Talking to my dad has almost always been disappointing. He has never learned that it’s not all about him. Case on point… Sheila was in hospital last week – quite seriously ill with an inflamed gall bladder and a full-blown sepsis infection that is now under control thanks to some very heavy duty antibiotics. She had surgery and was in hospital for 6 days and dad couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to talk to him whenever he called. I mean – really! She talked to me and she talked to Amy. She didn’t want to talk to any of her five brothers and sisters, or her dad… and my father is upset because she doesn’t want to talk to him? And, to top it off, he’s quite indignant about the whole business.

It’s a bit weird – even though I know that he acts this way out of a need to control and a need to be the center of attention, it still astounds me – a) that he hasn’t yet figured out that I’m on to him, and b) that he can still get me angry when he behaves this way.

In March 2005, I flew to Toronto for a few days on one of my rare visits. I didn’t really want to go, but Sheila thought I should go. She said that as my parents get older and as their health fails (dad is 83; mom is 76), I might not have many chances left to see them. Well, that would have suited me fine but, finding myself in that all-too-common situation with which most men are familiar – I have to live with my wife – I finally bent to her will.

During that visit, dad indicated that it’d be nice if both Sheila and I could visit for more than a day or so at a time… and I said we might be able to find 4 or 5 days during the summer when we could both come for a visit. It would depend, of course, on many things including our work schedules and Sheila’s school schedule. I was quite clear on this point.

I’ll admit it was difficult to find the time, but Sheila and I managed to set aside the long June 30 – July 4^th weekend to drive to Toronto for a visit. We’d arrive on July 1^st and would need to leave the afternoon of July 3^rd… but it was the best we could do at the time. With our decision made, I called dad to tell him that we’d be able to visit for 3 days. The first words out of his mouth were, “Is that the best you can do? Is that as long as you can stay?" This was quickly followed by, “Why can’t you stay longer? You said you’d stay for a week!" I told him that this is when we were free, but he replied, “A week… you said you’d stay for a week!" I repeated that this was when we were free – but if it wasn’t good enough for him, perhaps we just wouldn’t come at all. To this he responded, “Oh, Ian… don’t be that way… don’t be that way!" as if he was the one doing me the favor! Fed up with his attitude, I told him we weren’t going to come and I hung up on him.

I steamed all the rest of that day and into the night. Sheila tried to calm me down but I didn’t want any of it. I felt justifiably angry and, at the same time, a bit stupid for having let him goad me as he did. He was doing what he always did… trying to control the situation. I was doing what I always did… trying to please my dad knowing that it probably wasn’t worth the effort.

After a few days I calmed down and, with Sheila asking me to do it for her, we took a look at alternate dates for a visit. There was no other time available to us until the end of August but, with an idea in the back of my mind, I told Sheila that we should go from August 30 to September 5 – a total of 5 whole days visiting my family not including drive time! And that’s what we did.

The idea? Well, it’s helpful to know that in the two weeks prior to Labor Day, the Canadian National Exposition is held in Toronto. The CNE is very much like a huge state fair – and I mean huge. In those two weeks, the CNE draws about 1½ million people… and I hadn’t been to the CNE for almost 25 years; Sheila had never been. So, I got online and bought two tickets for the CNE, called one of our favorite hotels in Toronto and booked a room for the duration, and called my dad later that night. I guess my mom had chewed him out after the last phone call (she had really wanted to see us) because he was quite receptive to our coming at the end of August… even though it was still 2 months away.

While I was still somewhat apprehensive about the visit, we did have a great day at the CNE, walking through the various exhibits, eating junk, and generally enjoying being in that milieu. Other days, Sheila got to ride a Toronto streetcar, walk through the underground shopping mall at Bay and Bloor, and see such sights as City Hall (featured in Star Trek: Next Generation episode "Contagion"), Casa Loma (a true castle), and the CN Tower (tallest free standing structure in the world). We arranged to have various friends call and drop in from time to time – so, for the duration, we were pretty much buffered from my parents. After all was said and done, we survived mentally intact… and none the worse for wear – and, more importantly, dad finally felt satisfied!

In reading everything I’ve written about my dad, it surprises me that I’ve maintained my sanity for as long as I have… well, my wife says I lost it ages ago, but that’s a topic for another day! This last trip to Toronto in August 2005 was one of those rare times when everyone seemed satisfied at the end of it all. It certainly doesn’t happen often… but it does happen. Sheila wishes it would happen more often… I’m not sure that’s what I really want.