Will the last Englishman out of the country turn the lights out please ?

It's Australia Day, so let's celebrate our Australian ways

07:29, Fri 25 January 2008 .. 1 comments .. Link

Having been here a year now, I feel I can comment on the way of life here. Seeing as tomorrow is Australia Day, I thought I would write a list to celebrate all things good Australian. For my English mates, you'll understand it's payback for the pommie bashing we take all year. For my Aussie mates, please take it in the light hearted fashion it's intended. So, here goes :

The great thing about being Australian is you can do things that in most other countries would see you ridiculed.

Fashion
You can wear oversized dark black sunglasses all year round, even when it's pouring with rain and you are sitting on a dark train carriage. The rule only applies if they have big Gucci, Prada, or DG diamond encrusted logos on the side however.

You can wear blue patent stilettoes with pink dots and a green dress together, and STILL think you look the absolute business. Coupled with the sunglasses, you really are too cool for school.

Language
You get to shorten every word, and put an 'o' on the end. Like arvo, and doco. No matter how much of a twat you sound saying it, everyone loves you for it. To totally integrate, your name needs to follow the same format, Johnno, Davo, if you can boast an 'o' name, you've made it.

You can say 'Fair Dinkum'. No, you really can, I've heard it, and it wasn't a joke. In fact there was a whole page ad in the paper yesterday for 'Fare Dinkum' air fares.

You get to say the word 'approach' a lot. People will ask, "What should our approach be to this", when they mean "I have got no f*ckin idea how to deliver this, have you ?". This is also a benefit of work, below.

You also get to say the word 'like' a lot. Most sentences start and end in either, "So, I was like", or "and, he was like".

Work
You can be a 'pointer'. Not the cement in between the bricks type, no, you just stand on a building site and point. Each site typically has around 10 of these, with 20 managers, and 1 labourer.

Australia is process heaven. If you can think of it, there's a process for it. Somewhere there's a process telling cleaners how to wash toilets... "Take the loo brush, and in a circular motion pass it wound the pan 6 times"

You dont actually have to deliver anything. You may well get given a task, but there's enough red tape and waffle lying around to ensure you never have to complete it. Seems mainly due to process, above. If someone tries to pin you down on delivery, just say "No, the process does not work that way".

Part of this non-delivery it seems is also to repeat every exercise in a bi yearly routine. For instance, you start with a plan, then decide that wont work, the bloody process is getting in the way. Then starts a series of meeting to troubleshoot whats going wrong. No definate actions are defined, although everyone leaves the meeting cock sure that they've got it sorted this time. You now do the complete opposite of what you have done up to this point to deliver the task. Still does not work, so more meetings, and low and behold we go back to the original way of working. As I said, takes around 6 months generally, however if the organisation is familar with Rapid Application Deployment techniques, this can be reduced to quarterly cycles.

Driving
You get to drive a gas guzzling V8 although you never go over 60kph.

The reason for the V8 it seems is so that you can accelerate away from the lights at breakneck speed, hit 60Kph, come right off the gas with no warning, and sit there until the next stop, or a corner ! Corners are the bain of an Australian drivers life. Their cars all must be booby trapped with mercury switches and 20kilos of TNT or something, as the Titanic cornered better than they do here.

You get to drive at people who dare to try and pull out into your lane. How dare they invade YOUR piece of road, you were there first after all. You also never have to say thank you if someone does let you out, they probably didn't mean too anyway, they probably just took their eye off the ball for a second, SUCKERS !

Sport
You never actually lose a sporting event. Should the scoreline reflect that in fact Australia did not win, you can take solice in the fact that the other team were not better, your lot just messed it up and let them win. The excuses after the rugby were absolute genius.

You get to call football soccer, and be sh*t at it.

The best bits, for me anyway
Licenses. Were it not for licenses, this country would cease to operate. I know I've said this in a previous post, but there really is a license for everything. I am told the local govt looked into stopping people cycling on pavements. The answer ? Ofcourse, a license. You need a license to ride a bike, genius. So, little Johnno gets a bike for Xmas, wants to go for a ride. Sorry son, you need to wait till you're 16 when you qualify for a license ! I have yet to be in a meeting where a license is suggested as a solution to an issue, but my time cannot be far away.

Saving the best for last. The weather ! Forecasts for occasional showers result in a weekend of torrential rain ! What do people say at work on Monday ? "Ah, but we needed it". No, quite frankly, we dont. We get more rain here than I ever saw in the UK, just over less days. It rains inches in hours here. Where does it go ? Straight back into the sea.

Anyway, despite all that, we love it. Kirsto and Dazzo are getting on well, and Kaio had his jabs today and was a little star. We will be sitting in the sun tomorrow, beers in hand, loving this outdoor life. We've made loads of good friends, Australian and English, and would recommend it here to any of you back home.

Happy Australia Day All !

D, K, K

x

1 year on, our lives and how they have changed

10:21, Fri 30 November 2007 .. 3 comments .. Link

Hey all,

Yes, the blog has been very quiet of late. Too much other stuff going on to update it, more of that in a moment.

First of all, we recently celebrated a year's residence here in Aus. Although time dragged a bit at first, this really does feel like home now. We have met quite a few people, we have our own house, the swimming pool is currently going in, and life seems pretty good.

It's not all been roses. Aus is very different from the UK, and there certainly are things we miss. The good things outweigh the bad though, and we really are settled here now. The outdoor life is great, and all the reasons we left the UK for dont exist here, which is so refreshing. We can drive anywhere without hitting traffic, it's all so clean, to be honest I cant remember life before. My weekly night out now is down the bowling club with a load of older mates, where before it would be a club in town in London, with a load of cool chaps like Narf and Droid. Yes, things are certainly different, but equally good, just in different ways. Would kill for a Tesco's though, never thought I would say that. The fact that I would even settle for a Tesco's goes to show how bad the supermarkets are here. Marks and Sparks food would make a killing here, but no doubt they cant get in, as they would clearly put Woolies and Coles out of business. Seriously, the supermarkets are SO backwards. They practically tell you what you can and cant eat by how they price things. You want an iceberg lettuce ? Sure, $5. Or, there is a cos lettuce, $1.50. So, what you going to eat ? The fabled 'drought' is blamed for all high food prices, but it pisses down all the time here. I think I know why there is a water shortage though. The goverment clearly has not issued enough licenses to catch water. You see, to fart here, you need a license. Australia's answer to everything is to have a license for it. So, they should just print a load of water licenses, let everyone catch it, and Bob's your uncle.

