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The ups and downs of our planned new life to NZ, warts and all!

Feeling blueWed 8 April 2009
I'm one of those people that gets caught in a flurry and when I drop all the balls, it hits me big style.  The last few weeks have been a stressful, full on climax of getting things organised for the business.  Most recently, its been the business, the sick kid and my study.  When I saw this job, I threw myself right into the prospect that I could really have this job.  I was in an interview for nearly THREE hours.  The questions were tough and uncompromising.  I felt confident with most of my answers, bar a question about feminist ideologies.  I don't see how anyone can claim one particular line of thought.  I mean, even people that follow a particular religion must think that some bits of it aren't quite right.  No one can wholely agree with one particular theory 100% and I would query someone that embraced everything they were told and read.  Wasn't it Socrates that said we need to question everything or else its not much a life?  Maybe not in those words!  Anyway I was pretty drained after the interview.  My head felt like cotton wool, I could barely think straight.  One of the subjects we also touched on was my direct personality.  The Manager commented that whilst she liked my direct, assertive nature, she wondered if I'd really 'fit in.'  She's absolutely right of course, NZ is a struggle because I'm the way I am.  Sometimes I try to keep my mouth shut and fit in, but bits of me always slip out!  Some people love it, others can't stand it.  Kiwis really are the sort of people that aren't very direct, asking for anything is like pulling teeth, establishing a rapport with people - I find, is very difficult because you never know what anyone is thinking.  This job interviewed really epitomised how different I am here, and how unusually I'm regarded.  Yesterday I carried my phones around with me religiously.  I really wanted this job, it was all I could think about.  Towards the end of the day, I realised it didn't look good for me.  Sure enough, I was rejected for the role on the basis that this other woman had more experience.  I think that's a croc.  I think its because, 1, I don't embrace feminist views and 2, my personality.  Steve didn't think it was a big deal, its just a job rejection afterall and we've all had those.  For me, it was a rejection of myself.  It was a reminder of how out of place I am here, afterall, they'd accepted my late application and considered me in writing, but meeting me, they'd changed their minds.  I just felt like crap.  I told Steve that I didn't know what to do.  I love him, and the girls and I wouldn't change a thing about that, but otherwise, outside of the house, I have no purpose, no direction.  I'm a Mother, I should have figured all this out by now.  I'm not accepted here in NZ and to add to that I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  My assignment has hit a road block, its all so meaningless to me.  If I was single, I would be with the Red Cross or some other simliar aid organisation, out in a forgotton war torn town lobbying for their rights, helping out those around me.  I can't do that with a family as Steve says, we have commitments, we need to provide for them financially and give them stability.  If course, once they're old enough, we'll drag them with us, they need to see how different the world is out there.  So, this job rejection highlights to me how difficult I'm finding it being somewhere I don't like.  I can focus on the business, I can enjoy the views, I can tick along.  But deep down, to the core, I feel so useless.  Do I think it'd be different anywhere else in the world?  I think I've travelled enough to recognise that I've never felt like this before.  I love people, I love diverse cultures, I love learning and drinking in the energy of a vibrant country, its not like that here.  I don't begrudge anyone that loves their lives here, I love to hear people's happy stories, I'm happy for them.  I just, at times, feel really claustrophobic.  I don't want the UK, although at times, the prospect appeals a lot more than here.  I don't know, I'm just waffling.  For me, I thought this position would at least give me a sense of purpose, a direction, the chance to utulise my previous experiences.  Instead, I ruined it for me - because I'm me.  Pants.

Are you and T related?Thu 9 April 2009
You sound so alike it ain't funny. T's had exactly the same experiences - and it ain't nice. Stop looking so big picture, you'll always get lost regardless of where you are in life. Closer to home your achievements are huge - family, new business, loads of prospects ahead of you. When you're ready to quit, you're closer than you think. There's an old Chinese saying that goes: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed”

As for Kiwi's? Keep on keeping on - there's got to be some gem's out there. What do you want more - a dream job where you're not yourself, or to be accepted in a job that may not be your dream - but where you are accepted for you?
Posted by Wiz'n'Ton

Wise WordsThu 9 April 2009
As always from Wiz & Ton. I was thinking the same thing today - if they really judged the position by personality, you'd never have been happy there if that's how they work. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be this time. You have loads to be proud of and grateful for. Onwards and upwards.
(I also find large quantities of wine assist greatly in numbing the pain during times like these! )X
Posted by Am Loolah

Untitled CommentThu 9 April 2009
Don't take offence, and obviously I don't know NZ but to me it doesn't sound like it's an NZ problem. Wherever you are in the world, some people will like others to be direct and other people won't.

I would take heart in the fact that they were interested enough to agree to interview you, maybe they had already settled on the other applicant but were prepared to 'give you a go'. You didn't get it, it's no big deal and there is a limit to what you can successfully achieve.

It sounds like you are trying to bite off more than you can chew at the moment, sit back and look at what you have achieved in all aspects and work out how you would succeed (to your standards) if you took on yet another task. Do a few things brilliantly rather than a lot of things less than brilliantly. No one will thank you for burning yourself out.
Posted by moneypen20

Stay calm!Thu 9 April 2009
""I love him, and the girls and I wouldn't change a thing about that, but otherwise, outside of the house, I have no purpose, no direction. I'm a Mother, I should have figured all this out by now""

Good Lord - I could have written that sentence - you are not alone. Some days we do just feel pants - but I'm also getting better at taking a step back and highlighting all the good things in my life and certain achievements.

You will pick yourself up, you will get a job you love, working for people who like you for you. It may or may not be next week, it may or may not be in NZ. But just remember you have a lot to offer the world, whether you think so right now or not. Keep smiling, and yes, a large glass of white often helps!
Posted by ann m

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