Well I started my new job last week, I went for one day but decided it wasn`t for me. The job itself was ok - it was cleaning in an old folks home, however what I found hard was the fact I was working in the dementia unit. I didn`t mind cleaning up the pee & shit, I didn`t mind the fact that I was told to check in the drawers for any "suprises" (read more pee & shit), the place itself was nice, the residents well looked after and I thought the staff were brilliant, it just really affected me seeing the residents.

I went in to one old ladies room (tbh she didn`t really look that old, maybe late 60`s) I dusted round the photos on the wall and as I was doing it I looked into her life, when she was younger, smiling, looking happy surrounded with people that she obviously loved very much. Then I looked over to her lying in her bed just staring at the ceiling and it made me feel incredibly sad, it brought it all back, the memories of my mum lying in her hospital bed dying of cancer and not even knowing who I was at times. I went in to the dining area and the music was on but they were all just sitting silently staring about, it brought back the anger I felt at the futility of it all, what the hell do we really have to look forward to and what is the point of it .......you don`t think about stuff like that when you are 17 and think yourself invincible, old age seems so far away, now nearing 40 my own mortality was staring back at me through these old peoples blank expressions. Aah well sorry to sound so depressing tonight, Im fine now really, and it wasn`t all doom & gloom - there was one old bloke that kept nicking my feather duster and running off down the corridor with it, much to everyones amusement!! I just couldn`t face going back in and phoned & informed them of the fact, hard thing to say but I just felt it would drag me down and I don`t need that right now, I need to be positive and active. So that is working in an old folks home off the list (shortesst career ever I guess)still plenty more fish in the sea and there is something out there for me I just know it!!!