Anyhow, jokes over (I dont have a license to tell them). What's changed in a year ? Well, we have the house as mentioned, 2 cars, 2 puppies, we both found jobs easy, then I went part time as we started our own company. We now have CBD offices, loads of leads we are working on, and in the new year the plan is to run that full time. Kirstie is not working any more, as we have one of Australia's newest citizens in the family, our son. He was born on November 19, and came home exactly 1 year to the day we arrived in Australia, November 24. If you would have said that 1 year on from the day we landed we would be bringing a baby home, we would have laughed, but there you go. We are over the moon, and he is a little angel. K is the greatest mum in the world, and it's quite a nice little family now, us and the dogs. It so amazing, we moved here to change our lives, and it's happened so quickly, just as we wanted it to. We've been very very lucky, and we know it.

San is here now, she was for the birth. Dad comes tomorrow for a month, and Jim arrives a week before Xmas. Last Xmas was a bit weird, this one will be amazing. How things change in a year.......

Lee, got your text about a new number, but lost it. Get back in touch dude, will send you some pics of the little one. Narf, never got that $50, cheapskate ! :o) Matt, miss your endless questioning about lunch, people are such stiffs in my office, miss you every day when I think about the 18 months before I left. The rest of you, remember, you are all welcome for a holiday. If I dont update before, Merry Xmas !

Nayim, from the halfway line !

05:53, Thu 20 September 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

So, it may have been the worst season West Pymble Div 2 have ever endured, coinciding nicely with my arrival at the club (Surely the two cant be linked ?), but we knew last weekend was our opportunity to put the record straight, ignore the fact we were relegated, and go and win the WARATAH CUP ! This is a tournament where all the West Pyble teams play each other in one day in a league fashion, the top 2 teams facing off in a final. When Div 4 play Div 2, Div 2 play with 2 less players, i.e 9. When Div 2 play Div 1, Div 1 play with 10, which evens it all up. You get the picture.....

WP Div 3B, who came 2nd in their league, had been calling for our heads since the season end, suggesting they should take our place in Div 2 if we were allowed to stay up, which may happen due to the comical middle part of the season when no games were played. This got up my nose somewhat, there's a big gap between Div 2, and Div 3, so I took it upon myself to demostrate that.

First game out, 9am, we played Div 3A (Not the B's, so we like them). A man short, we were a little off sorts. They were awarded a pen that never was, and their striker obviously thought the same as he put it wide. I was playing up front for the whole tournament, as our strikers were all unavailable, and almost grabbed the winner at the end, poor control of a bouncing ball on my part though, and we finished 0-0.

The heavens opened at this point (It's the drought dont you know ?), which stirred the loins of our side, as we are mostly all English, and now the pitch looked just like Hackney Marshes. Next game, DIV 3B - also known as 'The Warriors', seriously, that's what they call themselves. I prefer The Wankers. Anyway, we took it to them from the whistle, 10 men or no 10 men. They really never knew what hit them. Challenges flying in everywhere, our whole side has 1 mission, kill the bastards. They never got out of their half for the first 10 mins, and we capped a great first 30 mins performance with a sweet goal from Douggie. Second half went much the same, we won 1-0. They tromped off saying what a dirty side we were, to which we replied if you wanna play Div 2 expect that sort of onslaught every week, and to be fair that's pretty accurate.

So, next game for us is Div 1, and for the first time we get to play with 11. Now, Div 1 are class. No doubt. They had won all their games up to this point, and to be fair, while some of us in Div 2 have a similar level of skill, none of us are anywhere near as fit. The extra man would not count for a lot, and they can ALL play, where are some of our less than stellar individuals have 2 left feet. Anyhow, we started well, had a few nervy moments, then from a goal kick from their end, Shaun 'The Wand' Sweeney took it down with his left, looked up, smacked it back over the top of the keeper into the net. Stunning. 1-0 us. Half time, our tails are up. I asked to come off, I was knackered. Gez, our coach said go another 5, and run your socks off. So, we start the second half, and a couple of moments in, my mate Mark picks up the ball on the right wing, deep in our half. I made a run out from the centre circle, and offered him a ball up the line, which he hit over one of their wingers, and I was now in down the line. As I sprinted over, I was easily gonna beat the central defener, but their winger, who was lightning was breathing down my neck. I could hear his feet hitting the muddied ground behind me, so I looked at the ball as it crossed my shoulder, and could see it was going to sit up perfect after one bounce. I decided to smack it. I was 5-10 yards in their half at this point, 5 yards from the touch line. I volled the thing, Johnny Wilkinson styley, starting it wide of the goal, and bending it in. From the minute I hit it, I knew it was in. The keeper was scrambling back, fell on his arse in the net, the ball was there long before him. The best bit was my whole team were standing right with me on the touch line as I cantered to a stop, and we all watched it soar in. They went mad, and all ran on the pitch. It was one of those moments in life, and it was all the sweeter considering all of these people never knew me 5 months ago, and now I was getting high fived, smacked on the back, carried off the field almost. I asked to be subbed at that point, as not only had my celebrations of grabbing my groin and running past the club house upset some of the kids watching, but it was never going to get any better for me at that point... The Div 1 guys to a man all congratulated me after the game, which we won 2-1, they really are not only great players, but also great people. I can see why they won their league this year.

So, just Div 4 to go, we won 4-0, even though 2 men down. I did not play, was rested for the final, but it was another great team performance, capped from my point of view by a Steptoe (Clive - he's old) goal, he's deserved it all year but has run out of talent at all the wrong times throughout the season.

