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The weekend, the sugarbag and the usual complaints!

Posted on Mon 11 August 2008 at 10:44 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

Yesterday was the perfect winter's day.  Clear skies and crisp temperature.  I was so excited, it was Steve's birthday and I think I'd outdone myself with this gift.  I hadn't written it in my blog in case Steve read it. I usually use birthdays as an opportunity to buy needed things, yes, I am the dreaded sock giver!  Xmas was different last year, I bought Steve the Playstation 3 and I went to a lot of effort to hide it from him, he had no idea and was over the moon.  I do love giving presents.  For the last few months he's been expressing an interest in gaining his pilots license.  But he's not looked into it.  I took the liberty of driving out to the Kapiti Coasts Aero Club and purchasing his first lesson for him.  I bought quite a large box, stuffed it with tissue paper to throw him off the scent and then placed the card at the bottom.  I'm notoriously crap at hiding presents, or I let it slip by accident.  Steve found the box in the bathroom cupboard - whoops!  But he thought it was a wallet in there or a rugby t-shirt he'd mentioned wanting.  So this time, it worked in my favour.  He was so happy when he got the present.  We took a drive to the club and sat and watched them taking off for a bit!  He was like a little boy, raw excitment and wide eyed.  I loved every minute of it. He wasn't allowed to take the lesson that day though, I wanted my cameras - both still and camcorder to capture the moment.  As we drove back along the highway (NZ's motorway) he was excitedly talking about getting his license (after 50 hours of bank breaking lessons!) and got pulled over by a cop!  Steve and I are both sitting at 75 points on our licenses (100 is disqualification).  Just the other day he'd been lecturing me on speeding tickets and how he'd learnt to slow down because of the waste of money - fortunately stationary cameras don't issue points, but we've wracked up about $2k of fines between us.  The points we've incurred is from being pulled over.  We were livid at being pulled over.  Its a motorway!  Built for speed with clear visibility, and he was only doing 20k over the limit.  How many serious crimes are being commited while this plod sits on the motorway issuing tickets, otherwise known as easy money.  Grrr!  I told Steve to exert his legal right to see the radar.  Off he went to the plod's car.  Time ticked by and I was growing increasingly more agitated.  I was desperate to know if Steve would lose his licence.  Not that that's any deterrant, there are plenty of lawyers in NZ charging a pretty penny to get it back for you quickly.  I turned around to Steve laughing in the car, pointing this bloody radar gun at everyone!  Turns out the cop had taken the time to show Steve how it worked and given tips on situations where you're more likely to get caught.  Fortunately, Steve was just within the realms of the point system and got 25 points, taking his grand total to 95 points!  So close!  We decided to head back to the Wairapa for our favourite place on a Sunday, but found it closed, it forced us to branch out and try somewhere new.  The risk paid off and we enjoyed a delicious lunch at another place in town.  The girls were awesome and they got the special treat of Daddy taking them to the park.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to join them because my stomach is really upset. Still.  I know my body has to gear up for labour, but this is taking ages!  Driving home I started getting lots of contractions again but they weren't getting worse - so I was fairly confident that it wouldn't be that night.  Last night I couldn't sleep for love nor money.  My mind was racing of things I need to do and anxieties about handling the Nanny situation and the cleaner situation, for someone usually so assertive I don't seem to be able to handle these things very well.  We gave the Nanny the afternoon off on Friday, but asked her before she clocked off to complete her one household chore.  Take the girls laundry out of the dryer, fold and leave for ME to put away.  However, she sat around watching telly and then left for Wanganui without completing the chore.  Of course it was a simple oversight, but it seems that she is incapable of doing anything above getting herself ready and dressed for the day and driving the girls around.  This morning she knocked on the bedroom door to tell me that Moons was refusing to do as she was told.  I had to explain that Moons was tired from little sleep the night previous because Pip is sick AND Monday's are harder because she's just enjoyed the weekend with her Daddy, so its best to approach her chatty in the morning as opposed to barking out orders and expecting Moons to oblige.  Not that I would condone Moons being naughty of course, but in this instance she was so tired and sad I felt really sorry for the little blighter.  I sent an email to the college outlining a bunch of concerns - which Steve had to edit citing that I was just too harsh in parts, referring to conversation with her as being like talking to a bag of sugar, and observing her interpersonal skills as being like someone that's been raised in a cellar, in the dark, in the central plateau.  In hindsight, it might have been harsh, but I'm a pregnant woman, I'm tired, irritable and ache all over.  I can't be bothered to use flowery words.  Steve did a great job with the new email, although the Nanny has now affectionately become known as 'sugar bag.'  The college called and are prepared to do a meeting on Weds to ascertain if this can become a workable situation.  I'm so anxious about the closeness to the end of the pregnancy and wished we'd just persued a private agency.  As for the cleaner, I have vowed to be assertive, not to be swayed by sob stories and say exactly what needs to be done and in what time. At the moment, she's dictated her hours and days - completely the opposite of what I wanted, and she's charging a lot of money.  Plus I can SEE that things haven't been done.  I'm so bad, I had planned to take on another cleaner to do the job and then basically just throw money at this current one because I feel sorry for her.  Still, I do have a history of employing nutty cleaners.  I vividly recall the one we had in Australia.  She was awesome, but pretty unbalanced.  I was heavily pregnant with Moons at the time and she used to talk about her four children - all of whom had died in different horrific ways including one baby that died inside her.  Then friends and rellies kids that had cancer and were dying.  I used to call Steve in tears, terrified for our unborn child.  When Moons was born she came screaming out of the room one day that I'd left a blanket in close range - hadn't I heard of cot death?  Thus began a recital of all the babys she knew that had died that way.  I know I must draw these people to me!  We never had these problems in Mexico though.  The housekeepers were awesome and so natural with children.  I would have moved heaven and earth to bring Lupita back with us from Mexico.  She was everything a cleaner/housekeeper/Nanny should be.  She was older, quite rounded and wore her hair in a bun.  She wore little round glasses and she used to stop in her tracks to talk  and play in Spanish with Moons.  We all adored her.  And her ironing was like nothing I've ever seen before.  She ironed our stuff before we left and we pulled it out of our suitcases still smelling fresh and looking ironed!  She had magic hands!  You'd walk into the apartment and it would glean and smell so good.  And she oosed all things warm and friendly.  Anyway, Saturday also reinforced how out of whack things are with sugarbag. As part of our 'package' we get another Nanny for one weekend. A girl was sent to us who is currently working just up the road.  She was AMAZING!  Very well travelled, she wore square glasses (not that glasses are an indicator of someone's capacity to be a Nanny - but they help!).  She'd brought the two kids with her that she was working with at the moment and they were gorgeous.  She had enough assertiveness for them to respond to her requests, but managed to keep warm and approachable at the same time.  She was confident, had a wealth of experience and was happy to answer our questions with professionalism, confidence and fondness for her job as well as being totally aware of where the other children were.  Of course I immediately made the move to question her intentions when she'd finished the course to try and nab her!  But the family she is working with full time already offered her a permanent job with them and they've moving to New York.  Grrr!  Just shows that when you find that perfect Nanny you need to hold onto her with both hands!  Anyway, I guess we'll see what pans out this week.

Grrrr, contractions!

Posted on Wed 6 August 2008 at 09:36 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

Last night I was so ill, it has to be the worst, which is saying something.  Steve and I had such a lovely day, we spent thousands for the nursery.  The other two didn't get a nursery because of moves and not having enough money.  This time around we went to town.  We bought the cot, some beautiful bedding, the theme is 'bugs.'  Cute little snails and butterflies, etc.  We've got a lamp, rug, pictures, even the laundry hamper has the same style.  Its quite exciting. We've started clearing out the office, we're waiting for a matching set of drawers (to the cot) to be delivered.  Its going to be really nice, I never thought I'd be the sort of woman that liked things like that!  Anyway, we stopped for lunch in the city, as I had a huge craving for steak.  The weather was warm and sunny - the perfect winter's day!  I climbed into bed feeling fine and normal, had only been lying there for a half an hour when I vomited all over the bed.  I had no idea it was coming, it was very unusual.  I knew I wouldn't be able to stop, so I grabbed the bin from the desk and just carried on, violently ill. During a short interlude, I raced into the toilet.  The sickness carried on, I could hear Steve stripping the bed and putting the sheets in the washing machine, but I couldn't help.  Once the sickness ended, the runs started!  It was dreadful.  This is how the night went, me running backwards and forwards, I had to keep the bin next to the bed because I knew I wouldn't make it in time (for sickness that is!).  My stomach was so painful and I guess the sickness got the contractions going again.  The pain went from contractions to painful stabbing feelings all night.  The baby moved periodically, so I felt relieved that it wasn't affected.  It wasn't until 4am that the pain started to subside, so I managed to get some rest.  By morning I felt relatively normal, albeit rather tired and dehydrated again. Steve took the day off work, wondering if today might be the day.  We went into the city so he could grab some paperwork to do at home.  We arranged to meet our friends Jac and Adie at a nice restaurant in a local suburb, it was great to catch up and it took my mind off all the illness. Its hard to imagine that we were sitting in the garden, in the sun, in the middle of winter!  At about 7pm the contractions and upset tummy started again. They've been coming every 5 minutes.  But I'm not a fool to think I'll be lucky enough to go into full labour tonight.  I seem to be taking the same path as I did with Pip.  There are probably many more sleepless, painful nights ahead of me until I have this baby.  Its insane how much my body is trying to hang onto this baby.  Owww-eeeee!

wow, what a week!

