This morning I've been really tired and sluggish and a phone call I received from the clinic has informed me I am aneamic and need iron tablets.  I was actually quite glad to hear that, as I was starting to wonder how the hell I was going to make it through the rest of the pregnancy feeling so worn down.  I was dithering about online when the doorbell went.  The Nanny shouted up to me that there was a delivery for me.  Assuming my devoted husband or some hunky secret crush with a penchant for fat pregnant women had sent me something very expensive, I ambled (the most over used word to described my movements) downstairs to the courier.  He thrust two rather large folders into my grubby mits and darted off with my voice tailing behind about something mundane like signatures being needed, etc.  I saw they were from the university and excitedly ripped apart the wrapping.  I actually rather niavely thought they might be welcome packs and tell me more about this whole new world of student services and all things interesting.  They were actually my first two 'papers.'  I hadn't really put too much thought into what a 'paper' might look like.  Maybe as the name suggests an A4 sheet with a few questions?  No, these were HUUUUGE folders bursting with texts and assignments.  Holy cow!  And not a welcome letter in sight!  I have two sheets telling me the books I need to get or else I'll fail and I can see now that this is going to be a very expensive venture!  I've slowly started reading the TWO papers, both due next month with an exam the month after - just after the baby's due!  GULP!  Its literally a blur of instructions and information about the NZ economy.  Yep, my first two papers are: Social Policy and Polictics and Public Policy in NZ.  These are my first two compulsory papers.  Talk about starting me off gently!  If it was UK based I wouldn't be as intimidated having done politics before, but being in NZ, this is something I know very, very little about.  Not for much longer though!  One my assignments is to research and argue National and Labour policies in no less than 2,200 words.  My first ever work project is to check I know about library referencing online and the APA referencing thingy.  I guess I lasted about half an hour of Steve helping me before I burst into tears, wailing, I'm too stupid for this, I can't do it!! It doesn't help that because I'm so tired my brain is struggling to retain information.  I've already clarified about four times my appointment with the clinic, only to put the phone down, realise its Moons birthday on that day, call back to reschedule, same need to repeat a few times over the revised time and date and I've already told Steve I can't remember and he needs to phone for me because I'm too embaressed to admit to the clinic again that I forgotton!!  Grrrroan!  So confidence is not something I'm brimming with right now when I look at these large folders sat beside my laptop.  At this stage I'm very anxious about the whole thing, not sure I'm going to get through the first semester, let alone the first year.  BIG GULP!

Today I wanted to relax and catch up with friends.  After collecting Moons I arrived home to drop her off with the Nanny to find her in rather a fluster.  She had seen a van with two maori men sitting inside come up our driveway, they had spotted her and then left rather promptly.  She had used her initiative and taken down the rego which was great.  Sometimes people mistake the houses up our road because of the mailboxes being at the bottom, but this van didn't go anywhere else.  Although it could have been innocent, I decided to err on the side of caution and telephoned the local 'community constable.'  Turns out there have been a spate of robberies in our area, they said they would pass the information onto their intelligence unit and get back to us.  I found it reassuring that they left when they saw someone, that would indicate to me that if it was 'dodgy' they were just keen to get our stuff.  And material objects aren't important in the grand scheme of things.  For some reason the dog flickered through my mind, only because I'd bought it from a maori chap.  When I had spoken to the council about microchipping as is the law here, they told me they would rather wait until he's 3 months.  When they asked me the breed, they told me I might want to consider getting it down sooner.  I felt that wasn't necessary as he's never really going to left alone.  At the time, the council woman kept hinting that he was a desirable breed 'in this area' but I failed to recognise where she was going with that.  Deciding that he is afterall, rather a valuable breed I called the woman back to discuss what had happened and see about chipping.  Again she started to take this route of wanting to imply something, unable to determine where she was going I asked her flat out what she was trying to tell me.  Turns out the British Bulldog is the emblam of the mongrel mob (NZ gang) who's 'headquarters' happen to be in our local town.  They see these bulldogs and snatch them up.  She asked me about the breeder and I said he was Moari and since I'd bought the dog from him I was unable to contact him.  He's supposed to register the dog with the kennel club in my name and pass on my details to an insurance company.  He said he would keep the paperwork and do it for me, all he needed was my address. I honestly didn't think anything of it, he was nice guy, I met a lot of his family (!!) and he let me take the dog before I'd even paid the full amount.  I figured he was busy and hadn't had time to contact me.  The woman told to bring the dog down straight away for a chip, look at our security, report everything to the police and basically, to take care!  GULP!  I then telephoned the NZ kennel club who, although recognised his business name, had not received information about the sale of puppies.  I then telephoned the insurance company who had not received my information.  I telephoned my good friend, J, who has lived in the area all her life and seems to know everything and everyone in particular she's a bit of a pet person.  I had told her about the bulldog and she'd told me to take care of him, but I decided she was just looking out for him.  When I telephoned her later that day, she said she was surprised I didn't know anything about the bulldog, she said she knew people with the dogs who didn't walk them locally, and basically kept them under tight security.  When she'd been asked to look after someone's bulldog, she said she'd been terrified when walking him!!  If I'd have known any of this, I might have reconsidered my choice.  At the moment, he's just little Sam, who is scared of the dark and likes cuddles.  His affliation with a notorious gang is just ridiculous to me!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongrel_Mob