So, the final. We're playing Div 1. They wanted to set the record straight, and were all over us in the first 10, but we went in 0-0 at half time. Second half, they tired with only 10 men, we had the better of it, but 0-0 at full time. Now, the pitch is a mud bath. The ref has no shoes on, bare foot in the mud. Seriously, you could not move for water. Extra time, they get a pen ! Handball again, never was. Anyway, Andre the Giant saves ! Whistle, what ref ? Encrouchment. F off, the ref's a Div 3 player (Seriously, he was). Different penalty taker, same result. Another great save. What a keeper ! 0-0 again, now onto Golden Goal. After 10 minutes, everyone was seriously tired, the pitch was worse than ever, and the rain coming down harder by the minute. One of our guys, Whippet, who had to go home earlier, rocked back up, was quickly stripped and changed, and came on as a fresh pair of legs. What a sight for sore eyes that was. 5 minutes later, he bagged the winner. Div 2 are the Waratah Cup Champions !

Over to the bowlo for a few jugs of beer, we relived our success with anyone that would listen. What a great end to the season.

Other than that, baby's doing well, K's ok, house is good, dogs are sods.

Winter is nearly over !

09:57, Sat 11 August 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

God it was hot yesterday. Playing footy in 30 degrees got to me, and after my drunk ramblings in the last blog entry having celebrated pretty hard after scoring a blinder last week, normal service was resumed this week. Played ok, and we won, but was pretty disappointed to be honest. Could have done better, just did not have the energy.

We have 13 weeks to go now before Kai is here. K's bump is getting bigger every day. All is great on that front. Narf arrives from England on Thursday, which will be ace. It's only a flying visit, but expect a few pictures to come from that, no doubt.

The rental house we were in has a new family. Thank god, not our responsibility any more. I really had to fight to get our bond back. The agent was trying to knock us, if she had done her job properly she could have pulled us up on genuine issues and got money out of us, but that would have gone to the owners, not to her little cleaning enterprise. Anyway, in the end, she did us the massive 'favour' of releasing our bond. How incredibly f*ckin generous of her. Stupid cow.

Pool stuff is going real well. For those arriving at Xmas, there will indeed be a pool. There wont be much else, the deck and stuff wont be there, but we will be swimming. Building starts in 3 weeks.

Gotta go, we are looking after Mark's kids this weekend, Ollie and Henry. It's 08:00 and Henry has rugby now. Sunday morning 08:00 ! We never surfaced before 09:30 Sunday in the UK. It's already 17 degrees, heading for 24 degrees again today. Sh*t winters here.

Goalllisssimmo !

08:56, Sat 4 August 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

Back of the net. Chopper arrived on the Aussie football scene with a vengeance today. Pre-match build up, against one of the top teams, consisted of 2 Reb Bulls and some sour sweets. It worked. Attacking centre mid, closed then down from the first whistle, 20 mins in, ball comes out from a corner, I win the ball, 30 yards out, shoot, bottom left corner. GOALLLLLLLLLLL, 1-0 Pymble. 10 minutes later, ball breaks to the edge of the area, again beat 1 man, 25 yards out, little backlift, shoot, top corner, keeper pulls off an amazing save. We finished the half 2-0 up.

Second half we were poor. Forgot the simple stuff, but did hit the post, and were still the better team. 2-0 final whistle, and I got man of the match. Should have gone to the bowlo for my free beer, but a lack of numbers moving on meant we came home to drink our own. Really enjoyed it today, for the first time since we got here I played like I can, and it felt good out there.

The other team congratulating me on my shooting after the game was real nice, one bloke said it was a pleasure to watch my goal, and that meant a lot. I was happy, but it only kinda made up for all the disappointments before, so not over excited. Anyway, from next week on, we know the plan. The club manager was even asking the team to let me take a free kick from 40 yards after the goal, saying let D have a crack. That made me laugh.

Only 1 fight this week, some meat head threatening to kill me, for no more than a tap in the back. Prat. Yellow card for him. To be fair, he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, so I think things just got to him being 2-0 down.

K, looking so beautiful I might add, pregnant and so proud, missed all the action from the sideline. Half time I said, "Did you see my goal". "I heard it" was the answer. She was also seen to be holding my mates kid for about an hour after the game, wont be long now babe, we will have our own !

Anyone got any ideas how I can disappear for 2 hours tomorrow ? The team is playing again, but I am not allowed as we have house stuff to do. I was going to shout, "Just going to clear the garage" and go and play, but I've been monitoring her senrty duties, and she makes a sweep every half hour. It's not gonna work.

Friends and a rant !

12:02, Wed 1 August 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

It's been a pretty significant week all in all. First week in the new house, all seems well there. K has met some of the neighbours, and they seem real nice.

More importantly, things are all starting to fall into place over here. The downside if there is one is also that reality is also beginning to set in. This weekend, I played football in the sun, 20 degrees in the middle of winter. BBQ after, a better life you could not wish for. Then, Sunday we spent the afternoon looking out over Mosman's marina, on the beach, having a bbq with some friends. I remember arriving here, visiting Bobbin Head, seeing all the people at bbq's and thinking, will we ever have friends, how long will it take ? Well, I guess 8 months is the answer. It was really nice, we had a great time, and although it wasn't as warm as Saturday, it only reached 15, but still not bad for winter.

The negative bit is that we are now starting to uncover the delights of Australian beaurucracy. For instance, our rental real estate agent. Slightly podgy, bad hair, bad dress sense. Should we ever go to war, put this woman in charge of the prison camps, she rules with an iron fist. Our first attempt at cleaning the place, which we might add we cleaned when we moved in, resulted in a 2 page email of faults to be addressed. 3 round of cleaning later, we are down to 9 items ! I am laughing about it now it's so ridiculous. Then there are licenses. You need a license to fart here. Want a pool put in ? Planning required ofcourse, no issue there. But you need a land survey of levels for heavens sake. Not to see if there are issues for you like rock, etc, just so they can guage the impact on the surrounding area. It's my bloody garden mate ! Not over here it seems. $1200.00 for a land survey, but it keeps someone in employment I guess.

I guess overall it's a good thing. It just takes some getting used to. We just need to know how to work the system. When we gave our keys back in the UK on the rental, 10 mins, done. Here, we should have taken the time to fill out the condition report when we moved in, but we did not know that. As we said when we moved here, it keeps people in jobs, and the little extra we have to pay is worth it for the quality of life. We still need to re-align our thinking, things dont happen fast here !