Posted on Sun 3 August 2008 at 04:54 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

Firstly, Steve and I resolved the whole iphone issue!  We talked it through and I relayed all that I felt, he really was very sorry, I forgave him and we've moved on.  Back to the closeness and enjoying each other's company as before.  I don't have any doubts about us or him or anything now, and its a relief to have it sorted out.  We had a meeting with the Nanny about her lack of enthusiasm and not being more aware of safety issues.  She was receptive to what we had to say, not talkative, but just nodded in agreement.  We also had a telephone meeting with the college to reiterate our concerns and the outcome of the meeting.  They supported us and met with her on Thursday.  The feedback that they offered was that she is incredibly witheld, won't participate in lessons, but did during a one on one express her appreciation for our family and apparantly holds us in high regard, which comes to a surprise because she is so forlorn.  Her personality really is like that of a cardboard box and I've seen more enthusiasm from a snail on a lettuce leaf when it comes to her job.  We decided to take it as comes.  On Friday, Steve told me that she had given Moons a hard boiled sweet (without permission), which had consequently got stuck in her throat.  Although the situation was not serious enough for her to choke, she could still get air in, the situation terrified her.  Luckily Steve was home to take care of her.  He had to calm her down to ensure the sweet carried its correct journey downwards and had to reassure her.  I asked him if he felt the Nanny would have been confident enough to deal with the situation had he not have been there.  Its all very well having a First Aid certificate, its something else knowing how to call on those skills when the time needs it.  He honestly couldn't guage from her reaction, which has left us with a slightly uneasy feeling.  Although we anticipate her needing time and guidance, we don't anticipate having to tell the Nanny about the girls on the stairs AND giving sweets to youngsters.  Grrroan.  So, the week has been a little stressful and I've been feeling increasingly unwell.  My ability to hold down and in fluids was getting really bad, and I was feeling weak.  Although I'm not concerned about my own welfare, if it was just me, I would rest up for a couple of days, I started to grow concerned about the impact on the baby.  I've been really stressed, not sleeping well, and constant headaches are a sure sign that I'm getting dehydrated.  On Friday morning, after yet another bad night, I felt this weird feeling of being in a bubble.  It was like I could see everyone around me and hear them, but felt somehow removed.  My concentration levels were at an all time ( which is saying something!!) and if I stood for slightly too long, I felt like passing out.  I called the midwife, who told me to see the GP for some medication and electrolytes.  I couldn't get in until late in the afternoon, and again, I was concerned for the baby, who's movements had started to slow down.  I decided that as I wasn't feeling up for a drive on the motorway to the city, I would check myself into the local clinic (Kenepuru) which I noticed had a maternity wing.  I felt confident they'd be able to check me in, see the baby on the ultrasound, reassure me and I could be home in time for lunch with Steve.  Well, that was the plan.  When I arrived, no one in the clinic seemed to know how I could be referred to the adjoining maternity wing.  Furthermore, they were packed and I would have to wait at least two hours to see a Doctor that may or may not be able to help me. I decided to wait it out, deciding that if I did get worse, I was *probably* in the best place.  I was the only non Maori in waiting room.  A triage nurse floated amongst us asking personal questions about why we were there, which I found a little alarming.  To my right side sat a boy of about 14.  He had hurt his arm at school when he slipped over in mud.  The school had asked his Father to come and get him and take him to A + E.  His Father was NOT happy with the boy.  He told him repeatedly he was a 'f*cking pussy' for crying.  He was 'wasting two f*cking hours, being in this sh*thole' for an arm that probably wasn't broken'.  Afterall, at his age he had 'broken his f*cking arm twice, collar bone and knee.'  And he certainly hadn't cried about it.  The boy apologised and said he had asked the school nurse for some panadol, but they'd insisted he get x-rayed.  His Dad continued this tirade of abuse and at one point kicked his leg to wind him up about crying.  Then there was this woman across from me with a football team of kids, one of them was ill.  The nurse asked if the child had a temperature, had she given any medication and what were the symptoms.  The woman just stared blankly, said she didn't know.  I could feel myself becoming increasingly more anxious.  I started to get contractions, which is nothing unusual, until I was able to time them.  Every 5 minutes.  I went back over to the nurse and expressed my concern to her.  She took me around to a bed and told me she'd get the Doctor right away.  I was put at ease when an English female Dr came to me.  She listened to my symptoms and I was quick to explain that I wasn't an irrational pregnant woman, but I'd had complications in the past which made me anxious and I was feeling particularly unwell.  She told me that they didn't have the facilities to check the baby there, but she would refer me to the city hospital.  She would also call my OB to tell her to expect me.  I got my car keys and started to organise myself, she told me she wouldn't expect me to drive and would instead arrange a lift.  I anticipated a minibus that carried other referrals to the hospital, so I was quite surprised when two ambulance officers came to my room with a bed!  I said I would rather walk and was again surprised to find an ambulance waiting for me.  Initially I felt really guilty, surely this ambulance would be best used for someone needing urgent medical treatment, I did afterall, have my car in the carpark.  But then I suddenly thought, wow, they must think its really serious!  I climbed aboard my chariot and bantered with the guys, who I must say were extremely warm and friendly.  The whole time my contractions continued and I felt a growing sense of unease.  I also worried how the hell would I tell Steve where I was without panicking the hell out of him.  I knew he was in meetings in the morning, and I also knew that I needed him to pick me up at some stage as well!  It was the first time I would see the delivery suite.  I had only just read in the paper about the urgent shortage of incubators for babies in need of intensive care.  At any one point there was ONLY ONE incubator available.  Not to mention the number of recent deaths at the hospital, not just newborns, Mothers as well.  The NZ healthcare system is taking one hell of a battering recently and the reports are dreadful. The UK has somewhat of an excuse in that the population is growing at such a dramatic rate, but the NZ population is dwindling and taxes are higher here!  So whats the deal with that?!  Although I pay for private healthcare, unfortunately there is no private maternity wing in Wellington, so I am at the mercy of the public facilities.  My only reassurance is that I pay through the nose for an OB, so I better get all the care and attention my money buys!  The area was nothing to write home about.  I don't know how the captial city's hospital can look older than the actual country!  There seemed to be stuff everywhere.  My own OB was in emergency surgery, so I had one of her assistant's come and wire me up.  The wiring up took forever because she couldn't find all the bits she needed, and when she had finally completed the set, she went to put gel on my belly and took an empty bottle instead.  She complained about how they were really short of staff and everything was disorganised.  Great.  Just what an anxious Mother wants to hear.  In the distance I heard the cry of a newborn baby and occasionally the sounds of a woman wailing in pain drifted down the corridor.  The reality of how much I want this baby and I want it healthy hit me like a sledgehammer.  I went from strong and rational to pathetic and lonely in a nano second.  I still toyed with how the hell I was going to get Steve there.  In the end, knowing I would break down over the phone I sent a text, it simply said, 'Don't rush, don't panic, but can you meet me at the del suite in Welly.'  I reasoned that if it was urgent, he'd know they'd call him, and it could be that I was just having a tour or something.  The last thing I wanted was for him to come charging over and either wrapping himself around a lamp post or loosing his license.  Apparantly my plan failed, it was further made worse by his entrance into the room to see me wired up to a richter scale, a HUGE drip in my arm and a midwife poking my arm for blood.  One look at his shocked face, and I burst into tears.  The upshot of it was, I had become very dehydrated.  This is turn had triggered contractions which were registering regularly.  My OB reviewed the output and told me I would need to spend the night in hospital so that if necessary they could adminster drugs to stop labour and if needed, prepare the baby for an early birth.  Furthermore, they could concentrate on getting fluids into me.  I really, really didn't want to stay in hospital.  Lying underneath the unforgiving glare of hospital lights on a rock hard bed, surrounded by screaming babies was not appealing to me.  After the first enormous bag of fluid finished, I felt surprisingly refreshed and looked forward to the next one!!  - I usually HATE drips and have in the past been known to take them out myself!  I suffer with claustrophobia anyway, although I'm not scared of needles.  There is something about having something literally under your skin and being connected by a plastic tube to a bag that really unnerves me.  Often hospital staff bugger around with it, taking ages to get it and then take twice as long taking it off again.  In this instance though, despite it feeling bloody uncomfortable, I didn't mind at all.  The baby's heart rate maintained a consistant rythme and importantly, was not being distressed by the contractions.  After the second bag, I reasoned with the OB that I would get more rest at home, I would sip water all night and if the contractions got worse OR I got very sick again, I would go back.  She advised me against this plan, but really had no choice.  Besides I miss my two other daughters.  I made the right decision, the contractions finally subsided during the night, and I was able to get more rest.  The next morning I told Steve I really wanted a road trip!  He thought I'd gone bonkers!  But I was keen for a change of scenery and needed to unwind.  We wouldn't have to go far, but I would rather stay over night.  Knowing that my mind was made up, we drove up to Ohakune.  On arrival we fell lucky with a great two bedroom suite in a nice hotel.  It was warm and the owner was very friendly.  We all went out for dinner, and the girls were so good and excited about it all.  This morning we hoped that Steve would be able to take Moons skiing, but annoyingly the mountain was closed because of high winds!  We didn't even get to see any snow!  It rained a lot, but it was so nice to be away and take in the countryside scenery.  I didn't want to be away too long - just in case. So we set off this morning and got home a few hours ago.  It was SO nice to get away.  The first time in a long time, and it will probably be quite some time before we do it again.  Also, its our last holiday as the four of us!  Next time, we'll have three kids!  EEK!

