| As Christmas fast approaches, Steve and I have been feeling very miserable and stressed. My job isn't going exactly as planned. The atmosphere is really quite upsetting at times. The usual office politics I suppose. I tend to absorb energies like a sponge and faced with some pretty nasty comments all day really leaves me drained. I'm busting a gut for this company, working long hours, wracking up fuel costs (which aren't reimbursed!) and chasing around. I'm tired and irritable from it. A few weeks ago, this Greek guy in the company - whom my colleague and I think might have put a large sum of money into the company - really laid into me. He is very sexist and doesn't like women a great deal. I was out with him when this female tennant really spoke down to him. He was so angry about it and I bore the brunt of it. I didn't let him know that he'd upset me, and excused myself from him, then I met Steve and we went and drank beer in the pub! It was good to have the release. There is a lot of spitefulness in the office and it amazes me that people can be so rude to each other. The stress of our long hours and usual christmas time financial woes has really taken its toll on Steve and I. The Nanny is being really rather unhelpful and this in turn is contributing to the stressful levels in the house. Yesterday, Steve and I had a huge row, the biggest we've ever had. I've never seen him so angry. It completely threw everything I knew off balance. My wonderful, caring husband so angry and unpredictable. I jumped in the car and raced off. Wondering if I should have taken the girls with me. Would they be OK? How dreadful that I have to think about that. Why would my husband want to hurt me like this? I wished I was dreaming and I would wake up curled up next to him and thank god it wasn't real. I've never felt so isolated and alone. I was able to seek wonderful support from my friends nearby - a blessing to have them in my life here. I spoke to Steve over the phone and he remorsefully begged me to come home. So desperate to hope that everything could be normal again I have returned. But there is an uneven undertone now. I find myself looking at him, wondering if I really know him at all? Has he changed so much and I didn't see it? Does he still love me as much as he used to do? Would he get angry and hurt me again? Am I more pathetic than normal because of the stress of my work? Just a few weeks ago I was the happiest I've ever been. Enjoying eveything here and really feeling like we've made it. But now things feel off par again. I guess you don't realise it, but migrating and starting a new life takes this incredible toll on a marriage. People change and seemingly grow apart. Its happening around me and its been happening on the expat site. I never thought for a second it would happen in my marriage. I am hoping with all my heart we can work throught this and move beyond it. I just want to feel the same safe, close, strong bond with Steve again. |