So, the last couple of days I have received messages from people that I can only think of as being Angels.  To have strangers message me after reading my blog is the most incredible feeling.  So many well wishers, so many offers of ears to vent at and shoulders to cry on.  Each message has given me strength and provided me with a gentle kick up the arse which I had said in a previous blog I needed.  I took all of the words and I thought about it all.  I thought how about how miserable I'm obviously coming across, how I actually can't be a 'bad' person because otherwise people wouldn't bother to message me, and how I'm obviously not alone, other people can identify with some of my thoughts and feelings.  I'm a quiet voice in amongst hundreds on here, but people out there are listening to me, and I think everyone can appreciate how bloody good it feels to have someone actually listen.  Yesterday evening, I left Pip with Mum (whether she wanted to or not!), I took a glass of wine and sat in a lovely hot bath.  I cleared my head of the last few days, and just relaxed.  I think I was in there for a good hour. I've not really had time like that for so long and I didn't realise how theraputic it would be.  I considered some of things I was concerned about, such as the lifestyle block that Steve was excited about, was it really that bad?  OK, Pip's not well, but she's on meds now, she should improve.

I haven't miraculously changed and feel 100% different, but I do feel stronger than I did when I wrote my previous entry.  I feel like perhaps the world isn't such a bad place afterall!  And more importantly, I don't want to let myself get so pulled down into a pit of despair that I'm just not able to pick myself up again.  My Mum mentioned last night that she usually wants Feb to hurry up so that they can be out of winter, but this year she wouldn't do that because then we'd be leaving.  Its the first time she's mentioned that she's going to miss me, not that I don't think she won't, she just hasn't said anything before.  And that morning when I didn't get any sleep, she asked how I was.  A small gesture, but certainly a much appreciated one.  I'm sure she'll be quick to resume her usual ways, but at the moment I had two small glimpses of her being a bit more reasonable!  This morning my husband took care of the girls while I had a lie in (can't remember the last time I had one of those!).  I asked him to read my blog so he could better understand my feelings.  We talked a little about it, I'm not sure he doesn't totally think I'm a miserable old cow, but at least he's seen for himself my concerns and feelings.

I guess today I'm kind of feeling mixed emotions, I'm feeling quite reflective, thanks to the messages I've received, they seemed to have stopped me in my tracks and given a boost to think about things.

So thank you all for supporting me, its really touched me and given me strength.  I can't promise never to write a miserable entry again!  But at the moment I've had some faith restored.