Nanny takes a nose dive and my husband lets me down too :-(

Posted on Tue 29 July 2008 at 09:21 by Littletoe - 2 Comments - Link

Yesterday was pretty tough.  The nanny was, I don't know, maybe bored?  Maybe homesick because she'd spent the weekend at home?  I don't know, but the girls were pretty much left to their own devices yesterday.  Whenever I popped downstairs, they were entairtaining each other, and she was lying on the couch.  It was so awkward.  Especially when they kept playing on the stairs, and in my big pregnant state had to keep running over to grab Pip off the stairs.  I reiterated that they're not allowed to play on the stairs, like I repeat everything, but it doesn't seem to register.  She seems to have lost her mojo, she has a previous history of clinical depression and we were warned to look out for signs.  Steve keeps on, she's depressed!  But I think she's just young, a little demotivated.  I've encouraged her to meet people and I've arranged groups for Pip to go to in the hope it'll alleviate some boredom for them both and let her meet people.  Moons really isn't taking to her at all and its become a bit of a battle ground at home.  Moons running to Steve and I, us trying to push her back to the Nanny, the Nanny sighing and walking off.  We were warned that the settling in period was going to be tough, but I don't think Steve and I really appreciated how tough it was going to be.  Its amazing how as a Mother you pre-empt signals, like the girls getting over tired and over hungry, but trying to explain this to a non Mother is hard.  I would never have the patience to be a Nanny, so why someone as young as this Nanny desires to be one when she doesn't seem warm to children amazes me.  I've emailed the college and I hope we can all move through this and find some resolution.  I really hoped this would be sorted before the baby arrived.  Furthermore, my relationship with Steve has taken a real dive for the worst.  The last few weeks he's been particularly attentitive and warm.  I joked only on Sunday that I hoped it wasn't a guilty counsciouness.  So yesterday I was playing with his iphone and being as somewhere between 21 and now, I lost all of my ability to use anything remotely technological AND morphed into my parents, I was doing a damn fine job of messing up the screen.  It was through this messing around that I happened across the history pages.  Imagine my surprise when I saw he'd not only visited porn sites, but also looked at images of naked women AND had a 'secret' email address.  My heart absolutely froze.  An awful feeling that left me wishing I'd fallen asleep on the sofa and was in some terrible nightmare.  I don't object to porn, I'm not one of those women.  Frankly what a man does for satisfaction in the privacy of his own home is up to him, as long as the images don't contain anything particularly offensive, like young women or animals, etc.  But my husband, at the end of my pregnancy has felt the need to ogle women.  I silently put the phone down and went upstairs.  I closed the door and then sobbed like a baby.  So many things were going through my head, was I that repulsive to him? Had he wanted to see what a normal woman looked like?  Was he meeting women?  Did he have a secret life?  How could he do this to me when I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy? Was his being nice to me really guilt and insincere?  I didn't know how to handle this situation.  He came upstairs to let me know he'd made me some dinner  - the last thing I wanted.  He saw me upset and asked me repeatedly what the problem was.  He noticed that I couldn't look him in the eye.  Usually Steve guesses what I might be upset about, he didn't this time.  I wondered if it was because he didn't want to admit to something else!  I tried to make up a story about something on the telly, but he knew there was more to it.  I didn't want to confront him until I'd worked through it in my head, maybe watched him more closely for telltale signs.  I don't believe my husband would ever cheat on me.  His Dad did it and it tore his family apart.  I know he loves me and our family - but why?  Why has he done this?  Eventually I had no choice but to confess to what I'd found, he wasn't going to drop it.  He apologised, said he was bored and was just surfing.  He said the email address was old that he used to communicate with this Dad.  He couldn't explain why he'd looked at particular women because it didn't do anything for him.  In real life he never took a second glance at women.  He tried to reassure me that he found me attractive, but I can't swallow that right now.  I cried and cried.  A migraine swept over my left side of my head and I felt contractions building up.  I was too tired and too sore to talk about it.  We went to bed and I tried to sleep.  But the images kept popping into my head.  I ended up sleeping downstairs on the sofa.  Desperate for some space.  Pip woke up in the night crying and I checked on her to find she'd taken her nappy off and wet the bed.  I tended to her and then waited until she awoke again at 6.  I bathed them both.  My eyes were puffy and my head swirled in and out of a headache.  I felt cold to the bone and sad.  Steve didn't notice me missing in the night.  Instead he came into the bathroom later to see what was going on.  He has this forlorn look today, like a scolded puppy.  I'm too tired and emotional to discuss it any more.  I can't tell where pregnancy hormones end and betrayal and confusion begin.  All I know is that today, my heart is heavy and it aches.  I feel this overwhelming sense of lonliness and I also feel like the ugliest pregnant woman that's walked this earth. 

Stupid, yapping little barstard!

Posted on Mon 28 July 2008 at 01:00 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

I saw the midwife who has told me that the baby is incredibly low and has 'assumed the position.'  So it seems this little blighter is dead keen to break free as much as I'm keen to evict her!  Unfortunately my vice like cervix is blocking the way!  Grrr!  Little change on that front, so my body is resisting the contractions with great pains.  I'm just starting to come down with a cold, so I'm feeling very under the weather, even more insanely tired and extremely uncomfortable.  I either can't sleep because of pelvic pain, toilet breaks, or for some reason my eyes just pop open and my body thinks its time to start the day at 3am.  However, I have sent away my first assignment on time, yippee!  I've trying to master an essay, but my god its boring. I thought learning about poverty stricken countries would be interesting, but at the moment I'm reading about bloody economics and theories and scary concepts like free markets, GDP and other such like.  Its Steve's area, and he loves it but my attempts at offering sexual favours to do my assignmemt are rapidly failing!  Guess that only worked when I was 18!  I'm even more emotional than normal, which is saying something!  We heard about this bed sale on the radio and so by chance drove over to have a look as we're considering a new bed for Moons.  Although there wasn't a suitable one for her, they had this cute little princess one which would be great for Pip in a couple of months.  The salesman really put the hard sell on us, he wondered off as we ummm and errrd about.  Afterall, it would be stuck in the garage for a few months, so it wasn't terribly urgent. Sensing he might lose a sale, he came back with another offer.  Our hesitation was not the amount, but for some reason he wanted to practically give it away.  Finally he came back to offer a free mattress with the bed.  I actually started to cry!  I felt so pressured and I just wanted to be left alone!!  I was so embaressed, I waddled back to the car while Steve made the purchase. 

I had a text from the psycho Nanny over the weekend.  She's out on bail, pending a hearing end of August.  I don't mind the odd text from her, I do miss her as crazy as that sounds.  She also declared her new, shocking news, she's pregnant!  She claims its a shock, but its not for me.  She's got this really irritating view on Motherhood with such high school niavety, to her its all about wearing flowery dresses, having this little bump, radiant skin and lucious hair.  Pushing out the baby to a degree of pain only slightly worse then having your ear piereced, and then having this buddy to carry around, that you can dress in cute clothes.  She used to say all the time how lucky I was to have two girls that I could buy pretty clothes for.  I just wanted to hit her repeatedly with a frying pan.  She never did a full day's work for us, so she never experienced the tantrums, the mess, the noise, the lack of lie in, the radical impact on social life.  My god has she got a shock!  Baby's are easy to palm off at the start, but when you want to get out there on  a Friday night and stagger home on Saturday afternoon, there isn't anyone around offering to babysit!  Especially during the dreaded colic stage!  Unfortunately, she's also a rather vain type, so stretchmarks, vericouse veins, saggy/leaky boobs, saggy tummy, sickup stains, cankles, etc probably won't go with her new Gucci dress.  I feel so sorry for her parents. 

Anyway, the Nanny is settling in.  Although I'd rate her as 'competenet.'  Nothing more, nothing less.  She likes to talk about weird, random things, but not about the job or the children.  She only smiles when she's talking about her family or when she thinks she's said something funny.  Moons finds her dull and often begs to accompany Steve or me when we leave the house.  Pip doesn't care as long as she's fed, she'd be happy with a mute/deaf monkey as her carer.  Steve really struggles with her.  He's an amiable, laid back guy, but he struggles when he encounters someone that repeatedly asks dumb questions.  I just answer them and have a chuckle later.  Steve is just shy of slapping his face in shock and asking if she's serious.  Its a rather uncomfortable rapport between the two of them, but she seems to really like him, even though he's often running out the door when she approaches him. 

There is a really irritating yappy dog somewhere on our road.  It yaps all day, and sometimes at night.  It must be a chihuahua or something equally as annoying.  Because we live on a HUGE hill its really hard to work out where its coming from.  Today saw me driving around trying to find the little barstard.  I often fantasise about having one of those guns with the red dot, finding it, and then pointing this red laser dot on his forehead, and....you can guess the rest.  OR I picture myself lacing meat with a very strong sedative and chucking it over the fence on a daily basis to get some peace.  I don't know how owners can let their dogs bark all day, every day.  I wonder if they are just deaf to their own dog's bark, or if they don't care.  Trust me, Sam won't dare bark!  That's the first thing I always train a dog.  Steve has been training Sam some pretty cool tricks, which I'm surprised about because on the whole, he's a pretty dumb dog, but he's doing really well.  He's getting his final vaccination tomorrow morning so I can walk him on the beach, as long as there aren't any Mongrel Mob around! 

I can't find this ridiculous yappy dog, but I can hear it.  When Steve gets back I'm going to use the GPS system on his phone to cover all the local streets.  I shall not rest until I find this sod.  Oh and I won't snap its neck when I find it, I'll just call the council! - Just in case anyone reads this and thinks there's a mad pregnant woman on the loose out to kill an innocent dog!  - I know what these barmy vegetarian, tree hugging types are like!

No baby, NZ police and the beehive!

Posted on Tue 22 July 2008 at 10:55 by Littletoe - 2 Comments - Link

Still no baby!  I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to drift in and out of real labour like I did with Pip.  That weekend was crazy.  Once I had got all my bits for my bag, tidied the house and written down all the numbers we'd need, babysitter, OB, midwife, etc.  The contractions started.  Minor at first, lots of menstrual like cramps, lower back pressure, trips to the loo, etc.  I felt 'off' and quite unwell.  I lost my appetite.  I was awake for most of Saturday night, the contractions were long and painful, but I didn't want to wake Steve and head out until I knew for sure.  My lower back was killing me and panadol wasn't cutting it.  Finally I drifted off to sleep as the sun rose on Sunday morning.  When I woke up, everything had stopped. It was really weird.  My appetite resumed, lower back pain eased.  The need to clean the house and get organised had calmed down.  I felt sure that Sunday was not the day.  When I was 38 weeks with Moons, I said to Steve, this is the last weekend we'll be none parents.  On Monday I went into labour.  With Pip, despite a scare at 28 weeks, I told Steve at 32 weeks, we're going overdue.  Sure enough I hit 42 weeks.  With this baby, I'm sure it'll be within the next two weeks maximum.  Although I have to say, after Saturday I'm feeling a little out of tune with my body.  Anyway, we'll see. 

I have written my 'contest' to the infringement bureau about the amber light offence, which may result in a court hearing.  I'm a bit anxious about that, but will try not to dwell on it.  I did receive a call from the NZ police re my complaint.  I was SHOCKED to hear the Officer's version of events.  If I had been in charge, I too would have thought he'd been completely reasonable and I was a crazy banshee.  It came across as though he was polite, friendly, informative and I was NUTS.  I had really hoped that he'd said, yes, I was having a bad day, I took it out on the woman, I'm sorry.  Instead he wrote untruths in his report which has only served to upset me further and frustrate me.  I explained to his superior that had he had said HALF the things he'd claimed, the situation would have been different.  As I went to explain my version, it was clear that I was the mere civilian, he was a cop and the guy was a cop.  Easy maths.  I said that I had worked with cops previously ,I know they do it tough and I also know that they don't get always get treated very well by the general public, especially when they're pulling someone over, but in this instance I had been left devastated at the way I was treated.  He was the professional, so therefore he must take accountability.  I could, rather embaressingly feel myself welling up.  I knew I was wasting my time, and they'd probably all have a good laugh at the crazy woman's expense later over dougnuts and coffee.  My only saving grace is that at least a complaint has been noted against his name.  So if anyone is brave/silly/has time to complain about him in the future, it won't look good on him.

