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1996...continued
It's been hard to continue this part of my story. My previous post brought back a lot of memories....
October 1996 and here we are in the UK mourning the loss of my mother and helping to arrange her funeral. It somehow didn't seem real.
One of the first things I had to do was call my Auntie back in California to let her know that mum had died. It was very difficult. After all the years of separation and then the plans they had made when they were together in Texas just a few months earlier I knew it would be hard for her to accept. It was, losing her sister was her last real link to her previous life in the UK. She took the news very hard.
I often moaned about being one of a large sibling group when I was growing up, being one of the youngest I always had the "hand me downs" but now being part of a big family was a blessing. Being surrounded by brothers, sister and all the in-laws that went with them really helped us all cope together. Each day after mums passing we would all have supper together and talk and talk. Lots of tears were shed but also there was laughter as well as long forgotten tales told from our childhood. It's funny how you all remember the same story but sometimes see the ending a different way...especially if you were the one in trouble! We tend to see our parents as the glue that holds the family together, but we were determined that we would all "stay together" where ever we were in the world, it's what our parents would have wanted.
Mum had wanted to be cremated, just as my dad had been. So on the cold damp morning of October 14th 1996 we held a service in the local church and then headed to the crematorium to say our final goodbyes. I still can't really describe how I felt that day I think I was on a very numb auto-pilot, I do know from the moment mum took her last breath until months later I felt like I had a huge weight sitting on my chest. The image that has stayed in my mind the clearest that day is after the cremation all of us gathered together in the memorial garden around the rose bush we had planted in memory of my dad 19 years earlier...now the ashes of mum would join him under the beautiful "Peace" rose. It was a small way for us to accept our loss.
We had to leave the next day to return to Texas. Sitting on the plane waiting to take off was hard. I felt I was abandoning everyone and also abandoning my mum. M comforted me as best as he could, but my heart ached as we made our way back to our life in Texas.
I tried very hard to get back to normal. I was really overwhelmed by the generosity of friends and co-workers when we returned. It really did help knowing we had people close by that cared about us and returning straight back to work also helped as it kept my mind on something else as well, but as you all know when you have a bereavement it is the silly little things that set you off. One day about a month after we returned I was shopping in Walmart when I saw a really cute knitting and sewing bag that I knew mum would love. I picked it up and put it in the cart thinking what a great Christmas present it would make and then suddenly it hit me...mum wasn't there anymore, there would be no more Christmas presents to mail to her. I was shaking and in tears as I abandoned my cart as I hurriedly left the store. It still hadn't sunk in. The other problem I had was wanting to call her on the phone, it had been a weekend ritual to always talk now that part of my life was missing.
Life went on, as the months passed it got a bit easier and of course when you have your own family to care for you make yourself get on with it. M and the kids were my lifeline and eventually I was able to look back at this year and smile at the fun and laughter we had in May, the time we spent with mum, the simple pleasure she got paddling in the water and the joy she and her sister had being together one more time.
Life as an expat can be difficult, especially when the death of a loved one occurs and you are on another continent. It is difficult to accept, hard to cope with but it's the circle of life and will eventually happen. I know that doesn't make it any easier. I think the loss of a parent instantly turns you back into a child again for a while, you still have the need and want the dependance of a parental figure in your life how ever old you are.
RIP Mum.xxxx
Life for us plodded along fairly normally for a while............just a little while anyway.
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Posted: 12:00, Saturday 5 July 2008 |
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Lifes journey
Loved every bit of it SM, hope you get time to contimue the Blog and eventually bring us all up to date on your adventures, thank you :-)
Kim x (Englishtart) |
Posted by Englishtart at 05:42, Saturday 14 March 2009 |
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