Well I went into the cupboard in the laundry today to get the ironing board out, I opened the door ,screamed and slammed it shut again! Inside was the biggest, dirtiest looking cockroach I`ve ever seen (the fact that it was the first one I`ve ever seen has no relevance here whatsoever!!). It was so big I almost apologised for disturbing it - you know the sort thing "Oops sorry didn`t see you there mate - no worries -I`ll just pop back later when you`ve finished"

I knew the relatives had bug spray some where, so I began tentativelylooking for it, peering into other cupboards (which I now realised could also contain cockys lying in wait to mug me)I find it and poke it around with a fork (just in case one is sitting on the other side of the spray waiting for my hand to touch it -in a sick cockroach joke kind of way). I clasp the spray to my chest, resembling something out of Starsky & Hutch (you know where they have their guns and they are leaning back against a wall ready to shoot round the corner cos they don`t know if the baddie is on the other side of the wall). I yank open the door give it a massive spray around, slam the door shut and leg into the kitchen where I sit in a crumpled heap!!

I then realise WTF am I doing - I don`t like bugs so why am I in Australia, home of the creepy crawly - you see so far I`ve seen the pretty parrots, oohed at the lovely fairy wrens and cautiously watched the roos at the bottom of the garden. In my lala land head I skip around the bottom paddock with  the dragonflys and ladybirds and pretty butterflies wearing a flower garland in my hair (put there by the fairy wrens of course) I`ve decided that the best way to handle the bug issue is to completely deny their existence until the next time anyway!! So Im now off to skip around in my nightie down the bottom paddock, cos there is no way Im going back into that cupboard for that bloody ironing board - stuff that that for a game of soldiers - it could eat me the next time!