Its a shame that today has gone a bit wonky.  Yesterday was just wonderful.  The weather was lovely for a winter's day.  Steve took the day off work and the two of us strolled around Wellington City, through the beehive and had lunch at the BackBencher, a pub especially for MPs!  We've not had much 'us' time so it was really enjoyed.  Steve complimented me on more than one occasion and was attentitive.  I guess we've both been so distracted recently, we've not really had that for a while.  I was HUGE waddling around, stopping for breaks!  I felt vulgar, but Steve treated me so well yesterday I actually felt more like a woman than a walking incubator.  It was a really, really nice day.  Today its wet and cold and I've just had this nightmare conversation with the NZ police.  How many ups and downs can one family have?!!

Packing labour bag!

Posted on Sat 19 July 2008 at 01:05 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

The girls day out was a great success!  Seems I was getting my knickers in a twist over nothing!  They arrived home quite late, which saw me really pacing the floor.  The little dudes were so tired and grumpy, but came home armed with these little pictures they'd made for us.  The Nanny had brought a friend with her as they were driving back to Wangunui this weekend. She was in extremely good spirits and said more to us in those 10 mins than she's said since she arrived!  She told us how good the girls were and how much attention they'd generated, and she handed over a gift of baby clothes for us!  They'd gone shopping for the baby as well.  I was so happy I nearly cried! I'm hoping that this trip out has maybe brought her out of herself a bit more?  Maybe given her greater confidence and made her more relaxed with the girls.  I'm just so relieved and happy that the day went so well for them all.  The pregnancy is taking some unusual turns.  The last few nights I've been really sick - literally.  I've also been woken by some pretty meaty contractions.  They come, they hurt, then they go again.  The feelings of cramping and pressure have definitely increased.  Yesterday I bought a labour bag, the perfect size and put in there a new baby outfit and a disposable camera.  Then I realised I had tons more to do and felt a bit anxious.  This morning I've been tidying up the house, rattling off to Steve all these things we need to buy.  We need nappies, a breast pump, mittens, booties, hats, bassinet sheets, oh my god, we've not even tried out new carseats to see which will fit.  I've suddenly realised that there's a baby coming and we're not prepared!  He's tried to reassure me that its not a panic, he can pop down to the shops and get some bits, and I can always take my personal affects from the bathroom.  Uh, no, I NEED mini shampoo bottles!  So today will see me bundling my little family out into the cold, wet day to go labour bag/baby shopping! 

The girls day out - without me!

Posted on Fri 18 July 2008 at 11:35 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

Communication with the Nanny is still going slowly!  She tends to grunt one word answers, and as I'm very much a feedback sort of person I find her inability to chat about her day very frustrating.  I realise that not everyone likes to do an indepth analysis  - imagine my husband's shock after our first time together that I wanted to analyse our performance, areas of change, etc.  He said it was like a match of the day break down, but I think its important that no matter what you're doing in life, everyone is on the same page, even in the bedroom!  She's not being paid to weed the garden here, she's being paid to look after my little baby's and I want to know what she's thinking, feeling, struggling with, even when her nose itches.  I don't mean to be overbearing, but I do like to know the mind of someone with such responsibility.  God knows, its not like I have a natural knack with this after the last episode!  On Wednesday she said she was going to take the girls to Te Papa, a museum in Wellington on Friday.  Its not a museum like in London, its pretty crappy actually, but the girls like it and so I said that was a great idea.  Of course, Thursday night I couldn't sleep a wink, the reality that my girls would be in someone else's car, under someone else's supervision in a crowded place hit me like a sledgehammer.  And not someone that's warm and open and able to address my concerns, someone that's deathly quiet and only shows signs of being awake when her family back in Wanganui are mentioned.  In order to settle my nerves, I typed out a list of recommendations/suggestions/rules.  Whatever you want to call it.  I compiled a list for the daily routine first because she doesn't seem to compute any tasks I ask her to do, like making Moons bed, turning lights off, etc.  I then set about writing some guidelines about being with the girls in the day.  Such as not answering her phone when she's driving, being prepared to pull over if the girls are distracting her, not taking her eyes off the little buggers when she's out.  It all seems so obvious, but as a parent its amazing how natural these things become.  I can rummage in my bag for something, chat on the phone and still know the location of both my toddlers.  Admittedly I do silly things as well when I'm driving, like fish around the back for a dropped toy while trying to negotiate a road, and more often than not I've ducked into a shop leaving the girls in the car.  As a parent though, I make those decisions, and I would never want a Nanny to make the same decisions.  She's young and has not had experience with two toddlers at once before.  It was so important to me that I address these concerns, and as her inability to chat properly eradicated that idea, I thought at least writing it out in black and white would make it easier for her.  I then ushered Steve downstairs this morning to talk her through it because, a, he's friendly and cute, b, she takes better to him and c, he's really laid back whereas I would need to feel that she completely understood the points and may make her feel more uncomfortable.  I was surprised to enter the conversation a few minutes later.  Steve was doing his tie, explaining the list, and she had her back turned and was just grunting her responses.  Steve looked at me and shook his head, he looked pretty exasperated with the whole thing.  I dropped him off at work this morning and charged back hoping to catch them before they left.  I couldn't help but laugh at myself on the way home.  People were hogging the fast lane, so I was doing the usual routine of getting up their arses, flashing and making a big show of undertaking them.  I've always been an M25 tosser like that. I can't imagine the Nanny doing things like that, so they're actually probably a lot safer with her!  I was so disappointed to get home and see they'd left.  I don't know if its just the hormones or what but I've been really tearful.  I called Steve to ask if he thought it would be irrational for me to call the museum and see if I could sit in the control room and watch them on the cameras.  We decided that probably wouldn't be allowed because it does harbour the nation's treasures (ie, a couple of grass skirts maybe??!!).  So I said maybe we should spy on them.  He suggested I just actually call the Nanny for a casual update, seems a bit easy that?!  The reality is that they're probably having a great time, the Nanny is probably awesome with them, just struggles with other adults.  She seemed confident this morning.  After Pip was born I was like, how the hell am I supposed to cope with two?!  But she doesn't seem to have that first time Mum fear.  I'm sure if she had doubts she wouldn't have suggested the outing in the first place.  And I've got to be able to trust someone to look after the girls, I can't expect anyone to stay holed up in the house all day everyday.  But god, I do miss my little munchkins.  Yesterday in the day I was so sick, vomiting and tired just like at the start of my pregnancy and I could have passed them off to the courier for a minutes sleep.  And now today I'm pacing the house, all tearful.   I'll be glad when this day is over and they're in the bath and I'm telling them off for splashing water all over the bathroom.  GULP!  Be strong.

32 weeks, new Nanny and study!

Posted on Wed 16 July 2008 at 12:15 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

The last couple of weeks have passed in somewhat of a blur.  I've been insanely busy, those iron tablets I have to take have really aided me in getting everything done without falling alseep at the wheel!  I'm amazed at the difference.  Moons birthday was a great success, she seemed really happy with all her pressies.  My parents called in the morning and tried to edge the conversation to them making arrangements to head here when the baby's born, but knowing how bloody awful they were after Pip was born, I can't bear the thought of all that again!  I would rather they wait until we're all settled into a new routine.  Moons has taken loads of photos with her new camera and to our amazement she's a bloody good little photographer!  The new Nanny has also arrived.  She's nothing like the other one, not just that she doesn't steal!  But she's not the same larger than life type of character, she doesn't ooze the same warmth - she's very much a contrast.  She does talk a lot, kind of rambles about fairly mundane things, quite random.  She adores her family and talks them all the time.  I guess it makes a change of excited chatter about muderers and pointing at the news on the telly with exclaimations of 'I know him!'  She's not terribly tidy, but I realise that these are the sort of things that will come in time.  I try to talk to her about her feelings on this job and like to get a sort of evaluation at the end of the day, I want her to know I'm here to listen and to support her, but she gets very dismissive and barks one word answers at me.  I'm not sure how else I can approach it.  She seems really comfortable with Steve though, so maybe she's the sort of girl that doesn't get on with women too well.  I'm struggling to read her, I thought when i interviewed her she was just really nervous and maybe she still is.  I just made a cup of tea and tried to make polite conversation, but she talked over me about carseats.  And yet, on the other hand, we got some pizzas in last night and tried to make a warm, relaxed environment, she seemed to respond well, but her conversations were so random, its like she'll say whats in her mind, no more, no less.  The girls seem a bit unsure as well.  This morning I rushed downstairs because Moons was screaming and crying, I thought she'd fallen down the stairs or something.  She sobbed that the Nanny had taken her drink away,  It was really unusual for her be so inconsolable, I asked the Nanny what had happened as casually as I could so she didn't feel like I was accusing her, but she just repeated, I took her drink away. I couldn't work out what had happened, and the Nanny didn't want to elaborate on anything, I didn't want to keep on in front of the girls, so I just soothed Moons and then changed the subjects to drawing.  I've been trying to get on with coursework, but occasionally I hear Moons getting upset.  She can get overtired sometimes, but I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable.  I think the Nanny is really 'professional' but when you think of a Nanny you imagine more of a warm sort, as opposed to a school teacher.  Pip is being very quiet.  When we had the psycho Nanny, there was always laughter in the house ,singing and music.    I guess we'll just see what evolves over time.  I've been in and out of the uni for various seminars.  I've been up and down with this course.  Sometimes incredibly motivated and excited, sometimes doubting my capabilities.  Politics is the best, I've just finished my first assignment, two more to go.  The lecturer is awesome, really funny and interesting ,very passionate.  He updates his online section daily and keeps us all informed and is clearly available.  The paper about the rich world and the third world is a little more painful.  It seems to be much more economical based, so there are terminologies used that I've never heard before.  I'll be glad when Steve gets home to discuss this with me.  He'll probably really enjoy it.  I got my infringement from that idiot cop, only three weeks later!  Its the most badly written notice I've ever seen, incorrect dates, poor spelling and lots of scribbling out.  I've written my contestment about the notice and photocopied the infringement to show how badly written it is.  And this guy is in training for the Armed Defenders Squad?  Lets hope his aim is better!  I also saw the physiotherapist, she was awesome.  Really friendly and she's invited me to the hydro pool on Friday mornings.  Apparantly its really warm and I get to float around the listen to music!  Sounds like heaven to me!  I can't wait for my first session.  I also saw the OB.  The baby is fine, very low down which is adding to my pain and constant toilet trips!  I sought reassurance that if I start to experience ongoing contractions like I did with Pip, but don't go into full blown labour, she'll induce me.  She said she would.  What a relief.  With Pip, contractions started at 36 weeks, I was dilating, but very slowly.  Two OBs tried to induce labour, but failed, so I hit 42 weeks with broken waters and still not in full blown labour.  I was really anxious, I was insanely tired from the constant pain and panicky that she would never come out.  I ended up going into labour on the day I had pushed for an induction, only for her to arrive within half an hour!  God, I can hear the girls getting upset again ,best go and help out....