Read a great article in the paper the other day. They have this rant section in the evening freeby. K and I have seen loads of women, Gucci/Prada/Chanel sunglasses on, sitting on the train in a lit carriage if you can believe it, thinking they are the mutts nuts. You can spot them a mile off, nose in the air types. Anyway, you know those tags you get on the arms of suits, and coats, the label of who makes them ? They leave them on there ! Ha ! They are so stupid they think it's a statement of how exclusive the coat is or something ! Frickin idiots, typical hicksville. Anyway, the article pointed this out to these women, the author also having spotted a number of the trogladytes with the stitch still in the bottom of the split in their skirts ! I've seen them too buddy ! Just goes to show, you can't immitate style, guess that's why our rental real estate agent isn't bothering !

Move complete

10:53, Wed 25 July 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

Well, we are in. In meaning still a few boxes around, just enough stuff in the right places to be able to function. Function meaning pizza and chips for dinner, although Tuesday's pie chips and gravy was a real highlight. Post this weekend we'll be in better shape.....

So, how did it all go ? Well, K was amazing. That girl knows no bounds. Going on 6 months pregnant, working like a trooper. I did ask her to stop, but you know K. We had a nice suprise on moving in, no hot water. Phone call to plumber, over $300 later service restored. Did not need that ! In the typical penny pinching Australian way, the vendor sold us down the river on that one, she knew it was broken and let us move in like that. Guess that's one thing that is a little different here, morals are of a lesser standard, but hey, they are newer at this society thing than we are, so I will cut her some slack. Everything else (touching lots of wood) seems OK. The large pile of rubbish outside the house was a disappointment, but that is being collected by council today.

The dogs are in heaven. Lizzie named the backyard Regents Park, and the dogs love it. So much space for them, and so many adventures to have. They have met the 2 yap yaps next door, who do not want to play at all, and try to bite Leelu's nose through the fence. Well funny. Tobes has found at least 6 pine cones in the garden and insists on bringing them in as presents, very nice, how thoughtful. Fenced the dogs in last night, with the aid of my $6 halogen inspection lamp from Bunnings, that place is a godsend !

One thing I was impressed with was the way Telstra, and Foxtel reconnected all our services. They arrived on time to the minute, had to run cables in from the street, all worked, first time. Well done chaps !

Spent a whole day cleaning the old house. That place is like no place on earth for dirt. I dont know where it all comes from ! K had to come and help in the end, 6 hours in and I was only half way through. Spent 10 hours over there in the end, 4 with K, and now it is done. We had to wash all the walls down where the dogs had brushed up against them, all the skirtings, cobwebs everywhere. The new place has far less trees, and is all lawned, so does not suffer the same issues. The agents are inspecting now, and fingers crossed, we get our whole bond back.

Saw the doctor this week too. He is so funny. Kai is growing real well, all is marvellous. Next visit he will be able to tell us which way up Kai is, and feel him through K's tummy. I already feel all the punches and kicks from the outside.

That's it really. Loads going on. Money going here there and everywhere. The $7000.00 we got from the Aussie goverment was ace though, you get that when you buy your first house. They also give us $4000.00 when we have a baby, so we've got that to come.

Kai Update

11:30, Mon 9 July 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

Was thinking that since the initial blog-a-thon in the first 8 weeks we were here that we have not updated much (Other than when Sandra is here and does something I have to tell you all about), and that we should make more of an effort. So, going to start at least fortnightly updates, as it is not as if there is not a lot going on over here with us...

So, first of all, Kai update. He is now almost fully grown, 30cm tall now the little bugger. Even though he is nearly full length, he only weighs 1lb. From now on he puts on 1/4 lb a week, and K puts on double that ! Towards the end, he puts on 1/2 lb a week. There is now 18 weeks to go, and it shows. K has a lovely bump, and as suspected, not a lot anywhere else. She looks great pregnant.

We bought a doll from KMart, and walk round talking to it. The dogs think it is real, and are really interested to get near, but we are training them they cannot come close to the baby. It's weird, not long now and the real thing will be here. Last year, there was no Christmas tree, there was only just furniture, as it arrived day before Xmas eve. This year, in a new house, there will be a bloody baby under the tree ! A lot can happen in a year.

I have told work that I am leaving at the end of my contract, and the new business is well underway. 4 weeks from now I will be working in my own offices, making my own way in the world. Confident of making a go of it, we just need a few clients initially to keep it afloat, and we have a number of contacts primed already.

We are in the depths of winter here now. Cold days are cold, but if the sun gets out like it does most days, temps of 14-18 degrees are the norm, just like Spring days in the UK. Cant complain really, even this morning at 6am it was 9 degrees ! I am determined not to turn into a whinging pom, saying how cold it is. They all do at footy training.

Dogs are little buggers, having eaten a total of 3 of the 8 cushions from our table and chairs now. The bbq has taken a mauling 3 times, and they have been stopped from chewing the outside of the house by a piece of corrigated plastic being screwed to the walls.

We move out in 2 weeks, hence the above, everything being repaired, and protected, so we get our bond back. We have 2 men and a van booked for the move, we are going about 1k up the road, so dont need a proper removals truck. 4 days off are planned to clean, unpack, and settle into our wonderful new place. The dogs have over a 1/3 of an acre to run around in, compared to the little strip they have now in the rental.

Next update from the new place then. We'll send a few pics with that one.

Baby Update and stuff - Do not read if you dont want to know the sex of our little one

01:48, Wed 20 June 2007 .. 1 comments .. Link

We are having, wait for it………………. It's a boy. We have named our little one Kai. If you are reading this, and of the Ashley/Maynard family, please keep it quiet when speaking to my Dad, as he does not want to know until the birth. I've taken him off the blog for this update, so please help me in keeping it a surprise for him….

Got some more pictures, which will be winging their way to you via email no doubt. Better still, we won $50 off Sandra who deluded herself for the past 19 weeks that it was a girl. We would have been over the moon with either, but we had a sneaky suspicion it was a boy, and so it turned out. There was no mistaking it, when the sonographer measured the legs, Sandra thought it was his arm hanging down between them !

