments {2}

Things are looking better for Benji and for us.

Benji is definatly on the road to recovery. He is now eating and drinking on his own, a few days of hand feeding him and encouraging fluids have paid off. The lump is jelly like now and much smaller. The odema however has spread from his jaw down to the toes of his left paw. He is moving ok although limping or hoping on 3 legs at times. He looks as though he is no longer in as much pain and seems happier in him self. I was going to get him back to the vets today but i have no means to get him up there today. V has had to go to Frankfurt airport (left at 3am) So when they open up after 10 i shall arrange an appointment for Monday afternoon.

On Monday its our 18th wedding anniversary but instead of having a relaxing day, we have a meeting with the familes officer and the woman who has put the complaint in about J. Im not sure what this meeting will achieve as she will not listen to reason. We shall see what comes of it.

Tue i have to meet the educational psychologist at J's school so hopefully will find out what the way forward is for J in school.

Still haven't heard from the oz army regarding the skills assessment. However V now realises it might be time to start looking for alternative work in oz and start the visa process are selves. I highlighted a job for him(one of many i may add) and he got very excited about a job as a service manager for a truck company in West Melbourne, paying $150k a year. Ive not seen him that excited for a while, as the job is something he could do easily by transfering his army experience of running an army unit to a civvy organisation. He is going to be applying for it this weekend.

Ive now finished the work book i needed to to be able to start my assignment so i shall be starting to tackle that today and hope to have it finished by next week.

I know last week i was feeling very down but thanks to the support of friends on BE and here in Paderborn i am feeling much better. My problem as always is taking too much on and letting things get to me . So i am back to feeling more normal and will just tackle problems one at a time.

Well best get back to organising my assignment

08:14 - Fri 4 July 2008 - comments {1}

A little bit of hope for Benji

Benji was back at the vets again today, another injection and was given some food replacement stuff to help keep him going. If i dont manage to get him to eat anything tonight then he is back to the vets in the morning for iv fluids.

The test so far have shown that it is not a bacterial infection, so is possibibly a virus. the good news is the lump is reducing in size although the odema is increasing at a shocking rate. He still has a high temp and hopefully the injection he had at dinner time should help with this. It is still a mystery as to what Benji has actually got. The vet is happy to say he hasn't got a tumor , as tumours would not shrink in size after antibiotic treatment.

Im trying to keep him cool whilst its in the 30's outside with no breeze. He has now given up walking as the odema is pressing down on the nerves across the top of his left leg . Trying to carry a springer spaniel is no easy task especially up and down all the flights of stairs we have.

Although im still worrying about him i feel easier knowing we are not dealing with a tumour.

My nursing skills are certainly being pushed to the limits caring for him.  Giving oral antibiotics, giving topical lotions to the affected area and now trying to keep him hydrated and feeding him a dog version of build up. Maybe i should retrain as a vet nurse lol.

Hopefully tommorow will see him starting to feel better, i hope so as its heart breaking seeing him suffering in silence unable to communicate how he feels.

Time to give him more fluids before i get the eldest off the school bus.

02:31 - Tue 1 July 2008 - comments {0}

Benji is very poorly

Its been a worrying day . We took Benji tot he vets this morning, he was shaved to see if there were any signs externaly that would cause the swelling. That was negative. The vet then did an xray which showed up areas of pus but no foreign bodies. He has been given an injection a bit like a cortosoid. the vet thinks there is a slight chance it may be a tumour but as Benji is young he thinks its highly unlikely. The vet at this moment in time has no idea what has caused him to be so poorly. He had his usual run around on Friday and then Saturday afternoon we noticed the lump and we just dont know why .

This afternoon he has gone down hill rapidly. concerning us so much that V has taken him back to the vets. The swelling is increasing he has not eaten or drunk since last night. At one point he lay behind the front door and stayed motionless for a few hours. I honestly thought he had died.

WE are trying not to alarm the kids. D has already asked if he is going to die like Angus did. WE said no Angus was an old dog.

Fingers crossed he is going to be ok.

05:03 - Mon 30 June 2008 - comments {3}