Longest day...ever?

Posted on Fri 11 July 2008 at 10:35 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

Yesterday I had enrolled for a course, 'Study Smart' it was aimed at us mere mortals that haven't been in education for yonks and don't know how to approach study or write assignments.  I was up at 5.30am when Moons kept coming in.  I had been most anxious about sitting comfortably and frequent toilet breaks during the day.  Inevitably whenever anyone gets up for the loo during a seminar, everyone looks and the speaker usually loses their flow.  Imagine that happening every 20 minutes?!  Driving into the city I was thinking about how much it cost to fill up my Landrover Discovery!  Yikes!  It wasn't until I parked on campus and wondered through the doors that panic set in.  My god, I'm HUUUGE, I've got two kids, haven't studied for ages, what am I thinking?!  I went into the loo and tried to gain some calm and composure.  There were only 10 of us in the lecture hall and the lecturer was really, really friendly.  Three of us were mature students, the other's were fairly young with full time jobs in hospitality.  It was such an informative day, I learnt loads!  I can't believe how helpful it was.  We had some activities to do at the end of the day, and the lecturer confirmed that we'd all put the same answers.  I was the only one that had done something different.  Panic set in, my god I didn't understand it afterall!  I explained my thought process with my answer and he said he was very impressed, I had approached this from a higher level as opposed to the basic answers which he had been aiming for.  I was really chuffed with myself!  YAY!  Our group were friendly and I established a good rapport with a girl doing the same degree as me.  I left feeling incredibly motivated and more confident and to be honest, quite excited!  I got to my car and saw two pieces of paper in the windscreen.  One was a parking ticket for $50 because I hadn't paid.  PAID??  You have to pay to park in a university carpark?!  I was very surprised!  The other was a crudely written scribble, 'U R A RETARD, HOW MANY PARKS DO YOU NEED?'  The uni carpark is obviously tailored for tiny little cars, there was no way my beast of a 4wd was going to fit comfortably in the bays, so, although straight my tyres were overlapping the line, just slightly, but unavoidable.  I laughed at the irony of the badly written note and then called Steve to tell him I had learnt I was a retard!  I had a couple of hours to relax before I had to dash back to the city for an evening at the Nanny college.  When I got home I realised it was the last day to pay an outstanding speeding fine, so I dashed back out again to the ONLY bank that the NZ police force use.  When I headed to the college I was feeling beyond drained and desperate to lie down.  My speed edged to 120km on the motorway and then FLASH!  Another bloody ticket!  Grrr!  I didn't think those things worked in the night!  What an expensive day was I having!  Arriving at the college I was most surprised by the calibre of family taking in a student Nanny.  The car park was full of expensive cars, the women were smartly dressed and there were some men in suits.  I'm not sure what I had anticipated.  I waddled, panting up loads of stairs and knew this was only the start of a painful evening.  Finally at 9.30pm I could taste the freedom!  I was so glad to pull up outside the house.  Steve reminded that me that at midnight we had to be BACK in the city for the launch of the new iphone. As I'm a contract holder with Vodafone, we both had to go so I could add Steve to my contract.  11.15pm saw us waking up the girls and bundling them into the car.  They were so excited!  I didn't anticipate much a line in the city, it is Wellington, New Zealand afterall.  There were quite a few more people than I had expected, but still no where near the lines like when the PS3 came out or Buzz Lightyear!  Steve joined the line (at number 77), while the girls and I waited in the car.  The tiredness really hit me then.  I felt completely zombified.  Pregnancy tiredness is pretty alarming.  The girls were using the inside of the car as a climbing frame, which I then became part of.  The stereo would come on blasting periodically and the steering wheel took a real bashing.  An hour passed and Steve was still in the line which wasn't moving.  Although it had initially seemed well organised with paperwork being handed out in the line, coffee, hats and blankets being given out, it was still NZ, so customer service was slow and not well managed.  I drove around the blocks a few times to keep boredom at bay and it forced the girls back into their seats so I could have some space.  The city was quiet except for token roadworks, which seems to be a current trend at the moment in some of the most bizarre places - must be end of tax year.  Finally at 1.30am the girls were beyond tired.  They were screaming at each other, Pip was crying, I started to cry.  I couldn't take anymore.  I asked Steve how much longer he was going to be.  A new iphone customer emerged from the store and Steve asked his number.  18.  Great, all this time and that's how far they'd gotten?  My body needed to lie down.  Its rare for Steve to want for anything, he mostly likes these gadgets, the PS3, the plasma tv, and now this phone.  I had wanted him to get one so badly, but all this time and all this tiredness was too much - no bloody phone is worth this.  So he returned and we drove home.  I'm still on auto pilot this morning, not quite sure what's going on!  I'm really irritable though.  Steve's at home this morning because we're waiting for our lounge suite to be delivered, the girls are exhausted and playing up and I've got some pretty bad cramping going on.  I won't get too much rest today, Steve has a meeting in the city, he's won another contract!!  This is part time and pays less then the usual, but still considered an average Kiwi salary.  He's got this because he can work from home and we figure that when the baby's born, we'll be able to live comfortably on his UK and Kiwi part time salary for a few weeks before another full time contract comes along.  Tomorrow I'm at the Palmy North campus for a special extra mural students day, which I'm really looking forward to because I'll get to meet some of the course instructors and probably more students on the same course.  Just hope this baby holds off!  Then Sunday the new Nanny starts!  Freeeedom!

Winter in NZ (photos)- but the day ends in A+E!

Posted on Sun 6 July 2008 at 07:03 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

We were excited to learn that it had been snowing quite significantly over NZ the last couple of days.  Quite local to us as well, we decided to head to the Rimutakas today to see the snow.  Every other local family obviously thought the same!  Cars were pulled over and the kids were making snowmen.  We did our bit!

Steve gets to work:

The final work of art:

Our little Jack Frost enjoyed the ride on the car! 

Unfortunately as our days tend to go, it was not all fun and giggles.  We arrived into Martinborough and Steve and I were talking about lunch options.  Suddenly Moons let out a god awful scream and Steve hurriedly pulled over.  She'd gotten her small finger stuck in the electric window.  Her finger swelled up instantly and she was beyond consolation, she really, really screamed.  Moons is a pretty tough cookie, so its unlike her to be so upset and writhing in pain.  I pulled her onto my lap.  Steve went into a petrol station to ask for the local medical centre as I was convinced it was a more serious injury.  Being out in the middle of bloody nowhere, we had to drive 45 mins to Masterton.  Of course, the drive took significantly less than that.   Moons screamed the whole way and sobbed onto my shoulder.  I was holding back tears, there's nothing worse than seeing your child in such pain.  Pip slumped forward with a terrified look on her face.  We pulled up outside the medical centre and after moons was given some pain relief, she eased up.  She soon asked for some chocolate.  Phew, things were better for her then!  The Dr saw her and decided that her finger could have a fracture, so best we head to the local hospital and get an x-ray.  It was a busy old day for the emergency admissions in the Wairapa, there must have been, well, at least FOUR people waiting.  The receptionist was terribly flustered with the demand and really painfully typed like someone who'd never used a computer before.  The calibre of person waiting to be seen in the hospital was making my jaw ache from frustration.  Every single one was using a community card.  There was a drunk guy who struggled to remember his birthdate, he had a neck ache from a WEEK ago, but had decided on this cold, Sunday afternoon to wander into his local free hospital.  There was the token Maori family, reeking of old fags, looked healthy, no idea what they were there for.  A couple of others sporting mullets.  The whole mullet thing in NZ never ceases to amaze me.  Was this a haircut maintained since the 70s, or did they one day decide, hey a mullet will really suit me.  There was some confusion as to whether the x-ray department was actually open or not.  Some guy took our referral letter and said he'd read it and get back to us.  Half an hour Iater  I asked the receptionist if he was still reading it.  Our daughter was looking brighter, but still craddled her little hand.  Pip was tired and hungry.  I was starting to feel dizzy from not eating all day, being stressed and carrying Moons on top of the baby in my belly.  It is SOOOO hard not to get irritated whenever I'm in the hospital.  Staff always seem to mingle around chatting while people wait, they WANT you to know that your time there is in their control and they will not be pushed.  The admin staff ALWAYS make me think of that skit in Little Britain, 'Computer says no.'  And this ladies and gentleman, is where our lovely tax money goes.  As I don't smoke anymore, I can only think of excuses to leave the waiting area and pace around using my mobile phone.  I decided to call a couple of other hospitals in Welly to see what their wait time was.  Even if I did still smoke, I would have been put off out there.  Christ, all these mullet heads in tight blue jeans blowing smoke through their nostrils.  Yuk.  They should use those images as opposed these annoying 'shock tactics.'  I'm sure most people would be put off thinking about these leatherfaced old hags chuffing away in their dirty, 70s best, then an image of black lungs!  While I was on the phone, Steve said we'd been called.  I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my frustration in check and I was feeling pretty lightheaded, so I opted to take Pip and sit in the car.  What a day!  Luckily her finger wasn't fractured, just pretty badly swollen, so its taped up and she certainly seems more settled.

Ah well, at least its her birthday tomorrow!  Although Steve and I now have to sit up wrapping presents and I'm pretty sure he wants to get into our new bedsheets as much as I do!

Moving and buying furniture - its a compulsion!