Weather here has been dire. The worst June in over 35 years ! A tanker washed up on the beach 50 clicks north of us, a beach we were walking down with Pat and San only 2 weeks before in glorious sunshine ! Our pool has been full for 2 weeks, overflowing most of it. Trees have been torn down, laying across roads and stuff. Funny thing is, there are loads of leaves coming down, but the trains still run on time. Must be the right kind of leaves I guess. Seriously, apart from the fact they still say there's a drought here (They are not kidding me I can tell you), it's pretty impressive how the country holds up. No blackouts, no road closures, no people stuck in tunnels on trains for 4 hours. I am not kidding, the amount of rain we have had here I have never seen before. 3 days of torrential downpours, rivers running down the roads, and still everything works…

Jim and San kindly bought us our buggy, it's made by Mountain Buggy and it is lush. It's a 3 wheel all terrain thing, so we can take Kai on bush walks with us. They are all the rage up here on the Upper North Shore, so K will not look like a foreigner any more !

The house is coming along nicely. We get in there in a month today, and we have plans drawn up for the extension already. Currently negotiating with the pool trade, that's interesting I can tell you. I must have dick written on my forehead the way some of them are trying to pull the wool over our eyes, but we are now getting down to the nitty gritty, and nailing them down to real costs, rather than $60k, all done, all complete, best pool ever blah blah blah. Good news is, the new pool will be in for end of November, so all you people coming out for Xmas, you will have a brand new pool to swim in.

We are off to Hamilton Island on Friday for a weekend break before San and Jim go home. Its 3 hours up the coast by air, looks lovely. Weather looks to be a bit dodgy, but we don’t mind, K, Kai and I have everything we need, rain or shine !

House Purchase ! and Real Estate Awards

03:59, Mon 21 May 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

So, you decide you are going to move to the opposite side of the world. You know you will face many challenges along the way, first of all meeting the requirements of your new country of choice, and getting a visa. Then the move itself, will the ship sink, will everything arrive broken. Then you have to get a job, find friends, all of these will be a challenge. So, out of all of these, which is going to present the biggest issue ? Answer, none of them. The real issue over in Aus is finding a house to buy !

Now, you would think, if you are well funded, and thanks to the strength of the pound at 2.5 dollars to one, you would be able to waltz over, snap up a place, and live in relative financial comfort. We, before arriving, kidded ourselves about mortgage free living. That soon changed as soon as we got here, as although we could do it, the areas we would have to buy in are not for us. Further, salaries here are bigger than we thought, so up went our estimations, and we start looking at some fairly big places. So, after a couple of months, you understand the market, you have a mortgage approved, $k's in the Bank as a deposit, its time to buy...

First obstacle, estate agents. Funny here how no agent seems to know what their vendor wants for the house. Now, if it was me, and I was an agent, I would go round, look at the house, first question out of my mouth is, what do you think it is worth. I am damn sure when I sold my house in the UK I had to give a value of what I wanted, and that value even went on the details. Here, no price on the details, which is fine, but you call an agent, ask how much, and the standard answer is "Look, I dont know what they want, I have not discussed price with them". I find this very hard to believe. The next bit is good too, as that sentence is normally followed by "They will listen to all offers before auction, or take market price at auction". This 'market price' seems to fluctuate wildly on the day, depending on how high the auction price went. If it goes well, 'market price' seems to be achieved, and if we had to put a figure on it, we would say 30% of auctions result in this phenonemum. If however things dont go well, 'market price' seems to shift on the day in question, and you get told at the auction they want $200k more. If you ask the agent how he/she got this info, as he/she previously stated they did not know how much the vendor wanted, you seem to get told "I dont know that's what they want, I just think if you give them that, it may swing it for you". So, you need to throw in another $200k for the hounour of buying a place with no price tag. Then, the houses that do sell also affect this 'market price' figure, as Doris round the corner sold hers, and she has no pool, and we do, so now its gone up another $100k on whatever is was before (Bearing in mind they did not know what it was before). No matter that Doris's house was completely modernised, and theirs is a wreck, matters not.

In honour of all the North Shore agents who have bought so much happiness to our lives over the past 6 months, with all the laughs in sheer amazement we have had, we've decided to present some awards (Names removed):

Most bullshit out of one agents mouth Award - Independent Agent, Pymble - Lied so much that even caught herself in her own lies in the end. Unless you were prepared to kiss this womans feet, you weren't buying one of her houses. Her considerable weight led us to believe we did not wish to kiss her feet, as no doubt, supporting that frame all day would make them sweat a bit.

Most Stupidist Comment Award - Well known North Shore Agency, Turramurra - When I called asking the price of a property, she replied "We are not concentrating on price this weekend". Great I said, you are giving it away then ?. She replied, "No, we are just not getting hung up on price at this stage. Why dont you tell me your top end budget, then I can tell you if you can afford it". I replied that I would not tell her anything, as she was selling the damn thing, so there must be a price. I also wagered with her that if I called next week, and it was not sold, she would tell me. The following week, she told me, I looked, we hated it. Another week of our lives we wont get back there then.

The rub your nose in it award - Another huge North Shore Agency, Wahroonga - This bloke sold a friend of ours house for a top top price. Admittedly, he does sound like one of the better agents, I quite like him, and in the case of our friend he broke the ceiling price in the road by $400k. But after that great work, what does he do ? He sticks a full page ad in the paper the following week, with his face plastered on it, declaring property sold for record price. Now, you are the buyer of that property, the ink is drying on the contract, and you open the paper to get a message that you've been sucked in, and overpaid. Great bit of PR that is. Funny thing is, we know who the buyer is through another friend, and apparently he is happy with the deal he got, so go figure that one !

Finally, the top honour of Agent least likely to ever get a job anywhere else, including cleaning the toilets in McDonalds - Same North Shore Agency as for the Most Stupidist Comment - Pymble - At an auction, managed to piss off her one and only true bidder so much, he eventually resfused to bid further. This guy is bidding strong on a property, going up in $5k chunks. He is bidding against a person who we knew would never buy the place as he was tight, and bidding in $1k's or less, and looked identical to a group of people well known for paying peanuts for property. So, she keeps stopping the auction while she badgers the miser guy for another $500.00. Eventually, he bids, the other buy whacks $5k on top straight away, and we start all over again. In the end, the auctioneer even had a go at her and said it was a total joke. She wins the award hands down, not only for this incredible display of incompetence, but also for the comedy eyebrows she sported throughout the whole debacle.