Initially I felt rather caught up with what can only be described as the hysteria of our Nanny and the woman from the council.  I suggested that Steve and I take time some time out to gather our thoughts.  I have to say that by the end of the day I felt so completely drained and by night I was more than a little jumpy, unfortunately, it was a particularly windy night as well!  The only thing we can do is just be a little bit more cautious.  Only I seem to be able to get myself into these situations!

I've been trying to get a good photo of Sam but he moves too much!  I will endeavour to get one up so I can see the changes as he grows!   People in NZ have a weird association with their pets.  They treat them like humans, feeding them human dinners and letting them roam the place like adults.  As a result, dogs here are fat and seemingly poorly trained.  Owners are always fighting them on their leads, they bark a lot - the obesity is one I can't get past though.  When we used to take our working dog out, people would stare at us because she looked so thin.  Actually, she was the perfect weight for her breed, we were saving her a life of arthrities and we were spending lots on proper dog food - a healthy diet as opposed to a human one! She was so well trained people would always comment.  She actually was trained no more than the average dog should be, we controlled her with commands, basic like, sit, stay, kennel, etc.  Having an indoor dog is a different cup of tea for me.  Little Sam has been sleeping on our bed, something that used to gross me out when dog owners said that.  He did that until I got up in the night and stepped in poo!  So we've now taken to shutting him the bathroom at night.  Its warm, easy to clean and he is surrounded by newspaper and towels.  The first night he cried like a baby all night.  But apparantly being forced to sleep near his mess was enough to train him the importance of doing his business on the paper and towels.  Toilet traning has taken a big leap forward.  Thank goodness!  The first morning we walked into the bathroom only to find it looking like the set of a horror movie - only replace blood with poo!  Steve bearly uttered a word, just set to work cleaning.  It made me more concerned because I knew the whole time he was mentally shouting at me about how he shouldn't be forced to be doing something like this over the weekend and how he could have spent the same amount on a plasma screen tv and actually been enjoying it.  Oh dear!  Sammy is fitting in well though despite these hiccups, Moons loves him and they play all day, Pip is still unsure but she's got the cat.  The cat and the dog are finally becoming friends.  Puppies are such hard work, I think worse than kids.  Maybe I was just a lucky parent!  This Monday saw Steve taking us out to my new uni campus in Palmy North.  The campus is HUGE!  Like a little city of its own.  Its quite intimidating.  I can't believe I can finally live out my dream - I'm really excited but nervous at the same time.  Steve is being so supportive and encouraging.  My parents haven't said anything which is really upsetting.  Either they expect me to fail or think I'm too old and have too many commitments to do it.  Its got to be something negative like that.  But I tell myself, I'm not doing it for them, and Steve is giving me so much support, he lets me believe I really can do this.  I don't know if I could without him actually.  My confidence has become shaky from being a Mummy of two and a half.  Not long until I start, eeek!