Posted on Sat 5 July 2008 at 07:35 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

With my first two girls I had the typical nesting instinct.  Everything had to be cleaned and organised.  Clutter could drive me into an anxiety attack, so I would have a major chucking out and tidying session.  This time around its worse.  I NEED to move furniture around, which is starting to get harder, so Steve bless him is being ordered to move things around.  Its not stopped though at moving things.  Our new lounge suite is ordered, a new coffee table, I also did a big splurge on new bedding and things that I never thought would EVER be important to me, like comforters and laundry baskets.  At the moment there are big sales on in some lovely stores here to try and entice shoppers back in light of this economic crisis.  Poor old Steve is wishing I too would avoid the shops, but I just NEED to have this new duvet set, we NEED it!  After we'd ordered the lounge suite, we came home so I could get Steve to move everything around in the bedroom.  Tired and sweaty he took a break, while I deliberated over the important decision as to which new bedding we'd use tonight.  He said that years ago in the dating stage I made out I was very low maintanace.  Just give me a crate of beer and I'll be happy.  Now he groans that I demand he work all the hours under the sun to afford thousands being thrown at things I always claimed never interested me.  In my defense though, the house will look bloody marvellous when its all complete AND its probably come at a few thousand less than when there wasn't this economic crisis.  I've done us a favour!  Anyway, I also took the time to email my predominant lecturer for some advice about how the hell I was going to tackle the most trickiest papers.  He wrote back to me within a day reassuring me that it would fall into place and encouraged me to take it bit by bit.  I also received an email from a student mentoring person who said that every student doing social policy struggled, it was hard and overwhelming to start with, but read things a little at a time, then read them again and then read them until it sinks in.  I was so motivated by the emails and I told Steve how fantastic it was to have that support.  He keeps telling me that universities provide all the support and the tools I could possibly need.  Afterall, they don't actually want me to fail.  Today in the mail I received news about two upcoming events at the campus.  Next week I can book to attend a 'study smart' seminar which will introduce me to study guides and how to write assignments, its for people like me that are new to this game.  At the weekend I'm off to Palmy North for an event designed specifically at extramural students, to introduce ourselves and get a feel for what's available.  I'm so excited and happy at this.  To make contacts with people that are probably feeling the same, and to be given an introduction to something that at the moment completely overwhelms me.  I feel a bit more control coming back to me and its made me feel that perhaps I can do this afterall!  OK, I've got some filing to do!  Just wanted to capture this hideous part of pregnancy where I want everything neat and new and the realisation that perhaps I can nail this degree afterall!

Ticking over to 31 weeks

Posted on Fri 4 July 2008 at 08:59 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

I've been insanely emotional the last few days.  Crying over silly adverts one minute, yelling the next.  I'm dreadfully uncomfortable too.  Moons used to kick me all the time, if a waistband I wore was too tight, she'd kick me, if I put anything on my belly, including a magazine, she would knock it clear off!  She'd even punch at the waterline when I was in the bath.  Pip on the other hand was a lazy roller.  Periodically she'd just turn over and my belly would flop with her.  This baby I picture as more of a rugby player, it puts all of its weight and gusto into ramming the side of my uterus, or worse still, ramming down onto my cervix!  Just last week I got this wicked pain shoot through the right side of my uterus.  I gasped and put my hand to the side, only to feel the outline of a baby pressing up against my side! I had to move the bugger over.  Sometimes it'll bear down hard when I stand up and really make me wince in pain.  My pelvic bone is finally giving into the pressure.  At night its really painful to move, the pain has increased dramatically over the last couple of weeks.  Going from me grunting to me biting the quilt when I have to turn over to now just shouting at the Heavens.  The other night I could barely sleep and I sadly have to admit to crying quietly because it just hurt too much and I didn't want to wake Steve.  Paracetomal isn't helping.  I saw the midwife yesterday and she's referred me to a physiotherapist.  I didn't know that was possible, but she's sure that I'll get some results from a few visits.  She also asked if I was taking my iron tablets.  I'm not sure if its the black, weary eyes that gave it away or the fact I sat there slurping coffee like my life depended on it.  I told her its really hard to remember.  My iron levels are very low and iron tablets take a little while to work, so I should now take two with orange juice.  It is reassuring to know that my extreme tiredness levels and dizziness is from something lacking in my system rather than just, well, I'm a weakling!  Today was fantastic, Steve used the excuse of the truckers protest not to go to work, so we spent the day shopping for Moons birthday next week.  As most people weren't using their cars, we pretty much had every shop to ourselves!  I love shopping for my girls.  We bought an array of toys and clothes, of course, we also had to buy a couple of bits for Pip too.  It was hard for her seeing all these toys!  Unfortunately our wonderful morning was cut very short by a voicemail from Moonie's school asking where we are.  She finishes earlier on a Friday.  I'd had 12.45 in my cotton wool brain, in fact it was an hour earlier.  Whoops!  The school were none too impressed and our poor little girl was sat alone, reading a book and eating an apple when we arrived.  Friday is also a day when they don't have lunch, so she was starving.  Yes, I cried about that all the way home.  We did buy a cute little all in one winter suit for the quarterback in my belly.  It was surreal to purchase our first baby item, and its probably the first time I have actually felt a bit excited about having the baby.   I'm SO excited about next week, Moons birthday.   Amongst other things we bought one of those little playhouses, so our plan is to put her pressies in there in the morning.  Since we put Moons and Pip back in the same room, they've become incredibly close.  So much so that earlier Steve went in to find them asleep in bed together!  The other morning we had to laugh, we were rushing around as usual and Steve told Moons to get herself dressed for the day.  A little while later I heard him shouting for me.  I walked into their room to find BOTH of them in their swimming costumes, very happy indeed!  Pip even happier because she'd taken her nappy off to get the full effect of her costume.  I have also found museli bar wrappers and other snacky food wrappers hidden around the room where obviously Moons sneaks downstairs to raid the pantry for them both!  This is such a good age, Moons old enough to converse and help me, and Pip old enough to be mobile, but incredibly cute with it.  It makes the idea of a third a little easier to cope with because I hope they will all be equally as close.  God, its hard to ever imagine not actually being pregnant though.  Next month I will be considered full term, so the baby is welcome to come at any stage.  I mean, VERY welcome! 

I'm a lippy old bint me

Posted on Wed 2 July 2008 at 01:45 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

Yesterday evening I settled down to watch my weekly trip to Coronation Street.  I don't like the programme much, but I like to indulge my homesickness.  Just before 8pm the phone rang.  I've turned into my parents and get anal about late evening phone calls.  Like the Queen of sheeba, I gestured to Steve to answer the phone and unless it was a select number of friends who's calls I can authorise at that time, I told him to say I wasn't available.  He adopted his deadly serious tone for this call and then said to the caller, best to speak to my wife about this.  Oh no, it was evening, I was relaxed and when Steve says that it means he's calling on the Big Guns.  Cocked and ready to fire I took the phone wondering who would be the recepient of my rapid fire.  It was a Detective.  He was calling about the Nanny, he had some questions for me.  I obliged his questions as helpfully as possible, but I wanted to add my own two cents worth in.  This girl had a lot of time and exposure to valuable goods in our home, we had no reason to distrust her and as such, she never stole from us.  It was important to me that he know she wasn't just a thieving criminal, trying to make an extra buck or buy some drugs.  This girl has a clear compulsive personality, she uses theft to get back at people she feels wronged by.  She never sold any of the goods, instead choosing to hoard them.  Her dismissal from our family was instigated at the request of the college - not us. He told me she's facing court action, and as cops usually do, tried to use lots of long words that he didn't really understand, so ended up sounding rather like a wally.  It always gives us much amusement when cops tried to sound so formal and so educated, but pronounce words incorrectly or don't fully understand there definition, thus making no sense.  I told him of course that I would help with investigation and wished him the best with the investigation.  I ended the call feeling quite emotional.  Firstly, I do resent being pulled into these things.  I can make enough trouble for myself, let alone being dragged head first into someone else's!  But I also feel sad for the Nanny.  Where are her parents?  Does she comprehend the sheer depth of the trouble she's in?  When she goes travelling, she will always be forced to declare this black mark, and employers will struggle with it.  I don't condone her behaviour at all and of course, at her age, she should be well aware of the ramifications of her actions,thus taking accountability and facing the consequences of her bad decisions.  But, this is a girl who needs help.  This is an example of someone, that unless given tools to help herself will continue to do this over and over.  Why aren't her parents supporting her and insisting on help for her?  Why aren't they forcing her to face the families and help them deal with her behaviour.  They feel quite rightly violated and betrayed.  But I'm sure facing the Nanny and talking through it will help to heal this for them more then baying for her blood.  I guess this is when the question of community vs individual comes into effect.  Who should help this girl - the community or herself.  Who has a responsbility to this girl?  I do feel that we have somewhat of a moral obligation to look at her case based on its individual circumstances.  So, I text her and told her about the call.  I told her once again that she needed to get help, she needed to do the right thing and she needed to keep her head down and out of trouble.  I assumed she knew she was being investigated, she didn't seem to in her responses to me.  Who knows whats going in real life?  She text me that she was scared.  A vulnerable message conveying innocence and genuine fear of realisation of what was happening, or a message created so that I would instantly feel sorry for her and instinctively protective of her?

My cleaner came today and told me that her rent had been put up.  She's only lived there for six months, a one bed room flat.  A $30 increase?? Disgusting.  I told her so and told her that was completely unreasonable.  I then set about looking at the market rent value of a one bed flat in her area through the department of building and housing.  She's already paying well over the market value.  She's clearly being taken advantage of.  I cannot bear these unscrupulous landlords in NZ.  Thank god its so regulated here.  I printed off the information for her and told her she needed to get onto this.  Initially directly with the landlord.  If she paid this new increase,  by law, the homeowner would be liable to pay back the difference.  Its serious business you know.  

I'm putting the world to rights!  If only I could get on with my text books and assignments with this much vigour!  My degree would be a sinch!  As it happens, I keep reading the same bloody pages over and over. 

A rather good day!

