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Nearly talked myself out of a jobPosted on Thu 26 October 2006 at 09:07Yet again, bloody furious as this stupid pile of shite laptop threw me out 10 minutes into blogging. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Right, start again. Rinse off tears and stich up face where I have clawed it in sheer frustration. Beer... well.... Ok then.... just the one then.....just one more then...hey....
Our new living/dining room furniture was delivered today, really pleased with it, it consists of a huge dining room table and 6 chairs (so huge we have to phone each other to pass the salt), huge entertainment type unit, huge sideboard and a coffee table so big I could comfortably row back to the UK on it with a full complement of 20 husky rowers chained to the oars (and enough room for a huge barrel of factor 30 that I would personally be obliged to rub in to their taut, tanned, straining bodies..). All in a dark wood (real wood mind you - none of your veneered MDF here...) with a frosted glass inlay. And therein lies the problem. 2 broken panels of glass!! Bastards!!!! How dare you mishandle my new furniture!! And there is a mark on the table. Well, all my life I have made do and taken the cheap option. Not any more - I am not going to phone them up and ask for a discount - this was our dream, come here, start a new life and do things differently. I want the items replaced or I want my money back. And if that makes me a whingeing Jock Pom bastard I dont care!! Ha!! Watch this space!!
I am so enjoying work. I have been with the community team this week and have been asked if I want to join them instead. Brilliant! Yet again I have found them to be really welcoming and accomodating. Difference with this team is that they are all Kiwi. And... it doesn't make a difference at all really. I had thought that maybe my own ward, being so polyglot (Ben - mutlicultural), would gather me unto their breast cos they were more orientated to outsiders, but that has not turned out to be the case at all. If any of my ex-nursing colleagues are reading this - I would suggest you come and holiday with me, do the interview in person and I will be able to help you out when you land the job - seriously! YOU SO NEED TO COME HERE AND WORK.! (Mr Fox - I may be able to give you a reference!) ( Mike - ask me nicely!!)
Theory time again My sister Shona (c'mon up and take a bow, yaaaaaay, round of applause) and I spent many hours perfecting this theory a few years ago. Every now and again it comes out for a dust off and the addition of a few more details. It is my lily and I will gild it as much as I like!! We have the cure for all ills know to man. Simple. Rational. CHEAP. All you need are: bottle of lager; hot water bottle; bloody huge elastoplast. Lager will cure most problems, be they mental or physical. Drink enough and problems will go away. Depressed - drink, sore - drink, upset - drink, angry - drink, stupid - drink, intellectually impaired - drink (get the picture?) In the field of mental health nursing, this is a recognised fact and is indeed termed self medication. (find myself being led down a completely new avenue ((at a tangent indeed)) 'hey barman, I'll have a pint of your best self-medication if you please') Hot water bottle applied to the point of pain generally has a relieving effect. So, sore knee - hot bottle... I think you get it. And by the way, the cure for a hangover having consumed numerous bottles of lager, yup, the hot bottle. Feeling low - cuddle up with hot bottle and you will generally end up feeling quite mellow. Cuddle up with the lager and the hot bottle together and you won't even remember what laid you so low in the first place. Burn your head with the hot bottle - liberal applications of lager inside and out will soon sort that out. And the crowning glory to an already impressive treatment regime - the bloody huge elastoplast. Want to stop smoking or lose weight (or indeed both). One simple treatment - one bloody huge elastoplast applied firmly to the bucchal cavity (mouth). Sore - bottle of lager and application of hot bottle will soon fix that . Sorted. Contraception - either male or female. How much sex do you think you could manage if the bloody huge elastoplast had been applied to your reproductive organ(s!) By the time you have ripped it off and drunk the lager and applied the hot bottle there is very little chance of pregnancy... I rest my case.. (tumultous applause) Shona and I wiped the board at the Nobel awards with this theory (in our heads). We did the clothes shopping - don't clash, no stripes, black is always flattering...matching hair..... We had the speeches down to a tee... I'd like to thank me , me and me (downward bashful glances etc). We had it all... worldwide adulation and fame... autograph signing.... book options.... chat show appearances... And then, the awful moment when I realised this could never be allowed... What would happen to the world's nurses if we put them out of a job? They would feel useless, a burden to society and most importantly, there would be no need for me in NZ!! God, don't tell anyone I told you this - I nearly talked myself out of a job there! It can be our secret!! Karen B
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