The other night, Steve and I lay in bed talking about how things were when we first arrived in NZ.  I can remember how I felt.  The long journey was behind us, we were free of my parents at last.  After a blissful night's sleep in an incredibly comfy bed, we awoke to the sun rising, it was a barmy morning.  I made fresh coffee and toast and we sat outside on the deck as the sun rose.  The country smelt beautiful, we were totally relaxed.  NZ seemed full of new and exciting possibilities.  We felt we'd find a rental easily, but we weren't concerned, we had our wonderful holiday home for six weeks.  I don't remember ever feeling that relaxed for a long time.  When the girls' woke up, we headed for the beach.  Moons was so happy to be there.  Steve and I stood on the shoreline watching her running from the surf and agreed this was the best desicion we could have made.

Then maybe less than two weeks after that, I had my car accident.  And it all turned to custard.  We thought the move, as difficult as it was with my broken sternum, to our  new home would rectify our bad luck and give us something to look forward to.  Instead within a week of arriving, it all went wrong.  This new home gave us much hope because it felt so peaceful and warm.  This new home became our focus and faith that things were going to get better.  But the rotten luck continued, it followed us.

Its amazing how things started, and how they've become now in the space of four months!  Don't get me wrong, we have had good luck in amongst it all.  Steve got a job that he's happy with, I got my work permit considerably quicker than I was told to expect, then got a temp job.  We could be a lot worse off.  But that's how we always look at things it seems.  'Could be worse...' and create litle scenerios.  Why do we have to do that all the time?  For once we should be able to say, 'That's the best outcome.'!!  We're in such a rut at the moment.  Steve's focused himself completely into his work.  He has a big project for his UK job to work on and he's doing his trading exams over here.  He's doing one today, which is why I'm at home again.  He looks tired, he looks like he's aged recently.  It breaks my heart to see him look so warn.  I feel so unhealthy, I don't sleep well, I'm totally demotivated I haven't been taking care of myself at all and it shows.  We came to NZ because we wanted something different than the UK.  We wanted the lifestyle.  We both used to be so active, so full of life.  I think we're just downtrodden now.  We plod along, dealing with each problem as it arises - on a daily basis.  Our conversations about how we intend to change the situation go around in circles and usually involve blame.  We're waiting for something and I don't know what.  Maybe a decent hand from fate?