Ray and the world according to him

poorly me

Well, it's been a while eh?

I am just glad July is over and done with - not that August has had a particularly auspicious start either.

The morning of Thursday the 10th, I got up feeling really unwell - so unwell indeed I swiftly bypassed the ensuite and headed straight to the main bathroom.  There was no way I was going in there to errupt with an audience straight through the rather flimsy wall....

I felt so dizzy that I nearly fainted - saved by the bathroom wall that I smacked my forehead off as I just about fell over.  The pain steadied me a bit at least.  I proceeded to spend most of the morning galloping in and out of the bog.  There is no polite way of putting this: I ended up pooing pure blood and the stomach cramps were indescribably painful.  I was crying with the pain and I think I have a pretty high pain threshold.  Phil had gone out early on his motorbike and hadn't realised just how bad I was and thankfully the girl was in Hamilton.  Eventually I phoned him up but it took him an hour to get back from Levin.  He took me straight down to the local A & E and that's when it got really bad.  They took one look at the enormous bruise on my forehead that had ripened since the morning and I had been completely oblivious to of due to feeling so unwell and you could tell straight away that they thought he had done it.  Bear in mind I am 5ft 3 and he is 6ft 1....He got some filthy looks and I got several indirect questions about how it had happened.  They seemed more intrerested in the bruise than in my pain.  They gave me IM (injection) pain relief and something to stop the stomach cramps and sent me to Wellington Hospital.  I went throught their A & E with the same suspicious looks and ended up on a drip and IV painkillers for 4 days.  I reckon the bastards had the drip set far too high because by the time I got home home I looked like the bloody Michelin Man and had put on a stone...pretty difficult when you are 'nil by mouth' for 4 days eh?  They finally gave me  a sigmoidoscopy - and I can tell you - that sodding hurt.  I swear I was trying to spew the camera out and it wasn't even down my throat.  They thought it might be either diverticulitis (which they reckon I would be a bit young for) or an ulcer.  But having had an ulcer many years ago, it doesn't feel like an ulcer to me.  Thet never did pin it down but I have to go for a colonoscopy next week - and I ain't looking forward to that I can tell you.  Not to worry, after a week or so, the pain stopped and my body feels like it belongs to me again.  Several of my friends and colleagues texted me to say they would come and visit but I just felt too poorly to be able to do that.  But their concern for my welfare touched me deeply so thank you all for that.

On a brighter note, here we are on the bike....

It's a Ducati multistrada 1100S...apparently!!  Youn know me, I'm so not technical....I neither know nor care about anything mechanical.....

I love going out on the bike.  I've seen more of New Zealand from the back of that bike than I have in the whole time before I met Phil.  It's bloody marvellous!!  I guess it's one of the things I didn't realise was missing from my life until I got it back.  That's me, kitted out from head to foot and loving it.  Just waiting for summer so we can really get out and about.

And we move this Friday!!  We are only going to another house in Whitby but it will suit our needs better.  It has 4 bedrooms and two separate lounges and a double garage. This house simply isn't big enough for two adults, one teenager, one large dog and two cats.....

Unfortunately, Telecom tell me that we are with the Waitangarua exchange here and the new address is with the Whitby exchange so we can't take the phone number with us.  But for those of you who need to know, give me a phone or drop me an email and I will endeavour to give you the new address and land line number.

And best of all, the girl was awarded player of the day for the match last weekend!!  For a quine who never played until a month or so ago, she is doing so well!!  I picked her up from practice the other day and the coach told me she has really upped her game.  Well done that girl!!  And the trophy in glowing technicolour.........!!

And to my lovely, lovely Kat:  hope you are enjoying your holiday.  Kat gave me a huge amount of time and support in Hamilton when I really needed a friend.  Thank you so much for that Kat.  Just hope that I have been of some small help to you recently.

Burning

I'm just not able to be left in front of the log burner without attempting to immolate myself.  I don't know what it is:  one of my collegues has suggested I am a burn magnet and Phil says I am a self harmer; but apparently as soon as I so much as look at the log burner I seem to burn myself.  I know I'm careless but dear me, you have no idea how much damage I have done to my hands and foreams feeding the flames.   I have several burns, large and small strewn accross myself.  The worst one on when I was too lazy to move the drying washing and leant across to open the door.  Hell, Karen, didn't you recall you lit it 3 hours previously?  Didn't you think it might be hot..........errmmmmmm - NO, I didn't think and sutained a large burn to my left foream.....  I know, I know, no sense, no feeling - whatever.... 

