exploration

Posted on Thu 19 April 2007 at 10:54

Armed with entrenching tools, water canteens, compass and machetes, the intrepid explorers Burgess and Burgess set off into the unknown.  Their mission:  to chart a virtually  inaccessible and tortuous section of a Hamilton gully.  Native rumours abound that a ghastly dog-like apparition haunts the lower reaches, swirling like mist to shroud the unwary in canine swathes of dog-breath.  Locals shun the area, reputedly saying ' I would rather impale my foot on a rusty nail than go down there'. 

Their ultimate goal:  to prove the missing link.  The history books state that the only proof of the earliest settlers is a pearl-shell fishing lure found on the coast. These people aparently only lived in coastal areas, but the Burgesses however, firmly believe that they headed inland and settled in Hamilton. 

Their preliminary forays proved there had indeed been civilisation in past years.  A path began to emerge from the undergrowth as they slashed and hacked their way through the dense undergrowth.

It had obviously been well kept in the long distant past as is still seemed to be in good repair in spite of many years of neglect.

With the incessant drone of ciciadas a constant background roar, they persevered in the face of adversity, the midday sun and the merciless attack of the killer mosquitoes making their task all the more onerous.

It seemed the expedition would be over before it had fully begun - an enormous tree trunk had fallen and blocked the descent down the newly unearthed wooden staircase.

But, with the wonders of modern technology (a metal saw and axe) and the well honed body of the Steven type Burgess, the obstacle was overcome and stacked neatly for the campfire and other camp-like jobs (oo err missus!). 

At this point, Burgess and Burgess took a compass reading and decided to strike out on a new heading.  A sharp cut to the west revealed some ancient terracing topped by a wondrous carved seat.  They thought that some cat deity may have been worshipped here as the site attracted several mysterious and magical cats.  So magical indeed, they all looked exactly the same. 

The jungle became ever more encroaching at this point, so new tactics were called for.  Our brave explorers opted to follow the tracks made by the local fauna.  By dint of belaying ropes,

 semaphore flags and pontoon bridges to cross the marshes, they gained the lower reaches of the gully.  Again, there were elusive signs of former habitation - a grape vine trained over a rustic rose arch. 

And lo:  as the sun set, an obligatory finger of shadow pointed to their ultimate goal.

It was the fabled, semi-mystical kennelata bunnicus.  The altar-piece of the ancient folk.  The ark of the covenant of the earliest settlers.  The ultimate proof positve that their theory was correct.  The holy grail that they had pinned their reputations and years in the wilderness on.  They carefully wrapped it and carried it to the rim of the gully, taking great pains to ensure no damage was done to the most significant treasure ever to be uncovered.  It's significance had been overlooked in previous digs due to it's stunning resemblance to a dog kennel purchased from Bunnings DIY store. 

They had been warned by a canny native named RobiMac that both they and any artefacts would have to be registered with the Department of Internal Affairs.  Being honest, trustworthy and God-fearing people, they immediately ran away, changed their identities and sold it on Trademe for the princely sum of $14.60

 And the ghost dog...................some say they can still hear him howling to this day................