Tuesday, August 22, 2006 - RIP to a Good Friend |
She wasn't a member of British Expats but my dear friend Nina died early
today at 2.00am.
Why am I writing this? I just need to commit my thoughts in writing
because memories are all I have now since Nina has gone.
I only saw her yesterday, in hospital, at about 6.30pm. She didn't look
well at all. She was conscious but I could see she was dying slowly.
Nina was 73 (would have turned 74 this month). She was a Yorkshire woman, originally from a little village
outside of Sheffield (it's probably more than just a village now). Nina
left the UK in 1950 as teenager, following her sister, who had married
an American here in NC.
Nina was a very special friend to me because when I first arrived in the
US, I posted a message on another British expat type message board
asking if any other Brits were in my area. To my surprise, Nina
responded and from then on, our friendship flourished. That was back in
2002. The cynical among you might say, how can someone I've known for
only four years be such a close friend. I considered her my Grandmother
and I told her this maybe two years ago. It's the quality of our
friendship that counted.
She and I would "gallavant" (her words) around the Triangle and beyond,
with her driving, showing me places and taking me to her local favorite
places. Nina would say, "I can't understand why someone your age would
want to spend time with an old person like me?" I guess over time, she
realized why I enjoyed her company, her humor and her wisdom. Back in
2002 and 2003, she was still driving but once I got my full NC driver's
license, I'd take her some places and we'd go out for a meal once in a
while.
We did have things in common, believe it or not. Nina was famous for her
baking and cooking as I quickly discovered. She made the best homemade
pound cake and we talked at length about food and cooking, both British
and American. I learnt a lot from her about Southern cooking and
cuisine. I made her dishes and entertained at my home. We exchanged
recipes and chatted about all manner of events in the UK.
I put Nina onto the local Indian grocery stores as sources for British
food. Nina may have become a naturalized American but she was a Brit in
her soul through her life. She needed a constant supply of British tea
and her weakness was British hard candy even though she was diabetic.
I can't remember the precise dates and the order of events but since
2004, Nina had ovarian cancer (treated with a long course of
chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She was a trooper throughout the
ordeal.), breast cancer (for which she had a masectomy) and about three
weeks ago suffered a heart attack. This put her in hospital for the
penultimate time. By the time I saw her, Nina was in a rehabilitation
home and I brought her some NC blueberries. She said I'd brought just
the right thing because she had a hankering for fruit and she ate half
the small tub I brought her.
Next time I heard about her, she'd been rushed to the ER at a local
hospital on Wednesday last week. I just had a hunch things weren't going
well for Nina. I'd bumped into her sister and brother-in-law at the
rehabilitation center and was told about a "lump on her lung". Tests
were being being performed. That sound ominous, really ominous. Nina had
already beaten ovarian cancer and breast cancer within an 18 month
period. How much more would she have to endure?
The last time I saw Nina was yesterday evening, after work, in the
hospital. She had been transfered out of ER before the weekend. This was
a small but significant improvement but I wasn't prepared for what I
saw. This was not the Nina I knew. She was conscious but unable to
speak. Her lips were parched and she was far too weak to speak or even
move her mouth. Yet again, I met her sister and brother-in-law in Nina's
room. They updated me on her condition. The lump was no lump. There was
cancer on both her lungs and also on her liver. The cancer on the lungs
was said to be as a result of one or both of her previous cancers.
On seeing Nina yesterday, I knew it was just a matter of time before she
died. Her nurse told me she wasn't consuming solids (Nina was probably
incapable of consuming food like that) and was on liquids and pain
medication only.
When I received the call from her godson, whom Nina introduced me to
soon after I met her, early this morning, I pretty much knew what I was
going to hear. She had finally passed away.
I'll miss her greatly. Before she died, I did tell her the value of her
friendship to me and my husband. She was a special person in my life. I
will always remember her.
I found a quote that sums up Nina: "People living deeply have no fear of
death." (Anais Nin)
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About Me
Former Londoner, now living in Durham, NC since 2002.
Friends
• cindyabs
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