On Saturday we went shopping.  It started off fine until I suddenly felt quite ill.  Very light headed and sick.  I felt so bad towards the end of the shopping that I couldn't stand up straight for fear of passing out.  I hunched over my trolley and a member of staff was nice enough to pull me out of the line and let us pay for our shopping at customer services.  It was a truly appreciated gesture.

Last night I was continously up and down to the loo.  I didn't think too much of it, assuming I'd timed it wrong with the amount of fluids I'd drunk.  Then in the early hours I felt this very strong menstrual cramping.  It brought me out of sleep and for a second I thought I was getting my period, forgetting that I was pregnant.  I headed off to the loo again and I got this pain in my left, it radiated across my abdomen and wrapped around my back.  I figured that maybe the baby had shifted into an awkward position.  I got into bed and sure enough, a few minutes later the same pain repeated itself.  I scrabbled around in the dark to find my watch, but couldnt and I didn't want to wake Steve until I felt for sure that something wasn't right.  So I can't be sure on timings, but it felt like approx every 5 mins.  Changing position didn't help.  After the wave of pain, the baby made a flurry of movements.  The last time I decided it was time to wake Steve.  I felt panicked about how we would plan all this.  Wake the girls?  Wake everyone else?  Call an ambulance?  I could feel anxiety building.  Then the pain started to subside and I was able to fall asleep.  This morning I awoke feeling like I'd gone 10 rounds in the boxing ring.  My insides felt so tender and bruised.  I tried not to do too much, but I was keen to get the room ready for the Nanny.  I went into preterm labour with Pip when I was 28 weeks, but there were two probable causes.  I had a UTI that refused to clear up despite taking hundreds of types of antibiotics and I'd suffered with a placental abruption from 15- 20 weeks.  I was given medication at hospital and managed to go overdue with Pip.  I only visited the midwife a couple of weeks ago and my UTI had cleared up.  My next appointment is with the OB on June 3rd, so not too far away.  This evening its braxton hicks.  The baby is very active, but I'm feeling anxious.  I don't want to overly paranoid about this.  Third pregnancy usually means the body is more sensitive to changes.  Maybe I just over did it previously.  I'm really not sure.  The baby needs to hang in there a bit longer, 25 weeks is too early.  I guess I'll see how I go tonight. 

Steve and I decided to try and live on some Kiwi money we'd moved over.  We had to stay strong and learn how to budget for the last few weeks.  June sees us in the best financial position we've ever been in and sadly this has brought talk of plasma screen tvs, new lounge suites and living on takeout.  We decided that learning how to budget now should help us when it comes to financial matters next month.  I HATE IT!  Whoever said money can't buy happiness is just stupid.  We have been really good about the whole thing, prioritising bills AND being late on rent to make sure there is enough in the pot.  We've not had takeout for an entire month - oh actually we did have fish and chips and Mcdonalds once but that's cheap!  I've learnt how to drive economically, this is a huge learning curve for me and I'm really proud of myself.  Driving at the speed limit means I'm not constantly looking out for snakes in the grass, I can actually relax and filling up is occuring a lot less.  There is this 'trip' button on Steve's car and it lets me know how well I'm driving.  Can't explain - don't understand it, but basically I know to keep the figure below 12 at best below 10.  We've not had day trips out, instead opting to head to the local park to kick a football around.  I'm really aware of the cost of things and buying the less expensive option - NOT homebrand of course, not matter how desperate things get I would rather not buy something that says BUDGET all over it.  Its been really stressful and Steve and I have argued a lot about money, where to spend it and how to spend it.  I've been really frustrated at not being able to do things during the day or weekends.  However, I think it has been a worthwhile experience.  I've taken more interest in bills and I've made a real effort to watch the amount of electricity we use including making sure the telly isn't in standby and lights aren't left on.  Its scared me so much to think that people have to live like this, its encouraged me make sure we are never in this position.  My Dad would be proud! 