Before any of you reading this in the same boat give up all hope, let me tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. We met a normal person, who happened to be an agent too. He sold us a house in less than 1 week from start to finish, and even gave us a bottle of champagne when we exchanged contracts. He seems a real stand up bloke, and we are over the moon with our purchase. Those of you on the pictures distribution will have already seen the place, on 1419 sqm, we now own over a 1/3 acre of prime Australian real estate. The dogs have a huge garden to run around in, and we have lemons and limes growing in the back garden. How perfect is that ?

It needs a bit of 'reno' work, but I brought all my tools over, so work starts in July. Dad and Nathan will be here for December too, right about when we want to start the extension...... Now where did I put those trowels ?

A bit of humour, and house update.

03:43, Tue 15 May 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

A number of Australian records have been broken in recent weeks. Firstly, the record for the number of occupations/trades that a person has become qualified in, in the period of 1 month. This record is now held by Sandra Elderfield, who, since arriving in Australia 3 weeks ago is now the continents foremost authority on the following:

Sydney Tour Guide - If you want to know where to eat the best seafood with views of Sydney skyline, see San. The fact that there is no Dobsons Bay in Sydney however does lead me to question her abilities.

Real Estate Guru - Not only can Sandra assess the suitability of a property for you just by looking at the pictures on the web, she is also uncovering properties in streets other agents (And the local councils I might add), have never even heard of. Pymble alone seems to have double the number of streets it did before Sandra arrived. Her unique techniques are revolutionising the real estate business over here. My personal favourite, which I have encouraged her to use in her marketing was, "Buying a house is like buying clothes, you have to try them on to see if it fits".

Football Manager - I dont think Alex Ferguson need worry at the moment, but if Sandra's meteoric rise in the football management stakes continues, Old Trafford could well be seeing some changes in years to come. Expert analsysis such as "That was a good kick wasn't it?" comes naturally to Sandra it seems.

Marine Biologist - Following her visit to the Sydney Aquariam's touch pool, where she expertly handled Port Jackson shark egg casings, we can only wonder how long before Sandra is putting her considerable knowledge to such worthwhile marine projects, such as the Great Barrier Reef conservation order.

In a flurry of activity not seen since the Sydney Olympics, other records have also fallen. It's been a team effort this one, but the award has gone to the Golden Girls (Sandra, Pat, and Sonia, the latter 2 who are visiting from the UK). Most number of shops visited in 1 week, the record now stands at 187. Credit to the team and their ingenuity, when they ran out of money, they simply took stuff back to a) generate another run on the scoreboard, and b) generate more cash with which to increase their score.

On a more serious note, the baby is doing well. You will have all seen the pics from the 12 week scan, and we see the doctor again tomorrow for our monthly review. K is now 14 weeks, and doing so well, I am one proud husband.

We also made an offer on a house today ! Wont reveal all the details until we know if we get it, but we went there at the weekend, tried it on, and it seemed to fit ! The resident real estate guru gave us the nod, and the offer was made. We needed to be sure tho, there's no taking the house back !

We are ..........

10:35, Tue 1 May 2007 .. 4 comments .. Link

Pregnant !

12 weeks to be precise. Had our 12 week scan yesterday, and all is (in the words of the sonographer) perfect. We have even see our little one in 3D, those modern ultrasound machines are amazing. We have pictures, loads of them, and even a DVD of the whole scan as she did it.

Its been real hard keeping it from you all. I cant tell you how I felt when I saw the result when we initially did the test. I did not read the instructions about how to read the result, so K gave me the test, I looked, and there are 2 lines there. So, I thought oh this one probably gives 2 lines if you are not. So, I read on, and read on, and it keeps saying 2 lines means you are pregnant. I read it like 5 times to make sure, then cried. K, being her usual calm collected self shed one tear I think.

For those in the UK taking the mick by the way, it wont be called Stone. I really like that name, but K wont have it. We do have a few names in the pipeline, we will wait until we know the sex before letting you know the name.

So, the master plan is almost complete. We came here to change our lives, and although we never said it, the baby idea was near the top of the list. 3 months in, we conceived. Its amazing. No stress, plenty of fresh air and exercise, and BOOM, done. Cant recommend it enough to you all, I am trimmer now than I have been in years, fitter too.

So, my darling wife now has 28 weeks of carrying our little one left. She is doing so well, I am so proud of her. Right now, the baby is 5.6cm long, just a bit longer than your thumb. It grows rapidly from here on in, and K's bump is already showing.

We have our own little family now, Me, K, little one, and the dogs. Plus, we have some really nice friends from my football. All we need now is the house, and we live in hope. Approaching 6 months since we arrived, all the hard work is now starting to pay off, and we are really beginning to enjoy life here. I drove home from footy training with a huge smile on my face, life's pretty sweet right now.

Incoming !

10:50, Mon 23 April 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

In law coming to be precise. Mother in law. She's only gone and done it, got on a plane all the way to Aus, on her own. I had my doubts right up until the text at 6am saying boarding ! Well done Sandra, proud of you. If you dont like flying, its a long way to come. I however would gladly trade places with you as I write this. 24 hours of beer brought to you by Virgin stewardesses while you watch movies from your seat, 34,000 feet above the earth sounds great to me.

Have a little surprise for the girls tomorrow. I will update the blog with pics tomorrow once we have been there. You should see more blog updates coming up now, as no doubt with San here there will be plenty to tell......

Work is ok. 3 months in now so starting to feel like I have always been here. The other stuff I have previously referred to continues to gather pace, and is pretty much ready now, just a case of when we best see fit to start it !

Football has been great fun, but I had a mare on Saturday. My ribs are real bad since a training accident, so I am feeling every tackle, which winds me up a treat, which makes me go mad on the pitch. I got named Wolverine by the opposing side this week, as I think I kicked a lump out of at least 3 of their back 4. Lost my man from a corner in the last minute and conceded a goal to draw the match, bummer.