Posted on Tue 1 July 2008 at 02:33 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

Steve has just won his second contract.  The first one he kind of felt was a fluke, as its the first time he's followed this line of work as a result of his job in the UK.  Business Analysts are incredibly sought of here in Welly and so they pretty much write their own pay packet, it seems to be a small number of them all battling it out for the contracts and Steve is sure that he will start to see the same people over and over.  The first came as a surprise because of the wage bracket, he didn't anticipate getting anywhere near as much and the job came with great responsibility, analysing and forming recommendations for the Dept of Corrections in NZ.  Having never worked in this industry, he had to quickly familarise himself with terminology and the processes within the system here.  He worked very hard and completed his reccommendations within the deadline.  He was in contact with other agencies to sort out a new contract and had only been out of work for a day when another agreement came in.  This one is only short as well (two months) pays slightly more and brings yet more responsibilty - revising the current staffing within a department of the government and in effect suggesting who should be 'culled' and how to make the department run more effectively.   Its taking a purely business approach as the other one, without the all the emotional bits involved.  Which is really his forte.  I'm so proud of him and so happy for him and us.  His confidence is growing and he's quite sure now about his worth.  We've already put some of his earnings to good use, a new big arse plasma screen tv, scouring the shops for a nice lounge suite, and slowly upgrading everything we'd previously bought.  Its such a good feeling!  My frustration with the chimney company really paid off.  I hate dodgy tradespeople and I particularly hate ones that combine rudeness and dodgyness!  I contacted the homeowner over the weekend and expressed my concerns at footing a big bill which likely seemed unnessecary.  They really appreciated my candor and arranged a second opinion with a fantastic company.  This company provided me with lots of useful information over the phone not knowing at the time it would pay off.  And this is exactly how businesses should operate.  Turns out all of the recommendations from the other company are untruthful and inaccurate.  Our chimney problem is as a result of the wood we're using.  That's saved the homeowners a lot of hassles and money.  They're very happy and I'm really happy that my feelings about this initial company were correct.  The only one unhappy is the Property Manager, who is annoyed that I've made her look unprofessional.  Today our phone was also returned from the Nanny, which is really good for me.  It feels like a weight has been lifted in that she must appreciate us enough not to steal from us.  She also text me some nice thoughts.  Whether its a selfish motivation or a genuine show of appreciation for being part of our family is unknown to me, I truly hope its the latter.  I also got a call from a Manager following up my complaint about the Police Officer.  He agreed that the Officer acted unprofessionally, but is struggling to identify the person, the investigation continues!  And finally for another good thing today, I received another paper from the uni.  This is one of my electives so its one I'm really keen on.  About the Rich World, the Poor World and the Making of the Third World.  I've been feeling terribly overwhelmed by the other two papers, a bit out of my depth and feeling a lot of self doubt.  Receiving this paper has reinfornced why I want to do this in the first place.  And I have the best person to help me!  Steve and his Dad have consulted for the ADB (Asian Development Bank) on a number of projects in Asia to alleviate poverty.  Its going to be really interesting to hear about and I think might warrant a much needed and much wanted holiday to Cambodia!  If only this bloody baby would hurry up!  Two longest months ever.  Grrroan!

Down in the dumps

Posted on Fri 27 June 2008 at 05:41 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

I am wondering again how long this baby will last for.  My contractions are painful, my lower back is killing me and I'm incredibly emotional at the moment - not sure I trust myself at the moment to deal with situations as they arise.  My week has continued downhill.  On Tuesday I got into a phone shouting match - this time with a chimney sweep company!!  Yep, I'm certainly on my way to ensuring that all bases are covered in terms of my complaints!  Our chimney hasn't been working properly, and as the temperature is hitting the lows now, we need it more than ever.  The guys were due at 4pm, by 4.30pm there was still no sign of them.  The light was fading and the rain was threatening.  I telephoned the company and was told the guy had been delayed, so no, he wasn't coming today.  Why didn't you call?  Was my response.  Hadn't considererd it because us 'tenants' never stick to appointments anyway.  His ridiculous throwaway comment angered me beyond belief and so I began a tirade of how unprofessional his company was.  He hung up on me. Later that night we had a two hour power cut, meaning the oil radiators were out of action.  The house was thrust into a cold, dark abyss.  The next morning I got onto the Property Manager who had problems with this company already - condemning pretty much every logburner they set their eyes on and charging for sweeps that she was sure the house didn't have an operational chimney anymore!  Later on I got a phone call from a woman at the company, supposedly to apologise, but sure enough she made one snide remark too many and again, I took her to china town and back.  The incredible thing with companies in NZ is that because there aren't many of any industry, they can hold you to ransom.  You literally find yourself having to pick the lesser of two evils.  Their customer service is beyond shoddy, they would rather not have your business than apologise.  It could be because the country is so young, and there aren't many people, and its not in the Kiwi way to complain, they just suck it up and then bubble about it for all eternity or it could be that during the evolution process Kiwis somehow got stuck in the neanderthal stage.  My money is on the latter.  End result, someone from the company came and condemned our chimney!  There's weather warnings about a cold snap on its way and we have no fire.  We have dug out our trusty gas heater though and hope to god there's no more power cuts.  Today the college called to say unsurpringsly that the Nanny has made two arrangements to drop our mobile phone off and has still not done so.  The other families have continued to find other things missing, which means the police are investigating and statements are being taken.  I text the Nanny and told her I would be devastated if she took the phone, not because its worth anything to us, but the principle of her not respecting us enough to steal from us.  She text back she had been working, so had not received messages from the college.  I doubt it.  The college had told me that the police are going to search her current address for other items and they've flown her Father down from Auckland to assist because the Nanny has decided not to help with the investigation.  Its possible that the cops may well want to speak with me as my house became a home to stolen items and a psycho bunny boiler.  Either way, I feel on the brink of being sucked into something horrible and smelly.  I won't know when a cop calls if its to investigate my complaint about an Officer or about the Nanny.  Bollocks. I don't recall ever being this tired before and I've had a couple of nightmares recently, nasty ones that make you feel sad all day.  I only really get those when the chips are down.  Steve of course continues to sleep peacefully next to me.  I don't know what it is about this Nanny situation that has bothered me so much.  I've travelled, I consider myself streetwise, I know there are some bad apples out there.  Perhaps because I've had the fortune not to house any of them before, its not gotten to me.  It might be the hormones.  Either way I just feel like I'm carrying this overwhelming bag of sadness around.  I feel personally betrayed and let down, I feel guilty for not doing a better job in choosing better childcare for my children, I feel like I've been made a fool of.  I feel like I've been left without answers.  Simply there is nothing much else to do this evening except have a curry and hire a DVD.  I'll write this week off for tax purposes I think. 

What a stinker of a day!

Posted on Mon 23 June 2008 at 11:07 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

This morning Steve left at the crack of dawn to finalise his project (and his contract) with the Dept of Corrections.  I was left with the monsters, and this morning they put on a real treat for me!  They sense weakness and their special routine of pulling books off shelves and ripping them to tiny pieces is one dedicated especially for me on bad mornings!  I had a rough night, hitting the third trimester my body has had enough.  Everything aches, I have this embaressing routine of rolling over every night.  Basically it consists of me flailing around on my back like a cockroach that's fallen off a wall, lots of groaning and huffing like someone that's morbidly obese, and ending with me actually getting comfortable - only to need the loo!  This morning I hoped I might get a little bit of a lie in.  No such luck!  If Moons wasn't hounding me with some inane questions, the cat was jumping on the bed, in my face and screaming at me.  This cat's appetite cannot even be rivalled by those fat Aussies (!!!!), he wants to eat 24/7.  I couldn't believe it when I hobbled into the girls room like an old war veteran to find a huge mess.  Once I'd dropped Moons off, I couldn't wait to get home, get Pip down for her nap so I could relax and wait for various tradesman to turn up to give various quotes for mundane jobs around the house.  I spoke with the college about our mobile phone, which I still don't have.  The college told me that the Nanny has spun so many lies she's obviously very sick.  We compared a few more notes only because there is something morbidly interesting in her crazy ways and I think both of us put the phone down even more shocked - which is saying something.  I declined a Nanny from Europe soon after that to an agency.  Her CV and letter and the agency made her sound like a warm, fuzzy care bear, but as she's taken it upon herself to arrange her own arrival date, I feel too pushed to make a quick decision and its not sitting well at the moment.  Besides, this other Nanny I interviewed in person and referenced checked personally is sitting better with me a the moment.  So not the greatest calls.  After collecting Moons from school, I got pulled over by a horrible, pig of a policeman for running an 'orange light.'  Not a crime here in NZ, if you cant stop in time, you are allowed - if its safe to cruise through an orange.  As my car is a hefty 4wd, had I have stopped when the light changed (just after my front tyres passed)  I would have skidded.  Hence the reason for the law allowing the orange cruise.  I wasn't speeding at the time either.  As it happened the cop had manouvered just before without indicating and unfortunately for me I decided to ask him about that as he talked to me about the light.  He was pretty pissed off to be honest!!  He was so rude to me, I asked for his name and badge number - which he refused to provide.  Furthermore, he wasn't in uniform so there was nothing to indentify him as a cop other than the marked car - which for all I knew, he could have been relocating for the police.  I've had tickets before for speeding and the cops are actually usually quite polite about it and although on occasion there is that feeling of revenue raising, I would never argue my innocence or complain about the cop that's just doing their job.  In this instance the cop was incredible, he was rude, defensive and judging by the way he was inspecting my car, desperate to pin a lot more on me.  He failed.  Thank god!  I was so upset, he took for ever, and I don't think I've been spoken to so rudely before.  I called Steve in a right old state and he reassured me that we would find out who he was and complain.  I got back on track quickly and called a lawyer to establish whether he was legally obligated to provide his badge number and name.  The lawyer told me it was grey area in NZ, BUT as he wasn't in uniform he should have done so.  Furthermore, his reason for pulling me over was questionable.  Spurred on I have managed to locate his 'department.'  Funnily enough his superior wasn't keen on me following the correct channels to complain and urged me to reconsider.  No, I said.  He was wrong and I intend to follow this up.  The girls were pretty rowdy in the background and I couldn't keep my eye off them for a second, they were in a real destructive mood.  Moons told me she needed the toilet, so I nodded that she could go out the door and then turned to write down this guy's postal address.  Less than a minute, I had the address and the girls were back in the living area.  I just managed to save their dinner from burning and sat them down to eat.  I heard this strange noise from the entrance hall and went to investigate.  Only to discover that they had lodged my pot pourri in the sink, and turned on both taps full blast.   There was steam everywhere and the floor was completely flooded.  I have to say that at this stage, I just sat on the sofa and cried!  Too much, too close together. The only saving grace to my day was listening to a message from a good mate of mine asking if I was 'having trouble with the old bill.'  She passed me while she was working, being pulled over by this cop!  Of all the people to see me, she would have to be the one to see me at my best!  Her message provided me with a few giggles for the evening.  I also received a text from a good friend of mine in Auckland asking to catch up.  It is really, really nice to have people around that can have such a good impact on my day.  YAY, Nip/Tuck is on, that will definitely make me feel better!