But today at work, I think I may have christened the brand new all singing, all dancing stove they have just bought for the delectation of the patients and the dismay of myself.  I was making shepherd's pie for about 20+ people and managed to burn my pinkie putting one of the trays in the oven.  Damn me, it hurt like an absolute bastard but at least I didn't drop it.  It is so bad, it hasn't even blistered, just seared the skin to the degree I looked like a freeezer burnt piece of chicken.  Last time I cook at work...well at least until they get some decent oven gloves.

Still haven't found somewhere else to live but not for lack of trying.  Not to worry, something will turn up and that will be the next hurdle over with.

The girl has been playing netball for the school team and by all accounts seems to be doing really well.  The coach fronted up to me one day when I went to pick her up from practice and said she has really upped her game.  That's just so good to hear as Melissa seems to be taking it seriously and has put quite some time and effort into practicing.

We went to Phil's Mum's bach  at Waikawa Beach the other weekend.  For those who are not familiar with the term bach, it is a holiday home, generally by the beach but not necessarily so.  A very basic acomodation, usually quite small and spartan.  There are of course exceptions to this rule but that is usually the case.  Anyway, we took Beth as well and although the weather wasn't great, the girls spent most of their time out with the dog on the beach, playing in the dunes.  Come the evening, they were buggered.  So, when at about 6pm, Melissa asked me what the time was, I (as a completely throwaway remark), said it 10pm.  She asked Phil what the exact time was and without missing a beat, he said 9.45...........so the upshot of it all was the girls thought they stayed up until about 3am in the morning but in actual fact they went to bed about 11pm, thinking they had got one over on us.  They weren't best pleased the next day when we confessed.   But it was SO worth it!!

And talking of the girl: she has gone to Hamilton for part of the school holidays.  Scottie has been seen lurking in the vicinity and Poppy has taken up residence in my bedroom.  Which annoys me no end as I hate the drift of cat hair that then envelops my pillow and personal space.  But she is pretending to be be afraid of the dog which is complete bollocks as she strolled straight past him in the living room one night and he was so amazed by her audacity he forgot to try to chase her.  The dog seems to be missing the girl as she is his handmaiden and likes to walk, feed and generally attend to his every whim when she is here.

And it's fricking freezing here Mr Bigglesworth!!!  Damn me, I hate the way that houses here don't have central heating.  I hurt my shoulder about 6 weeks ago and finally had to go the the quack's yesterday.  Mostly because it was so sodding cold yesterday morning, it made my shoulder ache so badly I could barely get out of bed.  Now,  warm and blissfully out of it on various painkillers, it doesn't hurt that much at all - that coupled with the fact I have the next few days off.....and a couple of lagers inside me to boot....

Phil and I have finally told our colleagues we are seeing each other and as It is common practice here not to have couples working together, he starts work at a linked unit next week.  That will actually suit him far better as the lack of consistency on my unit really messes with his head.  So, onwards and upwards people - it's all good here!

Happy Karen

So happy at the moment!!

Life continues to be blissful.....

Well, apart from finally having to present my teaching session tomorrow but I have put it together properly and barring major disaster, it ought to go OK.

I have rediscovered my passion for motorbikes.  Phil has a big f**k off Ducati and seeing as I have just spent shitloads on new bike gear, I intend to get full use out of them.  I had forgotten the sheer thrill of being on the back of a motorbike with a seriously competent rider.   I still reckon he was trying to scare me the other day as we went over a pretty windy, twisty road.  He reckons not but it didn't work anyway.  Finding enjoyment in things you had forgotten about is so good - brings back your passion for living - and I now realise I wasn't in a good space for quite some time.  I guess I now have some validation that I am not completely useless and worthless.  And that is just so fulfilling.

The girl is now playing for the school netball team!!  Well done that girl!!

We are taking Beth and Melissa up to the batch over the weekend  - and as we only get one full weekend off in 6, I'm really looking forward to it.

OK, short but so 'saweet'!!  {that, to my ears is how Kiwis pronounce sweet!}

Where to start?

So, where to start?

My landlords and I have agreed to an amicable arrangement that if I can find somewhere else to live, they will pay my full removal costs and give me 2 weeks rent free.  So, the house that I now live in is on the market and I am looking for a house to rent in Papakowhai.  That is where the girl goes to school now and intends to go to school after Christmas.  So it makes sense to move there. 

