Lady Boys, Boys and Ladies

After the show we made our way to Patong to our favourite drinking bar where the lady boys dance. Now one of the lady boys I have become particularly fond of, I don't know why, but I feel sorry for her. 'You came back!' Came this excited squeal and in a flash, I felt a strong pair of arms hug me. Yes, you got it; it was my favourite lady boy 'Ice' who is just 18 years old.

Deciding to ask her why she became a lady boy, nothing prepared me for the answer. It's easy to judge people or assume your own explanation rather than the truth, but I learned that night that nothing is ever quite that simple. 'I knew I wasn't a boy right from a baby' Ice told me. Then she added; 'I find women so beautiful that I want to be like that. Trouble is that I can't afford operation to have it all changed' Pointing to her chest and genital area. 'I hope that when they make me a woman, I shall be happy, perhaps not and then I try something else' Ice said thoughtfully. It was almost as though she had several other genders to choose from should her plans not work out. 'My mum doesn't know I do this, I am the only one working in the family and it's my money that supports us'.

Taking a slug of her drink, Ice stares at her nails. 'You look after my bag for me, I have to dance?' Ice asks me. As she jumps onto the table to dance, I look at her shabby cream handbag and find myself guarding it fiercely. After her dance, she comes back to our table and hugs me again. Now normally Ice is very reserved and you don't see her talking to customers but tonight she had been drinking and had become a little too chatty for her bosses liking. 'I hate this job, I hate being a man and I will only work here for another three months till I get some money' Noticing that her workmates all had pretty bracelets and jewellery, I dug around in my bag and found a leather bracelet that I had bought the night before. Nothing special, but it was quite nice. 'Give me your wrist' I demanded to a nervous Ice. Putting on the leather bracelet, I added; 'A present from me'. Grabbing me tightly, she stared at this bracelet in wonder and although it was just a cheap leather bracelet, she treated it like she had the crown jewels on her arm.

'You watch me dance?' Ice asked me eagerly. 'Of course' I smiled at her. Clapping encouragement as she danced on the table with her colleagues, she smiled back and danced her heart out. Jumping down from the table, she sits down next to me and rifles through her tatty handbag. Noticing some old worn out key ring with her mum and sister on the front of it plus three hundred Thai baht scrunched up at the bottom. 'I go away for a minute' Ice told me and disappeared.

Staring over to where she went I spotted her stopping a flower seller selling a necklace of flowers for a hundred Thai Bahts each. Talking to the man, Ice handed over 200 bahts for two necklaces and brings them back to us. 'For being nice to me and for being my friend' Ice proudly announces and places the flowers around our necks. 'I have email you know, can you email me?' She said excitedly to me and pointed to the free internet place across the road. Taking her internet address I promise to email her the pictures we took that night.

Deciding it was time to go as we had an early flight, I say my goodbyes. Suddenly this once confident 18 year old man/woman became a frightened young person again and clung on to me like a limpet. Although she has tried to escape what she is to find out what she should be, she is so far from being comfortable in her own gender, it's not true. She nearly broke my hand as she shook it her eyes were brimming with tears as we walked out of the bar. As I turned round to see her one last time, she took a deep breath and pulled down her skirt, touched up her lipstick and climbed onto the table to dance for her customers. As customers smiled up at her, she put on the blank expression that she had when we first saw her there two weeks ago, her invisible suit of armour that protects her from getting hurt.