As the dust settles

Posted on Sun 22 June 2008 at 10:50 by Littletoe - 0 Comments - Link

I think this Nanny whirlwind has shaken our little family and we're just kind of dealing with the dust as it settles.  Pip - as long as she gets attention and food, she doesn't care who's providing it!  So she's just fine and dandy!  Moons the other morning had a huge tantrum which is very unlike her.  She was screaming and throwing things around her room.  She was very angry and I could hear Steve telling her to calm down, he was clearly shocked at her behaviour.  For Moons, the Nanny indulged her 'girly' side. She did her hair so pretty with pretty clips and made her feel grown up.  She spent ages deciding what clothes to put her in and made a real effort to pick things that there were girly.  Which is no mean feat, I tend to put my girls in khakis, jeans, t-shirts, etc.  Last longer and more practical (listen to me the Mother hen!).  Moons doesn't understand why the Nanny left so abruptly, we told her that her Mummy was sick, but she loved her and would miss her.  Moons little lip quivered and she was clearly about to cry.  Steve is reeling from the fact we housed a thief!  He just says randomly now and again, I can't believe she stole from people.  I have taken the 'betrayel' quite personally.  I feel that I was merely a pawn in a game and I don't like it.  For one, I would like to think I'm a good judge of character, but sadly I wasn't in this case and I feel like I let my little girls down.  I entrusted this Nanny with the greatest priviledge of all, looking after my children and she treated me like a fool.  I have a real problem with the fact that she brought the stolen articles into our family home.  Steve thinks its silly and it shouldn't bother me where the goods were.  The fact is, she arrived back from her Saturday job, told us about this 'awful' Mother that drank and smoked too much and how awkward she felt.  The whole time Steve and I were saying how bad it sounded, she stood with her overnight bag beside her, concealing this poor woman's things.  When I was really ill and I wanted to avoid the cleaner, the Nanny offered me her room to lie down in.  She was quite insistant that I not feel uncomfortable and just go and lie down.  I wonder now if she was seeking the thrill of knowing that I was lying down near these stolen things?  It makes it worse that she constantly brought up the subject of the allegation and talked about how awful it was for her.  She wanted to keep going over it with me, I assumed at the time to offload and reassure me of her innocence.  And of course, I do miss her.  Despite her tendancy to say things a little off the wall, she was funny, she was warm.  When I had 'sick' mornings, she would make me tea and always offer to help around the house.  When we took her out to dinner and bought her earrings, she seemed genuinely modest.  She didn't anticipate being 'rewarded' for all her hard work and celebrated for her birthday.  I wonder now if that was a genuine glimpse of raw emotion, or just a master manipulator at work?  Who knows?  I HATE to use such an American term, but I really feel the need for 'closure.'  I did text her to say I didn't understand why she lied to us, but I wished her all the best in getting the help and support and she needs.  She replied that she obviously needs counselling and told me she would miss me the most because she saw me as an older sister - to which Steve laughed and said, 'surely she means a Mother?  You're too old to be an older sister.'  Charming!  Since we left I looked over our Telecom account online and was amazed to see absolutely loads of phone activity during times she was supposed to be working.  Lasting around 30 mins a time.  Fortunately, we have a call plan that allows calls within NZ for a flat montly rate, had we not had this deal our bill would have been high.  There were frequent calls to mobile phones, only lasting 1-2mins, but of course, plenty of these do add up.  I was so disappointed that she'd done that.  I think I may have already written that our electricity bill, usually a maximum of $250 a month, became over $500 for the time that the Nanny was with us. I don't know what she was doing, but we politely asked her if she could be mindful of leaving heaters on and lights on when they weren't needed.  She seemed fine, but on Weds when she left, we popped into her room to get the heater for our room and saw it was on.  Had we not have gone in there, it would have been on for two whole days and over night until her intended return.  Also presenting a safety hazard.  Was this our 'punishment' for mentioning the bill?  She seemed to do things to get back at people she felt had let her down.  I've since spoken with the college about the other family and it transpires that 'CYFs - Child, Youth and Family, the Kiwi social services) contacted the college about the girl because there were some big inconsistencies in her report.  So their investigation will clearly be a more 'toned' down affair because their experience means they've spotted that all was not quite right about the allegation.  This deeply troubles me.  Unfortunately for me, I know these people's names, address and their businesses.  It feels like a huge burden.  I would never share that information with anyone of course.  But knowing them and their business makes it more real and more personal.  Not to mention I was the person that heard the sordid tale first and after meeting someone from the college that day about other issues, I felt it important to tell them what she had said.  God knows what would happen if she told too many people and it fell into the wrong lap.  Small businesses are good networkers here in Welly.  Reputation can make or break businesses.  Its a small city and as such small businesses operate better when they can get their name and face out there to the ever cynical Kiwi consumer. 

Yesterday the family and I took a long drive (this time Steve driving!) to get out to somewhere new.  Or rather, somewhere we've not seen for years having already been to every inch of this country.  It was another lovely day.  Driving back Steve and I were commenting on how badly the roads were lit and how dangerous it seemed.  We'd not driven as far as I had, but he said even his eyes were tired from it all.  I asked if turning off his fog lights would make much difference to the darkness.  He turned them off and the road disappeared!! We were engulfed in blackness!!!  His bloody headlights weren't working!!!  Full beam worked, but the minute we dipped them, we were relying just on the fog lights.  I couldn't believe it!  We're lucky that on those two long trips we didn't get a ticket.  At least we know now why the lighting at night is so bad!  Grrroan! 

Anyway, as time passes we're dealing with the lack of presence of someone that we welcomed into our famliy and treated as an addition rather than an employee.  Ultimately, she didn't hurt us anywhere near as badly as the other families, so we can be grateful and assume that she must have liked us enough not to cause us any harm. I'm sad to have met someone so angry and bitter at the world and not to have known it. I'm sad that the girls have been left again so quickly.  I hope they are able to trust the new Nanny.  I hope we all are!

The Nanny diaries/dramas II...the end??

Posted on Thu 19 June 2008 at 03:53 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

This morning the Nanny was supposed to be at college.  I had arranged to have an early lunch with some good friends I've not seen for a while.  Steve took the morning off, so he could meet them as well as we've left it so long.  This morning as Pip was napping, Steve was doing some work, I dozed off and all seemed peaceful in the house.  The phone rang and Steve took it.  His tone made it clear that something was very wrong, I could hear him saying that we would have to cancel plans and he'd get me to call back straight away considering how 'urgent' this matter.  My stomach churned as Steve relayed to me that the Nanny had been asked to leave the course and for our protection she was also asked to pack up and leave our property.  I called the college straight away in a daze.  Transpires that the other family the Nanny worked for have also called the police about things that have gone missing.  The family still don't know that the Nanny has made a formal allegation of child sexual abuse, so it wasn't a reliation type accusation.  As the police were investigating two seperate claims, they felt it was in our best interests to remove the Nanny.  Furthermore, an additional meeting with her this morning resulted in the Nanny relaying conversations that she'd supposedly had with us about her work and hours - which of course didn't happen.  Yesterday when the woman in charge called, she'd mentioned something about hours, etc which I took as a suggestion.  Turns out she was testing to see if I knew anything about this supposed conversation the Nanny had claimed.  This had added to the unease that she has this capacity to tell lies without any thought about consequences.  The Nanny had since pulled a disappearing act and they were trying to contact her to get her back to the college so she could be escorted to our home to collect her stuff.  I felt very sad BUT Steve and I still considered that she could be innocent. However, the option to stay with us was taken out of our hands.  Our good friends came over to our place and we tried to relax and not let them get dragged into our soap opera life.  The college thought it best we stay at home and await contact from the Nanny.  The college called at midday to say that the Nanny had gone in, the woman in charge told her that if she took the stuff she should say now rather than risk a criminal conviction which would be attached to her and have a HUGE effect on her capacity to work in the future.  She finally backed down and confessed to the theft at both houses. The college also said that now was the time to admit if she had also lied about the allegation towards the family.  She said no.  Whether its true or not, no one knows.  Only that today a family's life will be turned inside out.  Even if its true, the allegation came from someone with little credibility.  I feel very lucky that our family haven't been directly compromised by anything this girl has done.  We've got away from it relatively unscathed, just drained from the drama.  The Nanny arrived at our home and got to work quickly packing aside from a few items we've later been told were stolen from other families.  She was supervised by someone from the college.  I felt sick to know how close we could have come to being taken advantage of.  When she left she gave her key, a SIM card but was unable to return the mobile phone we provided.  Saying she would provide it later through the college.  I didn't question it, I didn't want to. I just wanted her to leave.  She didn't apologise for anything.  I went upstairs with Steve and struggled to fight the tears.  Its a weird feeling that I have.  We treated this girl like our family.  We laughed with her, took her out for dinner, always provided for her, kept her safe and warm.  Supported her even when everyone else was against her.  The whole time she lied to us. She repeatedly told me how angry she was that she was being accused of theft - and the whole time another families items were up in her room in our house! She confided in me about this other family, so I am privvy to something so disturbing and private and I wish I didn't know.  Pip will be very confused and poor Moons will miss her terribly, what do we tell her?  I'm glad this situation is over and I hope the Nanny gets the help she needs.  I feel sorry for the woman in charge, she's so deeply sorry for the whole thing, but its really not her fault.  The Nanny presents in such a warm, caring way, its hard to question anything she says.  At least for our family, we found out before it was too late. 

The Nanny Diaries/dramas

Posted on Wed 18 June 2008 at 10:25 by Littletoe - 1 Comments - Link

The college called today to say that, firstly, the family from a few weekends ago that accused the Nanny of stealing a ring from their home gave the Nanny the option of 'confessing.'  She is maintaining her innocence, so the family have called in the police who will be investigatiing.  Also, the family that the Nanny herself made an accusation about (the one that asked her to leave early), she has made a formal complaint, accusing the Father of something rather sinister with his daughter.  As opposed to summasing, she's gone and got the ball rolling.  OK, I said to the college, so this means I will have social workers and police turning up at my house??!!  The college wanted to know if I was comfortable enough to keep the Nanny.  I said at this stage her work had been even more meticulous, she's making even more effort, so at this stage, I didn't have any concerns about her stealing from us - innocent until proven guilty I think.  And this situation with the other family, although terribly tragic, did not involve us.  Of course, if anything happens as  result or her behaviour indicates anything that causes me alarm, I would of course ask her to leave.  The college supports my decision.  So, we'll see what happens.  Its really not long until she goes, can anything so bad happen before that date?  I hope not!  Its really going to be interesting to see how these two situations evolve and how she handles herself.  I really do hope that the new girl that joins us in July is completely drama free!
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