Anyway, apart of those major changes, I'm still awaiting confirmation of my start at uni.  I'm really excited about it and keen to get that official welcome letter, then I'll be really happy.  Moons has been offered a place at the montessori preschool, we are so happy. She starts in a couple of weeks.  She loved the school in Auckland, its more structured and there is a greater emphasis on respect and manners in this school.  Her manners have slipped terribly since she started at this school.  We're really battling it out at home.  She went to a party on Saturday and on hearing the other kids talk, it was no wonder her standards have slipped.  It amazes me that parents don't remind their kids to say please and thank you as force of habit.  I would be mortified if Moons demanded something like a drink from another adult and didn't use basic manners. 

We heard that the live in has had to postpone until September.  There was this natural assumption that that would suit us.  Its really annoying because the baby comes then!  I haven't got time to settle someone in and worry about them, if the baby hasn't arrived yet I'll be barreling around and be far too frumpy and tired to welcome anyone into our home. I had a big melt down and worried how would I cope with two kids, one on the way AND study.  Also, what if I went into labour?  Who would look after the girls?  What contingency plan would we have?  Worst case scenerio - I'd have to go in a ambulance and Steve would have to stay home.  Best case scenerio - Karonious and/or JacnAdie get a call in the middle of the night - if they're reading this - just so they know!  I have found out that the local Nanny college needs host families for accomodation and to practice their skills.  We pay their course fees and supervise some work, giving feedback to the college and they look after the kids.  Live in positions are hard to get, so I'm reassured that we might stand a chance.  Placements start in July until December, giving us plenty of time to look for someone longer term or have this other girl start in the new year.  I've also advertised for a cleaner on trademe.  I've had three responses in one day!  Part time work is obviously pretty sought after.  I really want to get someone good and trustworthy in the house so that its one less thing to worry about.  Eek, realistically I've got two months to get everything into plan so that I can relax and wait to pop!  Pippy is sick again.  Really ill this time.  Fortunately she's sleeping a lot.  Well, we can't do much anyway without free cash!  Takes my mind off my boredom. 

I can feel the baby move a lot now.  Sometimes there are some fair old whacks!  Its a relief to know that everything is alright in there.  Still not terribly excited about the whole thing.  Steve tells me its because its the third, its so sad that the scans and listening to the heartbeat don't get me as excited. The uni course, although extramural does require some attendance in order to pass and as the papers aren't local, I'll be trying to plan whether driving to Palmy North is too risky as I reach the bitter end of pregnancy.  Steve will most likely have to take time off work to drive me.  As my last labour was half an hour, we can pretty much rest assured that this will be a backseat baby - I would just rather be closer to home/hospital then on a backroad on the back from uni! 

Am I any closer to my goals?  A little I guess.  Last night I had a bit fat pregnancy melt down!  I cried about how useless I felt and how I felt so restricted, I cried because I need to get Pip into creche for a few hours a week because she desperately needs some exposure to her own peers, and I cried because I felt guilty.  I cried because I want a holiday and I cried because long drives and flights and ferries are too hard and too uncomfortable.  Grrroan!  On the plus sides, I received a letter about my student loan, or so I thought.  It was a 'you have been declined' letter on the basis of me not being a permanent resident for 24 months.  I was bitterly disappointed, because although possible I thought it might make things financially a little easier what with a third child and all.  I didn't realise though until talking with Steve that you pay per paper, not for the whole thing straight up!  Silly me!  Also, when I called the agency to give them my speech on how a resident is a resident regardless of time I discovered that the rejection was not for the loan but for subsidies paid by the government for things like rent and childcare, etc when one parent is studying.  Phew!  I knew I wouldn't qualify for that, so who cares?!  I felt reassured that my loan was still a possibility, and study in July may soon become a reality.  I also met with this woman from the agency about a live in for the girls.  The woman was fanbloodytasic, very warm and professional.  The company has excellent procedures and she provided for me a CV, cover letter and pictures of a girl who had seen our family information and was very keen to work and live with us.  This girl seems on paper the perfect Mary Poppins, only younger!  She's from good stock, she has a wealth of experience and seems very warm and genuine.  She's Hungarian, living in Austria and ready to fly out at a moment;s notice for a job offer.  I'm waiting anxiously to hear back from the representative in Europe to see when we can get the ball rolling.  I'm really excited about her arrival.  The girls would greatly benefit and I would be keen to have some time out, as I know they would!  I then met with a woman who runs the voluntary service here in Welly.  She was very nice and we hit it off straight away.  She was eager to get me on board BUT had some reservations about the pregnancy.  I agreed, I feel the same.  With good management I think its possible, but its down to whether the higher powers that be allow it.  I don't think working part time is going to happen.  I'm disappointed not to have heard from my contact in Wellington.  I have also made contact with another immigration agency, this one based in Canada and seemngly well respected, I was able to get a recommendation from someone on the BE website.  We've got the points and his fees aren't too bad either, so it looks like the process will be begin very shortly.  Fingers crossed!  Roll on end of June when I know where I'm at!

