Tell us a little about yourself and family.

I am a 25-year-old Database Administrator living in Crawley, West Sussex. I have been married for five and a half years and have two wonderful boys; a three-year-old and a one-year-old.

You are now “back home”. Where did you return from, and how long did you live there?

I have been “back home” from the US for over four months now. I lived in Baltimore, Maryland for five years. My wife was born in Baltimore and lived there all her life up until last year. We met on the Internet and emailed for three years and got engaged. She originally planned to move to the UK but I changed my mind, not wanting to miss the opportunity, and after lots of tearful goodbyes went to the US on a fiancé visa in 2001.

What where the issues that prompted your return to the UK?

Every time something would go wrong and upset us in the US I would say it wouldn’t have happened in the UK (which was not true of course, but it was how certain things would make me feel). However, I would then get over it and settle back into everyday life.

Changes in my wife’s immediate family, with certain individuals moving to other states, prompted us to start seriously considering the possibility of a move. We were left rather thin on the ground family-wise, and with two children under two the lack of help and support was really felt. Although my parents supported my move to the US every step of the way, they were always very sad not having us around and every visit would end in a very hard goodbye. The prospect of their help and support, as well as my sister and her family (three cousins for the boys to play with) made it very hard to justify being away from the UK any longer.

It was still an extremely hard decision to make and we kept changing our minds for months (feelings would often change between moving and staying several times in the same day). We would be scared by the horror stories coming out of the UK and question how we could leave a great house, good job, good weather, etc! However, once the decision was made, we started to let go of the house (with each box that was packed it felt a little less like home), and work became increasingly frustrating. We concentrated on the positives the UK has to offer, like the history, all the places to go, all the wonderful shops and food we would enjoy. None of these were reasons in themselves to return to the UK, but all added to the excitement.

Initially did you find you, or anyone in your family suffered from “reverse culture shock”?

We had spent so long preparing ourselves for reverse culture shock (or culture shock in my wife’s case) and lots of homesickness, but actually experienced relatively little. Perhaps we need not have worried, or perhaps it was all the preparation that made it easier to take?

Although I had been looking forward to getting away from the suburban sprawl in the US and having to drive everywhere, I was actually a little shocked to rediscover just how difficult it is to get around here on narrow roads and having to pay for (limited) parking. The traffic seemed so much worse than it was just five years ago too (and it was bad enough then).

I had also been looking forward to feeling like I fitted in too and so was disappointed to keep getting ribbed about my accent (or even asked by strangers if I was American). It was a little harder than I had expected to start acting and talking like a Brit again, but I got there in the end!

How easy, or difficult, was it to find employment and how have you slotted back into the British work environment?

It was really quite easy to find a job, which was naturally one of my big concerns. Within hours of putting my CV on Monster and some other web sites I had recruiters calling me. There seems to be no end of IT jobs here.

I had one job which I left after two weeks as it didn’t feel right. I didn’t get along with the people very well and I wasn’t too enthusiastic about the work either. I don’t think it had anything to do with reverse culture shock. I think I knew from the start that it wasn’t the best fit, but I jumped at the opportunity because it was the first job I was offered.

I have been at another job for two months now and I am enjoying it much more, although it is extremely busy. I do find people here much easier to deal with, although I’m providing internal support rather than working for external clients, so the reasons may not be cultural.

Have you and your family settled?

Yes, we have settled very well. It was hard staying with my parents to begin with (although we appreciated it and the move would have been so much harder without that) but since we’ve moved into a house things have been fine. It’s hard to believe it has only been four months as it feels like we have been here much longer! My wife has settled so well; she enjoys shopping here and finds her way around in the car OK. She even takes care of making phone calls to get things sorted out at home, whereas as I hated picking up the phone in the US!

The boys have settled down after all the upheaval which they are too young to understand. The three-year-old loves living in a town and going for walks and seeing trains at the level crossing! Most importantly, he loves seeing his grandparents and cousins. He had a big birthday party with lots of his second cousins too, which was very special after only having three other children at his second birthday party in the US.

How does the cost of living compare?

I was convinced in the US that groceries were so much more expensive in the UK, but I guess I was comparing to prices five years ago. They are really very comparable (except maybe for cheese, which really was a rip-off in the US). I think our utility bills will be a bit less (haven’t had enough yet to tell) but that’s probably because the house is so much smaller. Petrol is astronomical of course, but if you drive a car with a sensible engine size and drive less (which is easy to do here) you really don’t notice it too much. I now walk to work which is wonderful and we rarely have to fill up. Some things cost the same figure in pounds that they did in dollars, like eating out. Salaries are higher here but not pound for dollar. It’s nice not having several hundred taken out for health insurance. At the end of the day, people in both countries manage to survive, so I think it all evens out in the end.

The one thing that is in a completely different league here is housing of course. We are only renting because prices are so high. It is quite depressing at times but those are the times I have to remind myself that people are more important than houses and that’s why we’re here.

Has your quality of life improved, if so how?

It depends what is considered as good quality of life. If it’s a big house, easy traffic and good weather, then my quality of life has decreased. I do miss those things, but I personally think my quality of life has increased anyway. I can walk to work and to the shops instead of always driving everywhere. I get four weeks of paid leave per year instead of two. Life is good!

Are you back for good, or do you feel that once an expat always an expat?

I am back for good, but I used to say I was in the US for good, so “never say never”. I can imagine myself getting itchy feet in five years and wanting to move on again. I am a US citizen now so I always have the option to go back. I will wait and see what happens. I definitely feel like I’ll always be an expat though. I feel a connection with the Australian and other expats I have met here and always have lots to talk to them about.

In retrospect is there anything you would change about your move abroad and your subsequent return?

The one thing I did wrong was acting like I was leaving forever (because I thought I was). I closed my bank accounts and cancelled my credit cards and even sent my driving licence back. That just made more hassle in getting everything set up again.

Are there any final thoughts you would like to share?

If I had to do it all again, I’d still do it. Living in another country is an amazing experience and makes you learn so much about yourself.