My beautiful sister Shona has had a son:  Hamish McGregor Brown.  To Shona and Fraser:  I wish you all the joy in the world for your future parenthood; the sheer heart-melting, all transcending bliss that overtakes you when you gaze at your newborn child.  The contentment that comes with the fulfilment of your dreams.  The wonder of a future that contains the child you have created.  It’s just so all encompassing; it takes your breath away.  Until they grow up a bit and and get lifted fro breach of the peace: but that’s another story………eh Darren?

Work has been frantic at times.  I lost the rag the other day, IM’d a patient and finally, once he spat on me, we took him to the floor and restrained him there.  I had had enough that day.  Don’t push me when my patience has run out because, believe me, I will only take so much shite before I snap.  And today wasn’t good either.  Got pushed by a patient, who had every intention of attacking me.  I barked at him and sent him to de-esc in very short order.  The incident was contained and all I have to show for it is a small scratch down my forearm.   Enough of the pussyfooting about though.  When you first go to a new unit, you (well, me anyway) tend to adopt a low profile and figure out the dynamics.  Well, 6 months down the line, it is time to assert myself and I am not doing any more Mr Nice Guy.  I think both patients and staff have found me to be quite unassuming and reasonable.  Bugger it,  it’s time to show them the real Karen.

And finally, for me. The most important bit.

I have been quite reticent about this one. 

I have been seeing a rather nice Kiwi man for a few weeks now.  I felt I would rather keep it to myself until I had some idea where it was going.  But now I feel confident enough about this relationship to tell the world.  I swing between wild elation and sheer terror.  Contentment and fear of commitment.  It scares the hell out of me at times – what if this turns to ashes in my mouth as well?  Well, Hell mend it: how will I know if I don’t give it a try?   At the moment he makes me indescribably happy; who knows where it is going but it is so much what I want right now.  He makes me feel good about myself for the first time in a very long time.  He’s a typical reserved Kiwi bloke (and yes, that is a huge stereo-typical statement to make) and I think he finds it difficult to say what he feels.  But today, I got in from work and there was a brand new axe and a bunch of flowers waiting for me.  The wood I ordered for the log-burner is (a) too big to burn quickly and (b) rather wet and doesn’t burn that well anyway.  So, for me, the new axe was rather touching.   It is probably too big for me to wield effectively but I will make strenuous efforts in the face of adversity…..ha! The girl seems to like him, which is of huge importance to me.  The fact that he has a 15-month-old Alsatian pup has of course helped endear him greatly!! 

Firsts

• Reference Number: 2902957
• NZST: Sat, May 3 2008 3:12 am
• Magnitude: 4.0
• Depth: 30 km
• Details: 10 km west of Porirua

Courtesy of:

http://www.geonet.org.nz/index.html

It woke me with a helluva start.  You know that awful feeling when you wake up knowing whatever you are hearing is not right.  Initially I thought it was someone breaking in but almost immediately realised what it was.  There was a peculiar grinding noise which lasted a few seconds, died away, then came again for a few seconds.  I couldn’t be bothered getting up to see if anything had moved, just went straight back to sleep as I had to be up for work in the morning.  I couldn’t see anything out of place in the morning once I did get up either.  The funny thing is, Melissa didn’t even feel it as she was staying the night with a friend in Ascot Park, a few kilometres away. 

And we have had the first frost of the year.  It was 1.3 degrees the other morning and the car was frosted over.  Not a hugely heavy, thick frost but frost nevertheless.  This lead to another first:  the first wearing of my thermals!!  Bloody hell, I was cold all day at work.  I wore my big heavy suede parka for most of the day and still couldn’t get warm.  People think I am putting it on until I do the laying on of hands:  once these frozen mitts touch you, you KNOW it’s for real.  I guess I really ought to go to the quack’s and get it checked out but there is a history of poor circulation in my family, so I’m not going to worry about it. 

And with the real onset of winter, I have 2 quilts on the bed…..oh, no, that was weeks ago…!!  The electric blanket stays on low all night – but there again, I think there were only 2 nights over the summer that it wasn’t on.  I have been renamed ‘the Lizard’ at work…. As it takes me until about lunchtime to thaw out. 