Dogs are great. Apparently some woman verbally assaulted K this morning at the park as little Tobes jumped up at her, and she went mad. Shame I was not there, as I would have set Leelu on her, stupid scrawny Upper North shore, my shit dont stink ass. Leelu, "Attack !"

It's Anzac day here tomorrow. For those that dont know, it's like Rememberance Day. It's a public holiday, and apparently a good time is generally had by all, so San has picked a great day to arrive.

Well, that's it for now. San has been airborne for 90 minutes now. My guess is that she is a glass of wine to the good, minus 10 fingernails, chatting the arse off the person next to her, feeling every bump and rattle, and has already left marks on the seat handle where she is gripping it so tight. Bless her, only 20 hours to go !

Easter blog update

05:55, Sun 8 April 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

Had held off updating the blog for a while as we were hoping to suprise you all with a house purchase. Sadly, the mafia run Aussie house purchase system conspired against us, and we did not get the one we were after. We were the highest bidders at auction, but it got passed in. We then received a series of ridiculous demands price wise for the house, which we knocked back, but it seems someone else fell for it. It was overpriced, so no biggy really, but would have been nice to get some permanent roots.

Anyway, other stuff going on at the mo, we've made some good contacts and it's looking highly likely one, or both of us will be branching out job wise in the not too distant future. Cant say too much on the blog, but once we have everything setup, we will let you know. The idea was always to set something up here that we could work at together, rather than doing the 9-5 thing for the corporates, and we are getting closer to that goal. It really is the land of opportunity here, being different as it is to the UK, once you get to know the market, you can see what they dont have that would fly. Its a case of making the best choice as to what path to follow.... Fingers crossed.

Dogs are doing great. They are WELL big now. They love the oval (Effectively a park) we take them to. Leelu starts yelping as soon as we go up the driveway to it, and once the boot of the car is open, they are off, across the field. They have loads of friends up there, it so nice to walk round, looking at the amazing scenery, sun on your back, watching the dogs attack everyone in the park. They are not aggresive, but they love to play, and it seems some people here have dog phobias, and then go to off leash dog parks ! So, when I say attack, they are just looking for a stroke, but we can tell where they are when a nervous woman streaks across the park !

Autumn has arrived. It is normally around 20 degrees during the day, but colder at night. The pool is not heated, so time in there is limited to really hot days, mostly to cool off after football. Ah yes, footy. We won our first game, 1-0. I missed a sitter, but played ok, and upset most of the other team, so a successful day. Training last Tuesday I was on fire, right up until I got floored and now seem to have a side full of bruised ribs which makes breathing, and turning over in bed interesting.

We have a duck on the bbq rotisserie at the moment, our little Easter dinner. The bbq is a real asset, we do everything on it. Dont think I could ever come back to the UK and cook dinners in the kitchen again, just too much hassle. The bbq eating has another upside. I have lost over a stone since we got here. Never felt fitter. We still dont smoke either, so not only are we fit, but we are saving huge wads of cash too.

We have just got back from Palm Beach, where we had a meal in a nice restaurant on the front. K had sea trout with lobster mash, I had mussels with light moroccan spices. There was a jazz band playing too, it was a real nice day out.

So, thats it for now. I will update with more news on the career front as soon as it's all confirmed, and if any of you fancy a holiday, you know where we are. Sandra arrives in 2 weeks, followed by Pat and Sonia. Then we have Jim, then Narf, then my Dad maybe. Its going to be busy.

Right, gotta check my duck. Oh, before I go, a little gem from Sandra. We said we were going to Palm Beach, she asked where it was. I said the other side of Sydney Harbour Bridge. What did she ask ? Oh, which bridge is that then ? Somebody help me out here please

See you in 2 weeks San !

Doggy Hospital

08:46, Mon 19 February 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

What did you do Friday night ? Bet ours was more interesting. Saturday, 3am, doggy A&E. Toby woke up chewing his foot off. No, it was not foot in mouth, but tick larvae. $400.00 lighter, and then another $100.00 next day to buy some more treatment. Still, they are well now, so that's all that matters eh ? K's shoes budget for the month has just been blown.

Football trials went well. Scored a nice goal, generally played OK, and got picked for the top squad, so that's good. Toe still in one piece also. Got a bit burnt mind, the bloody sub block came off with all the sweat and tears.

Work was better today. I actually got asked to lunch, wonders will never cease. Finding my feet now, and it is just so nice to go to lunch and sit by the fountain in town in the sun. It's a world away from Aldgate I can tell you.

Working on a couple of little outside projects also at the moment, could be something, could be nothing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He who dares Rodders, he who dares.

The puppy party went real well, attendance was disappointing, but we had a really nice day, and made another good friend hopefully.

Life's pretty busy. Every weekend there is something on, bbq's galore, football, house hunting, before you know it, you are back to work Monday. Still, would not be any other place in the world.

Football season coming up

09:28, Fri 16 February 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

Chopper was back in action Tuesday night. After 2 games without incident, a long ball over the top, I am chasing it back, the guy tried to push it past me, nailed a perfect last ditch sliding tackle. Trouble is, apparently slides are not allowed in training, and the fact that this bloke ended up in a heap pissed him off. So, it's now a running battle. Admittedly he did beat me once, so now I start man marking him, close. This riles him up even more, until a 50/50 ball results in me knocking him for six, so he gets up, and does the same back to me. Handbags ensue, but we sorted it all out. I think he liked dishing it out, pretty physical and all, but didn't much like it back.

Team selection this weekend, my preference is midfield in Division 2 (I am way too unfit for Division 1, and the toe is still not up to a real competitive game), and it seems that's where I am pegged, so all is well.

Work is good, but breaking into the Aussie circles seems really hard. It's a common theme on here it seems, and it's definately what we've found. We have met some lovely lovely people, and some of them are Aussies, but being accepted by one and all seems to take time. Still, the cockney accent is slowly toning down, so we live in hope. People are lovely, dont get me wrong, very polite, but you always feel like a bit of an outsider. That's what you get for being an immigrant !

San and Jim are still progressing on all fronts to get their visa, bless 'em. It will happen, just the way they are going to do it is open to question. Every agent has different ideas !

