I got my first assignment back yesterday and was excited to see I'd gotten 80%.  I had actually spent ages on it, but then after attending the study skills programme, I promptly deleted it all and started again. I knew I'd get marked down for referencing because I just can't grasp it, but I tried and I'm happy with the mark, well, as happy as I can be, I would rather higher!  It gave me the motivation to try and finish my assignment on development.  Its so bloody boring.  Development theories and then practices.  Lots of waffle ,not how I'd anticipated a paper on the third world being.  I was getting really anrgy and stomping around. Steve kept dragging me back to the laptop, I was whining, I'm too stupid for this.  I really didn't understand what I was reading, and its so hard to concentrate when its boring.  Steve was so patient and really helped me, I wouldn't have done it without him. He showed me some brainstorming techniques, he kept questioning me, forcing me to remind myself and tried to add some interest by putting it in context, ie, talking about Cambodia, etc. It really helped and it started to click.  I started to get some ideas on content and soon was hitting the word count. Phew!  It was faxed off on the due date and a huge wait has been lifted.  If I hadn't have done it and given in, I would have bitterly have regretted it.  I'd also been planning my approach with the cleaner and practicing what I was going to say.  In the end, she was extremely late and I had to drop Steve off, so I wrote it all down on a note for her.  I was specific about what I wanted done that day and how I wanted her days/hours to work. When I got home, she'd read it and didn't try to change it which is what I had fully anticipated.  I think she knew I was serious, but also, I was effectively helping her out by not cutting down her hours.  The downstairs was spotless, everything I'd asked for had been done.  Our meeting with the Nanny and the college has been postponed until Friday, but the shit ended up hitting the fan before then.  While we were out, she text and said she was going to get Moons, could she just leave Pip with the cleaner!  I was mortified that a NANNY could ask.  When I got home I explained why that was totally unacceptable, but she didn't get it at all.  I asked her if she would have left Pip with the gardener (who was also there that day) and she said, 'of course not, he just cuts grass,etc' so I said the cleaner was just there to clean - not childmind.  I asked her if she knew if the cleaner had children/grandchildren, was she security checked, would I  have trusted her with Pip??  She said she had no idea.  So again, I reinforced that she must never decide whom she feels she can leave Pip with and it shouldn't even be on her radar to ask.  Furthermore, if she felt that Pip was too sick or she was struggling, she should have called Steve and I and we would have come straight back.  This of course prompted a further conversation about her attitude in general and if she was happy or not with the girls, because we couldn't tell. We told her again that the girls need to feel a rapport with her, not just be made to follow orders.  She started to cry and walked away.  I told her not to get upset that we needed to discuss this like adults.  As Steve pointed out, I've now managed to make everyone cry that's looked after the girls, which I feel pretty shitty about!  I asked why she wasn't following our suggestions and if she'd had second thoughts about being a Nanny.  She said she was lonely, away from home and her family and friends.  I told her that I'd always encouraged her to meet other Nannies, one lives up the road, one down the road and another in the next suburb, why wasn't she arranging to meet them??  There's no point complaining about being lonely if you're not going to utulise information and opportunities around.  One girl had already text her about having coffee, but she'd not bothered replying!  This weekend Nanny is coming on Saturday, so I suggested she stick around to get to know her and do something after she'd finished.  Computer says no.  She's decided to go home for the weekend, she wants her Mummy instead.  I wish I had more patience and compassion, but I don't.  I'm so tired and so SICK of trying to be contrustructive, patient and understanding.  She's a Nanny for goddssake!!  I've made it so easy by cutting down chores and letting her have time off because we're around more often, and she's still bloody struggling.  A full time working family in the city with time pressures and commitments would have sacked her by now.  And what's with all this grunting???  Why can't she just talk like a normal person?  If she turned around to me and said I was cow, my family sucked and she'd had enough, I would respect her for being honest and open!  But instead she just sulks, and has continued to sulk for the rest of yesterday evening.  We bought some take out - for her as well and tried to be chatty.  I asked her if she OK and if she wanted to talk about anything else and she got all tearful again.  Grrr!  Anyway, all evening I had meaty contractions, long and painful.  The baby is so low down I feel like I could grab a foot or something.  My back is killing me, and I felt sure that last night must finally be it.  The contractions tapered off at night, but resumed again this morning, waking me up and not letting me sleep again. Its driving me NUTS.  Still, I'm almost 37 weeks now, I made it passed preterm fears.  I'm going to ask my OB to book me in for an induction when I see her next week.  I want to know EXACTLY when this baby is going to come and make sure I have a plan in place.  Oh and yesterday we were trying to find moons a costume for a special school day and wanted to show this picture of Steve looking rather blue....