And after 6 months of living here, I finally got round to finding an Indian takeaway.  I think it probably has to be my favourite takeaway, so it was nice to go and get one for a change.  They never taste the same as you would expect it to: like it did in Britain; but it was OK.  And there was enough for a lazy breakfast in bed the next morning – sheer indulgence!!

I really should be getting a move on with my professional portfolio.  I even gave up moderating the forum as it seemed to take up so much of my time.  As part of my portfolio, I have to do a teaching session.  I’m planning doing it on smoking cessation and brief interventions around that.  And how much, I hear you ask, have I achieved?………..Zero.  To be right, I have printed off some info on smoking cessation but I haven’t written a teaching plan yet.  But I am meant to be doing the session at the end of the month, so still have 2 weeks…….

Told you before:  procrastination is a fine art…….

And a final first:  going out with the girls from work tomorrow night.  We are off into Wellington and staying over in an hotel.  The girl has been invited to Beth’s overnight, so all is taken care of.  I’m really looking forward to it as I haven’t been ‘out out’ in ages.  With the nights drawing in so rapidly, I seem to have been living in my own little cyber world a bit recently, so I think this is just what I need to get me out a bit more.

Work continues to go well – a shitty shift today – but in general, I still enjoy it and value my colleagues {well, most of them, most of the time!!}

Ok, best get going, see ya!!

Happy Birthday Shane

In a better frame of mind than when I last posted on here.

Had a couple of things that were seriously messing with my head but I have sorted them out and life seems to be back on an even keel.

I had 4 cubic metres of firewood delivered this morning:  and only me and the girl to move it.  It started offf with me moving the recycling bins she was filling on the front grass:  it moved rapidly on to me doing it all on my own.  I basically moved it all on my own.  It's a working day here so I didn't cry for help.  Have you any idea how much firewood that is?  No:  well; I will tell you; sodding loads!!  My back aches, my knee hurts, my biceps seem to be exploding with the pain and I can hardly  type because my wrists and thumbs hurt so badly.  But it's all good because I did it myself and didn't need anyone to help me: INDEPENDENT or what!!

But those damned kitties!!

Poppy had a mouse in the lounge again tonight and the girl is pretty sure she took it in - and that's good because I don't even want to think about them living in the house and not paying their way!!

So she {Poppy} had it behind the biggest corner unit settee know to man.  we had to do the tilting thing again...............and it ran up the curtains!!  The girl managed to capture it in a fold of curtain as I ran for the bucket.  That may seem a strange response but I still remember living in my mother's house many years ago when she did that.  And it worked a treat.  Shook the curtain violently and the mouse fell into the bucket.  Keep it swirling and the mouse will not be able to jump out.  So the girl took the bucket outside her mate's house and let it go..........no problem, her mate is staying with us tonight!!

anyway, on to the main topic.

My eldest son Shane is 25 today and I have no doubt he won't thank me for this........

But he is the most wonderful young man.

I remember, just after he was born,  looking at that new born child.  Looking at him and seeing myself looking back at me.  Across his eyes, it was like looking at myself.  I can still remember  the sheer wonder and joy he brought me.  The beauty of creation and the sheer helplessness of the love that completely knocked me down.  I hold him so dearly - and my other 3 children of course.  But that first moment of seeing yourself,  there to start a new life and be something that I could never be - it has to be one of life's finest moments.

Shane sweetheart, you have accomplished so much and made me indescribably proud: I love you so much and I am so proud to be your mother.  Enjoy your birthday and all that life may hold for you

I love you!! 

Reality

It’s like sucking shit through a sweaty sock: it sucks big time and there is no end to it.

So I’m down here on my own and trying to live the life… But life has that fantastic way of setting you up and then bringing you down. I have tried so hard to enjoy life here.  I enjoy work, I have some damned good friends here but life still sucks, eh?

Tell me about it……..

EDIT:

I have had several calls and texts asking if I am OK.  Sorry people, didn't mean to frighten you.  Fed up with organising, done some long shifts recently, nearly got stabbed in the face with a biro by an irate patient. So, not suicidal in the slightest, just a bit fed up.  I love being here and can't imagine being anywhere else but I hate winter and we seem to have jumped over autumn and straight into winter here.

On the bright side, I had to go and buy some new jerseys - and I found the most beautiful black polo neck in a feathery type wool - and it's a size 8!! 