The pups are turning into 2 beautiful dogs. They are so loving, and so good. This morning, I took them off their leads, and they just walked down the road with me. It's beautiful walking them in the mornings, then tonight, back up the oval, they met the whippet again. 5 minutes running around after that thing and they are ready for bed. Tobes has pretty much eaten his bed now, but other than that, no breakages.

Pool man came today Jim, guess what ? BRAND NEW POLARIS. A big mother too. It does not spray either, it's got some thing on the end of it to stop it. K's table will always be clean now.

Right, going now. Tivo has so much stuff to watch. I know we said we would not watch TV here, but come on, it's Prison Break season !

First week of work over

09:38, Fri 9 February 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

First things first. Saw England got a cm or 2 of snow, and ofcourse, as a result, closed for a few days

. Never ceases to amaze me how Canada copes you know. Probably just the wrong type of snow I guess.

No snow here. Work is done for the week. Spent last night having a few beers with the business, which was good. Really nice environment, all the beer you could drink for free. I did not manage to get a 'can' (Beer) at my desk this week, as was in a presentation until 6pm, then straight to the bar.

We have a bbq for the BE lot tonight. K, as usual, is stressing about how much food we have. No doubt I will be eating cold burgers for a week. Weather does not look to clever to be honest, there is not going to be much sun it seems, and rain tomorrow. Oh well, at least we are pretty much assured it wont be the wrong type of rain !

Tobys injury

09:26, Tue 6 February 2007 .. 0 comments .. Link

So, I started work today. Top notch. Everything you could ever want for breakfast, all laid out for you. Each floor has a luxury kitchen, with sandwich makers, toasters etc etc. All the fresh bread is laid on each day, muffins, flapjacks, pancakes, peanut butter, jam, etc etc, all FREE. 10 different types of coffee, tea, diet coke, mineral water, bitter lemon, fanta, whatever you want. But get this, beer in the fridge also. Friday afternoons have a whole new meaning. The fridge is always well stocked, and if you work past 5pm, they lay out biscuits and cakes and things.

Great people to work with too, as first days go it was a winner. Got a load of work already, I will be earning my money that is for sure. Lovely to walk to work in the sunshine tho, in such a beautiful city. It really is different class. K and I were talking about it on the train home, you actually dont mind going to work here. Surreal !

The euphoria of the day was only broken earlier by a text from K. Toby was injured today. Leelu fell on him, and he could not walk without crying after. Apparently K was going to resign today, as she felt so bad leaving him. Poor little love. By the time I met her for the evening train, she had regained some composure, but was itching to get home to check the patient. The result ? We walk in, there is a 10lb bundle of ginger and white fur jumping 4 foot in the air up at the door. That must be 1 sore leg ! Admittedly, he had a slight limp when walking, but a 20 minute run round the oval with the local whippet run that off, and he is as good as gold now.

BBQ at the weekend, all our friends are coming over. Should be a good laugh. I am only drinking vodka in half pints though this weekend, the hangover from pints is just too severe.

Signed for West Pymble FC

10:57, Sun 4 February 2007 .. 1 comments .. Link

Tonight saw my unveling at West Pymble FC. Had a run out for a practice game, and although I did not manage to score, the toe came through the game unharmed, which bodes well for the season.

The players were mostly English, with a few Aussies. We have another game Tuesday, and then a few more matches before the season starts. A mix of abilities really, but there are 4 leagues, so that would account for that. I was just happy to be playing again, and it was so so nice to play in such nice surroundings, and then site down after the game with all the lads, open the esky, and crack open a beer. Different class.

Tivo is doing my nut in. Cache card is in, but the bloody wireless bridge is playing up. It's ace though, getting all the good programmes, and it is web enabled now, so we will never miss Lost again.

Start work Tuesday. Got all 4 jobs in the end, but happy with the choice we have made. Cant wait to get in there, its going to be real exciting.

San and Jim's visa planning is going well. We think we know the route we are going down now, just need to put the plan into action. The boat purchase is also approaching. It's going to be a very busy year !

Job sorted

06:01, Thu 1 February 2007 .. 1 comments .. Link

After a few weeks of inactivity, just like London buses, they all come at once. After a day of 4 interviews back to back, and getting pretty close to getting 4 offers, the one we were waiting for has come in. I now work for Australia's leading investment bank. So, that's the final piece of the puzzle, house, jobs, dogs, and even friends !

So, today is the last day of the holiday, and it's raining ! Still got the weekend tho I suppose. The pool would not have been in use today anyway, as it kind of blew up. The pool sweep has never been that good since we have been here, and when the filter also started making noises, we called in the pool man. Both the polaris, and the pump are back in the shop, but will be back shiny and new for the weekend. The kitchen hob also blew up. That was old too, and since we dont pay for any of the repairs, to get a nice new one will be great.

Going into the CBD today to sign all the contracts etc, and have lunch somewhere. Hopefully the weather will look up. The dogs have got a shock coming Monday. All day on their own ! No doubt Toby will be pining and peeing himself when we get back, that's what he usually does ! He still does not have full control of his bladder poor soul, and when we come home, or the doorbell rings, he loses it in the excitement. Little cherub.

We have also started house hunting, not for rent this time, but to buy. There are some beautiful places near here, some reasonably priced, some fairly expensive. Even so, we are so much better off here than in the UK. Although we earn less if you convert the dollars back to pounds, on a 1 to 1 basis we earn a lot more, and cost of living is cheaper here, so we have more disposable income, or more money for K's shoes

Tivo upgrade pretty much done. It's recording, getting all it's programme info from those kind chaps at Oztivo, and all for free ! It's wireless, but I am going to get the cachecard in there, and send it wireless through a gaming adapter. I can connect the Xbox360 as well then.

To finish, a little story. I have been doing a fair bit of PC fixing for our neighbours. Anyway, we had to pop in the other night to let them know about one of their issues, and was on the way back from walking the dogs. They are dog lovers, and said, come in, bring the dogs. So, they have lush white carpets, and I was so scared Toby would pee on it. No, it was worse, far worse. They behaved real well, nothing happened for 20 mins, then Leelu.......wait for it....... puked on their carpet. Lovely ! Still, at least Toby did clear it up by eating it. He is one sick puppy.

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