So much has happened over the last few weeks.  I've wanted to document it all in this blog, but I've been too afraid.  Having just spoken with Steve, I felt that what was happening was so intergral that it needed to be put into my diary.

Where to begin? 

Just after Xmas I was feeling very unwell.  And in fact I was late - if you get my drift.  I took a home pregnancy test and it came up negative.  I tried to muster on through feeling so bad, but started to get a bit angsty.  I've had numerous, errrr, women's problems and after feeling fed up with being poked and prodded around, I took a break from tests and pills with bad side effects.  I dragged myself to the Doctor who insisted I have another pregnancy test right there and then.  Of course, it came back negative and only then would she arrange for a battery of tests.  This was all on Friday a few weeks ago.  Later on in the evening on Friday I was having a lie down when my mobile phone rang. I let the answerphone take it, but decided I was too curious to know who had called me.  I started listening to the message, 'Its the Doctor, call me urgently' I didn't hear it all because the home phone rang, panicked I answered and it was her, the Doctor.  'You're pregnant,' she exclaimed down the phone.  She was breathless and excitable.  My hcg level (anyone who has suffered a miscarriage knows all about hcg levels) was low.  I ran downstairs and broke the news to Steve who stared at me with an open mouth and a look of horror.  On Monday, I had another blood test and hounded the GP continously all day to get the result.  A doubled figure would mean the pregnancy was starting off well.  Finally I got the call I had been waiting for, my level was 225.  So it's doubled as it should.  I had a final test booked a couple of weeks ago and that came back over 4,500 which is viable and healthy.  I'm been anxious because the girls have been suffering with chicken pox, I am under immense pressure at work and I've not had morning sickness!  Although the last couple of days the sickness has been creeping in and I've been so damn tired I can't think straight.  As we were when we discovered our other two, we are over the moon.  Being able to have children is a huge priviledge for us.  Steve was born with spina bifida and he was warned that the chances of him being fertile were quite low.  We had discussed all of this when we talked about the future and agreed we would do whatever it would take.  Futhermore, after Pip was born I've been having my own trouble which didn't bode well for our chances in the future.  We're taking each day as it comes, although its incredibly difficult because we've decided to hold off making the news known to our friends and family until we hit the second trimester.  That is except good old Jac and Adie because they've become such good friends to us and besides, they'd know something was up the minute I refused a drink!

So, life has revolved around our news.  My belly sticks right and my clothes are tight already - I'm only 7 weeks!  Thank goodness it was Xmas, so I can blame the mince pies!

Work is dreadful.  Today I have been rendered to tears.  Although I appreciate I'm more sensitive than usual!  The atmosphere is so bad and I'm tired of being spoken to like the lowest common denominator.  I work very hard for that company.  I've brought in new business (in three months!) and taken on the role quickly and easily.  But the Manager HATES that I don't report to her on a daily basis and doesn't know what I'm up to every second of the day.  I told her that as long as the work was done and new business was coming in, that's all she should care about.  But she's a nasty piece of work and has no idea how to manage people.  My salary is being strained because of my car.  As I have to use it ALL day, every day - I don't get allowance for it whatsoever and with creeping petrol prices its getting harder to justify the work.  My other colleague feels the strain terribly and she's on a one income household. She's already started looking for new work.  Our competitors earn more!  Our manager keeps screwing over homeowners for more and more 'hidden costs' and its getting really hard, being on the frontline to explain all of this.  She has this bizarre loyalty and friendship with a greek guy in the office (who has also reduced me to tears because he is such a nasty piece of work).  He works minimal hours, has a fully financed car and gets a big salary.  He and his son - who does the IT, can do no wrong.  Although my colleague and I are convinced he's on the fiddle.  Its that whole thing where nasty, selfish people are doing really, really well for themselves and my colleague and I, trying to provide a professional service teamed with honesty, struggle to say the least.  My car is currently un-reg, while I wait for the WOF - its failed and we don't have the funds at this moment to pay for it.   We have finally started the good old Kiwi way of life - living hand to mouth!  Our only hope is that British pounds gets a lot stronger against the Kiwi dollar because at the moment, the current exchange rate is whats hitting us.  So, we've had this stress and we've still not find a replacement for the Nanny so we were conciouss that we'd have to take it turns to take time off work until we found a new one.  We revised our budgets and our spending plan and know that we have to make some real improvements.  With our combined salaries we should be raking it in!  We're not - so there's a problem somewhere!  I'm still keen to leave before the baby arrives and set up in Aussie but it might not happen that way because we have to wait for another visa.  The maternity care in Welly is about the same as the UK.  Crap!  Overworked and underpaid midwives who are miserable, poor care systems.  As a result we are considering using the private system.  Ironically maternity care seems better in Auckland.  You'd think the capital would be able to provide better.  There are 4 OBs in Wellington and no private maternity hospital.  GPs don't offer antenatal care and midwives give prority to homebirths!  At this moment I could literally stress over anything.  I'm really tired and fed up! 

However, I am booked for my scan next week and I'm really excited to see our little baby, who at this stage we shall refer to as, Bullet.  Hang on in there Bullet!