I have received some of the paperwork required to enrol at university, but I am still awaiting information from the company that deals with student loans.  I've got until July, so I am trying not to pace the house concerned that I'll miss deadlines.  I've made contact with another agency a few days ago, she seems very professional and I am meeting with her this evening to discuss our live in childcare arrangements.  She already has someone in mind, so I'm excited to get this sorted out.  I've been liasing with another agency that are like a recruitment agency already, they charge huge fees for the priviledge and although I was initially impressed I've been sent some pretty random cvs to review and so far I've continually hit brick walls.  I was feeling quite disheartened until I happened across this other agency advertising on trademe would you believe.  I also decided to advertise our needs on a 'casual' basis with a good company online.  I've had some replies and I'm arranging interviews in the week.  Although they're not live in, they are able to help on an ad hoc basis and even just do babysitting for us which would be really helpful.  I've been quite taken aback by the responses, some are 50+ year old women looking to earn some extra cash, their experience is stated as being a 'Grandmother.'  I have also started to consider the prospect of voluntary counselling work for victims of crime.  Its something I got into back in Auckland, but have also done in some of the various other countries I've lived in.  I'm meeting someone on Thursday to discuss this.  There are a few considerations that make me wary.  Firstly, being pregnant would have some limitations, particularly if I'm called to a car accident in the middle of night, I'd have a hard time trying to clamber over bits of debris with this ever increasingy belly and my balance is quite off.  Plus the tiredness that would be 10 fold during shift work.  I'm going to discuss all of this and how I can best manage it on Thursday.  I would like to be doing something worthwhile though until the baby comes.  I have also contacted the mirror of the organisation that offered me that great job in Auckland here in Wellington.  It was actually the guy in Auckland that gave me her contact details.  Again, I have explained in an email that I am pregnant so I couldn't work permanently, but would be happy to work on a part time temporary basis.  I know its not an entirely welcoming prospect for a potential employer, but I have to try.  I finally saw the Dr about my acid reflux. I was disappointed to learn that the previous medication I was on is classed as a category 'B' tablet.  Meaning that its not even tested on pregnant animals, let alone pregnant women! A slightly better alternative is 'B1' which means its only been tested on pregnant animals, but hasn't been given the go ahead to test on pregnant women.  So all the statistics refer to pregnant rats!  B1 tablets are given to pregnant women with a bit of a disclaimer, but most women do choose to take them and it seems like any potential damage is done in the first trimester, with complications that could have happened anyway without the tablets, such as spina bifida.  I have opted to take them because I'm already at a stage where I have to sleep sitting up, I literally couldn't eat much at all and I've been chewing antacids too much.  The relief has been relatively minor.  Their sole purpose is to make sure I create less stomach acid, but they don't heal the  damage already done.  Still, its better than nothing I have been able to remove one pillow!

I'm really looking forward to May hurrying up!  We have a lot to do in the next couple of months.  I would like to see myself enrolled at uni, PR applications for Canada off, some kind of part time work be it paid or voluntary sorted out and a live in childcare worker.