| I'm definitely somewhat of a sponge when it comes to other peoples' emotions. I can't help but take on their feelings and fears. I've been like that all my life, a bit of a sensitive soul. Although I try hard to work in organisations that involve the support of vulnerable people, I invariably cannot shake a case I've heard and often bring my work home with me. I struggle to make set boundaries and even keep clear professional boundaries. I am my own worst enemy! Steve despairs at my overly compassionate nature and often reminds me of the importance of shutting down and resuming control in a situation. Friday was yet another highlight of my emotional inability to handle such a profound situation. In fact, what I had also not mentioned in my blog was my cleaner's quandry that she filled me in with on Wednesday. Her daughter, the victim of domestic abuse. What should she do? I was quick to make suggestions to her and talk things through with her. Knowing that I was ultimately paying her by the hour to hear my advice and, well, use my phone!! I feel a moral obligation to a person that chooses to confide in me. My own life experiences have shown me the importance of being given the right advice at the right time. Often I too have found myself in vulnerable and unhappy situations - maybe one day I'll write it out in my blog but for now my history remains, well, history. I would have given my right eyeball to have someone to confide in and give me advice. Having not had that fortune until I met Steve, I owe it to the people that come to me that right. That chance. I am now 28 weeks pregnant. I'm tired. I have lots of thoughts in my head and lots of things I worry about. I'm about to embark on my uni degree, will I cut it? I'm about to have my third child, will I love it as much as the other two? I'm living in a country that I would rather not be in, can I just sit and wait and enjoy the good aspects of it until we're able to move on? At this moment in time, I need to be able to walk away from other people's needs and emotions. For three consecutive Fridays I have been at the mercy of my Nanny's dramas. First Friday (ironically the only day she has both the girls), I had planned a catchup lunch with a good friend I'd not seen for so long. The Nanny had news about her Mother being diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated for her and although she wanted to continue working, I was adament that it wasn't appropriate. Not least because her mindset wasn't with the girls that afternoon. I offered to fly her straight back to Auckland, she refused. Instead preferring to chat with her boyfriend on the telephone. And make plans with him. The next Friday I had the drama of two men being on my property. Her description of events was eerie and unnerving and left me quite jumpy all night. I am since considering that perhaps it wasn't quite as bad as it seemed in her story telling. Then Friday just gone, I hear disturbing news about her past and then of that of another family she worked for. My Friday turned upside down and became an afternoon of urgent meetings. I have since heard that the other families had their reservations with her and her stabiliy, I'm now obviously furious at the college for being put in this position. We've decided to keep her until her course finishes because I wouldn't want to be responsible for her failing and she's so close. I only hope with good supervision and communication from the college that we're not setting ourselves up for a nasty fall. And so this weekend has left me more tired and more emotional to add to my hormonal state. Steve had lots of work on, so I took the girls on a rather long roadtrip to Ohakune. (309km one way to be exact!). I hadn't planned it, just got driving and enjoying the quiet scenery. Moons was delighted to see a 'snowy mountain.' We had lunch at the Powderhorn Chateux - dreadful service as usual, but just too beautiful a place not to visit! A big wooden chalet style hotel at the foot of the mountain. Blissful! I really enjoyed the chilly air, the clear views and the change of scenery. And of course, the feeling of freedom. It was tough work controlling the two little ones alone. Moons with a bladder the size of a bloody acorn needing the loo every 5 mins, having to carry Pip because I forgot her shoes, grrroan! Two elderly women came up though and congratulated me on having such well behaved, beautiful daughters! They asked if I was local and I explained I'd just driven from Welly. They couldn't believe it! They asked if I was staying overnight. No, I was heading back. They told me I was amazing. How lovely is that? It made me feel very good. The girls and I enjoyed a bowl of wedges and Pip particularly enjoyed sticking her fingers in the sour cream sauce! Well, it was either that or eat the crayons provided by the restuarant! Setting off to drive home I was a bit annoyed at myself! Driving in the dark, having to pull over for toilet stops and the Kiwis really struggle with the whole 'dipping headlights' thing. I was either blinded from the front or blinded from the back! Although I can't say I'm terribly surprised by their nervousness. Driving in the dark in NZ is not for the faint hearted! There's not always catseyes and certainly street lights are a luxury, so as a car comes towards you, you are really at the mercy of the road. Never really sure which way to drive, just hoping there isn't a sudden swerve. Steve wasn't too impressed at my impromptu roadtrip with the girls and my bump! I guess I just had to prove that I still had the capacity to take off at a whim! Anyway, its what I needed. Its given me a thirst for more travel! So, back to reality. I have to take on board that I need to be strong enough to walk away from someone that clearly needs more help then I can provide at this precise moment. I've told Steve he needs to help me more around the house, as opposed to just half arsed comments 'you shouldn't be doing that while you're pregnant' but then, not actually doing it for me! I need to eat lunch during the day and stop cramming everything into one day and actually shutting myself away to get a nap. Here's hoping for a more chilled couple of weeks! |