Of mice and mayhem

One day last week, Poppy had a mouse in the hall.  It had been a long stressful day at work, the weather was shitty and I just wasn’t in a good mood.  Coupled with feeling a bit low for days prior to that, I couldn’t be bothered dealing with it so I just shut all the doors and left Poppy to it.  An hour later, I really needed to go to the bathroom, so poked my head out of the living room door.  No mouse to be seen, so I stepped right out into the hall.  And there it was – clinging for dear life to the doorframe above my head!  I did that Riverdance on speed thing that women do so well – all rapidly moving feet and no arm movements.  I’m not usually terrified of mice but it had been such a stressful day that it was more than I could deal with right then.  A mouse at ground level is one thing – but this one was taller than me and from that angle, I could see it’s nasty little toes scrabbling for purchase on the door frame.  I swear it looked at me with malice in mind.  I squeaked louder than a mischief of mice {ha! Had to look that one up!} and fairly moonwalked back up the hall away from it.  But then I was stuck against the front door.  So I went out the front door, ran round the back and in the back door and grabbed the broom.  The bloody head fell off the broom and onto my head as I advanced at a rapid inch per hour towards it.  This just wasn’t working.  The cat was trying to climb up my legs to reach it and I just about fell over her.  I finally managed to poke it with the brush and I’m sure it tried to run down the broom handle towards me!!!  The brush got thrown across the hall and the cat finally pounced on the little bastard.  I picked up the cat and slung her and the mouse out.  I didn’t sleep properly as I had visions of it falling on my head and kept waking up. 

Well the next night I had gone to bed and bugger me, it all kicked off in the kitchen again!!  This time both cats had a mouse under the washing machine.  I got up and shut the doors – surely 2 cats could see one little mouse off overnight…..WRONG!!!  I got up in the morning and it was under the settee!  Damn this open plan living!!    We had the settee balanced on it’s back feet so the mouse couldn’t hide and I ended up being late for work as I couldn’t leave until it was caught.  Poppy finally pinned it down and the girl picked it up by the tail.  I was hugely impressed – she can’t abide wasps or spiders but she can pick up a mouse!! {she was at school camp the night the first debacle occurred}.  She took it to the back door and threw it out – but she let go at the wrong point and it sailed into the tree in the garden.  I was so far past the point I cared by then!!

We had a tiny wee one on the back deck yesterday but that didn’t bother me as it wasn’t looking for lodgings!

The Show

Melissa didn’t think she did very well and initially she was quite disappointed.  But as Sharon pointed out, it was the pony’s first competition too and poor Tinkerbell was a bit overwhelmed with the event.  She had never been in amongst so many other ponies and in such a hectic atmosphere.  They had a couple of refusals and two fences down.  But I am incredibly impressed.  I will let the photos tell the story.

To me, these photos show a competent, confident rider.  I think she showed determination in finishing the course when she felt she wasn't doing well. 

Yet again, a huge thank you to Sharon and Katherine for giving her this opportunity.  It touches my heart that people can be so selfless and put themselves out for others.

That’s my girl and I love her to bits.  Well done Melissa and Tinkerbell.

bad boys for Christmas!!

Just had an email from Shane (eldest son)  - there is a strong possibilty that Mark and Darren  (middle and youngest son) might be coming out for Christmas!!

That would just be so bloody great!!.  I know it's not definite yet but just the thought of it at the moment is enough to buoy me up a bit!!  I can't wait for them to make some definite plans so that I will know for sure before too long.

We went up to Plimmerton and rode this afternoon - it's beginning to sound like this show may well be happening.  It's a 'cross-jump' apparently - one round that includes both show jumps and cross-country jumps.   They offered me the chance to ride in it as well and initially I was going to.  And then I thought that it really needs to be for Melissa.  I feel it would take away from her day if she felt she was competing against me in some way.  And then it turns out  I will be working anyway, so I didn't have to make a choice.  No, this one is for her and I'm still so hugely impressed with their thoughtfullness at giving her the opportunity.  It's the kind of thing that restores your faith in human nature. 

And talking of Plimmerton, this is the shore there.  I started a blog entry 2 days ago, downloaded 3 photos and then managed to lose them somehow. I was so ticked off, I couldn't be bothered doing it again at the time.  However, in a better frame of mind now, so doing it again!!

And this is the inlet at Whitby.  Neither are super-fantastic but just to have places like this in my daily life, make life more worthwhile.

Right, offski!!

Things to do and people to phone - look out it may be you!!

xx